Topic : Abuse

Not EVERYONE is fooled by a liar or a manipulator.  Don’t be too quick to judge all of us. 

There will be people at his work who have been onto his head games.  There will be people in your community too. 

Not everyone falls for it.  Oh, woops, I see you say that at the end of your post.  That’s what I get for flying fingers  before I’m finished reading!!  Oopsie! 

I had the SAME DREAMS you did – PEACE was my goal. 

Hang in there – you WILL GET THERE.  And if my experiences are anything like yours, you will get MUCH MORE than peace.  Reclaiming your life is SO WORTH IT!  Like many who’ve said it before, I should have done it SOONER! 

Just have to walk over that bad road.     

You can do it!  With everything else you've accomplished, you can do this too!  But I won't kid you but telling you it's easy.  Divorce is devastating. 

But there IS LIFE AFTER IT! 

Q 

Just to add to my last post.  What I'm hoping is that I can get enough money together to get a mover and storage facility to get my grand piano is so that I can sell it to pay an attorney.  I could get at least $8,000 for the piano and that would get me a safe place to live, furniture and clothes and necessities.  I could begin again and get divorced and start over.  And when the house is sold there is my future.  I know I will get only one chance to get my things, leave the area and be free at last.  He has no idea that I am trying to put a plan together to get my money from the sale of the house.  Last week I went by and he has a sign on it "for sale by owner".  A neighbor said he is trying to have someone pay off the mortgage and pay him the rest of the money directly upon the sale.  Unfortunately for me its been six months and he very well could sell it for 500,000 and say he only got 240,000 which is what is owed and there's nothing I can do about it.  I really need help on this.  I cannot do this without a lawyer.  Any thoughts would be appreciated. 

I know it's frustrating!  Man oh man --  

You should EXPECT delays.  Your hubby has tried to manipulate and control you.  So the odds are REALLY GOOD that he will try to do the same with the court and anyone else. 

So a delay or continuance is probably a huge likelihood.  BUT a judge will not allow him to play those kind of games forever. 

But the GOOD NEWS IS... his former lawyer probably gave him enough flack and bad news about his head games, visitation, meddling, etc. and THAT'S what go tthe attorney fired -- the TRUTH.  SO, count that as a good thing.  However, the former lawyer should have sent your lawyer a letter that he was no longer retained as an attorney for your S-T-B Ex as a consideration.   

You will get your divorce, maybe not as soon as Dec. but you WILL get it. 

Hang in there. 

Q 

You need a lawter IMMEDIATELY!  Do you have at least $1200 or $2400?  That's usually all you need for a retainer. 

If your hubby has your house listed "for sale by owner", that won't matter.   

If you file suit for divorce NOW, a court will prohibit the sale of the house until a property settlement is agreed upon or mandated by the court.  A judge will also probably require a realtor. 

If your name is on the mortgage, your hubby CAN NOT sell the house WITHOUT your signature unless you have already signed a QUITCLAIM.  Odds are you haven't done that so your rights to the property will probably be preserved.  You will be required to be present at closing to sign off on the sale and you will see the settlement statement and know exactly how much money changed hands. 

You need to PROTECT YOUR ASSETS.  If hubby is engaging in "creative" financial dealings, and you know this, you CAN NOT AFFORD to wait for him to give you the shaft and lose $120,000!!! 

Call some attorneys NOW and find one that will work with you regarding a retainer.   You need to file for divorce NOW. 

In most jurisdictions, you and your spouse are entitled 1/2 the assets and 1/2 the liabilities.  Assets includes, houses, cars, boats, RVs, land, second homes, PIANOS,  AND 401Ks, other retirement accounts, and investment accounts.  Liabilities include, notes, credit cards, car payments, anything the two of you OWE. 

So unless you owned your piano PRIOR to getting married, or it was an inheritance or a gift, then your spouse is entitled to 1/2 the value in the piano. 

If you're spouse has a 401K, you are also entitled to 1/2 of that during the time of the marriage. 

So there may be other "value" you aren't considering. 

Q 

DO NOT sign a quit claim!!  If you do that, he can do anything he wants regarding the property and you get NOTHING. 

DO NOT return to the marriage!!  If you do, the BEST you can expect is more of the same treatment.   

Your spouse can not keep you out the home that you BOTH own.  You can get an escort to get your personal belongings -- clothes, jewelry, shoes.   

But if you file for divorce, you won't be able to sell ANYTHING until there is a property settlement.  Hubby won't be able to sell ANYTHING either.  That way you guys BOTH get 1/2. 

Most attorneys require a retainer up front and then will allow you make payments.   

Is there any family that you could borrow enough to get a retainer and pay them back?  Q 

I went to an attorney and he told me his fee was $3000 and that would take care of it all.  Of course, I don't have $30,00.  I truly am broke.  I really don't have anyone to borrow from that's why I am trying to get the money for a mover and storage unit so that I can get the piano and sell it to retain an attorney.  If I can do this I definitely need to go into hiding. Once he knows I am trying to get the money from the house he will kill me.  I am scared to death but I don't know what else to do.  He has already sold our boat and who knows what else.  I don't have any proof the piano was mine before we married.  As far as the furniture goes, it is on my charge account, but I don't have any paperwork, account numbers.  Nothing.  I really had the clothes on my back and some jewelry which I pawned just to live.  My jewelry was valued at approx. $80,.000 but all my receipts, paperwork, appraisals were in the house in my file cabinets.   When the police let me in the morning this happened they were gone along with everything else.  The piano and furniture in the music room have returned.  He did change the locks and it is a very large house, (14 rooms).  I could not tell you what has been returned, sold, hidden or thrown away.      I cannot file for divorce on my own, I am soooooooooooooooo afraid of him.  Can I put a lien on the property to give me some time to get the $ together for an attorney?