2 1/2 years ago my teenage son and daughter brought home 2 little girls for the weekend. One of them was 4 months old and the other had just turned 3 years. My kids had been out goofing off, and through a mutual friend, had ended up at these girls mothers house. She was yelling and cussing at the girls, and the house was very unclean. The girls looked as if they hadn't had a bath in weeks, and my kids felt sorry for them so they asked if she wanted a break? They said that the girls could come home with them for the weekend. (knowing that I absolutely loved little kids and wouldn't mind). Even tho she had just met my kids, and didn't know me, she let the girls go with them. We all adored the girls, and before long we had the girls more than there mother did. The 3 year old started calling me Grandma ( even tho I had just turned 35 ) but I didn't mind at all. The mother had been on drugs when she was pregnant with the 3 year old (Alexandra - Alex for short) so this precious little girl was very hyper and didn't listen at all because she had such a short attention span. It was very difficult to handle her, but being only 3, I was very patient with her. My kids were also patient with her, but had a bit harder time with it than I did. I was married at the time, and my husband was not patient at all. I tried my best to keep the girls away from him as much as possible. I myself, or my kids didn't get along with my husband well, he was not a nice person and was abusive to me, but that is another story in itself. Thank God we got away from him a year and a half ago. We kept them as much as possible because there mother screamed, hit and neglected them. (although she was off drugs by then, and wasn't on drugs when she had the 4m old, Amy) I did talk to authority's about her, but they said there was nothing they could do. (Now I will try to get into what I need advice about. Sorry this is so long, but I felt I needed to give some background). Now, 2 1/2 years later, we still take them , but my daughter has since moved 2 hours away and has her own child. I am living with the most wonderful man in the world, and he loves the girls as much as we do. When my daughter lived at home, a lot of the time she would take care of one of the girls, and I would take care of the other, so it wasn't so hard. Now, Alex is 5 and is just as bad as she was at 3, if not worse, and Amy is now 2. I can't handle them alone for such long periods, so we only have them about 3 days every 2 weeks. My boyfriend takes care of them as much as I do when he is home, but he works long hours, so he can't be here except for the weekends and at night. My 17 year old son is very good with them, but being 17 isn't home that much. They cry when we take them back to there mom and I feel so bad, but Alex is just too much to handle. There is nothing we can do to get thru to her. She is hyper and loud and a bully to Amy. She is so jealous all of the time. She has hurt Amy pretty bad at times, and I am afraid that one of these times it could be serious. She doesn't listen to anything anybody says and drives us all crazy. I feel terrible cuz we always end up yelling at her. She doesn't listen, but if we talk in a normal voice she is worse. We have tried time-out, taking toys away, I've sat down and talked to her (which I don't even think she hears). She is very smart, and can listen and learn when she wants to. She will go to Kindergarten next year, but she can count to over 20, knows how to write every letter and can write her full name. I've tried spending one on one with her while Amy is sleeping, I have even swatted her even tho I disagree with that, but nothing helps. It seems like she is in time out more than she isn't. By the time my boyfriend gets home from work, I am usually in tears or close to it and then he takes at least Alex and keeps her in the living room so I can get on the puter and have a little quiet time. Amy wants me to hold her all of the time, but other than that I can handle her fine. Sometimes she acts up, but she learns from consequences. If I tell her no and she does it anyway, all I have to do is put her in timeout for about a min. and she minds fairly well for a 2 year old. If we go into public with them, ppl stare and give us dirty looks cuz Alex is so disruptive. By the time we take them home, I feel like I can't get them there fast enough but after they go home I feel guilty for yelling and not keeping them longer. I want this to be a home away from home for them, and I don't want to yell. Of course, being here is nothing like being at there mother's house. It is clean, we keep them clean and in clean clothes that aren't rags, they don't get knocked around, and we pay attention to them and take care of there needs and show them love. Even tho we don't have much money we buy them clothes, diapers, toys and they have everything that they need here. I buy them clothes at garage sales and give them to there mom, but no matter how cute the clothes, they wear them once (usually for days at a time) and they are so dirty that they are no longer decent looking clothes. There mother loves them, she just doesn't know how to show it cuz she grew up this same way. Every time I swear to myself that the next time I will not yell, and I will be more patient, and I will find a way to get thru to Alex, but it never happens. Other than the ppl that live in my household and my daughter, no one understands why we put ourselves thru it. We love them, both of them, but how can I find a way to handle Alex and get her to mind? I am not about to abandon them!!!! Please help! What can I do???
