Topic : 07/10 Biggest Brats

I was advised by a very kind person to use the following. When the child misbehaves, stop, get their attention, let them know if their actions made you angry, sad, hurt your feelings etc. Then apply a consequence firmly and see that it is carried out. (Very important that BOTH parents stand firm) After the child calms down, let them know that you think they are much too good in your opinion to behave that way and that you Love them very much.  

Sometimes it takes a little while, but it does work if you stick too it. 

   When I was a child (eldest), I seemed to get more than my share of corporal lesson plans.  The result was that I showed respect toward my elders; I didn't swear (cuss) in public or at other family members (one never gets use to the taste of a bar of soap); I was not permitted to run through supermarkets or department stores with reckless abandon and I wasn't allowed to get dirty.  With the exception of getting dirty, my three daughters were taught the same.  The result; I have three respectable daughters, three sons-in-law, and seven grandchildren; none of which have ever been in jail.  Laws were  implemented to protect kids from child abuse, but somewhere along the way, the bleeding heart permissive liberals reconstructed the spirit of the law to include ALL forms of corporal punishment.  The result is what one sees today; young kids doing virtually what they damn well want with ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY.  The use of corporal punishment DOES NOT A CHILD ABUSER MAKE.  I believe it was Mr/Dr Bill Cosby that once said: "the only thing you don't have to teach a child, is how to misbehave."     

   The line needs to be redrawn or things will get worse than they are now.   

Respectfully,  

jimalan  

I have a 15 year old daughter, who is hell on wheels. All day, she sits on the phone, watches tv, or entertains her friends. I tell her she is not to be on the phone, she takes off downstairs with the portable phone. If I tell her she is not allowed friends over, she sneaks them in through her bedroom window. She absolutely REFUSES to do anything around the house, except make a mess (if she spills juice all over the counter and floor, she walks away from it). About a year ago, she was pepper sprayed by the police, for taking a knife after me. I have tried getting her to councelling, but she absouletly refuses. We have tried taking everything away from her (priviledges and material possesions), and making her earn things back, but that hasnt worked. We have even taken her out of school for a year and home schooled her, and she ended up failing her year because she sat there everyday starring at me and refusing to do her work!  

  

I have 2 other small children, who are learning from her everyday that goes by. The other day, I told my   2 year old to pick a paper up off the floor and put it in the garbage. She turned around, looked at me "no thanks mom". I am at a total loss as to what to do with her. She isnt legal age to kick out yet, or she wouldve been long gone, and now she has a 19 year old boyfriend!!!!
 

I cannot imagine allowing a child to act this way!!  

WHAT ARE THESE PARENTS THINKING??  

I can remember being tired...tired of carrying out consequences, tired of doing the right things, simply tired.  But in 25 years of parenting, no one had to wonder who was in charge.  

I think my kids would have been terrified to have disrespected either parent like this.   

I know kids are different, but it just didn't seem like such a big deal to have established authority in our home.  What's up with this craziness?    

JK  

I'm very grateful for a book called "Love and Logic for Parenting Teens"  If she is 18, it time for her to be on her own, regardless of school.  If she doesn't want to abide by the rules of the house, she can live somewhere else.  Seems to work find for us.  

   

I don't completely understand the differences between kids who can help it and kids who can't.  I don't doubt that many parents can do better.  However, before you dismiss mental illness take a minute to live with it.  It doesn't take long to realize that when a two year old can get angry enough to flip a full size bed, something is wrong.  When that child doesn't respond to normal discipline and only escalates, there is something wrong.  Don't be sure that we aren't  "saying what we mean, and meaning what we say."  My husband and I are so much more structured and consistent with our son than the average parent, that our lives are actually completely disrupted by the structure that must be in place for him to even function.  My nine year old son has been diagnosed with ADHD, bi-polar, etc.  and No.  These aren't just tags that have been hung on him for excuses.  We have actually switched drs. several times to try to get more help, and the expense is incredible.  The community needs to figure out how to support those of us trying to save these children from prison, rather than blame us.  His drs. and counselors tell us that we have hung on more than other parents that they have seen.  I understand why parents give up, partly because people like you, point there fingers at us and say we should be able to do better.  For the record, we have three other children who are on the honor roll at school, don't move clips or cards etc., and respond to discipline like children should.  I could brag and say that "I trained them to be so perfect."  But I'll say it like it is.  I am blessed with three mentally healthy children and one who needs help every day just to face the world.  Parenting 3 compliant children does not come close in difficulty to parenting one with problems.  You can not love their pain away, spank it away, discipline it away.... I'm still trying to pray it away.  These are God's children, and I just wish you wouldn't be so quick to assume that the parenting must be bad.  I love my children, and will do everything I can for them, but I do not know that my son will ever be able to function properly in society.  He has been "trained" to "act" properly.  I get compliments all the time on his wonderful behavior.  He is a Super kid, until something triggers a rage.  Then, watch out.  I'm especially sensitive today because he has had three rages in the last two days that have lasted for more than an hour each.  I'm tired, stressed, and disappointed.  You havn't felt helpless until you see that nothing you do is working, the medicines help, but not enough.  And in the mean time, you're missing out on your other children. 

I have seen kids like this in public and just want to run and hug them.  I always feel like they are in so much pain inside their little bodies that they don't know what to do.  Parents feel that they have to give in to them and give them whatever they want just to cool the situation down.  I don't think this is "workin' for them".  I am sure that Dr. Phil has some good ideas about helping them and as I prepare to watch this episode of Dr. Phil I'll be doing a lot of praying for the children and their parents.

My seventeen year old is a very talented performer in both dance and acting.  He has performed most of his life and has always been popular and well liked.  Beginning last school year, his junior year, everything changed.  He quit dance class and acting in community productions.  His friends changed some,  his grades dropped dramatically (from A-B to D-F) I think there is drinking going on, however I have never caught him drinking.  The worst of all, this polite, helpful person became quite the opposed.  His language is gutter-talk and soooooo disrespectful, especially towards the family.  Needless to say, I am very concerned about the change, especially since, the performing arts has always been his dream and the disrespect of me and his dad is a emotional pain that is totally hurtful,

I have a five and six year old who are what others call "Brats".  They have been difficult from the beginning of time.  At first all the on lookers (i.e. mother in law, aunts, uncles, friends, grocery clerks, complete strangers) would say their boys just let them play it out, they are so beautiful.  But, they wouldn't play...they destroyed.. things... eachother... themselves...strangers... and then they took it out on me.  I have spent most of my 24 hours with them the last years trying to teach them the benefit of behaving and having fun.  I was raised as an Army Brat with a Seargent for a father, and totally understood structure and instant behaviour.  I've applied these same principles with my two.  They do not take the ques that my parents gave me (the look, the word, the extra chore, the consequence, the reward, the grounding, and a spank in the worst of times).  I have learned the value of nurture which most of our society has forgotten all about.  If anyone can say anything that will remotely help you and me it's don't forget the unconditional love of parenting.  At least, when the boys are nuts I know I'm not, when I follow that rule.  Honestly, structure helps, consistency is absolutely necessary, consequences that fit the crime are too.  But, wrapping your arms around them in the middle of all the rage and giving them kind words...... works.  Our consistent example of our love for them is one of the only things that makes sense to these kids.  Not, letting other adults oblivious opinions fall on us or our sons is essential.  It only tears us down and sets us all  back.  I've watched a sister grow up with bipolar, and I watched my mom cry trying to help her and I didn't fully understand but, I knew my mom loved her sooooooo, and she did too.  Now I've been given a chance to fully understand my moms cries.  I weep from deep within my belly for my sons.  I give them all I have within myself and all the knowledge I've gleened from the few words of encouragement I've found along the way.  They may never match up to what society calls the norm.  But, they are gifts from God, and God doesn't make junk.  When He created us he said and this is Good!  The same goes with them.  I tell my boy's "when God made you, He made you Good", He is an awesome creater and knows each of our hearts and how we try.  We are in therapy and they have been my lifesaver, litterally.  My boys have diagnosis to get them the services they need while we figure out what truly makes them tick.  They are medicated which takes the edge off but is not the solution.  But, hey, I'll take even an edge of their rage being gone.  I wish i knew it all but, none of us every will, so they say...  Be encouraged, YOU LOVE YOUR SON and even if it seems never enough it's the glue that keeps our hearts and minds  together....