I am a 35 y.o. white woman born, reered, and presently living in the DEEP south. I was married for 15 years to a white man with whom I have 3 white children. I am now engaged to a wonderful african-american man. He has 2 children. We are both professionals with great careers. He is very successful and well known in our city by all races. Our biggest issue is not with white people disapproving (at least not openly), but with his own culture. My very conservative family accepts and likes him. My children are wild about him. Everyone assumes that we are together simply because of the race difference and imply all of the ignorant stereotypes of black/white dating. I have always loved black culture (I love learning about all cultures) and have always had friends of all races. With the exception of my closest black "girlfriends", we catch hell from black women. They have the most hurtful things to say about me and they don't even know me. They say ugly things about him such as "Oh now that you are successful you can't date a black woman". The biggest scare tactic that his friends and family (even people off of the street) use is that he better watch it, that white woman will bring you down. They tell him he will never be able to succeed regarding political aspirations because the black people will feel betrayed (and that he can't possibly have black issues as a priority anymore) and the white people will have the "we'll show him .... who does he think he is marrying a white woman" attitude. The sad fact is that if he were to run for this particular office today having never dated me publicly, he would almost certainly win with black and white support. He has never exclusively dated one race or another. In his eyes he has dated women.....some of which happen to be of other skin tones. He has never excluded black women. We met by chance, had conversation and enjoyed each other for the good qualities we found in each other. Why are we having so much discord with his own community? Everyone has the right to date anyone they want. We don't judge anyone or say hurtful things to others about choices they make. Why do people feel the need to impose their opinions and attitudes upon us.
Also, would like interaction with others out there that have similar situations ....... especially those with which there are blended families with white children from a previous relationship and black children from a previous relationship. Please share experiences positive or negative. For instance, how is it received when a black man takes his blonde hair-blue eyed step-daughter to dance lessons. I know that I have had some strange looks when taking my fiance's 2 year old son to the black barber in a predominately black barber shop.
I know that I will probably get some really ignorant, back-woods, rednecked replies and that's ok because I like to laugh at ignorance. I am really hopeful for some useful and helpful discussion from people with educated insight.
