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Topic : What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:37:55 pm
Author : dataimport
It's time to reflect on what makes us stay at an unhealthy weight. Share your story and get support from others who understand.
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maree464

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confused
August 8, 2005, 3:08 am PDT

What is my payoff?

HI, 

  

I can find a hundred excuses as to why I am overweight and that is what they are excuses but I am having a hard time finding the payoff.  I can't image what would be my payoff.  What could possibly be the payoff for over eating, and letting the pound back on after working so hard to lose them? I am the queen of yo-yo dieters.  I am really having a hard time at finding any payoff.  Searching......Does there have to be a payoff anyway?  Excuses are what I have....and I am running out of them.  Hopefully Dr. Phil's book will help me stay on track.   
 
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ritehere
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Relaxed

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chillin'
August 8, 2005, 9:38 am PDT

Payoffs can be tricky,

Quote From: maree464

HI, 

  

I can find a hundred excuses as to why I am overweight and that is what they are excuses but I am having a hard time finding the payoff.  I can't image what would be my payoff.  What could possibly be the payoff for over eating, and letting the pound back on after working so hard to lose them? I am the queen of yo-yo dieters.  I am really having a hard time at finding any payoff.  Searching......Does there have to be a payoff anyway?  Excuses are what I have....and I am running out of them.  Hopefully Dr. Phil's book will help me stay on track.   

Sometimes you have to dig pretty deep if the obvious answer isn't that you prefer the instant gratification of eating as opposed to the lifelong gratification of mobility, health, and contentment. I needed to work through SELF MATTERS to find mine.
I gained weight after I was married to my current husband. On the surface I thought my payoff was simply that I had been molested as a child, but it was deeper than that. I didn't miss the attention from men, and although my husband still loved me, he was not happy that I was not happy. And I wasn't. I hated being fat, everything hurt, I always detested the way I looked. You know the drill. At the very bottom of it all though, was a fear that if I lost weight and became desirable again, I would cheat on my husband. I know it sounds nuts, and it was! If I wouldn't cheat on him at 200lbs, why would I cheat at 140lbs? It was because I used to have such a bad opinion of myself, I would let others use me. It took some serious soul searching to discover this, but that was the payoff: if I stayed fat, I wouldn't cause the end of my marriage. It was liberating, and I gave myself permission to become thin.
Hope this helps.
 
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maree464

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hopeful
August 9, 2005, 6:40 am PDT

What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

Quote From: ritehere

Sometimes you have to dig pretty deep if the obvious answer isn't that you prefer the instant gratification of eating as opposed to the lifelong gratification of mobility, health, and contentment. I needed to work through SELF MATTERS to find mine.
I gained weight after I was married to my current husband. On the surface I thought my payoff was simply that I had been molested as a child, but it was deeper than that. I didn't miss the attention from men, and although my husband still loved me, he was not happy that I was not happy. And I wasn't. I hated being fat, everything hurt, I always detested the way I looked. You know the drill. At the very bottom of it all though, was a fear that if I lost weight and became desirable again, I would cheat on my husband. I know it sounds nuts, and it was! If I wouldn't cheat on him at 200lbs, why would I cheat at 140lbs? It was because I used to have such a bad opinion of myself, I would let others use me. It took some serious soul searching to discover this, but that was the payoff: if I stayed fat, I wouldn't cause the end of my marriage. It was liberating, and I gave myself permission to become thin.
Hope this helps.
Thank you for the reply.  I have been doing some soul searching and I know I will find the answer, some things are starting to come to the surface.  Thanks again.
 
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marcia52
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Mellow

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blank
August 9, 2005, 6:33 pm PDT

For me it was a multiple of things.....

Quote From: maree464

HI, 

  

I can find a hundred excuses as to why I am overweight and that is what they are excuses but I am having a hard time finding the payoff.  I can't image what would be my payoff.  What could possibly be the payoff for over eating, and letting the pound back on after working so hard to lose them? I am the queen of yo-yo dieters.  I am really having a hard time at finding any payoff.  Searching......Does there have to be a payoff anyway?  Excuses are what I have....and I am running out of them.  Hopefully Dr. Phil's book will help me stay on track.   

For me, it was me not dealing with my life by bringing closure to long time events.  Everytime I read Weight loss Solutions, I kept finding myself thinking about everything but losing weight so I decided what the heck and read Self Matters to help me to learn how to catch my tapes & scripts.  It only took me about a year & half to finally be able to re-read the book and be able to keep my mind on my weight loss thoughts.  I figured that if I've been yo-yoing for years and years, what was wrong with just spending the time to do it Dr. Phil's way.   

  

It was the best decision I've ever made.  If I never lose another pound, I've finally found peace of mind.  I've bought closure to the 2 - 1999 events that were in still running amok in my life last year.  Now, I've learned to bring closure immediately or as soon as I can.  It's just so nice to finally be able to hear me say nice things about myself to me and know they are the truth. 

  

What is hard for me now, is learning to be nice to myself if I fall off the wagon or not lose the weight I wanted to lose cause I'm at a plateau or I see the inches lost and not the weight.  But I finally figured out that I'm being given the opportunity to learn how to be nice to me. 

  

It takes patience and it takes being kind to yourself and dumping the guilt trip we put ourselves on. 
 
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ritehere
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hopeful
August 10, 2005, 6:59 am PDT

Marcia

Quote From: marcia52

For me, it was me not dealing with my life by bringing closure to long time events.  Everytime I read Weight loss Solutions, I kept finding myself thinking about everything but losing weight so I decided what the heck and read Self Matters to help me to learn how to catch my tapes & scripts.  It only took me about a year & half to finally be able to re-read the book and be able to keep my mind on my weight loss thoughts.  I figured that if I've been yo-yoing for years and years, what was wrong with just spending the time to do it Dr. Phil's way.   

  

It was the best decision I've ever made.  If I never lose another pound, I've finally found peace of mind.  I've bought closure to the 2 - 1999 events that were in still running amok in my life last year.  Now, I've learned to bring closure immediately or as soon as I can.  It's just so nice to finally be able to hear me say nice things about myself to me and know they are the truth. 

  

What is hard for me now, is learning to be nice to myself if I fall off the wagon or not lose the weight I wanted to lose cause I'm at a plateau or I see the inches lost and not the weight.  But I finally figured out that I'm being given the opportunity to learn how to be nice to me. 

  

It takes patience and it takes being kind to yourself and dumping the guilt trip we put ourselves on. 

 I was on a plateau for 9 months. I never gave up hope, and I never went back to my former weight. In the end, I had learned everthing I needed to know about that weight level, and how to maintain it. I know that I will never go above it again. I also got to wear some new clothes out, instead of passing right through them into a smaller size, and I felt a whole lot better than at my previous weight, even if I still wasn't where I wanted to be. My skin also had a chance to catch up before I plowed on ahead, no bagginess. I think it was what nature intended for me. My hypnotherapist told me to embrace my plateaus, and I think he was right.
 
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changing
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frustrated
August 27, 2005, 2:36 pm PDT

feeling frustrated

This is my first time in a chat thing...I'm 29, 5'3" and about 35 lbs overweight.  I like to blame it on baby weight (I've got a 9 mo old), but in truth, I was about 20 lbs up before I got pregnant and have lost the battle for pretty much as long as I can remember.   

  

I'm that classic case of the person who was told something when they were little and just took over and told myself I'm the fat one for the rest of my life.  I'm not sure what the payoff is here...???  I guess in part I have a fear of failure...I've lost the extra 20 lbs several times in my life and got the rave reviews from all around but always eventually put it back on to my own embarrassment.  What's my deal???  And what would be the payoff in that?  How do I get  started?  I have Dr Phil's book, and I keep putting it down...I just keep feeling this aversion.  Any words of wisdom? 
 
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ritehere
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chillin'
August 27, 2005, 4:46 pm PDT

Feeling of aversion...

Quote From: changing

This is my first time in a chat thing...I'm 29, 5'3" and about 35 lbs overweight.  I like to blame it on baby weight (I've got a 9 mo old), but in truth, I was about 20 lbs up before I got pregnant and have lost the battle for pretty much as long as I can remember.   

  

I'm that classic case of the person who was told something when they were little and just took over and told myself I'm the fat one for the rest of my life.  I'm not sure what the payoff is here...???  I guess in part I have a fear of failure...I've lost the extra 20 lbs several times in my life and got the rave reviews from all around but always eventually put it back on to my own embarrassment.  What's my deal???  And what would be the payoff in that?  How do I get  started?  I have Dr Phil's book, and I keep putting it down...I just keep feeling this aversion.  Any words of wisdom? 

 This could be a clue, if you follow it. Also, when you find yourself heading to the refrigerator, get in touch with what you are feeling, or telling your self. We teach ourselves to eat to soothe many different life stresses. It can be a quick fix, but the lifetime "reward" of carrying those extra lbs can be disastrous.
I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but take it from someone who wore their fat like armour, knowing your triggers and attitude makes all the difference. We can all lose the weight, but keeping it off is the hard part. There is no going back to the old ways in order to be permanently successful.
 
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changing
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Happy

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blank
August 27, 2005, 7:20 pm PDT

What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

Quote From: ritehere

 This could be a clue, if you follow it. Also, when you find yourself heading to the refrigerator, get in touch with what you are feeling, or telling your self. We teach ourselves to eat to soothe many different life stresses. It can be a quick fix, but the lifetime "reward" of carrying those extra lbs can be disastrous.
I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but take it from someone who wore their fat like armour, knowing your triggers and attitude makes all the difference. We can all lose the weight, but keeping it off is the hard part. There is no going back to the old ways in order to be permanently successful.














Gosh...comfort eating has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember...and it's always felt shameful.  I can remember sneaking second and third pudding pops in the 3rd grade and hiding the wrappers.  'Get in touch with what I'm feeling' seems so easy...I'm bored/tired/lonely...food will help! At first I deny myself and then I become rebellious against the diet mind and voila, I'm eating...   

  

When I'm not one of those I think, hey next time I feel that way I'll take a walk/bath/nap instead of eat but when those feelings strike, all that seems like too much of an effort or something.  I definitley have some work cut out for me.   

  

How'd you get started?  How'd you start breaking these habits? 
 
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kissymouth
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Happy

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confused
August 28, 2005, 3:35 pm PDT

PAYOFF?

Quote From: changing

Gosh...comfort eating has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember...and it's always felt shameful.  I can remember sneaking second and third pudding pops in the 3rd grade and hiding the wrappers.  'Get in touch with what I'm feeling' seems so easy...I'm bored/tired/lonely...food will help! At first I deny myself and then I become rebellious against the diet mind and voila, I'm eating...   

  

When I'm not one of those I think, hey next time I feel that way I'll take a walk/bath/nap instead of eat but when those feelings strike, all that seems like too much of an effort or something.  I definitley have some work cut out for me.   

  

How'd you get started?  How'd you start breaking these habits? 

Payoff? huh? Not everyone is the same. To me there is NO payoff. I eat normal and am still overweight. Would you tell a thin person that goes to the frig to go take a walk or do something else? I don't think soooooooo. We all love to eat, this is a fact, but some of us show it and some do not. It's not fair, but thats life, RIGHT?
 
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kissymouth
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Happy

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quiet
August 28, 2005, 3:37 pm PDT

NO PAYOFF

Quote From: ritehere

 This could be a clue, if you follow it. Also, when you find yourself heading to the refrigerator, get in touch with what you are feeling, or telling your self. We teach ourselves to eat to soothe many different life stresses. It can be a quick fix, but the lifetime "reward" of carrying those extra lbs can be disastrous.
I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but take it from someone who wore their fat like armour, knowing your triggers and attitude makes all the difference. We can all lose the weight, but keeping it off is the hard part. There is no going back to the old ways in order to be permanently successful.














Maybe there is no payoff, ever think about that?  You are who you are. Eat healthy and be active normaly.
 
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