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Topic : 07/10 Biggest Brats

Number of Replies: 254
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:03:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They're rowdy, wild and uncontrollable. They have no respect for authority, demand what they want when they want it, and there's hell to pay when they don't get it. If bratty kids are ruining your world, Dr. Phil has advice on taking back parental control. His first guest, Tabitha, feels like she's living with an abusive man, but it's not her husband; it's her 6-year-old son, Justin. He says, 'I hate you' at least 40 times a day and threatens her with knives and lighters. Is Tabitha contributing to the chaos? Then, Shelley says that her defiant 18-year-old daughter, Mackenzie, is worse than a brat. She's a high school senior who stays out until 5:00 a.m., then cusses at her mom for waking her up to go to school. Is it too late for Mackenzie to change her ways? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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July 9, 2006, 8:52 am CDT

children still at 18

Hi, I am a mom of a 18 almost 19 year old. She stays out all night and drinks I am sure she has trieddrugs. We even had a pregnancy scare. My problem is she suffers gran-mal seizures and is bi-polar. I don't sleep most nights because I worry. I also have a 15 year old who is very responsible. Yet i still worry about her. My 18 year old cusses me out almost daily. However she is always going to be my child.They are your children regardless and one day they will remember all that we do for them. I was the same way with my mom when I was 18. We became the best of friends when I was 23 and stayed that way until she past away this past  August. I know my daughter loves me hang in there Shelly she really does love you she just needs to express her adult hood. Talk to her tell her you love her everyday and that you wish she would not talk to you that way. thats what my mom did.
 
July 9, 2006, 9:05 am CDT

Biggest Brats

 A six year boy should not be allowed to say things that are bad without understanding what they mean. Anything that we say that hurts somebody else is not acceptable and should be addressed with help.Threats with weapons are not good and need to be addressed by a professional. All these actions will make the six year old have social and acceptance problems.
 
July 9, 2006, 9:08 am CDT

Biggest Brats

 The 18 year old girl who stays out til 5 am and is defiant with her parent can still be changed. We are all accountable for our actions. Apparently the parent has not set limits on the 18 year old. As parents we need to remember that we are to guide our children to be good adults.
 
July 9, 2006, 9:15 am CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: heren48

 I DO NOT KNOW WHAT STATE YOU LIVE IN, BUT A WOMAN HERE IN OURS GAVE HER CHILD A SPANKING RIGHT HERE IN OUR CITY IN NEW YORK STATE WHEN SHE WAS IN THE SOCIAL SERVICES OFFICE WAITING-AND SHE WAS ARRESTED RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT!!!!!!!  YES, IT IS AGAINST THE LAW-AND THEY MAKE SURE THE KIDS REALIZE IT-IF MOMMY & DADDY SPANK  YOU CALL US!!!!  SO DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BRILLIANT IDEAS?????

Did you mean to be replying to me?  I don't think I said that. 

  

 
July 9, 2006, 9:28 am CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: cyndi5

I have a nine year old son who is what some call a BRAT, When he is told no about anything he goes into a rage. When I say rage I mean he flips tables chairs,anything that will turn over.At four he was put in a time out for punching his sister in the stomach.He kicked out his window with his bare feet. So I know how this woman fells about her 6 year old .I lock my self in rooms to keep me safe.My son tells me he hates me he is going to kill me or anyone he is mad at. I have taken him to Doctors they say ADHD,Bipolar and quite a few other things. He is nine now and on 5 different kinds of meds. They helped but he still gets out of control.My husband and I enforce all discipline that does no good at all.I am so worried that one day he will hurt me or someone. I am scared that one day I will be visiting him in jail or worse that I will be putting flowers on his grave.
First of all you're not in this alone.  So many other parents are going through the same thing.  I am a childcare provider who is always willing to learn something new.  I read the book--PARENTING THROUGH LOVE AND LOGIC---it has helped in raising my own children.  Second, timeout should never be given in the child's room.  It should be in a more calming place where children can calm down and think about things.  Never close yourself away from the child as they do bad things when not being supervised.  I have of course dealt with many attitudes and have found 2 things that work well---------1.-I created a "cozy corner for the children for when they need alone time. (NOT THE TIME-OUT SPOT) It's under a desk that was put it the playroom for that purpose.  The "cozy corner is in the room where the child can still feel a part of the other children's experience. The "cozy corner has a blanket on the floor and cozy pillows.  The only thing allowed in there is one or two books for reading (no high action or horror allowed) no other children in space at the time.  This way the child is receiving  his/her alone time and is also getting reading practice and is  learning to calm himself down.  I usually have the child to take 2 deep breaths, find the 2 books needed and then it is a more calming experience.  I have one little boy who uses this corner all the time to relax and have alone time. --- I've often found somewhere else for him to read.  This has allowed the child to learn his limits and understand that he has a right to his feelings.  I'm teaching him self control. The child has also created a "cozy corner" at home.  Oh, did I mention, the child is 6 and has recently been taken off Adarol for the summer. Hope this helps.
 
July 9, 2006, 10:21 am CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: katlynn65

You are so correct.  My father worked in a prison and some of the inmates told him that they wished their parents had care enough to disapline.  Several said that if they had been spanked, they might not be in prison.   

  

If parents would stop feeling like they need to be their child's best friend things would improve too.  Why are some parents afraid to say "no?"   

  

My biggest pet peeve is the lack of manners in this world today.  When did this become obsolete?   

A family I know of had 4 children, the adults did not respect each other and believed that to spare the rod was to spoil their children, so the only problem solving skill I ever saw taught was I'm bigger so if you make me angry I will hit you and if you don't follow my beliefs you won't go to Heaven. Well, now the children are 35 to 24 and there have been three children born out of the benefit of two married adults. The adult children continue to be disrespectful; they tell their mom when she forgets things that she's getting Altsheimers, and other unkind comments. 5 grandchildren are learning from the adults. They have also learned intolerance of people with different beliefs. I think the answer is to respect children and their needs and to expect respect from them and as Dr.Phil says, find their "currency." Children can learn manners, problem solving, and conflict resolution, but not by being hit. They only learn that hitting is OK. Help children know what is good, not just what makes us angry or uncomfortable. Children are not born knowing what to do, they learn from the adults they know. What an important job we have as parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles! "When we adults think of children, there is a simple truth which we ignore: childhood is not preparation for life; childhood is life. A child isn't getting ready to live; a child is living." --from Notes on an Unhurried Journey by John A Taylor, 1991
 
July 9, 2006, 10:43 am CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: itvilcu

I have a 15 year old daughter, who is hell on wheels. All day, she sits on the phone, watches tv, or entertains her friends. I tell her she is not to be on the phone, she takes off downstairs with the portable phone. If I tell her she is not allowed friends over, she sneaks them in through her bedroom window. She absolutely REFUSES to do anything around the house, except make a mess (if she spills juice all over the counter and floor, she walks away from it). About a year ago, she was pepper sprayed by the police, for taking a knife after me. I have tried getting her to councelling, but she absouletly refuses. We have tried taking everything away from her (priviledges and material possesions), and making her earn things back, but that hasnt worked. We have even taken her out of school for a year and home schooled her, and she ended up failing her year because she sat there everyday starring at me and refusing to do her work!  

  

I have 2 other small children, who are learning from her everyday that goes by. The other day, I told my   2 year old to pick a paper up off the floor and put it in the garbage. She turned around, looked at me "no thanks mom". I am at a total loss as to what to do with her. She isnt legal age to kick out yet, or she wouldve been long gone, and now she has a 19 year old boyfriend!!!!
 

I feel for you.  Having a teenager in the house is difficult!!   My son has been very hard at times but I found that though he gave me a hard time he actually did what he was told in the end.  First thing is that I don't allow my children to date until they are 16 NOT AT ALL.  At that time they would have to have my trust to be able to date someone anyway.  Of course my son disagreed but in the end he waited til he was 16 and even became friends with the girl until then.  The 19 year old is too old anyway.  If talking to him didn't work I''d talk to his parents and then as a last result the police would be called to keep them apart.  Next your daughter would become pregnant and then what?  Are you prepared to raise another child because the kids wouldn't want to.  The last thought is that 15 1/2 years the teenagers can go through driving classes to get their license.  Don't allow this to take place until your daughter earns the privilege.  My son was not allowed to go through the class until he proved to me that he could handle the responsibilities he already had. (he paid for the class when it was time. It's not a right but a privilege to drive. Your daughter should also be required to pay for her own insurance whether she owns a car or not.  The insurance is for the driver( her) not your vehicle.  I wasn't specific enough and now am paying the price. Once there's a learners permit our state requires insurance so I can't just cancel the insurance.  Of course, be very specific with your daughter with what you expect. NO PREACHING!! or she won't listen.  She'll know that the consequences are no dating and no license.
 
July 9, 2006, 10:56 am CDT

Re-eval

Quote From: one4u2rem

My son is 8 and he just doesn't understand normal things that kids "just pick up on as they grow up."  He is in special classes at school (going into the 3rd grade in August) and has never consistently been in a normal grade level classroom.  He has a LANGUAGE IMPAIRMENT ... which is something I learn more and more about every day with him.  

   

I am a strict and CONSISTENT single mom!  I am the only one that is around him enough to correct him, explain to him why this/that was wrong/not nice, etc.  He listens to me and shows respect, because he knows the consequences.  When it comes to listening to anyone but his mother/father ... that is when he loses respect and takes advantage of the situation.   

   

He thinks that playing is throwing things at other children, or bugging them until they complain and say stop.  I am at a loss of what to do.  There is so much more to this situation and hard to type in this small space, but here are the other issues:  He has had epilepsy (takes Dilantin) since 2002 (4 yrs old), but has been seizure free for 2 years!  ONLY because he can not be controlled at SCHOOL he takes RISPERDAL for his behavior.  We have been divorced since he was 2 years old.  His dad remarried a woman with 3 kids so his dad's household is the total opposite than mine.   

   

Most people tell me that he needs counseling and additional help.  IT ALL COST MONEY and that is something I don't have.  He does not know how to communicate his feelings and that is why he expresses them in "abnormal ways."  I have had so much advice given to me ... but the bottom line is money.  I want to find something that I CAN DO to help him along.  I do my best to correct him and explain to him almost every single time something happens ... is that wrong?  Does he only know his current bad behavior and NOT know how to change it?  He has a 11 year old sister and she knows when to RUN AND HIDE from his outburst ... she does everything to avoid making him mad, but sometimes just lashes out and he laughes!!!!   

   

HELP!   

I think you need to check with your child's school and their Child Study Team and request a meeting. Your son might no longer be SLI and may have a different disability classification. If so, the experts at the school level should be able to assist in managing his behavior with an IEP. Call your school today and ask for a Child Study Team meeting and demand testing. It is worth looking into and costs you nothing. At the same time they maybe able to suggest outside counseling for your son. I am assuming you have insurance b/c of the needed meds he currently takes. GOOD LUCK!
 
July 9, 2006, 11:05 am CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: itvilcu

I have a 15 year old daughter, who is hell on wheels. All day, she sits on the phone, watches tv, or entertains her friends. I tell her she is not to be on the phone, she takes off downstairs with the portable phone. If I tell her she is not allowed friends over, she sneaks them in through her bedroom window. She absolutely REFUSES to do anything around the house, except make a mess (if she spills juice all over the counter and floor, she walks away from it). About a year ago, she was pepper sprayed by the police, for taking a knife after me. I have tried getting her to councelling, but she absouletly refuses. We have tried taking everything away from her (priviledges and material possesions), and making her earn things back, but that hasnt worked. We have even taken her out of school for a year and home schooled her, and she ended up failing her year because she sat there everyday starring at me and refusing to do her work!  

  

I have 2 other small children, who are learning from her everyday that goes by. The other day, I told my   2 year old to pick a paper up off the floor and put it in the garbage. She turned around, looked at me "no thanks mom". I am at a total loss as to what to do with her. She isnt legal age to kick out yet, or she wouldve been long gone, and now she has a 19 year old boyfriend!!!!
 

If your daughter lets people in the window then go to her room and tell them to leave.  If they refuse call the parents to come get their own child.  If they still refuse call the police.  The hard part is telling her what you expect without getting mad and preachy.  One time or 2 should embarrass her enough to get the point across that she doesn't set the rules.  If she won't stay off the phone then diconnect the phone in the house and get yourself a phone from Wal-mart where you prepay for minutes.  As far as the mess-- If your daughters room is a mess, take the door off the hinges and tell her if she cleans it and it stay sclean for 2 weeks or a month you'll put the door back on .  If she can't pick up after herself in the kitchen she's not allowed to snack between meals unless you give the food or drink to her(in the kitchen)  If she feels like your treating her like a baby then tell her you expect more out of her than you did when she was younger and its time to be a responsible, respectful member of the household.School is her "job" and she needs to do well enough for college.  Show her the guidelines colleges are using for admission.  When she's 18 she's responsible for finding her own apartment.  Show her the bills for house payment and utilities and emphasize that they come every month.  "Is she sure she can handle that?"  Kids today don't have a clue.  They seem to take it for granted. If your daughter takes any physical action towards you, let her know that you'll call the police and a record isn't something you want to start "your adult life" Everything you do affects the future. "If  the police are called at all don't call me figure out what you'll do on your own" is what I'd say.  You are so much her safety net that she thinks she can treat you however she wants.  Take her to a juvenile facility--ask her if this is where she wants to end up.  With the information, your daughter needs to start making chices and learning the consequences.  STAY STRONG!!   Your daughter will come around sooner or later.
 
July 9, 2006, 11:52 am CDT

The disrespectful children

  I am a single mother of three. and at times it can be overwelming. some like to tell me--step back take a deep breath and then react.... I think thats a load of bull. At times you may not have the energy in you to even BREATHE.  

  Now I found it to be easier with consistency. I have a 7 year old son, whom the Dr. diagnosed with ADHD. And I had him seen by a counselor for a year. And they referred me to a child psychologist. I began to worry. I came from an abusive alcoholic family and in a nut shell-no pun intended--everyone has dysfunctionable homes. So I took matters in to my own hands.  

  I decided to keep the peace with him by asking him everytime he acted out to explain the reasoning for it. I also let all my children know that the need to know their place in the world. CHILDREN are the reflection of how the adult raises them.  I believe in the old style morals.  My family likes to make the joke that I run a military-style household. Well when you have to play the role of both parents you have to be stern. I allow my children to be children. But I instill them with manners and respect. Like how my father was for me.   

  Now a days children have lost the whole idea about the RESPECT for adult issues. Its all due to their upbringing in society. Too much freedom is a bad thing. You want your children to love you. And parents forget at times that they are their children first--and try to be friends with them. And when the children know that "mommy/daddy are our friends" then they feel that THEY now have the power. And thats how it all begins. You give them an inch and they take a mile. You need to know the people, places and things your children are involved in. And never loose the hope that your child will be a okay.    

  I have three simple rules I tell my children--COLLEGE-MARRIAGE-BABIES. That might sound weird but I need them to know that the key to success is education. And to make sure that they know that they can come to me at any given time and tell me how the feel. I have an open relationship with my children. But they know that I AM THE MOTHER. So if your child acts out, find a happy medium--have them talk and you listen. And ACT dont REACT.   

  And things will start to fall in place. Having a 3rd party--counselor or family member to help. You can never have enough advice and asking for an opinion might help in the long run.  

 
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