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Topic : Spirited Kids

Number of Replies: 162
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:12:56 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your child a bundle of nonstop energy? Are you exhausted at the end of the day? Share advice and support with other parents of spirited kids.

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August 9, 2005, 12:18 pm CDT

What do I do?

My daughter is almost 5 and will be starting kindergarten in a few days.  She is a bundle of energy, to say the least.  I am at my wits end.  I can't take her anywhere!  My grandmother, mother and I go on these all day shopping trips.  She is usually very good.  She loves to shop!!  However, the last few times that I have taken her she has been terrible.  To the point that she will knock stacks of shoes over and take off running up and down the aisles.  I have tried everything.  She gets very upset when I tell her that I will have to leave her at home the next time we go.  I am very worried about what she will do in school.  We know her teacher real well (she is best friends with her daughter) and I am afraid that she will not look at her as a teacher.  I know that her teacher will know how to handle this but it really worries me.  What do I do?  Time outs don't work and there is nothing that she really enjoys that I can take away.  She will just move on to the next thing.  Help!!
 
August 9, 2005, 4:32 pm CDT

Spirited Kids

Quote From: tsalvis

My daughter is almost 5 and will be starting kindergarten in a few days.  She is a bundle of energy, to say the least.  I am at my wits end.  I can't take her anywhere!  My grandmother, mother and I go on these all day shopping trips.  She is usually very good.  She loves to shop!!  However, the last few times that I have taken her she has been terrible.  To the point that she will knock stacks of shoes over and take off running up and down the aisles.  I have tried everything.  She gets very upset when I tell her that I will have to leave her at home the next time we go.  I am very worried about what she will do in school.  We know her teacher real well (she is best friends with her daughter) and I am afraid that she will not look at her as a teacher.  I know that her teacher will know how to handle this but it really worries me.  What do I do?  Time outs don't work and there is nothing that she really enjoys that I can take away.  She will just move on to the next thing.  Help!!
Maybe start by going somewhere and leaving her at home, follow through with what you said, explain to her that you are going out and that she needs to stay home becasue of the last incident. Yes, she may get upset, but you must be consistent and follow through. Go from there. My girls do well shopping but they do have their moments, I give my girls one warning and if they keep it up, we leave the cart and just go. When I am with a group, I will take them out to the car and wait for the otheres or if it is a long trip, take them back in after a while, talk to them about their behavior and how it makes you feel. I can do this with my 4 1/2 year old and she apologizes and is very compassionate and will settle down. I am sure she will be ok in school., as long as she knows the rules and all, she will adjust.
 
August 18, 2005, 1:55 pm CDT

Grown daughters yelling!

My daughter is 27 and has a daughter 5 and one 3. My daughter is constantly yelling at the girls, mostly the 5 year old. She does not know how to discipline. She yells and they yell back, then it gets into a slapping and hitting match. She seems very partial to the 3 year old who seldoms gets in trouble for anything. The 5 year old is very sassy and so is her mom. The 3 year old is beginning to do the same. My daughter yells shut up and they yell it back, then it gets very heated with both having strong wills. I can watch the girls for a week while the parents are on vacation, etc. They do wonderfully. Not perfect, but there is no yelling or hitting. My daughter gets upset with me when I intervene. What can I do?
 
August 18, 2005, 3:52 pm CDT

Spirited Kids

Quote From: cameron

My daughter is 27 and has a daughter 5 and one 3. My daughter is constantly yelling at the girls, mostly the 5 year old. She does not know how to discipline. She yells and they yell back, then it gets into a slapping and hitting match. She seems very partial to the 3 year old who seldoms gets in trouble for anything. The 5 year old is very sassy and so is her mom. The 3 year old is beginning to do the same. My daughter yells shut up and they yell it back, then it gets very heated with both having strong wills. I can watch the girls for a week while the parents are on vacation, etc. They do wonderfully. Not perfect, but there is no yelling or hitting. My daughter gets upset with me when I intervene. What can I do?
Sounds to me like your daughter can use some parenting classes but doesn't sound like she would be too willing to do that. She really is bringing all this on herself if she keeps up what she is doing and doesn't change her attitude. I cannot imagine going through everyday yelling at my girls and having yelling matches with them. Maybe approach her and ask her "how is the yelling working for her"? yes, she will get upset but then when she does, just tell her that her approach to disciplining her kids isn't working and maybe she needs to think of something else. Like ignoring the tantrums, yelling and all, maybe try taking priveleges, toys away, time outs work well with most kids, whatever, she definetly needs to stop yelling at her kids like this. Maybe go to the library and pick up a couple parenting books for her and leave them on your coffee table or something, maybe she will pick one up and actually start reading it, or maybe if she sees you reading one, she will get an interest in it. If she asks why you are reading them, you can respond by telling her that you are trying to find ways to help her with the discipline problem with the kids, whatever you want to tell her, but she really has to have the desire to change her ways before she will. so all you can do is try your best to help her and leave the rest up to her.
 
August 24, 2005, 9:51 pm CDT

help

my son has been full of beans since he was a baby, he was the baby bullie at playgroup and alway end up in time out and losing he toys for he behavier this settle down when he stared kindy 

( we found out that my son is tone deaf and need hearing aids on the last two weeks of kindy) 

  

 now that he at school( started five weeks) he full of bean again where he will run to ever where he goes ( he run home the other day it normal a 1/2 hour walk ) from the time he wake up at 6am he is on the go and does not stop till late at night where i have to fight to put him to bed, same night its not to 10pm where i will win. twos week ago i have  found out that he is kicking and puching other kids and in time out at school  i have taken away he toys and other thing he like and told him when he stops hurting other kids for a week he can choose one of he toys back ( i keep letting him have one toy back a week till he has non left) but he is not intrested he has no toys to play with and no treats and he keeps on being the builly  and i am the end because time out and losing he stuff is not working he not into the tv or computer, all he does when he gets home is run around the backyard. i dont give him any artfecials food or high in suger, i just dont know were i am doing wrong       

 
September 3, 2005, 8:51 pm CDT

Spirited kids

Quote From: jettav

Sounds to me like your daughter can use some parenting classes but doesn't sound like she would be too willing to do that. She really is bringing all this on herself if she keeps up what she is doing and doesn't change her attitude. I cannot imagine going through everyday yelling at my girls and having yelling matches with them. Maybe approach her and ask her "how is the yelling working for her"? yes, she will get upset but then when she does, just tell her that her approach to disciplining her kids isn't working and maybe she needs to think of something else. Like ignoring the tantrums, yelling and all, maybe try taking priveleges, toys away, time outs work well with most kids, whatever, she definetly needs to stop yelling at her kids like this. Maybe go to the library and pick up a couple parenting books for her and leave them on your coffee table or something, maybe she will pick one up and actually start reading it, or maybe if she sees you reading one, she will get an interest in it. If she asks why you are reading them, you can respond by telling her that you are trying to find ways to help her with the discipline problem with the kids, whatever you want to tell her, but she really has to have the desire to change her ways before she will. so all you can do is try your best to help her and leave the rest up to her.
I definently agree that the yelling should stop. Kids will learn to completely tune out a yelling parent...Take this from someone who used to use this tactic. It only makes you reactive, heated up and angry and one can lose one's temper when the child ignore's or defies you even more. Dr. Phil changed my ways. His Parenting 101 series has been a Godsend!! When he said that yelling and fighting can change who a child is, it blew my mind and really gave my husband and me a wake-up call. Our kids changed their attitudes and became more confident, happy children after we changed and stopped the yelling. As far as the advice on getting a few parenting books and leave them where she can see them... please don't. That could be sooooo offensive to your daughter. If she is anything like I was, she will only rebel more and keep up the yelling. Especially since you are her mother. It might work with someone else doing it, but she may probably feel like she's being judged and failing yet again. A better way of doing it is actually through the Dr. Phil show... tape it and show it to her or just chat with her about watching Dr. Phil.... there's one coming out about the mom that screams at her kids and I'm sure Dr. Phil will straighten her out and give her a Wake-up call and give great advice!! Invite your daughter over when that Dr. Phil show is on and just say," Oh I just Have to watch Dr. Phil... and watch it with her. Does she ever watch Dr. Phil???
 
September 5, 2005, 4:45 am CDT

Spirited Kids

I have a spirited three year old daughter, she is on the go from morning to night. Spirited and adventurous a potentially dangerous combination. I survive by planning the days in flexible way. I have a selection of activities we can do that take about twenty minutes so that she doesn't lose interest or focus, reading, baking, crafts, painting and gardening. I find if I can give her energy some direction she is less of a handful and less likely to find trouble. I try to play to her strengths and we go swimming, friends houses, the park, woodland walks, and community events. This gives her the chance to bounce round and make friends and me the chance to swap tired looks with other parents and even conversation if we can both muster the energy! I have clear boundaries relating to manners, behaviour and daily routines. A key thing to get in place is a bedtime routine, that allows some personal time to recharge. Most of all I accept that life has changed now I have a child and things may get done slower or at different times then they did before kayleigh exploded into our lives. If its a beautiful day outside forget the housework and play with your children, the dusting will still be there when its raining. xxx
 
September 26, 2005, 1:25 am CDT

Spirited kids

My daughter has just turned 5.  She is a fantastic kid, but her boundless energy puts a lot of people off her and I find it very difficult to get a babysitter more than once.  She's not naughty, just energetic.  

  

No, I'm not in denial.  She isn't an angel by any means.  And we don't get along all the time.  Her behaviour for many years was atrocious, but I've had to learn to focus her energy. 

I've recently started buying things that she is really interested in, and taking away all the toys that amuse her for a brief moment in time.  She has a trampoline that she can jump on for up to two hours at a time.  It takes some preparation before we can do anything, including going shopping.  Even getting ready for school can be a battle of wills while she flits from one thing to another. 

  

Recently, like in the last 2 months, I've got the energy even more under control by cutting off contact with my parents.  She used to see them every day and her energy levels and bad behaviour always spiked after she'd seen them.  So I've limited their access to her to only Saturdays.  I find that she focuses a lot better and is less likely to be running all over the place destroying things and screaming at the top of her lungs as she tries to bathe the cat and catch the chooks etc. 

  

I basically had to sit down and keep track of the times when her energy levels spiked, and then assess what had happened right before.  She's been taken off all artificial colours, flavours, preservatives as well - that helped enormously when she was younger.  Now it really is more behavioural than chemical.  You can try changing diet.  We took her off everything and reintroduced certain one at a time to figure out which foods set off the destructive mechanisms. 

 
October 11, 2005, 11:30 am CDT

"Cry Baby " Son

I have an 11 year son who cries whenever he is frustrated.  I've tried telling him that it is not appropriate behavior for his age but that hasn't worked.  I've taken toys, etc from him and that doesn't work.  He seems to think he is going to get in trouble if he is messing up.  My husband is a non-rule bender and his expectations are quite high for the kids.  A little history, he has a medical problem which prevented him from growing properly and was quite small for his age.  During that time, every one treated him like he was younger than he was and he would cry to get what he wanted.  Now that the medical end is being treated he still cries.  Anyone have any suggestions to get him to mature so that he doesn't do this?  I'm open for anything at this point. 
 
October 12, 2005, 1:41 pm CDT

I really need some advice

I am in desperate need of some good advice for dealing with my son.  he is 4.5 & has a bad temper. When he doesn't get whats he wants or it'd time to leave somewhere, he throws a fit.  It's worse than any temper tantrum.  He hits me, bites me, yells at me & calls me names.  He throws things at me, slams doors & screams.  Since the day we brought him home from the hospital, he has been a pistol.  He screamed until 4am.  I have taught preschool for 5 years & I feel like such a failure with my own son.  I try time-outs & he won't sit still.  I have tried taking toys & special things away, it doesn't help.  We try talking it out & it doesn't help.  In extreme cases, we have given him spankings.  I am at my wits end.  If we are riding int he car & he is mad, he will u unbuckle his seat belt.  Today, we were invited to a friends House after pre-school for a play date.  When it was time to leave, he started throwing a fit.  I tried talking to him about it being time to come home.  I finally had to carry him out with out his shoes or socks on because i had to rush home to get my other son off the bus. As I was carrying him out he slapped me 2 times of the shoulder & once across the cheek.  at that point, I had mixed emotions.  I was sooooooo embarrassed at his behavior & I was angry with him.  I set him down in the driveway & opened the car door & he climbed in the truck.  It concerns me.  My husbands family has a history of clinical depression in his family.  His uncle committed suicide & his brother tried when he was 11.  I don't know if I am headed down that road or if I am doing something wrong.  I just don't know anymore.  Even with all my training & experience in early childhood education, I am confused.  HELP ME!!!!
 
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