Hello, there.
First of all, I commend you for choosing adoption over abortion. You are giving the baby a chance to live, just not with you. (That's what I tell people, I'm a soon-to-be birth mom.) Abortion is a horrible choice, and there are plenty of families who cannot have children of their own who would to take yours home.
Listen, don't apologize for the race of the baby; I think race is not as big a deal today as it once was. If it happens to be a big deal to somebody, then do you really want somebody like that to raise your child? I wouldn't, personally. The only thing about the baby being of a different race than the adoptive parents is that people will be able to tell more readily that the child is indeed adopted, that's all. I don't know much about adoptive parents, but I would imagine that the adoption is infromation that they would readily volunteer anyway - with pride. "Our son/daughter is adopted and we couldn't be more blessed." They would say something like this whether the baby looked like them or not. Truth be known, there is a high possibility that my baby may be half-Hispanic; I am white. So the birth family I've chosen must not care because the issue never comes up. For me there is more of a paternity issue and the legal risks associated with that.
I have gone through the same feelings you are going through about "making a poor decision" and all that - still am. But you know what? As long as you are doing something positive to rectify the situation (and you are!) then don't beat yourself up. People have told me not to, so I will say the same thing to you.
If you don't find anybody here who wants your baby, try Bethany Christian Services. They are the agency I'm using for my adoption. They are fantastic at what they do. Not only do they do their best to find the best family for you but they are completely open and honest about the whole process - including the fact that you will grieve the loss of this baby, or rather, the loss of the opportunity to parent this baby. Still not the same grief you experience with abortion, but very "watered down." I haven't given birth yet, but I imagine it's about the same kind of grief that you would experience if your best friend moved away, like 1,000 miles and you know you would only be able to talk via letters and pictures. If you could handle that situation, then you could handle adoption. Of course every situation is different and every adoptive family is different, so I've only given you a very general picture of what you might experience. If you want to e-mail me or talk to me about more adoption stuff, please do, 'cause like I said, I'm almost finished. I've been there, done that. :-)
I hope this post helps you and gives you some encouragement. God bless you for choosing life for this child, and on top of that, thinking about what living situation would be best for this child. I'll say a little prayer for you.
Tracy
