Topic : Obesity

Quote From: swchick

  "I realize that my weight is a problem, but I don't believe that it is the cause or root of all of my partner's problems."

Of course not, but it sounds to me as if you are actually in a bit of denial about how important your poor physical condition and appearance are to your mate.  It sounds as if you are telling yourself that changing your weight won't really change anything with her, so going to the lengths it would take at this point to get the weight off isn't really critical to saving the relationship with her and you can tell yourself its an unrealistic demand...and therfore, get to keep on the way you are going and can excuse yourself from the discomfort of that kind of change.

Well, go on and tell yourself your partner is laying a manipulative or unrealistic guilt trip on you.  It doesn't matter anyway.    The only motivation that is going to count in the long run is the motivation that comes from within.   As long as you look at weight loss as a futile "sacrifice of everything" for your partner,  you will fail.  It should not have that much to do with her,  you should do it to look and feel better and to be the best partner you can for whoever you decide to be with, the best person you can be to present to the rest of the world, to do the work you were meant to do here.

Are you obese or not?  Is your own obesity acceptable to you are not, are you willing to pay the price to stay the way you are, even if it has nothing to do with whether your relationship fails or succeeds? 

You may want love and support, who doesn't.   Criticism stings and sometimes inspires only rebellion, denial and self-doubt in the recipient.   But you need to stop using your partner as an excuse and do what needs to be done for yourself.

Quote From: xenakat98

I am 49 years old, 5'3" tall and weigh almost 290 pounds.  I didn't start to gain weight until I was six years old and had my tonsils taken out.  Apparently I had a hard time of it and hemorraghed several times during my recovery.  Since I was being treated in a military hospital, they decided that it was inappropriate for my parents or family to be with me while I was going through this trauma.  Once I was released from the hospital, my parents "treated" me with ice cream, pudding, and jello.

 

By the time I reached my seventh birthday, I was already much heavier than most of the other kids.  I was always athletic, so I carried it gracefully, but I was also taunted endlessly by the other kids, and by my mother.  It was also at this time that I began being tortured and abused by the neighborhood boys.  I was raped, burned, and subjected to numerous other indignities.  I never told anyone, because I was always under threat of either being killed, or having my family killed...and besides, no one cared about the fat girl...right? I managed over the years to become physically stronger, although not thinner, and carry an attitude of meanness and defense using my weight as both a shield and a weapon.  I never connected my mother's meanness nor the taunts of the kids as a direct result of my weight...I always looked at it as their problem not mine.

 

I don't like to identify myself as being a victim.  I broke away from the torture and rape when I was 10 years old and realized that I actually had power over the boys.  But my weight continued to fluctuate, much as it does today.

 

I have been in a relationship now for 25 years.  I came out as a lesbian when I was 18 years old, and settled down with this person when I was 27.  In between, and even after we started living together, our lives were a never ending cycle of drugs, drinking, cigarettes and partying with our friends.

 

When I was about to turn 39 years old, I decided it was time to quit smoking.  I saw my doctor for a physical, and discovered that I was essentially dying.  I had diabetes, high cholesterol, obesity and basically if I continued the way I was going, I would more than likely die young.

 

I began to treat the diabetes, quite smoking, quite drinking.  We had decided many years before that the drugs had to stop.  It was ruining our lives, and the lives of our friends.  I managed to control the diabetes for a year with just diet.  Then we suffered a crisis in our household.  My partner started to show signs of her depression, and possibly also cheated on me.

 

We got past those immediate problems, but it became necessary for me to take medication to maintain my diabetes.  I have dieted many times, had some outstanding successes, and some blazing failures.  The last plan I tried was the South Beach diet.  I did great, although it seriously affected my blood sugar, and gave me a daily case of the runs that was almost unbearable to deal with.

 

Since then, my partner's depression has gotten worse, and I have continued to gain weight.  I hate that I am like this.  I understand that it is as much an addiction as drugs or alcohol.  Every time my parnter wakes up depressed, she attacks me directly where it hurts.  She insists that my weight is killing her.  That our nearly non-existent sex life is my fault, that she is afraid I am going to die in my sleep.  I realize that my weight is a problem, but I don't believe that it is the cause or root of all of my partner's problems.  For the last 6 years, she has changed jobs nearly twice a year.  When she was employed she would call in sick, claiming menstrual distress.  She is employed now, for the least possible wage she could make.  I am supporting this, because I thought it would help her with her depression, doing something she loves.  It has been tough on us financially.  I cannot afford online programs, or going to the gym or any of the other weight loss options.  She is angry all the time, mean to me, very cutting about my weight, and insists that it is my fault.  She had a complete hysterectomy last year, but will not take any hormone supplement do to the dangerous nature of such medications.  She currently treats with natural supplements.

 

All this is great, but it adds to my burden...and makes it harder for me to pull out of my own depression and love myself enough to want to help myself.  I don't want to leave her.  She threatens to leave me all the time, because she thinks that is my biggest fear.  I love her with all my heart, and wish she would get help.  I really wish that we could work on these things together, but the only way she can partcipate is to be mean.  Then I start the whole..."ok, I have sacrificed everything for you, and now I am losing weight, but it still doesn't make a difference" line of thought. 

 

Yikes!  I just don't know what to do.  I think I need a hug.

Quote From: sarteaga

Hello, My name is Sandra. I am a 36 year old over weight female from West Tennessee. My resolution for 2007 is to become a NEW PERSON. In doing that I have had to first and foremost start in trying to become a new person inside...now it is time to work on the outside as well. In 2006 I have reached the highest weight I have ever been. It has been effecting my life for many years emotionally but now even more pyhsically. It is no longer a descion...it is a must.

 

I do have the support of a womderful man in my life trying to help me achieve the goals that I need to reach. He is the reason that I have made some of the changes for the inner person. I know he loves me for who I am and the outer person has no bearing...but I also know how much happier he would be if I did look better & healthier outside. But even with his support I would love to have the support of people that are actually expereincing some of the obstacles that I am. Someone that knows what I am going through and can lend support when needed.

 

I have considered Weight Watchers and Curves and all the other diet programs advertised...anything that I think can help. I am actually checking into them all personally this week firsthand. If you know anything about any of them personally that could help me I would appreciate the advice. I have all the books by Dr Phil, getting them all with the best of intentions of reading them and going on his program...but not sticking to my plan...it's time! If anyone would like to start Dr Phils Ultimate Weight Loss Challenge with me please contact me. My email is sarteaga@charter.net. I hope to hear from lots of supporters! Maybe even some possibly from the West TN area that we could workout together, attend meeting etc together

Quote From: swchick

"according to medical information my mom has, someone who's 5'4-5'5 should be around 130pounds but most women are 150-160.  Still, that doesn't mean you're fat. Body proportions are always different, so are bone mass and muscle mass. These are just guidelines and I'd suggest you think more in terms of what makes you feel good and healthy as opposed to numbers.  Numbers always depress people."



The WHO-CDC body mass index chart for women in your age bracket has the top end of the normal range at 150 pounds. 
 Ideal weight for an average frame non-athlete would be less, but the range allows for general variance in body type.   A larger frame is overweight outside the wide range allowed as  "normal."  (BMI is not a very effective measure for highly conditioned athletes with low body fat and an extra-high percentage of lean muscle mass, but it is a good measure for ordinary people, and certainly for  relatively sedentary people in your age bracket) .  You would be classified as obese if your weight exceeded 175 pounds in absence of the special factors mentioned above.

Your dad may be vain and narcissistic,  He is certainly sending the message and has for years that he does not approve of the way you look or the way you manage your eating.  It's painful not to have the approval of a parent.  But you are a grown-up now.   If you don't like your wight, get it off.  If you really like it,  tell him you appreciate the concern, but you are a grown-up now and his comments are unwelcome.  Whatever the root of his anxieties,  you have to realize that you are in charge of taking care of you and nobody else, even a nagger, can get those unhealthy pounds off but you.

  

Quote From: beecharm3r7

Yeah I did mention that I am losing weight...but that wasn't my point. I was simply giving an example that sometimes it hurts one's progress when those they love keep nagging. It doesn't help with motivation and I know with me, it makes me really upset.  Sometimes I can't have a normal conversation with my dad without the issue of food being brought up.  What I was trying to get at is that when someone, a parent in my case, keeps bringing up this issue, it effects you.

 

Like I said, people who obsess over counting calories and what they eat is a new form of eating disorder.  They don't realize it but because of this, it can put more and more pressure on others...which could also lead to eating disorders.  Thankfully I don't have one but I have friends who are bulimic and I do worry that I might one day follow in their footsteps.

Quote From: beecharm3r7

Yeah I did mention that I am losing weight...but that wasn't my point. I was simply giving an example that sometimes it hurts one's progress when those they love keep nagging. It doesn't help with motivation and I know with me, it makes me really upset.  Sometimes I can't have a normal conversation with my dad without the issue of food being brought up.  What I was trying to get at is that when someone, a parent in my case, keeps bringing up this issue, it effects you.

 

Like I said, people who obsess over counting calories and what they eat is a new form of eating disorder.  They don't realize it but because of this, it can put more and more pressure on others...which could also lead to eating disorders.  Thankfully I don't have one but I have friends who are bulimic and I do worry that I might one day follow in their footsteps.