Topic : Teens and Sex

Well i really don't think you have the rigth to go trouhg your stepdaughters personal stuff like her room, books, emails etc. Neither do mom and dad. If my parents ever did that i would never forgive them. I mean i tell my parents almost everything but it is my right to decide what to tell them and what not. To be honest they wouldn't find anything they didn't know if they went through my personal stuff but it would be (to me) a breach of confidence. They should trust me and if they have questions about me and my life they should just ask. I love my parents and i respect them and they can ask me questions about anything but it is still my decision what to tell them.  

If i were you i would start a conversation about it. Just casual. Maybe you can tell her how you found her book and didn't mean to open it, but that is was an accidant. Tell her that you want her to know she can always talk to you or her parents and that you'd rather have her tell you what's going on in her life so that you can provide the best possible care. I know that my parents are very honest with me and my brother and sister. I'd really want my parents to talk to me if they're worried about me.  

I wish you the best of luck with this situation.  

Well, since her dad and I are the ones who pay 1400.00 to live in this house, I figure its all ours.  I do ask her questions, but sometimes I am not getting the truth.  So I do think its my right to go any place in this house that I want.  Kids do not pay to live at their homes, and will have their own homes and families to deal with later on. I want her to be safe, and know she is safe at all times.  If its something that I can protect her from then its my right, and I don't feel bad about this at all.  I did tell her she could tell me anything, I said I know more than some 14-16 year old and will be truthful.  Where they will be only street smart and maybe not give warnings that she needs.  If she was 18 and renting a room, I would never cross that line, but she is 13.  So if this is what I have to do to keep her safe, and know what is going on, I will do this and keep her dad and mom in the loop.  It only takes one time to make the wrong decision, and what if I could have stopped that by just looking and being plugged in.  The four of us have stepped up to be here for these girls, we have put them first, we act like adults.  We do not put down the other side, and we made a pack to co-parent together and put everything else aside.  Kids are the most important things, parents are the ones who forget them sometimes and put them in the middle.  But the four of us started within the first year to make this work the best we can.  We are on year 7 now. 

I talk to her all the time, but I know she is not telling me everything.  What if I did not find what I did and she got something horrible?  Or she was raped, or something happened because we let this girl come to our  home and spend the night, not knowing that she was not sure about her what she wanted.  Then something happened and she would have to carry this for the rest of her life.  This way, I can protect her as much as I can, and also know that now is the time to start a deeper talk with her.  I know from my youth that if something happens before it should you carry it in every relationship.  If I can keep her safe I will do all I can. 

I did send her a very long email, letting her know how much I loved her and she could come to me with anything at any time.  Her mom and I are friends, her dad and stepdad are friends.  We only want what is best for her.   

I just need know what to do next, how do I really bring up sex?  I really don't care anymore about what I did, because I feel after talking to her mother and friends that I am within my rights.  I love these girls like they were my own, and will do anything to be her for them.  Someday, you will have your own home, maybe at that point you might have to make a decision that you might be unsure of, I am sure I did the right thing.  Because now I know she knows a lot more than I ever thought, and I need to really step things up.  We as a family of 4 coparents are here to protect her at any cost.  Now that I know the things I know, I spent this whole week talking to her dad, her mom and then finally got her to really understand that she can ask us anything and we will not judge, or be mad, we will answer her.  But she also knows that we are more plugged in, and very sure we love her! 

I am not being smart when I say this is our home.  What I am saying is parents whether divorced or not need to know what is going on.  If you can't get it from the kids you need to take other measures.  These girls know that this is also their safe place and their rooms, but still when it comes down to it, you as adults will leave the nest.  You will go and buy your own place, make a family, then decide what is right at your own home.   Right now my step daughter does not understand what she wants, and we have not clearly set up clear rules.  As a woman that went thur things at a young age I know if something happens before your ready it will haunt you forever. You will carry baggage with every realationship you are in until finally you come clean and get help.  I am also saying, that I am proud that for the past 7 years that we put all of our adult issues aside and put these kids first.  There are no put downs at either home.  Her mother and step dad walk in to our home with out knocking.  We sat down and said the girls matter, they are first, can we act like adults?  Well, it was not that hard.  I know we are only a few that can do this, not one time did either part try to pull from the other parent.  Her mom and I from a few months in said lets work together and be friends. Because yes we did earn our way out, both marriages had disolved.  I can see it from your view, but you must look ahead, yes I was young once.  I don't want her to have something happen that I could have stopped.  Now I know I must plug in more, ask more questions, be there and listen.  I have no children of my own, so I had to go in blind, so I feel I stepped up more than 110% to make sure they are safe!  In 10 years things will be even harder, your decision might be even more than mine.  Maybe at that point you will think back and say oh, now I see,  all they wanted is for their girls to be safe, protected, and know we are here at every turn. 

I am not being smart when I say this is our home.  What I am saying is parents whether divorced or not need to know what is going on.  If you can't get it from the kids you need to take other measures.  These girls know that this is also their safe place and their rooms, but still when it comes down to it, you as adults will leave the nest.  You will go and buy your own place, make a family, then decide what is right at your own home.   Right now my step daughter does not understand what she wants, and we have not clearly set up clear rules.  As a woman that went thur things at a young age I know if something happens before your ready it will haunt you forever. You will carry baggage with every realationship you are in until finally you come clean and get help.  I am also saying, that I am proud that for the past 7 years that we put all of our adult issues aside and put these kids first.  There are no put downs at either home.  Her mother and step dad walk in to our home with out knocking.  We sat down and said the girls matter, they are first, can we act like adults?  Well, it was not that hard.  I know we are only a few that can do this, not one time did either part try to pull from the other parent.  Her mom and I from a few months in said lets work together and be friends. Because yes we did earn our way out, both marriages had disolved.  I can see it from your view, but you must look ahead, yes I was young once.  I don't want her to have something happen that I could have stopped.  Now I know I must plug in more, ask more questions, be there and listen.  I have no children of my own, so I had to go in blind, so I feel I stepped up more than 110% to make sure they are safe!  In 10 years things will be even harder, your decision might be even more than mine.  Maybe at that point you will think back and say oh, now I see,  all they wanted is for their girls to be safe, protected, and know we are here at every turn.