Topic : Abuse

 I was married in Feb/05 to a guy I had been with for 9 months. Now I have already left him four times, am living with my parents, and ready for a divorce but scared. My husband verbally abuses me daily nonstop if things don't go his way. He has hit me about three times in front of my two year old son(by another man). But its not the physical abuse that stresses me out and depresses me the most its the verbal remarks. Every day I hear fat c**t, b**ch, four eyes among other totally inappropriate things I could never post. By the way my husband is 5'10 and about 270 lbs. I have tried to leave him but he just acts crazy. He says he's going to kill himself, cries in front of my parents house, calls...calls...calls.., and threatens me. He says he will stalk me and ruin any relationships I ever try to have. Did I mention he is Bipolar? Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm afraid even Dr. Phil couldn't even get through to my husband. 

His ignorance of your daughter would be a HUGE, HUGE concern for me!  HUGE!   

I LOVED the alternating idea -- that's a great solution, Gak! 

I would ABSOLUTELY REQUIRE a joint family counseling session WITHOUT the presence of the children to discuss your concerns about hubby's disrespectful/discounting treatment of his daughter.  I do understand that men are drawn to their son's -- somewhat -- but he is DAMAGING his daughter by his actions and her comments tells it ALL! 

I think it is totally the right thing to INSIST on alternating pickups for the kids. 

Have a great time at the cabin!  Q 

I think it took about 3 years for him to really settle down.  But I will say that he got another girlfriend BEFORE the divorce was final.  I'm pretty sure yours is on the look-out. 

And honestly I have to give his girlfriend-at-the-time credit for it.  She was appalled at the fact that SHE was in the middle as "go-between" regarding issues with the kids and I think that, in part, led to their break-up.  She couldn't understand why we couldn't "just get over" our disagreements and deal with child-rearing stuff like "adults".   

She was a powerful, controlling woman -- and pretty judgmental too / reminded me of me just not as nice about it.   

I tried to explain it but she refused to see the abuser in him -- and eventually she ended up being afraid of him too!  I think she didn't ever "see" thar real reason until she was breaking up with him. 

Expending THAT much effort is tiring and if you keep your message ADAMANT and CONSISTENT, he will probably give it up -- but I don't think you should expect it to be soon.  In fact, my Ex is STILL the abuser he ever was and I will ALWAYS be on guard for that.  It is that reason that I keep my communications STRICTLY about the children and there are no other subjects discussed PERIOD and that came after I STOPPED ALL communication.   

I stopped justifying any of my actions, I stopped bending over backward to avoid confrontation.  

I would civilly refute the "wife" word and let him know eventually that you WILL move on. 

You hubby sounds very much like an "anti-social"/sociopathic person and sometimes they just don't get it.  

The key here is that YOU GET IT -- and I think you have and your actions show that. 

Q