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Topic : 07/13 Online Dating

Number of Replies: 365
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:06:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Meeting the love of your life in a bar is no longer the only option. Every month, 61 million people log on to try online dating. So why is Dr. Phil's first guest, Deb, having such a hard time? She says she's a dating disaster and can't figure out why she only gets losers in her inbox. Some online dating experts take a look at her profile to see what she's doing wrong. Then, Jeanne hasn't been on a date in over 20 years and says she's scared to death to try online dating. Dr. Phil goes over some cyber safety tips from his book, Love Smart. Plus, a unique first date that doesn’t include dinner and drinks ... but a metal bar and a harness! Join the discussion.

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July 15, 2006, 8:29 pm CDT

you can find love

I have not done on-line dating,but 11 years ago returned to my home state after a divorce. I had three kids 13,15,18. At first I was too busy to date and then just did not know how to meet anyone. I was working in a nursing home with only woman and home at night with my kids. ,still pretty attractive but not into the bar scene. Our local newspaper offered a personal column where you paid a small fee and you could advertise or respond to ads . You would call in a code and pick up your messages so you could decide who to respond to.   I met quite a few people, and one guy called on a Saturday and asked me to dinner. I told him I already had a date which I did. So we made plans to meet another night. We clicked right away  and saw each other exclusively for the next 6 months and then became engaged six months later. We have now been together 11 years married8 years . He helped me raise my kids and now they have all graduated college. We are very happy together  much better than my first marriage. If not for the ads we would never have met. SO you never know you have to put an effort into it but it can be worth it.
 
July 15, 2006, 8:37 pm CDT

why

Quote From: BrianX29

Hello Everyone   

   

  This show was interesting. On one hand its good to see people having that alternative way to meet people and/or possibly CHAT.   You can do this without leaving the house.......   

   

  Its also good to see the other side of this issue and that is that it is scary putting your personal info out there for people to see. Whether its about you, your state, or whatever. You just dont know who is out there and what they can do with what they can get a hold of, so you do have to be very careful.   

   

  Keep in mind you can also have some fun with this. Be a  50yr old posing as a 30 year old, or vise versa. Try lying through the skin of your teeth and see what kind of responses you get. Put on a show to entertain people instead of sharing who you really are. Tell people your on Drugs and an addict and you smoke pot and weed, when maybe you really dont .   

   

  Lastly this is a process that can work if your honest and happend to meet a local guy or gal, or your willing to travel. It may be worth it...   

   

SEE YA   

  from Maryland   

If you think this is fun,I do not know why . Most people  are really looking for someone so why lie?
 
July 15, 2006, 8:46 pm CDT

you are right

Quote From: nyhardhat1

I did the online dating thing for 10 years.  I did the ads in the paper too.  Yeah you meet your share of jerks but you also meet some pretty nice guys.  There are the liars and the not so truthful ones too.  I met my husband 7 years ago in a chat room.  He was/is in oklahoma and I was in New York.  Didn't see the chance of anything ever happening because of the distance.  I flew out here for a week because we spent so much time getting to know each other over the phone...chat room, emails.  We had a great time together.  We flew back and forth for a year then I moved out here in 2000.  Been together ever since.  Sparks still fly, my heart still goes pitter patter when he looks at me.    

  

One piece of advice for the online dating.  Ya gotta think of it as fishing....you cast the net looking for one fish and a bunch of others are caught too.  Just toss them back! 

  

Cindy 

Met my husband through a personal ad. We are very happy. I think of that old saying you have to kiss alot of frogs before you meet the prince.
 
July 15, 2006, 8:56 pm CDT

why

Quote From: shepslady

I guess Im one of the luckier ones. I met the love of my life online.......... I wasnt looking for love, or in fact all I wanted was something to do. I was bored & lonely, not feeling well & decided to venture into the world of chat. I had heard so many horror stories of online relationships & knew that wasnt for me. I was still in a marriage of more than 25 years, not happy but not looking for anything either. I stubbled across a room where the chat was so fun, light & friendly. I remember the moment I started taking part in the chat I thought I would look at some of the profiles in the room. The moment I read the profile of one man in particular I was instantly drawn to him. There was no romance, no flirting just good honest chat. I told him I was married, had children etc. We clicked & decided to be friends. I even remember introducing this man to my husband & they too struck up an online friendship. Months went by & my online friend got sick. It was then I realised my feelings for this man had snuck up on me. Anyway the rest is history. I met this man fell instantly in love, divorced my husband & 4 years after meeting online we became husband & wife. We have now been married over 4 years & life is good. Only dificlulty we have is the fact that we now live in America (his home) while the rest of my family (children all gown & married etc) live thousands of miles away in New Zealand. Online dating can work but only in cases where there is 100% honesty right from the begining. Yes it worked for me but would I recommend it for others? NO I wouldnt. I was lucky but I also know there are a lot of dangerous people out there so anyone trying it just becareful & be honest.
I would hate to meet a married person on line
 
July 15, 2006, 10:45 pm CDT

07/13 Online Dating

Quote From: groovy

As far as dating/relationship horror stories go, Laci Peterson had it worse than any of us & she met Scott Peterson off-line in a restaurant where he worked.  I also have a cousin who met an ex-girlfriend off-line & woke one night to find her standing over him with a knife at his throat.  Fortunately he's a kung-fu expert & a big guy, & was able to defend himself w/o anyone getting hurt.  And Kansas' BTK killer was a church official.    

   

My point is, there are sociopaths, criminals & weirdos on- & off-line.  Interact with people & you run a chance of bumping into them.  Hopefully by following safe dating rules, common sense, intuition & paying attention to red flags, we can avoid these folks or get them out of our lives before they hurt us.  And sometimes they're so slick as to pass for a high quality person.  I'm sure every dating site has some sociopaths, as well as many bars, bowling alleys & churches.  Caveat Emptor.  

Thank you Groovy...this is the entire point isn't it? Weirdo's are everywhere, not just online.


 
July 16, 2006, 7:02 am CDT

Online Dating

Quote From: groovy

I'm a 44 year-old woman and look like I'm in my early 30s.  So many men seem to think that women age in dog years, while they somehow barely age at all. 
I am a serious man that hasn't been in the dating world for a number of years and seem to have forgotten what it is all about. Before I was married I was one of what is termed the bad boys, thats what I quess attracted my ex. I did settle down and raised my children, but the wild side of me was only subdued during those years. For a long time in my marriage I thought I was pretty much in control of things, not a tyrant, just making sure things were in some sort of order. After I was filed on I found that it really wasn't control, it was always what she wanted me to do and I guess to keep the peace I let things that were important slide several times. I was told more than ten years before we finally split that she no longer loved me, but my children needed both of us I felt, so I styaed trying to revive something that didn't exist, I'm not one to give up easily. I have always been successful and thought I could fix this, however I found it takes both people trying to make it work, now I am back in control. Its like waking from a coma and finding that a big part of life passed me by while I was sleeping, so now its time to start all over, but how? Women your age are far from the dog years, unless you let them take over your life and quit trying. I have met and dated women in their forties and fifties that have taken care of themselves and they are in no way dogs. Of course men my age seem to be looking for much younger women, arm candy, but some of these younger women are just out there to get whatever the bank account will buy them. I can't say that I am not intrigued by having younger women date me, thats all fine and dandy, but if I am looking for someone that I know I could settle down with, it isn't one of these, unless I could see that it was really me they wanted and I could trust them totally. So don't sell yourself short, there are a lot of men like me that still look for the right gal and when they find them age don't mean a thing.
 
July 16, 2006, 2:50 pm CDT

Comments

Quote From: kodiak57

I am a serious man that hasn't been in the dating world for a number of years and seem to have forgotten what it is all about. Before I was married I was one of what is termed the bad boys, thats what I quess attracted my ex. I did settle down and raised my children, but the wild side of me was only subdued during those years. For a long time in my marriage I thought I was pretty much in control of things, not a tyrant, just making sure things were in some sort of order. After I was filed on I found that it really wasn't control, it was always what she wanted me to do and I guess to keep the peace I let things that were important slide several times. I was told more than ten years before we finally split that she no longer loved me, but my children needed both of us I felt, so I styaed trying to revive something that didn't exist, I'm not one to give up easily. I have always been successful and thought I could fix this, however I found it takes both people trying to make it work, now I am back in control. Its like waking from a coma and finding that a big part of life passed me by while I was sleeping, so now its time to start all over, but how? Women your age are far from the dog years, unless you let them take over your life and quit trying. I have met and dated women in their forties and fifties that have taken care of themselves and they are in no way dogs. Of course men my age seem to be looking for much younger women, arm candy, but some of these younger women are just out there to get whatever the bank account will buy them. I can't say that I am not intrigued by having younger women date me, thats all fine and dandy, but if I am looking for someone that I know I could settle down with, it isn't one of these, unless I could see that it was really me they wanted and I could trust them totally. So don't sell yourself short, there are a lot of men like me that still look for the right gal and when they find them age don't mean a thing.

It definitely takes  two "yes" votes to make a relationship work.  A "yes" & a "no" won't do it.  If one person is not in the relationship, then it's over.  It's far better to be single then married or otherwise tied up in the wrong relationship.  From what you wrote it appears you're much better off now.   

   

Re. your comments on age, they're very encouraging & I'm working on not selling myself short & not prematurely giving up.  The guys my age (44) who put in their profiles that they only date women 25 to 35, or 30 to 39 are IMO selling themselves short unless they absolutely must reproduce with their own biological children.  As for guys who "require" the much younger women (e.g. talk show host Art Bell who at age 61 married a 21 year old):  they absolutely should expect some golddigging in a the ages old wealth for beauty trade.  If a guy is choosing a woman primarily b/c of her youth & beauty, then he should expect a woman to choose him primarily because of his wealth.  And that will help her down the road with plastic surgery or having some savings when he dumps her for a hotter chick.   

 
July 16, 2006, 3:37 pm CDT

Truth vs Fiction

If only men and women would only post the truth about themselves, ie a current picture, correct marital status, age, where they actually live, it would make it much easier for the rest of us who are online and looking for a relationship. 

I've been online at match.com have received over 9400 hits and gone out with over 70 men in the past year. Two potential candidates were allergic to my cat, one man's girlfriend wanted him back after 5 months and the other one stopped dating me because I don't gamble. 

I'm so specific in what I'm looking for that when I speak on the phone to men, I have to ask if they really READ my ad or just looked at the pictures. Most men who are in there late 40's or early 50's only want to date women who are at least 10 years younger then them. They won't even date someone there own age!!!! To tell you the truth half of these men don't work out or take care of their bodies so they really have a lot of nerve to ask for a beauty queen. These men post pictures that are at least 5 years old and I don't think they've looked in the mirror in quite a few years. They complain about their ex-wives, kids, girlfriends, work, and about the traffic. Talk about grumpy old men!! 

I've also talked with a great many men who travel for work for long periods of time and are looking for a relationship. That's pretty tough too. 

As my friends say, It's all a numbers game. 

 
July 16, 2006, 5:03 pm CDT

curious

Quote From: pammie1962

I MET MY SPOUSE OF 1 YEAR (SO FAR) ON A ONLINE DATING SERVICE.   

  

This is my version!!! 

We met each other online approx. Oct 2003. He was always the "most compatible person" according to the dating service. So I thought I would IM him to talk. We talked online for awhile and then decided to meet face-to-face on December 7 2003. I was very nervous so we decided to meet at a gas station that was half way between where we both lived.He was from Toledo Ohio and I was from the Bluffton Ohio area. We met at a BP Station in Findlay Ohio ,first. It was about 25 minutes from my house and about 40 minutes from his house. He got into my car and handed me some flowers. (awwwwww!) Then we decided to go to a nearby Applebees where we spent  a little over three hours just  talking about ourselves and our kids. I was hooked!!!! He was raising three teens all by himself because his ex just up and left them for a biker dude. I had two teens at home at the time also. That seemed to be enough connection to get the ball rolling. He proposed to me on August 23, 2004. I said no with an explaination of wanting my last child to graduate from high school. So he was very understanding. He then asked me to marry him the next Christmas. I SAID YES!  We married on June 24, 2005. We went on a beautiful honeymoon, cruising to the Bahamas. He is just what I needed. 

  

I would not give up! I had a few driveby dates also and I had a few duds online and so did he. Don't wait for them to IM you.If one fits your profile the most and can deal with the ones that don't, girl, go for it. As long as he isn't a serial killer, what have you got to loose and you get a free meal!!!! 

  

ps - a drive by date is meeting at a certain place and driving by. If you don't like the looks or he doesn't like your looks, you wave and keep going. Can be a ego reducer but no one has wasted any time on something you didn't like. 

Well I am happy to hear you are married now,  but I was just wondering why you let him get into your car on your very first date?  I was scared for you when I read that.  It sounded like you were being careful up until that point.  Just curious. 

 
July 16, 2006, 8:24 pm CDT

07/13 Online Dating

Quote From: cruikie

You are right - I did get off easy.  I guess there is no way to predict if and someone goes haywire.  It sounds like he became completely obsessed with you.  You are very lucky that you were able to extract yourself from that situation and that he did not cause you permanent harm.  It certainly sounds like he was capable of hurting you or more. 

  

In a situation like this - what is a girl to do?  Do you file a protection from abuse?  How do you get control over the situation and keep yourself safe?  I hope I never need advise like that - but I think it would be helpful to have an idea of what to do just incase. 

  

Have you done the online thing since?  If not, I can certainly understand.  

  

I wish you good luck going forward.  You certainly had your hands full on that deal. 

  

How sad! Indeed a shame when someone treats a person that way.  I am convinced that there are millions of singles online who are wonderful people, and have alot to offer to the right person.
 
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