Topic : Abuse

Yes it is normal for you to have all these feelings and emotions plus so much more. It is normal for you, it is your process.

I have been there as well, trying to remember and one incident blurring into the next. Its hard to sort it out at times. I too write, and it helps. When things get blurred I try to write down only what comes freshly to mind and not strain to much to remember more details. It helps a lot to sort out things.

You are right to say "SCREW ALL THAT CRAP"! It is just that, crap. No matter what happened or what you may have done, no one deserves to be treated with abuse. He was not man enough to walk away when things were to much and so in his anger, shame, guilt, control...whatever - he has the need to blame someone, you. I've heard the same things from my ex and more. It took so much time and healing to learn that this is not me but a flaw in him. Even now, a year or so later its tough, but its still better.

Not hearing anything usually can bring a mix of feelings...relief, sadness, happy, fear, anger, to name a few. You have been in such a vicious cycle that now it is off its axis you are not sure what to expect. Know that this is the norm as well and that you should keep a tight circle of support and be prepared for his crap. Not saying look over your shoulder constantly, just don't put yourself into a position where you are caught off guard without any help or support. He will step up and often change his game depending on his situation at the time.

Know that you can get past all of this and heal. You sound like an intelligent and strong woman with a wounded yet beautiful soul. Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are and what you've overcome so far! I know I am proud of you! Don't worry bout monopolizing the boards, thats what it is here for. I care about what you need to say as well as others, so take advantage and speak/write what you need and want to! Take care :)

Just need to unload and get some solid advice (reassurance?)

Talked with my ex today about what time I am getting our kids back. We settled on a time and I went to remind him that tomorrow is yet another surgery for our daughter and that I will be seeking the advice of a lawyer due to the problems and complications that happened due to her first surgery. He at this point started yelling and accusing me of not telling him any of this about her. Really? Of course I did. I have it written down when. I explain what I can about her medical issues but only to a point because he 9 out of 10's stops me talking to him due to his abusive attitude. He chooses not to come to her surgeries/procedures/doctor appointments. I always let him know when they are and keep him posted on everything, like I did through our whole marriage.

Today he cussed, yelled and threatened to go for custody (full but will settle for 50/50) so I ended the conversation. I am considering seeking a restraining order because of his abusive behavior and threats on taking the children but am unsure if doing so will make a real difference.

There is so much more and yet I need to go. I will post again later tonight.

Thank you and Take Care :)

Right now, this is all talk. Talk is not an action. It is words. Don't allow someone elses words affect the outcome of what you envision to be right. I am unsure why you are not allowing him 50/50 but I am sure yo have your reasons. Do your children also want him out of their lives?

I do take notes, lots of them, always. Yes, I have my reasons and they all stem from his abusive ways towards me and the children when we were together. He has mellowed some when it come to them but still hasn't been decent. They have come home crying from his outbursts. He has stated that he wants 50/50 because then he thinks he won't have to pay child support, but wants to go for full custody so that I have to pay him. Never about wanting to spend more time with them or what he will do with them for school, sick days, vacations, nothing. To him it is all about the almighty dollar. As for our children wanting more time with him, not really they like and have accepted the schedule we, the adults agreed upon.

He has taken our daughter, who has recently had surgery out on the boat - though the surgeon said no way possible to do that and that she will need six months to heal fully. So he is endangering her with no concern at all.

In the long run it not about what I envision is right but what in the long run is better for our children. Right now he is unstable when it comes to his emotions about me, sometimes threats of kidnapping our children and physical violence towards me. To me this is not a man who I prefer to have any contact with our children but I can't do that either. Of course there is a long list of abuse from him and I just don't have the time to go into the detail right now.  You can do a small search on my previous post under my screen name AutumnBrz and reas about some of it. Unfortunately I had to have my previous screen name and post erased because he found them and all heck broke lose!

But thank you reminding me to keep my notes. Take care :)

Where is everyone?

Pleasance, where are you?  Please check in, I am worried.

There was a security breach here, H snooping around on the computer and found his way to the boards here.   I had all past posts of mine erased   to be safe.  Thank you to the moderator of these boards for quick action.    I don't feel like I am in any danger, but needless to say, I won't be posting any details for a while.

Hope everyone is well and safe.

Back again but way better than in the past.  It is an everyday struggle still, but one day...............

I am really doubting Attorneys these days-was married for 36  years and I think sometimes they require retainers and are almost banking on the fact that these "old people" don't know any different and will get back together-EZ money????

I am acquainted with another DV wife and took her 9 months to have the divorce finalized??  I left Halloween and still not divorced-but after everything I have read about the kind of person He is-my hope of growing old with the Man I loved is over.  So keep trying to move forward-which is hard too-I understand but I don't understand-and I will always love Him??  Must have been hit in the head too hard? 

Please explain how after being away from him for almost 10 months I still struggle to stay away?  I won't go back---I go to the Crisis Center for counseling weekly-and that is what gave me the strength to stay away-BUT if I had not learned what I have learned about him I believe I would go back to him-does that make sense?    Oh well-one day maybe???

Dearest Help7979,

This triggers fear and angst these days.  I have many concerns.

As the steamy days of August wind down, trials and tribulations occur.

Prayers and good karma are needed, and requested for all those in need, myself included.

A need for solidarity  >>>>> PORCH LIGHTS ON !

The lights of strength and self respect - glow into the night.

PORCH LIGHTS ON !

I care.

Take care.

Love,

Pleasance

Please dear ladies, won't you keep this board active and a "buzz?"

I'm without time in abundance.

Personal crisis seems to be the phrase of the day.

The lazy days of summer are anything but lazy or leisurely.

Time-consuming, lengthy, lingering, and long-drawn-out come to mind, a force to be reckoned with.

As I live and breath, another summer engulfed in a whirlwind of chaos and commotion.

And so it goes ....

Hello All!

I am new to this board, but I'm searching for some advice. I'm 23 years old, I have a 6 year old son and 2 year old twin girls. The twins are from my husband of 3 years. When we first met he was wonderful.. as usual. The past 2 years have been like walking on eggshells... He drinks alot and here lately that is all he cares about. The things he says just amaze me, and scare me... When we got married he said if I ever left him or cheated on him, he would shoot me. How do you say that to someone you "love"? He is constantly mean to my son, and he has two children previous to me, he is soo mean to them too... IDK what to do! I can't live like this any longer... and he refuses to talk about anything!