Topic : Coping with STDs

I have lived with an std for over 20 years.  I was married for 18 of the 20 years.  It was difficult in my marriage because my husband blamed me.  I really believe he had it and gave it to me, but there is no way to prove it.  It was one of the issues that finally dissolved our marriage (the other major issue was weight gain).  Being single now is harder.  Trying to be a responsible adult is not always easy.  With the various websites, some are very scary and when you discuss it with a new partner -- their first reaction is how could you do this to me.  I have lost several relationships due to this.  Maybe in the long run, it was good that they ended so quickly but it makes it very hard to try again.  I'm hoping to find someone who will really care about me as a person.  Marriage, I'm not so sure I want to go there again.  All I can say to singles is be careful -- really use the protection -- it is not worth the lifetime of hell afterward.  What about the dating sites specific for people with std's?  I've looked at them, but am afraid.  I have also thought about match.com, but am afraid too.  Saw the show on it and it made me more comfortable, but I have not taken the next step.  :)

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.  IT'S HARD.  I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND GAVE ME A STD.  I AM VERY UPSET.  THIS WILL MOST LIKELY END MY MARRIAGE OF 13 YEARS.  I DON'T UNDERSTAND  WHY THIS HAPPENED.

Hi yall,

I have had to deal with this. I never have sex with anyone without telling them first, and starting to use protection..but the guys generally give up the protection as time goes on. The main thing is to be honest with them...and see what happens..if they want to be with you..they will either use protecton and stay with you...or not use it and stay with you. Some dont seem too offended by it, and there are ways to test drive their reactions to things...esp...since this std gets all the bad jokes ever made of it. And considering i only had one outbreak EVER....its a load to carry and deliver..so a guys got to care about you to stay around after you tell him.

 

Just look at it this way.....if that runs him off...so would have cancer or you getting sick....he would not have been around till death do you part...really!! So not worth your time either.

 

I know the mental angish this all brings...i just hope what i have learned from others reactions helps you to relax and just think about how to enjoy your life and your sex life again...it can be done...i am sure of it.

You are so blessed you have not had any out breaks.  they are so painful.  You should think God for that.  Do you know of any online support sites for people with STD?

I did a search for websites and came up with these:  gotherpes.com, herpes.md, and mpwh.com.  The dating sites include: loveacess.com, herpes-dating.com, positivesingles.com, stdfriends.com and herpesonline.org.  I have not signed on to any and really am not sure how good they are.  If anyone has had experience with any of these sites, I would be interested in your views.  I'm real nervous about signing up for a site, then having a friend or co-worker find out about me. 

 

Also I too do not have many outbreaks.  They seem to occur when I'm under a lot of stress and starting a new relationship it about as stressful as you can get.  Has anyone ever used the medication to reduce the outbreaks (ie, Valtrex)?  Did you have any real issues -- besides the cost?

I have been with my husband for almost 8 years we have 2 children. The last 3 years we have had no sex because he tested positive for herpies. He claims he must of got it from his ex but I have a hard time believing that for the fact that we were having unprotected sex for 5 years and I tested negative now how is that possible?

It is hard to believe anything these days.  Let me just share this with you all.  I know that God has power to do all things.  When  my doctor suspected I had herpies, I came home and told my husband.  The first thing out of his mouth was, how did I get this. (meaning himself) because I told him I have not been unfaithful to him the 13 years we have been together.  He immediately went to get tested and was positive.  A few years ago he had the sores on his penis and the first though in my mind was herpies.  But for some reason I put it out of my mind because he said to me that he got this after haveing sex with me.  He was tested, but was negative.  To make a lon story short, after I had the out break and it is determined that we do have herpies, I was ready to get a divorce because we had not talked about it.  I prayed for God to lead me in the right directiion.  Well, I'm 99% positive that my husband contracted the disease, because he said  before he met me he had an out breake and the doctor gave him a shot and some med and he never had it again.  But after doding a lot of research, I found out that you could have this for years aned not have any signs at all.  We both have had multiple partners over the years with unprotected sex, so now I'm not sure who gave it to who.  I think God allowed me to see it this way for his own purpose.  If you believe in God and his word, marriage is until death.  So nothing excuses divorce except death.  What I had to remember is that I am working towards my heavenly home, not earthly.  so even though this has happen, I had to turn it over to the Master and let him work it out.  And I know he will.  Yes, I have herpies, but I'm not worried because I know who holds my future.

God Bless each of us.

I am currently taking Valtrex.  I think it is helping.  My doctor wants me to try it for 3 months. It's expensive, but if you have mail order, it's more affordable.  You will get 3 months supply for the price of one month going to a pharmacy.

You can have herpes without ever knowing it.  I too checked with the person I was with before my husband told me.  I found out that he did not have them either.  So you tell me, was I a carrier and did not know it and the previous person was just lucky or did I get them from my husband.  No one will ever no for sure.  I had a 2 yr relationship after my divorce and that person did not get them either -- and it was unprotected sex by his choice.

 

You can still have sex with your husband -- just use the medication and protection.  Don't go the rest of your life without sex -- unless that is what you really want or you think you are punishing him.  If he got this from someone within the last 3 years, you can bet if he isn't getting any sex at home he is out infecting other people.  Where do you want him?

Thanks. I have taken it when I have had outbreaks.  My outbreaks are so far and few between that I don't take it daily because of the expense.  Do you know of any other medications that aren't as expensive?