Topic : Teen Dating

I need help desperately.  I have a 17 year old that had his first girlfriend that lasted 1 year.  During that time she cheated on him with other guys but he always took her back.  During the summer she went away on a 3 week trip and cheated on him.  When she came home they broke up, actually she broke up with him. 

He wont accept it.  He is very distraught over this and we cant seem to get him over this hump.  He has become separated, mean, just got into a fight on Friday and got the you know what kicked out of him, from the kid she cheated with.  We are very much afraid something else is going to happen that is bad.  His friends are trying  to help, their mothers are trying to help, his priest at school is trying to help.  His self esteem is at the bottom of the barrel right now.  And he thinks of himself as a very bad person.  It is tearing me apart, emotionally and physically.  I dont know if he is in a state of depression or not.  I dont know where to turn right now before something bad happens.  All I do is cry over the situation to see him in so much pain and not think good of himself.  I just keep thinking the worse is yet to come.      

Can someone please help me?  I am desperate and so is my son. 

I read your post and just wanted to say that I think if you love this girl you would make it easier for her to get her education.  Why not wait until she is done being homeschooled so she can at least have that.  I know it will seem like forever, but a GED is nothing like having the real thing.   

How easy would it be for you to convert to her religion?  Go to church with them.  tell them you will go every sunday and that will be the only time you see her until they feel you are serious about this. 

I wouldn't be suprised if your 17 yr old is smoking pot as well.  You need to talk to your kids, talk to your 15 yr old about sex, ask her if she is doing it?  Your 12 yr old is going to drop out of school????You need to get a handle on these kids, they sound as though they are walking all over you.  Put your foot down, don't let them out of the house so they can't do this step.  Good luck 

I feel for you so greatly! What a dificult position to be in, but not an impossible one. Like Dr.Phil says, "It's time to get a back bone!" Starting by doing whatever it takes to get the oldest in line. Like you said, the younger ones will imitate the older ones. Set your rules, and don't take any lip!! Be willing to yell, inflict punishment, and stick to your guns. If your child steals from you, let them know you will call the police and report it. If you can't stop them from stealing from YOU, the police will be involved soon enough! Let them get a taste of such punishment BEFORE  it means time in prison. You will be doing them a favor! As you go about setting up these rules, be about getting yourself together too. Don't let them see you crying about them. Their behavior calls for anger!!! How DARE they?? I know one girl who's mother caught her sleeping in the bath tub with the water nearly drowning her because she had taken drugs. This is not a "correct" response, but effective. Her mother chased her though the house thrashing her with a belt, telling her she'd better never do it again! You can bet her daughter didn't!!! 

Good luck and  

Keep us posted! 

MarthaAnna 

Your son still thinks there is a chance with this girl. Otherwise he would move on. He is DEFINITELY depressed!! He needs to get this girl out of his head once and for all. You can help by changing his surroundings any way you can. Take him, or send him on a vacation. Let him visit relatives. Take him out for a treat when he's especially down, even if it's just a drive for a soda. Get him out with kids his own age. Remind him of his strengths. Is he an artist? musician? play golf? Whatever! Remind him what a great guy he is in so many ways! Encourage him to go out with other friends to movies, concerts,parties. Whereever! It may even help to point out what a crappie person she is. Show him there are lots of fish in the sea. Kind and faithful ones too! Once he forgets her and gets on with his life he will be fine again. Guaranteed! 

Good luck! 

Hi Starjammir, 

You remind me of so many people. Myself included when I was younger. Consequently I can tell you easily you, like so many other young men, are going about things all wrong. What you are doing is tearing this girl apart. I had a boyfriend in high school who I could have gone out with me easily and with no horrid hassles from my folks, if he had been willing to get me home on time, and come in and befriend my folks. He was unable to behave, so my life was a living hell of sneaking, getting caught, and being disdained by the folks I still needed to become established properly in life. She is young enough to still need her parents to finish her education and get her feet on the ground. If you do not allow her to do that before you whisk her away, then you will be gaining a fledgling for a mate, as will you likely be one yourself.  You and she are building your futures NOW.  

Try to consider these things before losing your head completely and doing something rash. She needs you to be smart about things. Not defiant. Seek a peaceful way to get along with her parents, if at all possible. It will enhance your lives immeasurably if you can. 

I will say a prayer for you. Please let us know how things go. 

I'll keep a look out. 

MarthaAnna 

Hi Suzanne in TN. 

What I would advise is to let your daughter know exactly how you feel. Do not pull any punches with your feelings to be "polite" or "fair" to him. Spell out exactly what her future would be if she ended up with him, ie.: She would wake up to his face every morning, her kids would look like him, she would have to live with his decisions on everything, or fight with him about them, her kids would act like him, talk like him, and even be named after him, and if he grates her nerves now he would be grating her nerves for evermore. Point out where he lives, and how he lives and that that is what she should expect from him in the long run.Tell her she must be truthfull to herself about her feelings about him, and remember she is young and so very able to attract better. She MUST NOT CHOOSE ANYONE UNTIL SHE KNOWS HERSELF MUCH BETTER!!! And she must have the guts to tell this guy so, or accept the consequences. 

Judy in IL 

PS- Tell her there is no hurry to leave home, and give her all the space she needs, and help getting her on her feet. Don't let her go down the tubes without a fight!