Topic : Interracial Relationships

Number of Replies: 207
New Messages This Week: 1
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:46:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Society has become more accepting towards relationships with someone of a different race. Is your family united, or divided over your interracial relationship? Share your story here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 19, 2008, 3:51 pm PDT

Interracial Dating

I am a 34 yr old white single mother of a 4 year old who is bi-racial.  My family has a problem with me dating outside my race.  My grandmother always asks me why can't you find a nice white guy.  I have dated white guys but do prefer to date interracially.  Also I feel that white men have a problem with my bi-racial daughter.  We come as a package and I need someone that will accept both of us.  I feel that dating in my 30's are very hard and so want to settle down but don't want to settle for someone I won't be happy with.  I wish my family would accept me dating outside my race because I want to be happy with the person that I am with.  I need to find that guy that treats me right. 


P.S. The guys that were on the show on the 14th were pretty hot.   I really thought Carlos was HOTTTT!!!!
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 19, 2008, 5:44 pm PDT

Don't Know What to do.

I have been in an interacial relationship for about two years.  I am only 20 years old so when I first started the relationship i was not too worried, because I wasn't sure if it would work it.  However, I fell in love with my boyfriend and we have been going strong ever since.  The only problem is my family, especially my father.  My father is of Cuban descent, but born in this country and he is racist towards African Americans.  My boyfriend is Hatian, and my father would never approve of the realtionship.  SInce my relationship was getting serious I decided that I should talk to my father about it.  However, before I got the chance to talk to him my father found a picture of me and my boyfriend, and in the picture we were kissing.  My father was furious and asked me if that was my boyfriend I admited that he was my boyfriend at one point, but lied and told him we broke up.  I feel bad for lying, but just seeing my fathers reaction scared me.  That was about 8 months ago, and my father still does not know.  My boyfriend and I go to the same college, and lived on campus so we always got to see each other, however now that it is summer and we are back home, the few times I want to see him I have to go behind my fathers back.  My mother is supportive of the relationship, however, I feel bad that she has to cover for me.  She insists that one day I need to tell my father, but im too scared.  It hurts that I keep such a significant and important part of my life from my father.  I am madly in love with my boyfriend, and see myself marrying him one day.  I want to be happy, but I am also scared of my father.  What should I do?
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 19, 2008, 6:44 pm PDT

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: nina105

I have been in an interacial relationship for about two years.  I am only 20 years old so when I first started the relationship i was not too worried, because I wasn't sure if it would work it.  However, I fell in love with my boyfriend and we have been going strong ever since.  The only problem is my family, especially my father.  My father is of Cuban descent, but born in this country and he is racist towards African Americans.  My boyfriend is Hatian, and my father would never approve of the realtionship.  SInce my relationship was getting serious I decided that I should talk to my father about it.  However, before I got the chance to talk to him my father found a picture of me and my boyfriend, and in the picture we were kissing.  My father was furious and asked me if that was my boyfriend I admited that he was my boyfriend at one point, but lied and told him we broke up.  I feel bad for lying, but just seeing my fathers reaction scared me.  That was about 8 months ago, and my father still does not know.  My boyfriend and I go to the same college, and lived on campus so we always got to see each other, however now that it is summer and we are back home, the few times I want to see him I have to go behind my fathers back.  My mother is supportive of the relationship, however, I feel bad that she has to cover for me.  She insists that one day I need to tell my father, but im too scared.  It hurts that I keep such a significant and important part of my life from my father.  I am madly in love with my boyfriend, and see myself marrying him one day.  I want to be happy, but I am also scared of my father.  What should I do?
I think that you need to tell him.  I know that he will be upset at first but i am sure that he wants you to be happy and will realize that he does make you happy.  I would make sure that you want to be with him because you are really young and sometimes you don't know what you want until you are like 25 or so.  I am 34 and still looking for that special one. 
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 19, 2008, 7:34 pm PDT

Interracial Relationship

Quote From: tlan73

I am a 34 yr old white single mother of a 4 year old who is bi-racial.  My family has a problem with me dating outside my race.  My grandmother always asks me why can't you find a nice white guy.  I have dated white guys but do prefer to date interracially.  Also I feel that white men have a problem with my bi-racial daughter.  We come as a package and I need someone that will accept both of us.  I feel that dating in my 30's are very hard and so want to settle down but don't want to settle for someone I won't be happy with.  I wish my family would accept me dating outside my race because I want to be happy with the person that I am with.  I need to find that guy that treats me right. 


P.S. The guys that were on the show on the 14th were pretty hot.   I really thought Carlos was HOTTTT!!!!
Thanks so much for your advice.  I  realize that I really need to find the courage to tell my dad. 

I know that I am much younger than you and am not as experienced,  but I think the key is to find someone that makes you happy.  Whether they are black, white, asian, hispanic or what have you.  The man that knows how to treat you right, and accepts your daughter, is definitley worth you families acceptace, despite their race.  Although you prefer to date interacially you should try to be open to different kinds of men.   And most imporatntly find someone that make you happy.  Hope that helps =)
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 19, 2008, 8:07 pm PDT

Interracial Relationships

Quote From: miizztriisha

I think its so sad how selfish people can be. Its not about you. Its about what makes your daughter happy. You're entitled to your beliefs, but how dare you deny your daughter for a choice that isn't hurting anyone? People can get so stuck on what society thinks and whats normal that they lose touch with what matters most. You are her MOTHER. You are her protector. You're the one that should have her back when your family turns their backs on her. You gave birth to that girl. This is just ridiculous to me. I can't hardly believe that people are ashamed that of something that is such a small part of a person. This is 2008!! Get with the program. We all bleed red and we are all equal in God's eyes.
When you say you don't think your daughter knows what she is getting into.  What exactly do you mean by that?  That is letting her know it is more important to worry about what other people think than worry about her happiness.  I know what it is like for a family not to be so accepting of interracial dating but they still love me and not matter what they will be there for me.  They wish I would date within my own race but I know that as long as I am happy they will be happy for me even though they don't agree with it.  I think that is how it should be when you raise a daughter or son you raise them to be their own person not to live for family and friends.  She needs to be happy with whoever it may be.  The color of ones skin does not make the person.  The person inside is what makes the person.  I hope that you and your family can come to accept her decisions as an adult and not make her feel alienated.  There is nothing more important than the support of your family.  That is what you look at to always be there for you and it is sad how we can just disown our family because of a decision that they family member made. 
 
User Mood
Worried

Message Emote
blank
June 30, 2008, 10:00 pm PDT

Ready for a change

I'm black and my girlfriend of 8 years is white. We have been in this relationship off and on for 8 years. I live in Dallas and she lives in a small town in Oklahoma. Its about a 1 hour and 30 minute drive to Dallas. She drives to Dallas to see me every weekend. She works on Saturday till 3 then comes to see me. I also drive to Oklahoma to see her and thats how we spend time together. Every Monday morning around 5:30 she gets up and drives home. We have been threw alot together but a few things haven't taken place. We have been together for 8 years but I have never met her brothers or here parents. Her family knows nothing about me, all they no is she drives to Dallas every weekend. Now she has cheated on me 3 times that I know about and I have cheated on her. She knows I want to marry her but I think we should live together first. The main reason why she hasn't moved is because she works with her brother working the family business. Moneys wise she is sit if she remains working the family busy. Keep in mind she hates working the family busy but she will not inherit any money if she quits her job. I ask her if she wants me to move to Oklahoma and her responses was "heck no we cannot live her". So basically what I'm asking is for some advice because 8 years is alot to throw away and I really need so direction.

 

 

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
July 27, 2008, 11:27 am PDT

Aren't all relationships

In my view, ALL relationships are inter-ratial.  Women are human and men are, who knows what! 

 

I am the PROUD mother of a white 17 yr daughter, a black 15 year old son and I am now pregnant with TWIN boys who's father is Puerto Rican.  All my children are biological.  Yes, I have experienced racism regarding the races of my children.  However, the racism and prejudice I have and continue to experience has come from MOSTLY my family.  Oh, there have been times when some ignorant retard has called me some stupid, unoriginal name, but I can count on one hand the times that's happened.  However, I would need a scientific calculator to enumerate all the racist and prejudice comments, intentional and unintentional that have come from my own family. 

 

However, I understand that for MOST of my family, their comments are not about how they truly feel about the races, but their FEARS of what others will think about me, my children and THEM, and what others might DO to express their thoughts about us.  And that fear comes from how racism reared it's ugly head in their generation.  In the 40's, 50's and 60's, they had Stepin Fetchit, the Watts Riots, etc....  They can't conceive that racism doesn't exist on THAT level anymore, atleast not that OPENLY and VIOLENTLY, and it's hard for me to get wrapped around the idea that it ever did.  I know it did, but not during my lifetime, atleast not during my conscience of the world around me lifetime.

 

So, I don't look at their comments as hatred, or dislike, but as an expression of their love for me and my children.  As time went on, and nothing bad happened to my son, or me, or them, because of my son's race, they became less and less uncomfortable with it.  In fact, I think, for the most part, they don't even "see" his race anymore, (but are still very aware of it). 

 

There are others in my family, though, who are racist, simply because, in their circle, it's unacceptable not to be.  And others who are NOT neccesarrily racist, but would NEVER interratially date, let alone have a child with, because of not wanting to "disappoint" the family.  WHO CARES!  Is what I say. 

 

Yes, I had problems with my son's father.  And yes, his problems stemmed from what he so Wrongly thought, and still does think, what being Black means he has to behave like.  THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is, In my opinion, the WORST kind of racism and prejudice.  To be self destructive simply because behaving otherwise means you are LESS Black than the next guy?  SICK!   I had the EXACT same problems with my daughter's WHITE father. 

 

What's my point with all this?  I don't know.  Racism is played out? Stupid? Yes.  Do I think Racism should be important.  Absolutely NOT.  It should be, by now, carry absolutely no weight today.  There is no room for it anymore!

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
August 21, 2008, 11:33 pm PDT

I was forced to break up with my boyfriend....

i have been with my boyfriend 2 years now, and we met in high school and i fell in love with him so much and he fell in love with me!!!!!! my family are greek orthadox christians and my boyfriend is muslim. My parents thought that it would just be a little thing but after 11 months of dating him i got serious! and my parents did not like that at all!!!!!!!!!!! they only met him once for about 10 minutes so they couldnt have said he was a problem. one night, they sat me down and said to me you have to end the relationship now, call him right now infront of us and end it!!!!!!!! and i was crying and i tried to run to my room but my dad grabbed me and said sit down and break up with him right now and i almost fainted i was dizzy and blury. i remember how bad this felt!!!!!!!!! so finally, i just couldnt take it anymore! so i rang him. and broke up with him infront of my parents. after a couple hours of crying i was so angry i thought to myself, NO! no way can they do this to me after 11 months, if they didnt want me dating a muslim they should have expressed that before we started dating and before i fell for him! so i rang my best friend and she came to my house and picked me up and took me for a drive. while i was in the car, i rang my boyfriend. my poor baby was crying and crying saying aleisha dont leave me baby i need you please stay with me, and i was crying too, and i said i am going to stay with you, i will do it without my parents knowing about it. so, ever since then, its been a secret relationship!  weve been hiding the relationship for a long time and its hurting.

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
August 26, 2008, 9:21 pm PDT

Help..! family opposes interracial relationship

Hi,

 

I'm a 20 year old female (Chinese), and I've been dating my best friend who's an Indian guy but born in HK and brought up there before he moved to Australia for high school, which was where we met. - so he speaks chinese and english fluently. We've been going out for 3 years now, and we were friends for 2 years before that. He treats me really really well, just like how a girl should be treated. I love him...and we've already talked about marriage, being together forever.

 

I told my family about that we're dating 2 years ago, and my family are very narrow minded people, being brought up in China and then came to Australia for around 20 years now. When I told them about my boyfriend, my mum threatened to suicide, she ran onto the road and wanted a car to crash into her - that didn't happen of course. She threatened to disown me, and kill herself and my grandma, aunt all were saying that it'd be my fault and guilt to carry forever if my mother did die. We broke up for 2 weeks, we were both very unhappy during that time, and we reconciled afterwards. My mum found out and got my dad to call my  boyfriend up and threatened to bash him up and make him paralegic.That also didn't happen either, but my boyfriend's family, who is in Hong Kong, were very afraid for him. They really are great though, they back us 100%.  Now my family actually isnt' violent, but very strict, especially my mum. She's the dominant one in the family, and my aunt and grandma also lives with us, which makes matter worse, since they add fuel to fire. Even after the threat, we couldn't break the relationship off. We can't meet up on weekends, or even talk on home phone. We just talk on mobile phone at night quietly so my family won't find out. We meet up during my university time and his university time too (he's 21 years old too, he's studying engineering, but my family thinks it's not good enough). My family expects me to be with a chinese doctor, pharmacist or lawyer..they look down on my boyfriend because they think his course is bad and also because he isn't Chinese.

 

What should I do?? I can't let go of my boyfriend, but I really want my family to accept us. We plan to marry one day. I think my family is aware of the fact that we are still together, but don't say anything about it unless I do. Sometimes they denigrate him, saying how he's useless and everything. They don't care that he treats me really really well and he's a very good person. They just want me to marry a rich Chinese guy. They are embarassed that I'm going out with someone outside my race.

 

Please help-!!! What can I do??HELP!!!!

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
August 26, 2008, 10:31 pm PDT

Help..! family opposes interracial relationship

 

Hi,

 

I'm a 20 year old female (Chinese), and I've been dating my best friend who's an Indian guy but born in HK and brought up there before he moved to Australia for high school, which was where we met. - so he speaks chinese and english fluently. We've been going out for 3 years now, and we were friends for 2 years before that. He treats me really really well, just like how a girl should be treated. I love him...and we've already talked about marriage, being together forever.

 

I told my family about that we're dating 2 years ago, and my family are very narrow minded people, being brought up in China and then came to Australia for around 20 years now. When I told them about my boyfriend, my mum threatened to suicide, she ran onto the road and wanted a car to crash into her - that didn't happen of course. She threatened to disown me, and kill herself and my grandma, aunt all were saying that it'd be my fault and guilt to carry forever if my mother did die. We broke up for 2 weeks, we were both very unhappy during that time, and we reconciled afterwards. My mum found out and got my dad to call my  boyfriend up and threatened to bash him up and make him paralegic.That also didn't happen either, but my boyfriend's family, who is in Hong Kong, were very afraid for him. They really are great though, they back us 100%.  Now my family actually isnt' violent, but very strict, especially my mum. She's the dominant one in the family, and my aunt and grandma also lives with us, which makes matter worse, since they add fuel to fire. Even after the threat, we couldn't break the relationship off. We can't meet up on weekends, or even talk on home phone. We just talk on mobile phone at night quietly so my family won't find out. We meet up during my university time and his university time too (he's 21 years old too, he's studying engineering, but my family thinks it's not good enough). My family expects me to be with a chinese doctor, pharmacist or lawyer..they look down on my boyfriend because they think his course is bad and also because he isn't Chinese.

 

What should I do?? I can't let go of my boyfriend, but I really want my family to accept us. We plan to marry one day. I think my family is aware of the fact that we are still together, but don't say anything about it unless I do. Sometimes they denigrate him, saying how he's useless and everything. They don't care that he treats me really really well and he's a very good person. They just want me to marry a rich Chinese guy. They are embarassed that I'm going out with someone outside my race.

 

Please help-!!! What can I do??HELP!!!!

 

First | Prev | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | Next | Last