Topic : Teen Dating

My daughter met a man online when she entered a wrong email address. He is abt 34, sgl, and college educated They kept in touch constantly by email, phone, IM, etc. After a few months they wanted to meet. She is 18, senior, and they met in a public place. The second time, (he lives across the country), she had her girlfriends with her when they spent time together. Of course we have discouraged this relationship since day one and didn't know she was meeting him.    

Her previous serious boyfriend was 4 yrs older than her and in the military. She wants to be independent in every way, and doesn't want our input in her relationships. She is pretty responsible with most committments, but still resents our authority and advice. She will listen to her dad more than me.    

I'm so upset, I don't know where our parenting lines should be drawn. After graduation, she will work and live at home to save for college, but she can't wait to leave, naturally. He is flying back this weekend to meet us, she thinks we will like him after we meet him... I would never approve the age difference unless she was 30,  at least old enough to know her own mind. Would you accept this?   

My daughter met a man online when she entered a wrong email address. He is abt 34, sgl, and college educated They kept in touch constantly by email, phone, IM, etc. After a few months they wanted to meet. She is 18, senior, and they met in a public place. The second time, (he lives across the country), she had her girlfriends with her when they spent time together. Of course we have discouraged this relationship since day one and didn't know she was meeting him.    

Her previous serious boyfriend was 4 yrs older than her and in the military. She wants to be independent in every way, and doesn't want our input in her relationships. She is pretty responsible with most committments, but still resents our authority and advice. She will listen to her dad more than me.    

I'm so upset, I don't know where our parenting lines should be drawn. After graduation, she will work and live at home to save for college, but she can't wait to leave, naturally. He is flying back this weekend to meet us, she thinks we will like him after we meet him... I would never approve the age difference unless she was 30,  at least old enough to know her own mind. Would you accept this?   

                 I have a daughter who is 14 and in the 8th grade, and she usually has a boyfriend. She has had many. But recentley she has been crushing on her social studies teacher, she talk about him constantly and tells me she is thinking about him. She tells me sometimes that lately she has been dreaming about him. I think for some sense that she thinks he is attracted to her, but he is married, and is in his 30's but for some reason she thinks he could possibly be interested, I know teens have crushes all the time, but I am afraid she will take it too far. 

She has had impossible crushes before, but this one is the most serious, I dont know why she always seems to have  "serious" crushes on men too old , but unusually this teacher she is crushing on now, is not bad looking. But i dont know what to do? She needs to realize he's too old and married. Also, before she had a crush over  this camp youth teacher, over the summer. When she left camp she missed him and it ruined her entire summer, she is still not over him totally but lately , she;s been thinking about this teacher. It really bothers me. 

If this is a stupid question I am sorry I am a new parent.. 

well please give advice, ! 

thanks  

anne 

Hi there, 

     Something terrible has happened.  My boyfriend killed himself last night.  I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with this.  I just keep playing over and over everything we said to each other.  I can't stop crying.  Its so hard.  I dont know how to deal with this.  Can somebody help me?  I loved him sooooooo much.  I would give ANYTHING to have him back.  I keep praying and it hurts so bad.  I feel like my whole world is falling in on me.  I'm trying to walk around and pretending its all ok.  But inside....I feel like I have this big whole in my chest.  Like I'm empty.  And it hurts so bad.  Its so hard. 

Don't back down on the rules!! Sure, maybe other kids don't have to have the responsibilities that you give your daughter- but feeding the dog, taking out trash, etc., isn't like brain surgery- having responsibilities creates a sense of duty and she will be happy later in life that she was actually taught and shown what its like to have responsibilities.. like when her college room mate is "stressed" because she has to work 10 hours a week and your daughter has been doing that since she was old enough to work- she will actually see with her own eyes that she was lucky to have parents who gave her rules, boundaries, and chores because otherwise she would have ended up a lazy, irresponsible person who sat around waiting for everything to come to her. Your co-workers are WRONG! Do they have teens? Did they follow the advice they gave you- just cave in and give? How productive are their children now?  

I have 3 daughers, my oldest is 15, and I feel strongly that she must have a handfull of chores that get done and reasonable rules. When she follows the rules and does chores, then she gets to have the freedom to go to the movies with friends, etc. I don't believe in just taking her word for anything, because, after all, I do remember being 15!! I have "networked" with her friend's mothers and we keep close tabs on what they are doing. I feel that I need to give my daughter freedom to have fun and to have life experiences, but I can't, and I won't, just "let go" like many other parents do. I also noticed what you mentioned, that other kids have cell phones, many gadgets, etc., and thats not what our household is like, either. If she wants to save her money and buy herself something, than she is free to do that, and she has bought her own cell phone with pre-paid minutes. Now that she has it, I realize the convenience of being able to contact her, and I have paid for the last minute card because she has proved her responsiblity with it. Also, it was her own money that she used to pay for it, so she has respect for it as property. I urge you to not cave in, don't listen to others, you've got to keep listening to your instincts!! "everyone else is doing it" has been an age-old phrase. Sometimes its true, other times its not true- you will know the difference! 

Just three days ago, you wrote: 

Why is it that when a teen ask permison for something (even something totaly crazy) that parents refuse to give a reason??? I mean yes you are our parenst and you really don't have to explain yourself to us kids, but why not? would it be so bad to sit down and tell them why you feel that way, even if it does invole ending up in a weird converstaion? Becuase as a "troubled" 17 year old I don't see how you expect us to take the answer like an adult when you won't give us an adult answer. 

PLEASE HELP ANSWER THIS QUESTION 

Why is it that when a teen ask permison for something (even something totaly crazy) that parents refuse to give a reason??? I mean yes you are our parenst and you really don't have to explain yourself to us kids, but why not? would it be so bad to sit down and tell them why you feel that way, even if it does invole ending up in a weird converstaion? Becuase as a "troubled" 17 year old I don't see how you expect us to take the answer like an adult when you won't give us an adult answer. 

PLEASE HELP ANSWER THIS QUESTION