Quote From: mamamanyI'm just not so sure where to turn. We have a solid marriage...5 kids and one foster baby. My dh and 17 yr old son work together in grocery. Dh is manager. Ds is resp. and quiet but 6'2", althletic and looks and acts older. This 'chick' is 24. She is the 2nd assistant at the store...yes, same store. Everyone knows and everyone has said how wrong this is. They are not having sex...not yet anyway. We took his texting away for lieing but even after we have spoken to him, sought council and discussed this calmly...he assured us he would break it off. We agreed to him going to the park to break up but that never happened.
Please help ....My husband is getting another male employee w/ him to talk to both our son and this chick.
Our son had such a promising career in the military, college, etc and he is throwing it all away for this girl. She lives w/ 4 other people( one a recovering meth , one's a pg mom w/ 2 other children and then a couple in their 60's...all living together in chaos. AND this chick was married at 17.....
Any comments I would appreciate.
I'm in Oklahoma and the age of concent is 16.
You're right. 17 and 24 (actually 20+) are a poor combination. Throw in her past and her current living situation and it is even less desirable.
In my opinion, having another employee talk to both of them is pointless. For one thing, what is the guy supposed to say ... "the boss asked me to talk with you two"?? The 24 year old clearly has issues that your son doesn't need. Likely he appreciates her "acceptance" (or more?) of him, but the chances of anything approaching a healthy relationship are between slim and none. Meanwhile, he'll fail to achievev what he can and should.
You said he "had such a promising career in the military, college, etc". Were those his ideas, and if so, how and when was he going to go about achieving them? Why not act on them now (summer courses, enlistment, whatever)? Indeed why didn't he act on them before?
If this is "just" a summer job and steps have been taken for school/military in August/September, perhaps the store should simply prohibit "fraternization" in some form - especially for anyone in any kind of managerial position (like 2nd ass't.). If not, maybe your son needs to work elsewhere, and that your husband ought to be able to "arrange".
I'm not familiar with all the laws in Oklahoma, or a lot of other places, but there often is a difference between ages of consent and full independence/adulthood. It seems to me you shouldn't effectively underwrite behavior of which you don't approve. Also, if you are still supporting your son, doubly if you are legally required to do so, you should still have some ability to establish and enforce certain rules and expectations. Stick to your position - and at the very least remind him to stick to his word about breaking it off.
