Topic : Searching for Birth Parents

I am searching for a male child b Oct-3-1970 in Hobbs NM. 

My addy is bijorianangel@sbcglobal.net  please contact me if this sounds like you.  Glitz 

Is there anyone who can help me locate marriage records in TN? I beleive Rachel Majors married again in 1985 in TN. This might be another peice of this puzzle 

Thanks again  

Lori 

HI, I was born and adopted in Canada.At the age of 30 I located my birth mom and exchanged a letter thru a third party. She really wanted nothing to do with me because her family did not know about me. I accepted that, however after my adoptive mom passed away I enquired about her health. The social worker called me in to tell me things that I was not told 10 years earlier.For example I had a sibling in the USA and a man had admitted paternity before I was born. He had even offered to marry my bmom. So I started searching, but I did not have enough accurate info to get anywhere. So I asked the social worker (here in Canada) to ask my bmom for more info. She gave us very little, but in time she signed a letter allowing me to search in the USA, if we left her out of this.The price of this letter was that I never contact her again. Several months and a sizeable chunk of money the USA adoption agency confirmed that the woman that I had contacted in Minnesota, was my sister. All the info that she had been given was incorrect. When we spoke to her , she said our info did not match enough of her details. CHS told her that there were several errors in her info. Now I am waiting for her to come to terms with years of lies and misstrust. We could be full sisters.My bfather is deceased but he has a brother that is 90 and in failing health. I have had contact with his family and they would love to know if my sister is their family too. I am still holding out hope that she will have some communication with me.

Jdy

My husband was born in FL in 1970 so there isn't a match. I think it's great that you're helping your friend search for her son. Have you found any sites that are for NM? I live in Santa Fe myself. Search for NM sites and post there. I know that I posted on all FL sites and even CA sites where he grew up. Keep looking and I hope you friend finds her son. Good luck!

Jen

Have you written to the court of your adoption for your non-id info? All you need to know is your adoptive parents full names, your birth date and place and your notarized signature. Do you know what county court handled the adoption? You pretty much are out of luck, I hate to say, if you don't have any info. on your b-mom. I'm searching for my husbands b-mom and any family. You have to remember that adoptions, unless open ones, are meant to be closed and non-identifying. It sucks because all adoptees have the right to know their siblings at least if they have any. Please write back or you can e-mail me at djzl@msn.com  . I may be able to help you a little with where to write to for info.

Jen

Lori,

I don't know your financial situation but usually once an adoptee has the name of their birth mother finding them can be difficult but really is doable unless the birth mother totally dropped out of society (or if the birth mother used a ficticious name).   I do not know what avenues you have tried to get information on how to go about searching public records yourself and I am not an expert in that area but do have a little experience.   However, I do know there are experts out there who can do the search for you (the good ones won't charge you until the actually locate the person and if the person is deceased a living relative).  Here is why they are so successful when they have a name:  Anytime a person does anything involving the public (gets a driver's license, married, divorced, goes to school, etc. they leave a record behind.)  These professionals have access to databases that us lay people do not have.  Now sometimes if the person has not changed their name and you know the general location that they lived at one point in time (say the city) and the still live there you can pretty easily do a public record search on the internet.  In my search (for my father I had his name and where he lived 40 years ago, I got a list of everyone with his name for $9.95 from a place called US Search on the Internet which included approx. age and then picked the one I thought he might be and then paid 49.95 to get lots of detailed information which included different addresses he lived at and the people who shared those addresses - which turned out to be my siblings - once I had the siblings names most of them were listed in the white pages - their addresses and phone numbers and I in my case I chose to make first contact by letter.  If you have no idea where to look then look for either an adoption search agent and find one that won't charge until they find.  Since you are already providing the name I would say you should expect to have to pay more that $1000 (just my opinion - I really don't know and you are from a different area of the country than I.) 

For finding my birth mom who I did not have a name or too much else, I hired an adoption search agent who I didn't have to pay a fee unless the search was successful and lucky for me it was (Turns out I have a total of 14 half siblings and my birth mom is alive and well.  Birth Dad is deceased.  Have on ongoing relationship with B-Mom and siblongs on that side.  Just found siblings on Dad's side so am only starting relationships over there with those who are interested - mostly they are waiting for the DNA test results to come back  - but I already know because my kids look like my Father's daughter's kids.

The search that goes on for all involved in an adoption can take years and be very frustrating, but I do believe that if it is really important to you than don't give up on it all together.  If you are feeling too frustrated put it aside or on hold for awhile.  The thing with this searching business is after you have exhausted one avenue there is always another and then another.  I have just joined the board and haven't read many of the boards but noticed no one mentioned the Search Angels - these are volunteers who help people who are searching and asking the questions like I see on this board.

Now I realize some people search all their lives and never find, but if you just give up you will always be wondering what if you had kept looking and what if you did find and because you gave up you missed your chance.  Also, if you wait until later in life, you risk the possibility of birth relatives passing before you get a chance to know them.  Believe me I know how hard this is and how hard it is to also commit to the search process.  From my own experience if you are able to find, whatever information you get (even if it is rejection, rejection usually also comes with information) and that information whatever it is will give you some freedom in that knowledge and most likely help seal any holes you might have with you identity.  (I am not saying you have any, just that most adoptees do and even knowing medical information helps you better understand your identity). 

I gave up on my search in my 20's and I really thought I was done with it.  But then slowly it crept around in the back of my mind - because I think the truth of it is, that we (adoptee's and birth mothers and maybe birth fathers and siblings who are aware) can never stop asking those questions - I wonder what they are doing, I wonder who they are, are they ok, are they happy, are they alive, what do they look like?  I wonder this and that and so on.  And what happens when we don't know the answers is that we can't help but make up our own answers in order to keep ourselves sane - sometimes we fantasize great things and other times we go down a dark path - but the problem is we don't really know and none of our guesses are the truth anyway.

Another thing I learned about my giving up on my search in my 20's was that while I did try initially and I hit a brick wall (I felt like people had the names of my birth mom and wouldn't give it to me), I still had a lot of fears (very severe) about what I would find, but in my 20's I wasn't aware of any fear issues as I was a tough one on the exterior and not in touch with myself at all.  Being rejected was lower on my list of fears and in a way I used giving up as an excuse not to face my fears (I am not saying you are doing this) but I did - I just didn't know it then, but I know it now. 

Over the years, I started to say - someday I will try again and then it seemed that this adoption thing, combined with a bad childhood and a failed adoption, along with a bunch of other things made me have a sit-down with myself one day.  Actually I was driving home from work (a 60 mile trip from H E double L)  and I told myself that I needed to quit saying maybe someday I will try to search again - I needed to decide once and for all if I was going to do it or not, I had built a good life for myself, I had my prolems but I needed to decide and stop trying to decide over and over.  By now I knew what my  fears were and they were quite fierce.  I finsished my long drive home from work and still had not made up my mind.  I parked my truck at the end of my driveway on the side of the road (the house is some 400 feet from the road) and I told myself I wasn't going to the house until I decided once and for all - it was time - it was a life changing decision.  I think I sat there for at least a half hour.  I finally reasoned that there was freedom and knowledge and that I was going to blindly walk into my fears and face them and committed to myself to make it my Project Priroity (I believe this is a Dr. Phil term) and give it my all.   I drove down the driveway, took care of my dogs and changed my clothes and I called an Adoption Search Agent that I had saved an email from that I got years before from entering search info on some web site and called her that evening and made the commitment to work with her and start my serious search there.  I have not regretted one moment of it.   I was in therapy before I made the decision and while I searched and while I reunioned and still now as I reunion with my father's side of the famliy (I have a total of 13 half-siblings and a living birth-mom who loves me!)  

I would go so far to say that even if I didn't find yet and I was still looking,I would recommend to all that if there is any possibility of finding at all - then there is hope and that the finding makes if worthwhile.  You need to accept it will take time, may be frustrating and you need to prepare yourself, understand your fears, prepare for rejections and accept that it might take a long time.   Use the Internet as a guide, there are a gazillion resources out there.  There are also professionals who can help which of course mean $$$ - but if you really want it, then save up the $$$. 

I am so hoping to be on the Dr. Phil Show to tell my story - I want to offer hope to everyone who is still searching and get the word out that it is possible (obviously not in all cases) but that I think any possibility of finding makes any amount of searching worthwhile.

I am a birth mother whose birth son will soon be 18 yrs. old and I am praying each and every single day that we get a chance to meet each other and I am sure more birth mother's than not hope their their birth children never give up looking for them and many of us will always look for our birth child.

My birth son's adoptive parents will always be his parents and I am so very blessed and thankful that he was placed with a wonderful family and they will never forget that I was the one who carried him nine months and turned him over to them so he would have the opportunity to grow up with both a mom and a dad.

I guess I am really fortunate in the fact that I "accidentally" saw some information when filling out paper work for the social worker making it a little easier finding him when the day comes that he is of age.  I must say that it has been very very hard not giving into the temptation of driving by their home, but I truly feel I am doing the best thing by waiting until he reaches his 18th birthday.

I guess what I am saying to all people who were adopted: NEVER GIVE UP LOOKING FOR YOUR BIOLOGICAL FAMILY....... MOST ALL OF US DO WANT TO BE FOUND........

I have been searching for Any family members that may be out there. I was born in Chicago on or about August 25 1959, to a woman whos name is supposed to be Helen Jones. Although I was adopted by a wonderful family and also had an adopted older sister, and had a fabulous childhood, I always wondered who I really was. Now everyone is gone, Both parents passed in 1973,followed by my Maternal Grandma in 1980 and my sister in 1990,And my adoptive Moms Sister in 1999. There are no immediate family members left except for my own children. I would love to find out about my Bio Mom and Dad and any siblings I may have. I have searched in vain for 30 years. I don't think that the amended Birth cert I have is really factual or that the Birthmoms name is either but who knows. Someone knows! now if they would just tell me. Any way here are the "facts" as I have them

DOB: 8-25-1959

Time : 7:07 pm

Cook County Hospital ?

Chicago

Attending Physician: Dr Louis B.Friedman

Birth Record Num:114252

Child Birth Number:112-59-676405

Filed with local registar 8-27,1959

Copy of Birth cert Filed with Bureau of statistics in Springfield: June 29,1960

When I was 27 years old I was finally brave enough to ask my mom if I was adopted. She replied that I wasn't as if I was being ridiculous but the next day she and my dad came over and explained that I was adopted at the age of 10 months. I was so relieved to find out the truth, which is what I suspected for many years. At that time I contacted the Suffolk County office (where the adoption took place) and they sent a letter which gave some of the ancestory info and my parents' age but they said the personal records are sealed and it would be very difficult to access.

I was born in Brookhaven Hospital on Nov. 2, 1966 but I haven't been able to find the names of my biological parents. I'd also like to find out their health history and if I have any siblings. My adopted mom disowned me from the time I was very young and abused me all of my life and I've always felt like I don't have a place in this life...  It wasn't a good situation but it could have been worse had I not been adopted. 

If anyone has had experience with this type of adoption process I would appreciate any feedback and advice you have. Thanks in advance.