Topic : Interracial Relationships

Hello.

i,m sorry that you are afraid to tell your father about your love in your life.i have been married to a man from another race, we,re not married today that is not my parents or anyone elses fault. You need to tell your father that this is your love and newfound mate, he will be worried for you, i,m sorry if he wont accept your mate becauce of race and all, but this is your life, your father need to go  through his feeling of what that might be, in the end if he loves you enough he will accept your mate, or it is his loss, i hope i have not hurt you or your family by writing this, my own dad was a big only white man for my daughters, but today he has accepted as much as he can the man i,m married to. when i was growing up i did not know that my parents did not like people of another race, and this is Denmark, europe, i never knew. I wish you the best in telling your dad, and if he does not want to see your mate, that is his choice, you have to respect that, if he sees that you two are happy, and that your mate is the best thing that ever happend to you he might just come around, again i dont know, but i  wish you the best, with your mate yourself and your dad, mariamlone,denmark

I have had to face this with my family. I dated white men but those relationships were emotionaly and phisically abusive. I met my boyfriend now and he is african american he is this best man i have ever had. this man wouldn't lay a hand on me and has never in the three years i have known him and dated him for almost two years has ever called me a name. He has never defaced me never put me down for who i am or what i look like. He accepts me for me. He gives me every last of his money if i need it or sacrifice anything just to make me happy. I fact i am proud to say that i two weeks we are going to have a baby boy. and i  am proud to be the mom of his child. My family of course at the beging hated that i went out of the race. Well realy everyone was skepticdal about it but my dad and my stepmom were the ones that were totaly against it. when the family finnally met him and talked to him they found out that he was a good guy. he graduated with honors president of his class and an all time sports awards. He also president of 3 other clubs at his high school. He also is very active in the salvation army boys and girls club. He is already graduated and he is in college and he plans to graduate.  They woke up and was like wow this guy is actually a good guy well right now my dad has came around to hliking him and my stepmom has got closer but al that i say cares is that i am happy. I have a wonderful guy and a handsome son on the way. I am trully happy in my life and no one can take that away from me not even my family. They have the choice to be apart of the kids life but if they don't that is thier loss.

  HI I'M FROM AUSTRALIA & IT AMAZES ME THAT INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE SUCH A BIG ISSUE IN AMERICA....I THINK IN AUSTRALIA WE ARE MORE EASY GOING, WHEN IT COMES TO THIS TOPIC. I'VE NEVER KNOWN ANYONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH DATING OUTSIDE THEIR OWN RACE OR ACCEPTING A COUPLE THAT DO..

 HI I REALLY FEEL FOR YOU MATE. I'M FROM AUSTRALIA & OVER HERE INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT A PROBLEM. OBVIOUSLY YOUR FATHER DOESNT AGREE WITH MIXING RACES. WE ALL WISH FOR OUR PARENTS ACCEPTANCE WITH WHAT WE DO..BUT SOMETIMES THAT AS YOU KNOW DOESNT HAPPEN. IT'S TO EASY TO SAY 'HAVE YOUR MAN OVER FOR DINNER' ECT...BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR DAD WILL ACCEPT.

 BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY..YOU HAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOURSELF.YOUR AN ADULT & AS LONG AS HE MAKES YOU HAPPY & TREATS YOU WELL...THATS ALL THAT SHOULD MATTER.

MAYBE THATS WHAT YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR FATHER???...IF ALL ELSE FAILS.TELL HIM 'YOU CANT CONTROL WHO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH'...ASK HIM TO REMEMBER HOW HE FELT WHEN HE WAS IN LOVE & THATS HOW YOU FEEL NOW..YOU CANT CONTROL LOVE

Have you ever seen pictures of Kimora Lee- Simmons? She was a famous model in her time and is the former wife of Russel Simmons.  If you have not heard of her or seen her picture, her mom was Japanese and her dad was black.  Her skin tone is similar to that of a black/ white mix, but she has 'asian' eyes.  Imagine Hally Berry's skin with the hair and eyes of  Lucy Lu.   I personally think its a beautiful mix. 

If your friend wants to see a black/asian mix personally, I would recommend her taking a vacation to Jamaica.  I took a vacation there recently, and met many people who refered to themselfes as 'blackinese' (half chinese, half black).  Unfortunately, I havent met any mixed black/ asian where I grew up, hence my suggestion to travel, but maybe it is possible to find such a person nearby in your area.

It is possible that your friend might be worried about the stigmitization of the child.  Personally, I am a white girl living in Korea, and there are a few mixed races here (black/ korean, white/korean, etc).  However, these children are cast aside (with the exception of a famous mix race actor) because of the prominent Confucianism thinking here.  I find that americans a more tolerant of mix children (as much as I like the people here).  Just point out to your friend that if she does decide to marry this guy, that all that matters is her children being loved, not just how they look.

I am mostly concerned, though, that your friends hesitation is a clue to deeper problems under the surface.  If I met the man of my dreams, my first thought would not be the looks of our children, regarless of what race he was. I would recommend seeing if it is in fact, something deeper.

Good luck!

Hi everyone,

I have been extremely frustrated with my situation so I found this board and hope that many of you can give me the encouragement I need to deal with my situation. Sorry this is so long.

I am Asian and I dated my now ex-bf  who is African American for a year  (I'll call him B). We had our ups and down during this time but we managed to make it through. B bought me a ring to show me that he was really serious about me so I felt secure enough to bring him home to meet my parents at the end of September. I was terrified and this was my second RL with an AA man but I did it. My family moved to the states from Asia 14 years ago and my parents are old fashioned and beleive that we shouldn't be dating/marrying outside of our race but if it comes down to it then the worst is a white man but never a black man and I know that is just so wrong that they think that way. With this kind of thing I know I can't  make them change their minds. And we live in the midwest so there aren't that many minorities to begin with so to see an Asian/African American couple is very rare. Anyway, my parents didn't say anything right after meeting B, they waited a week later (a day before my birthday) to tell me that they will never approve of him and that I am messing up my life for being with him. With the other guy they bit their tounge and didn't say anything b/c he was lighter skinned than B and they couldn't say much anyway because I left home and moved in with him. I dealt so much better with the end of that relationship because me and that guy just had too many problems so it was not big loss for me. I was actually relieved.

They know nothing about B yet they judge him because of how he looks, I told them that he's a good guy, comes from a good family, he's got a college degree, has a good job and hardworking, takes care of me and all around good to me and most importantly he makes me happy. When I grew up they said that was all they want for me, the one thing they stress about was one with a good education. So he fits all the things that they want for me but he just isn't Asian so that doesn't matter. They told me that they they'd rather have me marry an Asian who has no education and  they'd still be satisfied. I am college educated and have a good job in the financial services industry and I work very hard to make my way to the top.  I asked them if they'd rather see me with an Asian guy who I won't be happy with? Cheat on me? Treat me how a lot of old fashion asian men expect their wives to be? Like a servant in some cases?

B has been in my shoes before and he ended up dumping the girl because his parents didn't approve of her. So when I told him this he instantly said we got to break up, we talked and we cried and we hung in there for a month. Finally last week he said he couldn't give me and us 100% knowing my parents feel that way about him so let's not waste time and let each other move on. He said that he can't deal with the fact that my family is ashamed of him and they don't know anything about him. I see where he is coming from so I don't even blame him. We had planned our future together and I can only see myself with him because we were just right for each other in every way and I don't know how to deal with this. All people have told me is that I can't make everybody happy and I have to live my life but this is my parents and they are all I got. That is another reason why B doesn't want them to think the worst of him, they already  dont like him so he doesnt' want them think that he's the reason they are losing their daughter. We decided that we can remain friends but realistically I can't deal with it. How can you go from having that person as your world, you planned your lives around each other and have that yanked out from under you. When we saw each other we both acted distant and i suppose in a way to protect our hearts from more pain. We had sex and that made it worse for me because it was passionate yet it made me feel so sad inside to know that this man is holding me kissing me but the moment I walk out that door and go back home I am just an ex. We lost the exclusivity with each other, I know he's hurting and he's been drinking and going out with his buddies to fill up his time. Me on the other side I've just been crying and try to come to terms with my loss as I don't know what to do since this is so out of my control. We talk and text everyday and that makes it so hard. I've been thinking maybe we need to stop communicating for a litle while and "heal" before we talk again. This is just so much harder to deal with than just a break up because neither one of us did anything wrong.I can't imagine not hearing from him for even one day as he's been my best friend who I share all my hopes and dreams with.

i am african american and on the contray ive never dated within my race before and it just because i prefer white or hispanic men more so than african american because ive had better experiences with them thatn ive had with african american men