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Topic : Abuse

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 04:59:59 pm
Author : dataimport

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loris

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June 28, 2006, 6:54 am PDT

piece of work

Quote From: lssanders

loris, 

i have talked with him.  I think it makes him feel more "powerful" over me.  I have talked with our preacher and everyone!  They all agree that he is being selfish!  He complained that when my step dad comes to visit for dinner or whatever...that he has to put out money to feed him.   

My dad has been here visiting, but not staying in our home, as he has gotten a camper, and is camping....he has been twice to eat a meal with us!   I offered to help my dad out by doing some of his laundry, which i put in with our own.  It is really not many peices of clothes, but my husband says that "he" is the one paying for the electricity and the food. 

Yes, he plans to go into the ministry some day.  ??? I really am confused! 

Thanks, 

Linda 

He wants to be a minister, when his way of communicating with his wife is controlling her.  Have you told him how close you are coming to leaving?  You need to get into counseling for you.   
 
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dashicka
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Depressed

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June 28, 2006, 6:57 am PDT

Abuse

Quote From: loris

What you have described is abuse.  You said that it is taking a toll on your kids, staying is doing much worse.  You are the only person to protect them from harm and they rely on you.  I notice in your profile you live in the same state as me.  I live in southern part of the state. 
some people know that they are been abuse ,but there   religion eat at them, like for on i beleave i supose to stay untill GOD show me another way,but at other time i fell that's no true, i fell so torn.
 
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lssanders
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Relaxed

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June 28, 2006, 7:03 am PDT

Abuse

Quote From: loris

He wants to be a minister, when his way of communicating with his wife is controlling her.  Have you told him how close you are coming to leaving?  You need to get into counseling for you.   

We went through this 5 years ago.  I had to get an exparte on him, because at that time he hit me and was yelling etc. in front of our 6 year old grandson.  His anger was uncontrollable, which now, after that, he has learned to control...Thank God!   But, he uses funds and situations to make me feel like I USE HIM.  He said it was not fair to HIM to have to pay all the bills, etc.   

We went to counceling 5 years ago, when it got to where the councelor said some things he didn't want to hear, and I thought we were making some accomplishements, he said it was time to stop!  Because it was costing him $60.00 a week, and we were fine now!   Control again!  

Nothing matters what I do, he shows no interest in the things I like to do.  When I worked at the Nursery School with the children i would share things about my job with him, and he would change the subject.   Sometimes I feel so unloved.  He says he loves me, so I guess he does.
Linda 
 
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dashicka
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Depressed

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June 28, 2006, 7:11 am PDT

Abuse

Quote From: lssanders

loris, 

i have talked with him.  I think it makes him feel more "powerful" over me.  I have talked with our preacher and everyone!  They all agree that he is being selfish!  He complained that when my step dad comes to visit for dinner or whatever...that he has to put out money to feed him.   

My dad has been here visiting, but not staying in our home, as he has gotten a camper, and is camping....he has been twice to eat a meal with us!   I offered to help my dad out by doing some of his laundry, which i put in with our own.  It is really not many peices of clothes, but my husband says that "he" is the one paying for the electricity and the food. 

Yes, he plans to go into the ministry some day.  ??? I really am confused! 

Thanks, 

Linda 

I can relate to your life alot,and it seem that GOD is in your home. keep doing your wifly duties because GOD will bless you for them, in proverbs 31; it say a woman shoud keep her house net and clean,and you are doing all of the so kkep it up ,but it also say that the husband should treat you like a queen , just pray and ask GOD to show you the way, and you should move on them and DON'T LOOK BACK that was the mistack  i made.
 
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lssanders
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Relaxed

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June 28, 2006, 7:19 am PDT

ABUSE!

Quote From: dashicka

I can relate to your life alot,and it seem that GOD is in your home. keep doing your wifly duties because GOD will bless you for them, in proverbs 31; it say a woman shoud keep her house net and clean,and you are doing all of the so kkep it up ,but it also say that the husband should treat you like a queen , just pray and ask GOD to show you the way, and you should move on them and DON'T LOOK BACK that was the mistack  i made.

dashika, 

I do Know God and love HIM.  If it were not for HIM I just don't know what i would do.  I know I am doing the right things and trying so hard to please my husband and to take care of what he has "provided' for us. But, he will tell our grown children (girls) how I "take advantage" of him and his earnings.  I told him I thought this marriage was "WE" and he says no it is "HIMSELF"....Himself paying for all the bills etc etc.   

I read the bible and the man is to be the head of the household, and to "take care" of his family, which also means his wife.  If we did not have a good income then I could understand him saying I am not being "fair".  I do not expect money in my wallet or anythign like that....this isn't about that.  It is about him feeling like i take advantage of him even still after 32 years of marriage.  I look at other marriages and I just don't see this! 

I do not beleive in divorce.  I don't know where I would even go or what I would do at age 51.  ;-) 

Linda 
 
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loris

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June 28, 2006, 7:40 am PDT

Linda / Dashicka

Quote From: dashicka

I can relate to your life alot,and it seem that GOD is in your home. keep doing your wifly duties because GOD will bless you for them, in proverbs 31; it say a woman shoud keep her house net and clean,and you are doing all of the so kkep it up ,but it also say that the husband should treat you like a queen , just pray and ask GOD to show you the way, and you should move on them and DON'T LOOK BACK that was the mistack  i made.
I want to start with I feel like I am a very religious person.  No where in the bible does it say where your husbands have the right to treat you that way.  Linda I too don't believe in divorce and it is against my religion, but also if my priest was ever to know of the abuse that someone in his parish is under he would tell them to get to a safe place.  I too believe things happen for a reason, but abuse is not GOD's will.  I do believe prayer will help you both get through this, but don't stay because you feel that it is god's plan because it's not. 
 
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loris

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June 28, 2006, 7:55 am PDT

Linda

Quote From: lssanders

dashika, 

I do Know God and love HIM.  If it were not for HIM I just don't know what i would do.  I know I am doing the right things and trying so hard to please my husband and to take care of what he has "provided' for us. But, he will tell our grown children (girls) how I "take advantage" of him and his earnings.  I told him I thought this marriage was "WE" and he says no it is "HIMSELF"....Himself paying for all the bills etc etc.   

I read the bible and the man is to be the head of the household, and to "take care" of his family, which also means his wife.  If we did not have a good income then I could understand him saying I am not being "fair".  I do not expect money in my wallet or anythign like that....this isn't about that.  It is about him feeling like i take advantage of him even still after 32 years of marriage.  I look at other marriages and I just don't see this! 

I do not beleive in divorce.  I don't know where I would even go or what I would do at age 51.  ;-) 

Linda 

Don't sell  yourself to short there is alot you can do at 51. 
 
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lssanders
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Relaxed

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June 28, 2006, 8:07 am PDT

abuse

Quote From: loris

Don't sell  yourself to short there is alot you can do at 51. 

Well, I wish God or someone would show me what I can start doing at 51 to make a pleaseable income!!!  I was offered at our Nursery School to take Early Childhood classes 5 years ago, but he said "NO".  I wanted to continue taking computer classes (which I "loved" so much)...but he said NO.   Now I have no way to pay for computer classes.  I do not really want to be in Early Childhood at this age.  It is not really my cup of tea, but I will and can do that if that is what it takes. 

  
 
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loris

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June 28, 2006, 8:14 am PDT

I think

Quote From: lssanders

Well, I wish God or someone would show me what I can start doing at 51 to make a pleaseable income!!!  I was offered at our Nursery School to take Early Childhood classes 5 years ago, but he said "NO".  I wanted to continue taking computer classes (which I "loved" so much)...but he said NO.   Now I have no way to pay for computer classes.  I do not really want to be in Early Childhood at this age.  It is not really my cup of tea, but I will and can do that if that is what it takes. 

  

I think in away god has shown you, he brought you to this board for support.  Where I live we have technical schools that are not expensive and there are some that have financial aid for those who qualify and if you have no income you may qualify.  You also could get a job at a bank you running the store for 20 years gives you experience.  Please don't sell yourself short, that seems to be his job and you can prove to him and you can do this and you will survive.  There are places that offer their employees classes to better themselves.  You have options.
 
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loris

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June 28, 2006, 8:16 am PDT

over 20 years

Quote From: lssanders

Well, I wish God or someone would show me what I can start doing at 51 to make a pleaseable income!!!  I was offered at our Nursery School to take Early Childhood classes 5 years ago, but he said "NO".  I wanted to continue taking computer classes (which I "loved" so much)...but he said NO.   Now I have no way to pay for computer classes.  I do not really want to be in Early Childhood at this age.  It is not really my cup of tea, but I will and can do that if that is what it takes. 

  

Over 20 years ago I dropped out of college, I had 2 years to go to be a school teacher, what was I thinking.  Today I am with a company I have been with for 10 years and they are sending me to school.  You can do this. 
 
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