Home Message Boards

Topic : Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Number of Replies: 264
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:59:51 pm
Author : dataimport
Does your child sleep in a crib, his own bed, or with you? Tell us what works for your family.
As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

 
tiffany_2007

Message Emote
blank
August 15, 2007, 10:19 pm PDT

More for me then my son

Quote From: kidhelp

Do you give into co-sleeping because your child screams, cries or demands that you be with them all through the night?  Do you find that our child's refusal to sleep without you is making you exhausted?  Why do you give in and how old are your kids?

Do you give into co-sleeping because your child screams, cries or demands that you be with them all through the night?

 

I didn't give into co-sleeping I just found he slept better next to me, and when I thought about it how alone he must of felt in his crib after spending 9 months in a ball in me how odd it must feel to be away from me. He would actually sleep better with me then without me.

 

 Do you find that our child's refusal to sleep without you is making you exhausted? 

 

I'm not exhausted at all, my son sleeps from about 11pm-8am. I do put him to bed early then I go to bed about 2 hours early and I usually have to go in there twice cause he is having nighmares and then once I finally go to bed, he then has a better sleep.

 

Why do you give in and how old are your kids?

 

I don't give in I make the choice to give my son a better night sleep so he has better days. Plus I love waking up to him smiling at me and touching my face (its how he wakes me up). Now my son is 7 months old. I don't know how much longer I plan to have sleep with me and my husband, more then likly when he is big enough to get up and out of bed on his own. Then he can make the choice of where he sleeps. I want my son to always know that I'm there for him. Being a parent is about doing whats best for you its about doing what best for your son, if you feel your son/daughter is better sleeping alone then you should do that but dont make choices  on whats best for you.

 

Sorry if I have repeated at all.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
kidhelp
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
August 17, 2007, 10:46 am PDT

Where should your child sleep

Quote From: scojalu

As a mother of 3 boys, the youngest of which is 8 weeks old tomorrow, I think the important thing to remember with anything we do with our children is only a problem if we see it as a problem (notwithstanding issues of abuse of course). For example, the family who sees co-sleeping as a solution to all family members getting quality sleep may be seen by another family as setting themselves up for ongoing years of children sleeping in the parents' bed. The co-sleeping family may not be concerned about this (or at least not in the beginning). We have had all of our children in bed with us in the early stages of their lives as it meant that I could breastfeed and simply go back to sleep. As I now have the third baby (and the eldest has just turned 4 I might add), if we did not do this I would be sleep deprived and I imagine not very nice to be around! I would like to congratulate you on managing to help your baby overcome his sleep anxiety early, but just remember, the "bad habit" you felt you might have had to break in the future would only be "bad" if you saw it that way. If you and your husband weren't comfortable with co-sleeping (which I guess you weren't) then you have done what is right for your family. Each of us can only do what is right for our own family.

I think it's terrific that you did not let co-sleeping become a habit.  If co-sleeping is your family's plan, that's one thing.  But, to co-sleep to quell your child's crying is different.  In that case, you might inadvertently be giving your child the message that it is unsafe to sleep independently. This message can generalize to daytime situations, like school or going to friend's house in that your child can develop insecurities and feel a need to have you attached physically at all times.  I think teaching your child self-comforting and coping skills--including at bedtime-- is essential for healthy development.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
kidhelp
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
August 17, 2007, 10:48 am PDT

Do you lie down with your child until he or she falls asleep?

Do you lie down with your child until he or she falls asleep?  Do you try to tuck in, but your child won't let you leave the room?
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
kidhelp
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
August 23, 2007, 11:40 am PDT

Bedtime struggle

Does your child throw a fit about going to bed?  How do you handle it?
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
sherdabear
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
September 10, 2007, 9:31 pm PDT

TV and Toddlers

Is it all right to set a Toddler ( 18 mos.) in front of a TV all night so that he can fall asleep.  He is awake all day and will not sleep at night.  The TV program is Blue's Clues and it is educational.  Sometimes they forget to put him into bed after he has fallen asleep. 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
tiffany_2007

Message Emote
blank
September 11, 2007, 6:09 pm PDT

TV babysitter

Quote From: sherdabear

Is it all right to set a Toddler ( 18 mos.) in front of a TV all night so that he can fall asleep.  He is awake all day and will not sleep at night.  The TV program is Blue's Clues and it is educational.  Sometimes they forget to put him into bed after he has fallen asleep. 

I can understand using a TV for getting the kid to sleep, sometimes you will just do anything to put the kid to sleep at night. They may not move him cause they are scared they will wake him and he will be even harder to get back to sleep. But they will have to face this problem and have him go to bed without TV. I would advice to try and just do other things for now, give like a set time like 10pm and if we cant get him to sleep by then, then we will do TV but I would try reading, flash cards, singing, just playing music, rocking, think of something active they can do in the evening before bed.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
annieorwell
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
September 12, 2007, 10:18 am PDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: sherdabear

Is it all right to set a Toddler ( 18 mos.) in front of a TV all night so that he can fall asleep.  He is awake all day and will not sleep at night.  The TV program is Blue's Clues and it is educational.  Sometimes they forget to put him into bed after he has fallen asleep. 
the other poster gave great advice...I would also add that a sound machine would probably be a good idea if the baby needs some noise to fall asleep to.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
miekje
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
September 17, 2007, 1:10 am PDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: sherdabear

Is it all right to set a Toddler ( 18 mos.) in front of a TV all night so that he can fall asleep.  He is awake all day and will not sleep at night.  The TV program is Blue's Clues and it is educational.  Sometimes they forget to put him into bed after he has fallen asleep. 

i don''t think it is ok to let a toddler fall asleep in front of the tv. my experience with children watching tv to fall asleep is that it takes much longer, because the tv keeps them awake, because they are concentrated on it, and follow the program. i think music is much better. soft calming music, that helps them calm down, but is not that interesting, so they won't concentrate on it. and further have a bed ritual which is the same everytime. baths help children to fall asleep, showers wake them up, so give him a bath if you can. good luck, annemiek
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
acoots82

Message Emote
blank
September 27, 2007, 9:59 pm PDT

ugh...

My daughter was 2 when I found out I was pregnant. I felt kinda guilty for being pregnant.... knowing that attention was going to be taken away from her when the new baby arrives. So, I started letting her sleep with me. Well, my son is now 16 months old and she is STILL IN MY BED!!!!!!!!! Even if I do put her to sleep in her own bed, when I wake up in the morning she will be right beside me. And, if I lock my door when I go to sleep, she would flip out and scream which would wake up my son (who is sleeping in his own bed, thank you God). My advice is.... do not let your child start sleeping with you unless you want them there FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
kitty_69
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
October 14, 2007, 7:16 pm PDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: spin462002

Dear Barbara, I can relate to your dilemma. I have had the same one but my child is 11! (her name is Naomi) It has been a steep learning curve for me! We went through months of tears at bedtime, night lights, knocks on my bedroom door in the night, general insecurity and irrational fears for no apparent reason. Five years old is very young, and many children much older than that feel insecure or fearful at night for no apparent reason. I have come to see that MY attitude influences my daughter and her behaviour. I would feel guilty and confused when she cried, and see myself as being "too harsh" if I insisted she stayed in her bed and went to sleep without any fuss. Eventually a good friend suggested I might be contributing to the problem rather than enabling my daughter to overcome her fears and insecurities. Only a good friend can be that honest! I am blessed! I bought some good quality children's audio tapes and a player for them. I gave them to my daughter as a gift and she was delighted. She started to listen to them after I tucked her in and would easily fall asleep listening to them (very quietly). Sometimes she would still express fear about nothing in particular. I talked to her (she is 11 remember, I don't recommend this for a five year old) about her fears, reassured her and gave her ideas for dealing with her feelings herself. Rather than crying and feeling sorry for herself or being scared, she is allowed to get up and make herself a glass of milk and a cookie or listen to her tapes. This has worked as I have seen and understood that it is the only loving thing to do. We must extend our children emotionally, and we must do it lovingly without guilt. Now I can see that what I saw as "too harsh" was in fact loving kindness, helping her to manage her feelings and overcome her fears. My own confusion and guilt had only increased her own fear and confusion, and I had to be the one to change first! I hope this makes sense Barbara? Once I convinced myself I was a loving mommy who wanted what was best for my child, I was able to be firm and unwavering about the behaviour and my response to it. Children need firm loving guidance more than sympathy and fussing. Try the tape/cd player idea if it appeals to you. Even music might do the trick. Whatever is peaceful and sleep inducing! Once he can read to himself a whole new world will open up to him. Go through the bedtime routine and firmly say good night and switch the tape/music on very quietly. I can almost guarantee he will be asleep in no time and then it's only a matter of time before he forgets about the tape/cd and goes to sleep easier or later reads himself to sleep. Break the cycle and be firm but loving. No sympathy, no guilt. Just do what's best for him. Naomi now puts herself to bed and reads for a while before going to sleep. Before she could change, I had to. Know you are a kind loving mommy and be firm. Your son can only benefit long term. with love Lynn
I am so glad to hear that someone else is going through the same thing with their eleven year old.  I am just about at my wits end with mine.  We have tried numerous things to try and keep her in her own bed but she literally pulls these temper tantrums and cries and kicks and thrashes.  I am really scared of her traumatising herself by acting like that.  I have a seven year old that I put in her bed and within seconds she is out like a light and no questions asked.  I thought that by watching her that my oldest would want to try and do the same but no such luck.  My husband works away alot and and when he comes home he has to sleep in her bed which makes it really hard on our relationship.  You couldn't ask for a better child otherwise.  She is doing great in school and has a good head on her shoulders but slightly insecure of herself and this issue is not helping her with her confidence.  I have suggested the music thing with her and she refuses to do anything if it means her sleeping in her own bed.  When you ask her why or what the problem is she states "I don't know and don't have a reason", "I just want to sleep with you".  I am just lost for ideas ....any other suggestions?????
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
Post a Message

First | Prev | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | Next | Last
 
Recent Shows: New Year: Change Your Lif... | What’s Age Got to Do wi... | Omaha Mall Shooting: A Mo... | Body-Obsessed Boys | Not Easily Broken