Topic : Cheated On

Aw... Thank you for saying that.

 

I've questioned the choices I've made in the past and hope I don't repeat the same mistakes.

 

I think part of the problem is that the people we meet are not truely ready for a relationship. They're not able to take ownership for their role in past failed relationships.

 

I like what you said,  In a committed relationship... "they make you want to be committed". This man would rather have one good women that is honest, committed and willing to go the distance in a relationship with true love for each other, than to be infatuated and lusting with many women.

 

I am very happy to hear you still believe in committed relationships. You never know when you might meet that good man and then, to loose him because you have the wrong attitude.

 

I tell my 2 daughters that it's a miracle to be able to even find that special somone. 

 

That is one of my nightmares,  that I will meet my true love and be to damn old to get it up.  LOL

 

I will never settle. I would rather be alone.

 

Have a good day and it was very nice talking to you.     

I think you got the wrong impression of me...lol    I don't have a bad attitude towards men.  I do here on the boards only to wake women up, but I don't talk that way to men or around me... crips that would be shooting myself in the foot...lol

 

No, I don't harbour any resentment towards men in general. I'm angry, but more at the fact I was stupid enough to think that this one was going to be "the" one and only find out after 7yrs that I didn't really know him at all.... thats more what my anger is about... being a stupid woman who did everything possible for a man only to be walked on in the end and have him go trolling for someone else right under my nose.  He underestimated my spy powers though...lol

 

I admire your convictions, and your right "it is a miracle to be able to even find that special someone" at all. You at least had I think you said, 24 yrs... I have never had that, as much as I have desired it.  Seven has been my longest...lol  Before that it was a running joke that if a guy made it past the 2yr mark with me he was doing good.  I didn't want to invest any more time than that when I saw moral flaws etc... so when I said I've had my share, I wasn't joking.

 

I feel too old to look now, and living under the same roof (because of financial issues) makes it impossible to meet anyone anyways...how do you explain living in the same house as your ex?.. so I just plug away a day at a time, I think its harder this way cause each day I get to be reminded when I see him,of how he screwed it up and how our life could of been so different if he only had some restraint and a big padlock on his zipper...lol  sorry, couldn't resist that....

 

I hope you find the "perfect one for you" some where down the road, she will be lucky and if she is the right one she will know how lucky she is....

 

There are two sayings that I always run thu my head "those who don't remember the past are condemned to repeat it" and the other is "I don't want the kind of love I can live with,,I want the kind of love I can't live without!"... maybe before I die, who knows....lol  Have a good one Manoman, it was great to talk to you too, my email is always open if you get bored....:)

I promise you, I have no preconceived ideas about you...

 

From some of your post you did sound angry and you should be... I guess I am as stupid as you then, because  when someone say's they "love me" I tend to believe them.

 

I have been divorced for 3 1/2 years and the first year I did have resentment towards all women. Through my anger I thought they were all self absorbed bitches. I do know better now... LOL

 

I too, thought I knew my wife of 24 years... She changed through the years. I got custody of my two daughters now 18 and 22 and they even noticed the change in her.

 

Your husband might have changed as well...

 

I think you still have time to be in a long term relationship...  Hell, My hopes are to be in my next relationship even longer than that.  LOL 

 

Don't be talking that  "to old to be looking" crap... LOL  I will be 52 this summer. and as far as living with your X,  I think you just explained it very well. Just don't take your date to your house. LOL  A good man will understand your situation.

 

I wish you all the luck as well in finding a good man that will appreciate who you are.

 

I love both of your sayings... and I appreciate you offering your e-mail when I get bored but I had to give up the internet at home because I am still recovering from the divorce. :-) So I only get on this site at work. 

 

Brad 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Brad, your right. I think people and and do change, we can't stay the same person over time.  But, usually if they are truly in love, they change for the better of the relationship.  Usually the change is a benefit to the couple.  When someone says "I love you" we do tend to believe them, I mean we don't think there is any ulterior motive behind those words.  But the fact remains that when a couple drift apart slowly over years, those words can take on motives.  They can mean "I say I love you, so we can get a house", "I say I love you so you will pay the bills", "I say I love you so you don't see what I'm doing behind your back until I find someone new and want a divorce"... Its really sad. 

 

Some of us say what we really mean, others say what we want to hear.

 

I do sound angry on here sometimes, I will admit that...but mostly its because I forget to put on my "board filter" and I just shoot from the hip without thinking about how it sounds.  Those are probably the days that I feel sad because I don't want to be in this situation at this age and yet here I am.  I am blurting out my frustration trying to make people see that life isn't always what it seems and the blinders need to be taken off so they can see what is going on in their own lives with some clarity.  I will try not to come off so harsh... but no promises...lol

 

Divorce sucks, whether the person was the one that cheated or was cheated on... the ending result of those actions is usually divorce.  If people(notice I didn't say men..lol) put as much effort into their marriage or relationship as they did "looking for someone new" they wouldn't have problems in the marriage to begin with. 

 

Your going to be fine, you have a good head on your shoulders and you don't sound selfish.  And 52 for a guy is young... the men who want a 52yr old woman are the 65+ crowd cause then we are the younger woman....lol 

Have a good one,as always its been a slice talking to you..take care ~Red

 

Hi Red,

 

I thought as relationship develop... "in-love" is replaced with love and respect. "Infactuation" is replaced with admiration etc... 

 

And your right about people, Some say what we mean and others say what we want to hear and I have to admit I think men do it more, for reason I don't have to tell you. :-)

 

I am not happpy either about my situation as well but I work on my attitude every day, that is the main reason I first posted to you. I love people as a whole and hate to hear their pain. You know us men, we are always trying to fix something or wanting to help. LOL

 

It's time for me to go home.  It was nice talking to you again. It's good to see you used people instead of men in general. We all will be fine as long as we believe.

 

I hope you have a great day, and thank you for being so nice.  :-)  

 

Brad

You have each found another of the other gender who has similar experiences!

 

Good for you, it can be an eye-opener.

 

PS, Red, I used to think exactly as you do. I'm not saying you're wrong about some men. I'm just saying that to buy into the attitude that ALL men behave the way you think they do hurts you, and blinds you.

 

Carry on.....

I have no doubt we all have had our share of similar experiences... 

 

Red has acknowledge to me that ALL men do not behave the same.  Just 62% of them do. LOL

 

I know being lied to, betrayed, cheated on, being told what you want to hear for their own agenda is just down right wrong, and to have the person you love and trusted the most to do it... Sheesh

 

And the more the person tried in that relationship will take even longer to recover. And if it has happened on all of their relationships, they may never be able to recover.  :-(   Very sad and my heart goes out to them.

 

I have been tested many times in my life... and I have to admit, a broken heart has been the tuffest one yet in my 51 years.  Sio I am sending all broken hearts "a get well soon" card. 

 

Brad

 

  

 

 

 

 

Like Brad said, I don't think all men are jerks..only 62%...lol  I'm not blind, I was...but my eyes are wide open and will remain that way now for eternity... I think I'm done with men... time to be alone and since I like who I am and won't have to compromise on my convictions, I should get along just fine with me....:)

Hey Brad, how goes the battle... :) Thanks for kind of sticking up for me, you write from the heart, I write with a knee jerk reaction....lol 

 

I for one will accept your "get well card" my heart is tortured every day and coming here and reading your posts makes it better for a short time.  Thanks ((hugs))~Red

And a happy Monday to you...

 

I don't always write from the heart. :-)  I am human and have my moments of knee jerk reactions as well...

 

For grins I would like to share an experience I had over the weekend...  I worked all day Saturday out in the yard and was too tired afterwards to fix something to eat. So I cleaned myself up and went to dinner at my favorite tavern close to my house. As I was sitting there enjoying my beer, my X called me on my cell phone. When I saw her name on the caller ID, I rolled my eyes and shoved the phone back in my pocket, knowing that there was no emergency concerning my daughters. At the same time my youngest daughter happened to be working in the dinning area of the same tavern.  When my youngest daughter gets home that night from work she informs me that when my X called me, she was sitting in the no-smoking section of the same tavern, watching me the whole time. LOL 

 

My X still wants me to be her best friend. I can't be a friend with somebody I don't trust or respect. The things she did to me... I couldn't do to an enemy.  Sheesh.... 

 

My heart is in pain most of the time as well... exchanging thoughts and getting a cyber hug from you makes me feel much better too.

 

Thank you, and a heart felt hug back at you...

 

Brad