Topic : Overcoming Grief

I feel so guitly about my mother-in-law passing away, she battled cancer for 2 years and lost her battle in May.  I was the one who took her to her teatments and I was the one who was with her when she passed.it was so hard to watch her pass I told her to go so she took her last breath and she was gone.  My question is the guilty I feel for telling her to go will it ever go away.  I know she is in a better place and she isnt in pain anymore but the guilty I feel is eating at me I have a hard time going to sleep.  I just want to know that I am not a bad person I did what was right

I'm so sorry.  My best friend Val was living a gay lifestyle also.  I am a holy spirit filled Christian and the people that misquote the holy Bible are a trip. 

The Bible says to 'love the sinner and hate the sin'.  This young man shouldn't have been killed. 

When r people going to learn to love each other instead of being hateful?

If we don't recognized/remember the past like the Holocaust- we will be condemned to repeat it. Hate only begets hate. 

Hang in there! 

 

DEAR OVERCOMING GRIEF,

HI, I TOO AM SUFFERING GRIEF FROM THE LOSS OF MY FIANCE' OF ALMOST 10 YRS.  HE WAS 54 YRS. OLD AND WOULD OF BEEN 55 JUST 25 DAYS LATER AND WE WOULD OF CELEBRATED OUR 10 YR. ENGAGEMENT OF BEING ENGAGED.  THE DAY OF HIS ACCIDENT WE HAD A BIG ARGUMENT OVER THE PHONE BECAUSE I SAID NO TO HIS PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE.  THE REASON WHY I SAID NO WAS BECAUSE HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AND I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  I  TOLD HIM THAT BEFORE WE GER MARRIED I WANTED HIM TO GO GET HELP FOR HIS DRINKING AND HE GOT MAD AND HUNG UP THE PHONE AND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO HIM, WHICH WAS FEB.27th,07.  I HAD GOTTEN A PHONE CALL IN THE EARLY HRS. OF FEB. 28th. SAYING THAT JIM WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AND WAS BEING FLOWN FROM ONE HOSPITAL TO ANOTHER BY FLIGHT 4 LIFE.   AND THAT THEY (son and daughter-in-law) WOULD BE PICKING ME UP SO THAT THE 3 OF US COULD GO TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE JIM WAS AT.  IN THE MEAN TIME, I CALLED JIM'S SISTER AND BROTHER TO HAVE THEM MEET US AT THE HOSPITAL ALSO.  WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE SURGERY THAT HE WAS SUPPOSE TO HAVE WHEN THE DR. CAME IN AND TOLD US THAT IF HE REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS HE WOULD BE IN A VEGETATIVE STATE UNTIL THE DAY HE DIED, AND IF HE WOULD OF WOKE UP FROM BEING UNCONSCIOUS HE STILL WOULD OF BEEN IN A VEGETATIVE STATE.  SO WE (the brother, sister-in-law, sister, niece, son, daughter-in-law, and I) DECIUDED THAT IT WOULD BE BEST TO NOT LET HIM SUFFER, AND TO HAVE HIM TAKEN OFF THE RESPIRATOR. 

IN THE MEAN TIME I HAD A DR'S APPOINTMENT AT A DIFFERENT HOSPITAL AND AFTER I WAS DONE THERE I WENT HOME.  TO THIS DAY I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL AND STAY THERE WITH HIS FAMILY AND MINE, SO I SAID MY GOOD BYE AND LEFT TO GO TO MY APPOINTMENT AND THEN HOME.  THE NEXT MORNING MY SON CALLED TO TELL ME THAT JIM HAD PASSED AWAY AT 11:01a.m. WHICH WAS MARCH. 1st,07.    TO THIS DAY I STILL REGRET NOT STAYING WITH HIM AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT WAS THERE AT THE HOSPITAL, BUT I GUESS I WAS AFRAID TO SEE HIM DIE.  DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND ALL MY SOUL AND THEN SOME PLUS A WHOLE LOT MORE!!  BUT I JUST COULDN'T STAND HIS DRINKING ANYMORE.  SEE WHEN I WAS 15 I TOLD MY PARENTS THAT I WAS GOING TO MARRY THIS GUY, BUT WHEN, I DIDN'T KNOW!!  AND ON MARCH 29th, 1997 WE HAD OUR FIRST DATE, WHICH WAS CALLED "THE DATE THAT NEVER ENDED"!!  WHICH BY THE WAY IT NEVER DID END BECAUSE ON MARCH 29th,1997 HE MOVED IN WITH MY 2 SONS AND I!!

 

NEEDLESS TO SAY, IT HAS ONLY BEEN 1 YR. 5 MONTHS AND 10 DAYS SINCE HIS PASSING AND I AM VERY LONELY, I DON'T KNOW IF I'M COMING OR GOING.  I AM TIRED OF FEELING ALONE AND I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD START DATING AGAIN OR NOT.

 

THANK YOU

 

OWENGM2

there is no HOLY WAR going on against the gay and lesbians in this world.  I love these people but what they are doing is a sin.  It could not be any clearer than what the Bible says.  I don't think this young man should have been killed but the wages of sin is death.

In April My mother was told she had lung cancer and that there was nothing to they could do for her.  Mom said she was ready and that she missed my Dad so much so she decided on doing nothing and let it run it course.  I took my mother into my home and with the help of Hospice I had nine weeks with her.  Nine weeks that I would never take back or regret.  Hospice told me that each member of the family needed to let my mother know it was alright to go that we would miss her but we knew where she wanted to be.  I was holding her hand on this side while God took her hand on the other side.  Yes I cried and yes I miss her more that I thought possible but she had to know it was alright to go.  Do not feel bad sleep the sleep of someone who did the right thing,

 I know I am not the first this has happened to.   I have been so busy, I don't feel I've had the chance to grieve yet.  All of a sudden,  I think it's hitting me....but I'm not sure, and I don't know what to do or how to deal with it.  I am telling myself 'don't think about it'. I loved my Father so much. He battled cancer for two years and lost the fight, he was an amazing, strong, positive person through all he had to suffer: hip surgery to remove cancer in the hip, kidney surgery to remove cancer there, they took out his C6 verterbrae because it was also cancerous, the implant slipped and he could no longer walk without help/or hold up his neck without a brace. They couldn't go back in and operate because they where afraid he would bleed to death on the operating table as he almost did that time.  His blood was very thin due to taking aspirin as 10 years before this he had a bi- pass for a heart attack, though he came through with fighting colors after battling that. And all this with chemo therapy ...I have  never seen my mother the way she is now, I don't feel I can help her, she has withdrawn into herself, I'm trying to help, but I am not reaching her.  I am terribly worried for her.  My husband sais he understands exactly what I am going through, yet he has not lost a parent yet. I don't feel he does know what I'm going through, it makes me angry and upset.  I know he's only trying to help.
Anyone out there with advice on how to deal with this?
Thankyou so much.
 

 

I'm sorry I offended you. Just trying to find a way out.

 You know I feel guilty after reading other experiences. After my husband passed away in '06. I've done well. Insurance put me through college. His insurance kept our children financed for the future.  I've got money in the bank. So what. Money doesn't heal the heart. My kids are struggling to start over. I'm In a relationship that I'm sure is wonderful but I can't enjoy it because  of the nightmares that I have every night.

 .He died in an accident that should have never happened. How do you heal the hurt? One decsion started it all. I so badly want to be happy but how do I get rid of the nightmares? Everything is going great, I think **** is watching over us. So why can't I be happy?  

 

I just feel I need to get this out. In the last year and a half I have lost three close family members all on my dad's side of the family. In May of 07 my grandmother passed away suddenly from bone cancer, doctors didn't even know she had cancer until feburary and by then it was too late to do anything. This was very hard for me, my dad and I have never been close (my parents never married) and my grandmother had always been the person that included me in everything for that side of my family. Losing her was kind of like losing my link in a way, my dad's family lives in a small town a few hours from me and when I would visit it would always be with my grandparents not my father. She always made sure I felt accepted even when I didn't feel my dad did accept me. My biggest regret is that when I graduated high school and moved on to college I stopped visiting and only went down there for one christmas in years. I was avoiding my dad and I cut everyone out. I last saw her in the hospital two weeks before she died, I still can't believe shes gone she was such a strong woman. In early March of this year my grandfather was also diagnoised with cancer, they had found a tumor so large the doctors didn't even know what kind of cancer it was. I didn't make the same mistake of avoidence and visited as often as I could. he died in May of this year within days of when my grandmother died. He really had given up the will to fight, I really don't think he wanted to live with out my grandmother. This also happened a month before my wedding, I wanted him to be there so bad. I wish everyday that I would have had a shorter engagment because than both my grandparents could have been there, I can't even think about my wedding with out thinking of them. I didn't even get a chance to grieve for my grandfather because in August my aunt died, whether she commited suicide or it was an accident I don't know. My dad called me the night it happened when they found her body in the river, They weren't sure what happened then and I never asked afterward. I feel like my family has fallen apart, and I don't even know how to accept this. I feel like I've shut down. I know christmas and thanksgiving this year are going to be such a wreak, I don't know how I'm going to do it. My doctor thinks I might have depression but I can't afford a therapist and I don't want medication and I don't want to worry my husband or my family. Its just hard because I can't really talk with my aunts or uncles on my dad's side in person and my mom's side of the family doesn't really understand. I don't know I just thought I'd put this on here and get it off my chest.

I lost my dear Dad on the 5th of Sept this year and up until right this very minute I was keeping it together quite well, but now I'm crying so much and I can't seem to stop. It just hurts so much, I miss my Dad so badly, I wish he could come back, but I know this just isn't possible right now!

 

I know that what I'm going through is normal when it comes to griving, but this just hurts so much right now.

 

My Dad and I were very close as Father and Daughter's can be, we use to love watching motor sports together such as the V8 Supercar races that are a big thing here in Australia.

 

Dad died from Motor Neroune Disease, he had had it for nearly 4 years. He fought this bloody thing right up until his last breath.

 

I was there with him when he took that last breath and I'm so glad that I did, as I got to say afew things to him before he passed, I just hope he heard me!

 

Anyway, just wanted to get on here and write down how I'm feeling right now, very low and very sad!

 

Thanks for reading this and please Take Care!