Topic : General Advice

AMW gave you good advice.  What you have done up until now was really YOU taking responsibility for his obligation.  He needs to learn to own his own responsibilities.  Let him sink or swim and experience the natural consequences of his behaviour.  If the natural consequences of not doing his homework (ie:low marks, discipline from his school) aren't sufficiently serious to him then use his currency (mine is an xbox) to motivate him. 

  

Barbara Colorosa has written some great books about parenting -look at your library for "KIds are worth it".  It is wonderful! 

I have searched the message boards trying to find someone with a similar problem as mine. Yours was the closest. I have a 12 year old who began his demise last year in the 5th grade. He is very charming and well liked but seems very troubled. His biological father & I divorsed when my son was 6 months old and we've never seen him since. I've remarried (6 years ago) but my present husband is a workaholic and is never available. My son has been tested for IQ (he's extremely high on chart) ADHD (it was negative), and other disabilities because his demeanor is so down. Tests show he has an anxiety disorder. He has been on anti-depressents for a little over a year and recently a new pysiciatrist (sp?) put him on Abilify (for anxiety) At first the drugs seemed to help but is was short lived. Now he is almost as bad as he's ever been and is failing the 6th grade. He says that he really wants to pass but can't explain why he's having so much trouble. I've wondered if his biological father were to come into the picture if it would help or hurt. I've tried to get my husband to take up time with him and he says he will but then never does (or does so little for such a short time it doesn't matter.) It seems to me that there's an epidemic of boys who desperately need male mentoring. But I'm not a man so what else can I do? Sorry this is so long. I feel so desperate. We've spent hundreds of dollars trying to get a professional to help him. The pysiciatrist told us to just 'let him hang himself and grow up, leave home, and go make someone else miserable". Help!

Have you thought about a tutor for your daughter? At that age, they don't want parents so much involved but a third person can sometimes get through to them. What ever you do, follow your heart because I let my daughter pretty much slide by the seat of her pants through high school knowing she is really smart. I figured she'd pull it off and get motivated in college. Because of misinformation from her high school principle, she was not able to graduate with her class. It was devistating. She did go to summer school to make up the grade (chemistry!!!). She is now in college but still barley getting buy & failing a subject her and there. I'm not the best person to get advise from about how to do it but I hope you learn from me what NOT to do.

Getting a tutor is an excellent idea because as a teen, I really hate being told what to do especially by my parents but if there was like a 20 year old then things would be totally different. Why? I don't know but maybe you're just sick of hearing the same things from the same people all your life (so far). But anyway, it would be a great idea to get a tutor. Also it's so important to learn self control to have a good work ethic because I know several people who are just doing worse and worse because they get to university and suddenly they can do whatever they want and it really screws up your life cuz smart people start to fail. 

  

Anyway, good luck! 

The psychic who finds missing children, Robert Lindblad of Child Search/Enfant Recherche, seen at work pinpointing the location of people on Earth
within two seconds. Vid clip taken from part of the Japanese psychic detective documentary program
Save Our Souls by TV-Asahi in Tokyo.

To view the video click here: 

  

http://childsearchpsychic.tripod.com 

I'm a new mother, With a common law boyfriend, but I spend most of my time alone with the baby.  There is so much I dont know and you hear so many different things from different people, how do you know what to listen to.   One of my biggest problems is that My new baby is 3 months old and she refuses to take a bottle.  She did at one time when I was in the hospital, but  now she refuses it.  Is there a way to encourage them to take a bottle better? We have three different types of nipples we've tried  and I have sat there with her for an hour before, her crying the whole time and she STILL wont take it, she usally passes out dead asleep b/c she's cried so much. Any ideas? 

  

Also she is impossible to get to sleep during the day for a nap, she is quite content to lye on your chest and snooze but as soon as her but hits the crib she wakes up with in 10 mins.  We've even tried putting her to nap on the couch with a pillow  keeping her in place, or lying her in the ossolating chair, and even in the middle of our bed. Nothign works, is this normal? dont babies need to nap? 

  

Any ideas? 

  

I am a father of a great, great, great 11 month old daugther who in the past couple months has been hitting others in the face and head.  My wife and I have made it a point not to react when she hits us.  This has not worked, so we read that when she does hit to hold her hand that she hit with and run it gently along the area she hit and say "gentle".  We have been using this method for a couple weeks without much change.  Should I be worried?  Are we doing something wrong? 

Today, I saw Dr Phil's show where the topic of breast-feeding was discussed.  I don't know if we are far behind on episodes in the UK, so if you have forgotten about this episode, let me refresh your memory: two women were discussing the pro's and con's of breast-feeding.  One of the women thought that women should not breast-feed in public (especially in restaurants), because she did not think it was particularly 'attractive'.  The other woman tried to explain that her child had the right to be hungry at any time, and she would then feed him.  She did not feel it was necessary for her to cover up, as people who were for some reason offended could just 'look the other way'.   

  

I would just like to say that I completely agree with the second woman.  I breast-feed my child because it is not only the best thing for them but also the most natural thing.  I think people have lost sight of the fact that breasts were made to feed our children, and are therefor in effect there for the survival of our species.  As far as the other woman goes, we do not breast-feed to look 'attractive' or 'appealing', we breast-feed because it is the best thing a mother can do for her child.  The woman felt that a mother who needed to breast-feed her child in, for example, a restaurant, could perhaps take the child into the bathroom and do it there.  Without going into a discussion about the unhygienic conditions of toilets (the woman said she did not expect the mother to rub her breast on the toilet-seat before feeding, but I don't think she realised that toilets IN GENERAL are unhygienic!), I am just wondering if she would ask an elephant that is feeding her young to hide behind a tree, so as not to offend the other elephants that are eating! 

  

I am shocked an aphaled by the attitude that still exists around breast-feeding and it is time people started seeing breasts for what they are: milk-bottles. 

As far as I am aware, most children do go through a fase of hitting at some point, usually when they are between 1 and 2 years old.  I don't know if your daughter goes to any daycare, but children often learn there that certain behaviour is unacceptable.  Children do not know the meaning of 'pain', and don't realise that they hurt you when they hit you or bite you.  All they know is that their action causes a reaction from you, and even negative attention is attention, as I am sure you are aware.  Personnally, I would restrict the interaction after she hits to a simple 'no' and not give any further reaction to her hitting. 

  

Hope this helps! 

I have breast-fed my son, who is now 4 months old, from birth and he refuses to take a bottle, as he doesn't understand how to suckle on the nipples.  Since he was three months old, I have given him the occasional feed from a cup with spout, like the one you would use with older children.  He thinks it's great, because he can hold on to it himself, although I do need to help him direct the spout into his mouth, haha.  The good thing about this, though, is that most baby's will have to learn how to drink out of a cup once they get to old for the bottle, and this way I am side-stepping that obstacle. 

  

Also, my son refuses to sleep during the day, unless he is very, very tired (at which point he just starts screaming until he falls asleep).  I think you do not need to force your child to sleep, if she doens't want to sleep, she doesn't need to sleep as far as I'm concerned, but it is of course completely up to you. 

  

I think the most important thing to remember is that she is your baby, and you know what's best for her.  Every single person will give you a different set of advice, and sometimes these advices can even be conflicting.  For example, in the UK they tell you never to put a hat on your baby when he/she is in the house, as they will overheat, but in The Netherlands they tell you to always put a hat on your baby as he/she will be susceptible to colds if you don't.  You know your baby better than anyone else, and you will know what she likes and doesn't like.  I know you feel like there is so much you don't know, but keep in mind that our species has survived for thousands of years already, even before there were books and 'experts' on how to raise babies.  You are born with the gift of raising your children the right way, so just go with what feels right for you and what your baby seems happy with. 

  

All the best and good luck!