Topic : Potty Training

My daughter turned 4 in April and she still won't pee in the potty! (she does poop in it so thank God for some miracles) It isn't that she isn't "aware" or can't control it. She just simply refuses to go. She holds it for as long as she can and then goes in her pants during transition (i.e. en route to the grocery store) or when she is upset with me. I recognize this as her way of controlling what she can and was given the advice (almost a year ago!) by her pediatrition to ignore it and she will eventually just start using it. I'm still waiting for that day and seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. Her teachers are concerned, I'm concerned and very frustrated. My daughter and I have had many discussions about this being social unacceptable, isn't it uncomfortable, etc., etc. SHe does recieve a popsicle for going but that has lost it's impact and I feel like I have no leverage left. I'm begining to consider therapy for her and have been worrying that she's been sexually abused! Anyone out there that can tell me I'm not alone or tell me what to do would be much appreciated. My patience is slipping! Frustraed in Seattle

I have a couple of ideas that you might can try. Each time you go to the restroom, take your daughter in there and put her on the potty as well. Also turn on the water facet and let it run smoothly and sometimes that helps them to tinkle in the potty. Another thing to try is to get her a baby doll that drinks and wets and let her give the baby doll the bottle to drink, then let her sit her baby on the potty to tinkle. She will be amazed at this to see her baby doll do this and each time your daughter does this with her baby doll, make a big party out of it. (party blowers, confetti, and clap your hands and jump up and down). Your daughter will eventually start doing this as well and give her a big party each time. Another thing to try is put her on the potty and get a warm cup of water and put her finger tips in the cup, that helps them to use the potty also. (usually works very well first thing in the mourning when she gets out of bed). I have a 4 y/o daughter also, and she is potty trained during the day, but at night she still has to wear pull ups to sleep in. Your daughter is normal, and will start using the potty on a regular basis when she desires. Each child is different and will do things at different paces in their life. Some children are a little behind others in their age groups. My first daughter (15 now) was potty trained at age 2 completely. But my 4 y/o is different. It is taking her a little bit longer, but dont give up, she will get there eventually. Hope this helps you some. God Luck!

Your daughter clearly knows when and how to use the toilet.  What kinds of consequences do you have in place when she chooses to urinate somewhere other then the toilet?  Set up rewards and consequences with your daughter.  Make sure it is something that she really values!!!  For example, my youngest daughter decided that she needed more attention from mommy so after many months of being fully trained she would defecate or urinate in her panties to get my attention, and of course she got it.  ( she would be fine all day long at school and come home and her behavour would change) I would have to stop what I was doing and attend to her: clean her up, bath, clothes, etc.  So we discussed what consequences would occur if she chose to act this way (it is a choice).  For her it was special Dora panties.  If she chose not to use the toilet and defecate/urinate in her Dora panties, then I would have to throw them out -- like I would throw the baby's nappies.  The first time she decided to not use the toilet -- out went the Dora panties she was wearing. (following through is very important).  She has been using the toilet ever since.  There are occasional mishaps, however they are not on purpose -- ie, she has been sick or I had not picked up on her signals -- Dora panties are not discarded then because mishap not 100% her fault and I would explain that to her.  Allong with the consequences we discussed I try to spend a little more time here and there with her one on one, after all she is the middle child and still needs her mommy as much as the baby does. Good luck!  I have three children and different things motivate different kids.

This idea was given to me when I was potty training my daughter when she was 4 years old (she is now 7).

I had used Pull Ups & was getting no where. So I tried this, & within one week, it was potty every time, all the time. It has also helped other mothers from slowly going crazy with this problem.

Anyway, I brought a pack of thick menstruation sanitary pads and placed them in her underwear.

The idea of this is because it will help any small accidents that happen while walking or running to the toilet or potty. Yet, if they choose not to use the potty or toilet, they still have the uncomfortable feeling of the wet mistake. I also did this at night time.

Yes, at first we went through many clothes, as well as sheets in the bed, thank goodness for the plastic lining that I place on her bed.

She learnt that it was uncomfortable to sleep with wet clothes, & learned to go potty.

Along with this, we started a "well done potty star chart". Each time she went potty without wetting herself, she got a star.....after getting so many stars...she got a treat, which was anything from a small toy (cheap one), a visit to the park, or lunch at Mc Donalds. We did about 20 stars before she got the treat.

Anyway, I hope this helps.

Happy Potty Training!

Hi.  I was getting very frustrated with my daughter and actually put her back in pull ups just so I could give myself a break and catch up on the laundry.  My cousin tried this and I thought I had tried everything, but this one actually worked.

Get some marbles, find a nice container/jar to put them in and a plain container/tin to store them in.  When she is successful and goes on the toilet, give her a marble to put in the nice container(ours has a happy face on it, I found it at the dollor store).  If she has an accident, take a marble back out and put it in the plan container(ours is an old tin with a lid).  Within a couple of days, we had more marbles in the nice container and she really got excited. 

I think it works better than anything else because they can see the negative effect of having an accident, other than mom getting upset.    We did have a few bumps along the way, but that's to be expected.  I still leave the containers in the bathroom, but I don't mention it anymore.  I think it's probably safe for me to put them away completely.

Good luck.

Wow, I can't believe it she is 4 and not potty trained my goodness.  I seems to me you are to lenient on her getting her way all the time.  I don't mean to offend in any way but 4 years old come on. She doesn't need any therapy you need to be consistant on what you do.  I have hree daughters the oldest is 2 and was potty trained at 18 months and the twins are now 18 months are I have started potty training.  They now understand what pipi and CACA (Poop) is and are starting to understand it is not riht to use it on there undies.  I get them on panties when i get home from work and I am constantly asking if they want to pipi and taking them to the potty every 15 minutes until the pipi (urine) is in the potty. piecs of chocolate as a reward if they do and nothing if they don't. 

 

Your daughter is now 4 years old take her to the potty make her see that she is old enough and how she feels to be in diapers and the other kids in undies. but be consistent.  Have you taken her to the store with her pants wet and tell her how everybody is looking at her wet.  Just have patience and Consistent if you notice she is needing to go to the rest room take her don't let her run over you and get her way.  Kids are very smart and can get you you trained if you are not as stubborn as they are.

 

Don't give up and keep at it Good Luck! 

All kids are different in this area as well as all other areas when it comes to growing and maturing. I do not believe manipulation and degrading a child is the right thing to do when it comes to teaching them things. My oldest child was potty trained by the the time she was 2 and of course regressed when her little sister was born which is a very normal thing, I wasn't concerned a bit. 2 weeks before she turned 3, I told her that when she turned 3 she was going to start wearing panties and just about every day, we would talk about the panties and on her her birthday, the pull ups were gone and the panties it was and she was perfectly fine. Now with my 2 in a half year old, she is really just starting to be interested in going potty. I started with her right around 2 but she showed no signs whatsoever of understanding, quite different then her big sister, but I have no problem, now when she is yukky, she knows she needs to be changed and will go sit on the potty. I do not push my kids but when they are ready to do something the signs are there, I do sit her on the potty consistently and know she will be potty trained soon. As far as these older children who know what to do, maybe get a timer and whenever the timer goes off they must go potty. , I think communication and constantly reminding them to go potty is imporant. Even though my oldest has been potty trained for almost 2 years, she still has to be reminded to go potty becasue she is too busy playing, too involved in her own little world. :) Reward systems are great, They are incentives to get the child to make the right choices and when something is done on a regular basis, it becomes a habit so use stickers, marbels, whatever will get the child's attention and eventually it will happen, just takes time..

I am being as consistent as i can: She wears underwear all day, pull ups at night, I ignore accidents and reward success. I don't believe in shaming a child but yes, she has spent plenty of time in wet pants at the store, park, zoo, you name it. And this has been going on for a year. So you tell me when these wet pants might start to bother her. Don't worry you didn't offend but you might want to be more careful about the words you choose. Judging people and thier parenting when you don't even know them. Don't you think people come to this board when they just don't know what else to do? If we could all only be so lucky to have children as perfect as yours!

I do apologize for making you angry and it was not my intent to sound if I was judging you and I don't have perfect children.  You may try to do away with the pull ups at night this may be confusing her.  I put plastic bags on the mattress and then the sheet it worked after several times of changing the sheets.  But it was worth it. 

 

I as you don't beleive in shaming your child or mine.  I don't think that is shaming or do you?  IT is showing her that is not right to wet her panties but each person has a different way of viewing things.  How about having herself clean up after she does her mess.  Have her clean after what she did and at that sametime you are showing her responsibility to take care of the things she does.  I just wish you good luck and a whole lot of patience.

 

Again I do apologize for upsetting you that was not my intention I just seem to write my opinion.

 

Serez

 Hey all  I am a mom of  4 kids 10,4.5, 3.5and 2.5. And I must say that Potty Training has been A  big PROB. With the 3 youngest ones My 4 yr old is ADHD/AUTISM and my 3 yr old also has Prob and i must say i have tried everything that i can think of it seems like my 4 yr old only wants to go when he wants to go and its not always in the potty same thing with my 3 yr old and well i haven't even tried with my 2 yr old i feel like i am going crazy  any idea would be of great help