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Topic : General Advice

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:46:09 pm
Author : dataimport
Have a question or problem concerning your child? Share advice and support with other parents.
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staseaq
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March 23, 2006, 2:29 pm PST

General Advice

I am a stay at home mom and just love the time I get with my girls.  My children are 4 and 5 and seem to be happy children.  For some odd reason my 5 year old has a really smart mouth, I am not sure if this is typical behavior.  It seems as if she doesn't get the answer she is looking for she gets ugly.  She will say things to hurt my feelings such as I don't love you I just love my daddy on occasion she will even push me not hard or real forceful but it's not acceptable.  Time out is the form of punishment that we use or we take something that she really likes away.  I am always consistent so i am at a loss I just don't know what Else to do.  When my daughter is at preschool the teachers say she is a great kid and gives them no problems at all.  She is good with all the other children and is polite.  I must be doing something wrong.  I am usually the only one that reprimands because I am with the kids all day.  My husband works till 6:00pm and the girls go to sleep at 8:00 pm .  I would appreciate any and all advice given 

  

thanks so much for listening         
 
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nanny81301
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March 23, 2006, 3:33 pm PST

Concerned

I have a 4 year old granddaughter that lives with her mom, she tells me that she doesn't like her mother when I ask why she won't answer.  I've never heard of this before has anyone? 
 
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mustang73
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March 23, 2006, 6:24 pm PST

General Advice

Quote From: judyblue22

In Canada, there are government departments in each province that will investigate child neglect or abuse and intervene. Sometimes they remove the children and put them in foster home while working with the parent on anger, drug or alcohol issues.  In other cases, they provide a home care worked to give parenting training to the parent and supervise the rehabilitation. In other cases, they just provide for respite care. 

  

You are trying to do that for these kids all by yourself, bless you.  Maybe it is time to call in the calvary? 

Thank you for your reply!  However, I have contacted child welfare.  I did that over two years ago.  They told me that what was happening may not be right, but wasn't enough to investigate.  Basically what they said was that they wouldn't do anything unless something terrible happened to one of the children that could be proven first.   I couldn't believe it!  Once something like that happens, it is too late!  The mother also found out that I called Child welfare ( it's a small town)  and she took the girls away from us for a couple of months.  We were devastated to say the least.  I cried every day.   My daughter is very out-spoken, and she finally went over to her house and told her basically that she shouldn't believe everything that she hears, and that we weren't the ones that called.  The girls were back with us that night and stayed for over a week later.  Mostly we would keep them for a week and then they would go back to there mother for a couple of days, and then come back with us.  I am not about to call child welfare again.  All the good that did was take the girls away from us, and keep them with their mother all of the time.  No breaks for her, and no breaks for them.  She is trying though.  I have come to know her, and she is trying hard.  It is hard for her to fight the drug addiction, and she has stayed clean.  She is more patient with the girls, and really tries.  She just doesn't know how.  She was never really shown love.  She does not even trust her own mother to leave the girls with her.  I don't condone the way she raises them, but I feel sorry for her in a way.  Then I feel bad about myself because I feel sorry for her.  How can I feel sorry for someone that treats precious little girls that way?  My gosh, she will smack them so hard they fall on the floor right in front of us, so what does she do when we can't see?  It seem to me like she spends more time with Alex, but yet she also smacks her and yells at her more.  Maybe just cuz she is older, I don't know.  Anyway,  I know that I can't do anything about what happens when the girls are not with me!  I tried to no avail.    What I really need is a way to figure out how to handle them better so they can spend more time with me ( and us ).   If we could find a way to discipline them and make them mind, then maybe they would be better when they were at home and not get into so much trouble.  Also, the more the break they and their mother have, the better.   I just love them and want them to know that they are loved and that life isn't always that way.  When they grow up, I don't want them to follow in the same path.  I just want them to be happy, healthy and safe!  I raised 3 kids, and my daughter was a BRAT!  I had her when I was barely 17, and I spoiled her rotten because everybody said we couldn't do it.  I thought she would drive me nuts a time or two, but as bad as she was at times, it was nothing like Alex.  You can tell her time and time again, but she just repeatedly does it anyway.  (what ever it may be)  But I love her anyway!
 
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harmontm
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March 23, 2006, 9:23 pm PST

Thank You

Quote From: judyblue22

I am so sorry this is happening to you.  I am Canadian and I am always astonished at the way sick citizens are treated in the US.  It is traumatic enough to have a seriously ill child without having to add financial ruin to the burden. 

  

If you want to get the attention of Dr Phil, this board probably isn't the best route. If you look at the top tool bar, there is "Contact Dr Phil" and you can email the show directly.  I sure hope you get some help.  I'm praying for your baby's health and survival. 

I will try that.  I have already tried the be on the show, but I am willing to try anything.  Thanks for the prayers we need them. 

Tina 
 
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tashab_160
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March 24, 2006, 5:21 am PST

worried about my daughter

Hi my name is Tasha. I have a 5 year old daughter. My sister in law is 9 years old and was adopted from state custody 2 years ago. My in laws have had her since she was 4. When she was with her biological family, she was neglected and sexually abused from a really young age. She has recieved counseling for some time now. A few weeks ago, my mother in law was watching my kids while I was attending a night class. She never leaves her daughter alone with my 5 year old for more then a minute or two. My daughter's bedroom door was open and when she went to check on them her daughter was touching my 5 year old in a sexual way under a blanket. My daughter later told us that she (The 9 year old) was rubbing her privates. I was so enraged at the fact that anyone would do something like that to my daughter. I went to the police and filed a report but in Vermont the child has to be 10 years old to make it a criminal act. So then I filed a report with DCF. I have an appointment to speak with our pediatrician about how to talk to my daughter about how wrong it is to touch someone else in that way. The nine year old has reactive attachment and the doctor's say that she is mentally on the same level as someone who is about 7 years old and that we need to treat her as a younger child then what she truely is. I have a problem doing this for many reasons. She is at least five feet tall. She is much bigger then any 9 year old girl. She is about the size of a eleven or twelve year old. I understand that she is not mentally that old but that is how she appears. I imagine that my 5 year old daughter sees her as a person to look up too and not as someone that is on her level. I am wooried about how this is going to effect my daughter. Does anyone have any advice for me?
 
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rosie23
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March 24, 2006, 9:50 am PST

confused, what type of relationship is this?

Helloe everyone! Well i found out I was pregnant a coupe weeks ago, I am 7 weeks. At the time me and my boyfriend were alright in our relationship.  One moment he wants to have the world with me, the next he is like well we will move in together before the baby is born, but not now. 

I want to talk to him and let him know how I feel.  I want him to know that I cry every morning when I wake up, alone.  I want to talk to him about what he wants in this relationship, but in the end we never talk.  I have caught him in some lies this week and I dont know what is going on.   

I also noticed that he hangs on his wall alot of pictures of his family in Colorado. A whole bunch of his son, which doesnt bother me, but he still has pictures up of his baby momma!  And when he looks at them, he has this face like he misses them!
Another thing he said, when I get my apartment baby we will be spending more time together, which has not happened! Another lie 

What do I do?  Should I hang in there and wait to see what happens? Should I talk to him? Ask him where he stands? Is this all because he is only 22 or what? I really need advise someone help!  

  

Rosie   
 
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lovemygirl
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March 24, 2006, 5:11 pm PST

My 7 year old bit her friend

   

  Please help me my 7 year old bit her friend at school yesterday.  She does not know why she did it, Maybe cuz she didnt get her own way. she has said. 

  She had a problem at the start of the school with pulling hair she cant seem to keep her hand to herself. 

  Nothing seems to work with her, When I take things away she does not get upset. 

  Today I took sparks and skating away she was crying, but Im not sure she's getting how big of a deal this is. 

Please help me 
 
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rayna1969
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March 25, 2006, 8:28 am PST

Need Help

I have never posted on a web sight before but I was hoping for a little advice.  My 14 year old stepson has been living in our home for the past 6 months and it has not been an easy transition for him.  Over night he had to share a house with 2 other siblings and he has not adjusted well to the rules and regulations in this home.  In his mothers house he basically came and went when he pleased.  In this home he is expected to eat dinner at home each night, has a curfew and  does not have a  TV in his room.  We have limited his access to the internet by blocking out what we feel are inappropriate web sights.  This has all made him vey angry.  He has started to act out and in the course of talking we discovered that he was sexually abused at the age of 9 by an older kid in the neighborhood.  His mother chose not to do anything about it.  She just swept in under the carpet.  We have started him in therapy but it has only excalated the behavior.  He is now smoking pot, running away and cutting school.  In addition, we just discovered that he is cutting himself.  I am at the end of my wits and do not know what to do.  Aside from an inpatient treatment center I am looking for advice form anyone who may have experienced similar behaviors.   All the inpatient treatment centers in this area do not presently have a bed available.  We have to just wait and keep him in inpatient therapy.  I am concerned that he is going to harm himself or his sisters.   Any Advice?  
 
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blondy71
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March 25, 2006, 3:45 pm PST

simular situation

Quote From: rayna1969

I have never posted on a web sight before but I was hoping for a little advice.  My 14 year old stepson has been living in our home for the past 6 months and it has not been an easy transition for him.  Over night he had to share a house with 2 other siblings and he has not adjusted well to the rules and regulations in this home.  In his mothers house he basically came and went when he pleased.  In this home he is expected to eat dinner at home each night, has a curfew and  does not have a  TV in his room.  We have limited his access to the internet by blocking out what we feel are inappropriate web sights.  This has all made him vey angry.  He has started to act out and in the course of talking we discovered that he was sexually abused at the age of 9 by an older kid in the neighborhood.  His mother chose not to do anything about it.  She just swept in under the carpet.  We have started him in therapy but it has only excalated the behavior.  He is now smoking pot, running away and cutting school.  In addition, we just discovered that he is cutting himself.  I am at the end of my wits and do not know what to do.  Aside from an inpatient treatment center I am looking for advice form anyone who may have experienced similar behaviors.   All the inpatient treatment centers in this area do not presently have a bed available.  We have to just wait and keep him in inpatient therapy.  I am concerned that he is going to harm himself or his sisters.   Any Advice?  

I also have not posted to a message board before.  I have a 14 yr old S daughter.  She has lived with us for 9 yrs.  She has no rules at her mother's home and her father won't make her follow the rules here.  She argues and fights with her half brother 100% of the time when she is at home.  Otherwise she finds reasons to not be here.  She is smoking pot and failing in school.  She has to be the center of attention and has actually made herself passout cold on several different occasions when she thought she wasn't getting all of the attention.  She will complain about pains and headaches to the point that her father has to have her hspitalized in order for her to stop the behavior.  I also ask, Any advice?
 
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judyblue22

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March 27, 2006, 9:38 am PST

General Advice

Quote From: staseaq

I am a stay at home mom and just love the time I get with my girls.  My children are 4 and 5 and seem to be happy children.  For some odd reason my 5 year old has a really smart mouth, I am not sure if this is typical behavior.  It seems as if she doesn't get the answer she is looking for she gets ugly.  She will say things to hurt my feelings such as I don't love you I just love my daddy on occasion she will even push me not hard or real forceful but it's not acceptable.  Time out is the form of punishment that we use or we take something that she really likes away.  I am always consistent so i am at a loss I just don't know what Else to do.  When my daughter is at preschool the teachers say she is a great kid and gives them no problems at all.  She is good with all the other children and is polite.  I must be doing something wrong.  I am usually the only one that reprimands because I am with the kids all day.  My husband works till 6:00pm and the girls go to sleep at 8:00 pm .  I would appreciate any and all advice given 

  

thanks so much for listening         

I am always consistent  

  

Are you really? I ask because she selects you for this behaviour which suggests that she sees you are a safe bet.  The other possibility is that she is getting her pay off even though she is getting in trouble.  Is it possible that she smarts off and pushes in order to get attention, even if it is negative attention?  If so, then give her lots of positive attention when you catch her doing good.  Even if it is playing nice for 5 minutes, praise her and give her a cuddle. 

  

Perhaps the punishments you use aren't effective.  Is time out really boring-like just staring at a wall? Are you taking away something she really values? 
 
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