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Topic : Empty Nest Blues

Number of Replies: 135
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 11:19:51 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The last of the kids have all left home, how do you handle your feelings of letting go of growing kids? Share advice and support with others dealing with empty nest blues.

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August 18, 2006, 1:15 pm CDT

A gave it some thoughts

Well, first of all I think a parent must realise the child/young adult is now on a stage of leaving the safe house and go for a place for themselves. It isn't easy to let your children go, but if you are sure you educated them well, it wil be fine (at least in the most occasions) I do see a lot of parents (here in the netherlands) whom are letting their children free on a young age.... 13, 14, 15 that's irresponsible. Just make sure you did whatever you can to make your young adult independant and can stand up for them selves

 

Well that was it for now, hehe

 

Grtz,

 

Wolfje

 
August 18, 2006, 2:31 pm CDT

Re Empty Nest Blues

I was worried I would have the empty nest blues when the time came.  At the time I had been married for 21 years to an alcoholic who had Hepatitis C.  I couldn't stand the thought of the kids leaving because then I would have been alone with him.  They were the only thing that kept me sort of sane.  My husband died before they moved out.  They were 19 and 20 at the time.  It was I who moved away.  Quite frankly, it has been a blessing having them out of the house.  On the other hand I worry about them more.  My daughter does just fine.  Works and does the things she should.  Very responsible.  My son... absolutely another story entirely.  He is on his own but living in his car.  That's a story in an of itself.  I worry about him so much.  In some ways I wish he was back with me but, most of the time I know he needs to go through this himself and learn to stand on his own feet.  I just don't understand how I could raise one child that is self sufficient and one who can't/won't keep a job.  Any ideas?  But as to the empty nest?  I was ready when it happened.

 
August 19, 2006, 12:47 am CDT

Grief over loved ones and failing in presenet life

I have been a single parent for 19 years.  My parents assisted greatly in helping me when circumstances arose ex: babysetting, spending time with my child and my Dad being a male role model since my daughter's Dad does not involve himself  in any significant way.  My father passed away four years ago.  At the time I was an elementary teacher of 15 years and just received my masters.  I suffered depression off and on before but took med. and was under a doctor's care. When my father became ill, my family fell apart. My mother went into denial and wasn't taking care of Dad with his cancer treatments or herself either.My only sister, a nurse, lived an hour away and was not helping, my teenager stopped trying in school and I missed numerous days from work , I was risking my  job but loved my father and knew it was the best thing and only  thing to do. He wasmy close friend and respected and loved. I had to help out.  I took two family leaves.  To make a long story short. The family grew further apart. My Dad passed away and I tried to commit suicide as I felt  totally discouraged and deserted, it seemed that no one cared about me and my life was to crazy to stand.  My principal tried to fire me for missing days.  My insurance co. intervened and I aggreed to leave on my own, since it was obvious that they wanted me to go. They paid the remainder of my contract and agreed to only say in references that absences were due to family illinesses. IHAVE BEEN TURNED DOWN FOR TEACHING JOBS DUE TO THEIR REPORT. They have given me such a bad reference, I have not been able to get another teaching job since.  I never had a bad end of the year report and worked hard, loved the kids, and feel totally out of place now.  I want my life and career back so bad but can not get around the bad reference.  I also lost my grandmother and aunt the same school year as my father and my daughter ended up in the hospital with nausea and throwing up....,most likely nerves, never diagnosed.  She got behind in school and ended up getting her GED rather than finishing H. School.  It is like the last few years have been such a nightmare, so scary and I don't know where to start fixing this mess.I have always been a high achiever and worked my way through school for three degrees.  I am not lazy or unmotivated. I SURE DO FEEL REJECTED AND LIKE A FAILIRE.  Please help me SEE THE NEXT STEP. I FEEL SO BACKED IN A CORNER AND FOR ONCE IN MY life I DONT KNOW THE NEXT STEP. ANY HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED. 
 
August 21, 2006, 5:53 am CDT

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: mygirl1234

I have been a single parent for 19 years.  My parents assisted greatly in helping me when circumstances arose ex: babysetting, spending time with my child and my Dad being a male role model since my daughter's Dad does not involve himself  in any significant way.  My father passed away four years ago.  At the time I was an elementary teacher of 15 years and just received my masters.  I suffered depression off and on before but took med. and was under a doctor's care. When my father became ill, my family fell apart. My mother went into denial and wasn't taking care of Dad with his cancer treatments or herself either.My only sister, a nurse, lived an hour away and was not helping, my teenager stopped trying in school and I missed numerous days from work , I was risking my  job but loved my father and knew it was the best thing and only  thing to do. He wasmy close friend and respected and loved. I had to help out.  I took two family leaves.  To make a long story short. The family grew further apart. My Dad passed away and I tried to commit suicide as I felt  totally discouraged and deserted, it seemed that no one cared about me and my life was to crazy to stand.  My principal tried to fire me for missing days.  My insurance co. intervened and I aggreed to leave on my own, since it was obvious that they wanted me to go. They paid the remainder of my contract and agreed to only say in references that absences were due to family illinesses. IHAVE BEEN TURNED DOWN FOR TEACHING JOBS DUE TO THEIR REPORT. They have given me such a bad reference, I have not been able to get another teaching job since.  I never had a bad end of the year report and worked hard, loved the kids, and feel totally out of place now.  I want my life and career back so bad but can not get around the bad reference.  I also lost my grandmother and aunt the same school year as my father and my daughter ended up in the hospital with nausea and throwing up....,most likely nerves, never diagnosed.  She got behind in school and ended up getting her GED rather than finishing H. School.  It is like the last few years have been such a nightmare, so scary and I don't know where to start fixing this mess.I have always been a high achiever and worked my way through school for three degrees.  I am not lazy or unmotivated. I SURE DO FEEL REJECTED AND LIKE A FAILIRE.  Please help me SEE THE NEXT STEP. I FEEL SO BACKED IN A CORNER AND FOR ONCE IN MY life I DONT KNOW THE NEXT STEP. ANY HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED. 
What horrible things to go through.  Seems like jobs just want us to be unfeeling robots, and as soon as our wires become crossed they want to throw us in the junkpile.  The world would be so much better if everyone just took the time to care for each other.  I am at a loss as far as advice, but I for one will be hoping for things to improve for you.  Hang in there and know there are people praying for you. :-)
 
August 21, 2006, 9:04 am CDT

Drop your standards for a while ......

Quote From: mygirl1234

I have been a single parent for 19 years.  My parents assisted greatly in helping me when circumstances arose ex: babysetting, spending time with my child and my Dad being a male role model since my daughter's Dad does not involve himself  in any significant way.  My father passed away four years ago.  At the time I was an elementary teacher of 15 years and just received my masters.  I suffered depression off and on before but took med. and was under a doctor's care. When my father became ill, my family fell apart. My mother went into denial and wasn't taking care of Dad with his cancer treatments or herself either.My only sister, a nurse, lived an hour away and was not helping, my teenager stopped trying in school and I missed numerous days from work , I was risking my  job but loved my father and knew it was the best thing and only  thing to do. He wasmy close friend and respected and loved. I had to help out.  I took two family leaves.  To make a long story short. The family grew further apart. My Dad passed away and I tried to commit suicide as I felt  totally discouraged and deserted, it seemed that no one cared about me and my life was to crazy to stand.  My principal tried to fire me for missing days.  My insurance co. intervened and I aggreed to leave on my own, since it was obvious that they wanted me to go. They paid the remainder of my contract and agreed to only say in references that absences were due to family illinesses. IHAVE BEEN TURNED DOWN FOR TEACHING JOBS DUE TO THEIR REPORT. They have given me such a bad reference, I have not been able to get another teaching job since.  I never had a bad end of the year report and worked hard, loved the kids, and feel totally out of place now.  I want my life and career back so bad but can not get around the bad reference.  I also lost my grandmother and aunt the same school year as my father and my daughter ended up in the hospital with nausea and throwing up....,most likely nerves, never diagnosed.  She got behind in school and ended up getting her GED rather than finishing H. School.  It is like the last few years have been such a nightmare, so scary and I don't know where to start fixing this mess.I have always been a high achiever and worked my way through school for three degrees.  I am not lazy or unmotivated. I SURE DO FEEL REJECTED AND LIKE A FAILIRE.  Please help me SEE THE NEXT STEP. I FEEL SO BACKED IN A CORNER AND FOR ONCE IN MY life I DONT KNOW THE NEXT STEP. ANY HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED. 
Why not get yourself a teacher's aide post and use that to show that your family troubles are now at a stage where you can hold down a full time job?  With 2 years regular employment you'll be a far more attractive proposition as a teacher to some principal.  
 
August 23, 2006, 3:30 pm CDT

Empty Nest Blues

Quote From: kwindshawn

What horrible things to go through.  Seems like jobs just want us to be unfeeling robots, and as soon as our wires become crossed they want to throw us in the junkpile.  The world would be so much better if everyone just took the time to care for each other.  I am at a loss as far as advice, but I for one will be hoping for things to improve for you.  Hang in there and know there are people praying for you. :-)
Thank you for your kindness.
 
August 29, 2006, 10:03 am CDT

Can Some One Out There Help Me Gain 10lb?

Hello! EveryOne, My name  is kim I'm a 41 year old female, That used to look sexty, with pretty Legs. But  now some where in my Life I was face with LUPUS, It take me down for a why. I lose some weight. Now i'm weighting 101lb.No! want want me any more, My boyfriend try to kill me, Mens look at me and say to me you are sooo...Skinny. Also some females too. What can i do to gain about 10lb? Anyone out there can help? You can sent respon to Kimmis38@hotmail.com
 
September 1, 2006, 3:18 am CDT

Re;empty nest.

Since my marriage was such a train wreck, I spent my life dedicated to my kids. School activities, little league,bowling, class mom, team mom, etc. In many ways, it was rewarding and in others a huge mistake. What you want is for your children to become independent individuals, but when they do, you are left behind. All three of mine were out of the house within 11 months. The oldest got married and moved four states away. The other two joined the military. My world was shattered. I was left to deal with all the things I had been avoiding by baking cookies and such.

 

That was five years ago. Since then, I have enrolled in Tai chi, taken classes in several topics of interest, volunteered in a homeless project, written a book, got a divorce, and became a grandmother. The point is, there is life after children. You just need to take care of you for a change.

 

 

 
September 3, 2006, 4:25 am CDT

Empty Nest Blues

They need to have a forum on here about parents being happy their kids are leaving home.  Since we fight constantly and my daughter is a mean person, I personally can't wait til she leaves home.  I am awful, but it's how I feel.
 
September 4, 2006, 1:15 pm CDT

Understand Totally

Quote From: wunderschoen20

I was worried I would have the empty nest blues when the time came.  At the time I had been married for 21 years to an alcoholic who had Hepatitis C.  I couldn't stand the thought of the kids leaving because then I would have been alone with him.  They were the only thing that kept me sort of sane.  My husband died before they moved out.  They were 19 and 20 at the time.  It was I who moved away.  Quite frankly, it has been a blessing having them out of the house.  On the other hand I worry about them more.  My daughter does just fine.  Works and does the things she should.  Very responsible.  My son... absolutely another story entirely.  He is on his own but living in his car.  That's a story in an of itself.  I worry about him so much.  In some ways I wish he was back with me but, most of the time I know he needs to go through this himself and learn to stand on his own feet.  I just don't understand how I could raise one child that is self sufficient and one who can't/won't keep a job.  Any ideas?  But as to the empty nest?  I was ready when it happened.

 I really understand your points. I have 3 sons. My oldest is very successful in his field. My sons are all different;- you could never tell that thay are related at all. My 24 yr old works full-time and has his own business after work. He does just great.--My other 2 sons are totally the opposite. I have a 19 yr old that bounces from job to job, and finally realizes that he must further his education to get anywhere in today's world-- And the 17 yr old is the youngest, and the total opposite.

In our town the first week of school just passed. He missed 2 days of school already, I had no idea until my older sons friends told us. I am really worried about the 17 yr old, he is so bright and he is throwing his whole life away. I started noticing chnages last year, when he quit basketball after playing since elementary school. He is a very gifted player. My 3 sons are extremely different all the way around. My 24 yr old, is a outstanding role model for the other 2 younger ones. I don't understand what went wrong with the other  sons.

 
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