Topic : Where Should Your Child Sleep?

I agree with you completly in you saying that parents do not need to argue in front of their kids. I have a bad habit of giving my son something when my husband says no. I am trying to work on that. We are in our first year of marriage, and have alot to work on as a couple.  I am going to try to put my son in his own bed. But let him know that he can still come get in bed with us whenever he gets scared. You are right , it is petty. Thankyou for your advice. I am young and still learning, with alot more still to learn about life and relationships. 

Thanks, 

Jamie 

We put him in his bed at night but he always comes in overnight but the difference for me is my hubby is okay with it.  I agree that they are young and need us as parents but I wonder why he doesn't feel secure enough to stay in his bed all night and have tried to help him with this.  I love the closeness that we (hubby and I) have with our son.  I love waking up in the morning with him in our bed -- it is a wonderful feeling but I don't know that I could let it continue if my hubby did not agree. 

I don't know that I would say either of you (you and hubby) are wrong but I know that you need to come to an agreement as it isn't good to argue about and in front of your son.  You two need to discuss this and other child situations ahead of time to see what page you are each on.  This will help to avoid future arguments over how to raise your child. 

Good luck and hang in there! 

I HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD SON THAT STILL SLEEPS WITH MY HUSBAND AND I. I LOVE THAT HE SLEEPS WITH US, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I CAN NOT SLEEP WITH OUT HIM (MY SON). MY HUSBAND ON THE OTHER HAND HATES IT.  HE SAYS THAT I AM TOO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO OUR SON.  IT IS VERY FRUSTRATING FOR ME BECAUSE ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE ALWAYS ARGUING ABOUT  WEATHER OR NOT HE SHOULD STILL BE IN BED WITH US. MY HUSBAND SEEMS TO THINK THAT HIM STILL BEING IN BED WITH US WILL MAKE HIM NOT ABLE TO BE INDEPENDENT WHEN HE GETS OLDER. I THINK THAT HE IS READING WAY TO MUCH INTO IT. MY SON IS ONLY 2 YRS. OLD, HE IS STILL PRETTY MUCH A BABY. I JUST DON'T WANT HIM TO GROW UP TO FAST. I SLEPT WITH MY MOM UNTIL I WAS 10 YRS. OLD. MY HUSBAND HAS STARTED TO SLEEP IN THE SPARE BEDROOM B/C HE GETS SO UPSET. AM I WRONG TO DISAGREE WITH MY HUSBAND? 

JAMIE COLLINS 

Co-sleeping is the norm throughout the world and throughout history. There is nothing wrong with having your children sleep with you. In fact, in most places thoughout the world they can't believe that this is even an issue with some people. Name me one other mammal mother that doesn't sleep with it's young. People need to realize that this type of parenting dilemma is really not a right or wrong issue (if it's done safely) but a cultural preference. And your husband unfortunately has gotten the eroneous idea that co-sleeping makes a child more dependent when in my experience (and the experience of the vast majority of the rest of the world) has been the polar opposite. When a child has their dependency needs met early on, they are ready to move on to independence at a much earlier age, and it is a true independence. When you push a child away, they will only cling tighter to you. I think it is incredibly ironic that your husband values independence so much and yet he wants to push your son out of your bed prematurely, and the result will almost certainly be clingy, dependent behavior and an anxious attachment.  

People might get their babies to "sleep through the night" at six months, but I can almost guarentee you they will be back as soon as you take that crib down. You can baby the baby, or you can baby the toddler. My first child asked for her own bed at 3 years old and was perfectly content to sleep it on her own from then on, no nightmares, no monsters in the closet, etc. The "experts" are wrong, listen to your heart, you know your child the best. I recommend reading "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. Sears and "Mothering and Fathering: Gender Differences in Parenting." They are wonderful books, perhaps if you could get your husband to read them.... I think the key really is communication with your husband and educating him. Once he can understand that this will help your son develop emotionally and become more independent, he will probably relax and come on board with you. Good luck to you, I hope you can find a solution that works for your whole family. If your husband absolutely won't change his mind, and remains stubborn, perhaps you could consider a mattress on the floor of your room for your son? Good luck. 

I am a mother of two children, Bradley who is now 3 and Emily who is 15 months old.  When my son was about 1 yr old, my husband started working out of town. He was only home thursday night- saturday and then left again on Sunday. My son had always slept in his own bed (unless he woke up scared, etc then I would put him in bed with me).. Anyways, My husband would come home and he would have our son sleep with us because he never got to spend time with our son, he just wanted to cuddle and love on him all he could while he was home.  I think Children should have their own comfort and stability sleeping in their own beds but certain circumstances call for different measures and I think in the long run they end up sleeping in their own beds.. I don't know any teenagers that are still sleeping between mommy and daddy..  :)  

Our baby came a month early...I was a nervous wreck.  The first few weeks were awful.  We were trying to get the hang of breast feeding and the whole lack of sleep issue having to get up every 2 hours, having to pump because he had not latched on, and all the emotions....I just felt better having him close by.  As he got older and started sleeping longer than 2 hours at night I started putting him in his crib during the day to nap...then I started putting him the crib at night after nursing him....when he would wake up in the middle of night I would just get him and put him the bed with us...then he started sleeping later and later in his own crib (by 3 months).   He is a wonderful and happy baby.  I think it was good for him and I both to do it this way.  I got so much crap from people "Your making a mistake...you should not do that you will never get him out of your bed"...."He needs to be on a schedule"...I was not working for 12 weeks so I just let him set his own schedule.  The only consistent thing is bath time.    

He is such a good baby....my mother keeps telling my second one is going to be a little hellian.