Message Boards

Topic : Stay At Home Dads

Number of Replies: 16
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 03:50:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
With more women returning to the workforce, many dads have chosen to take a reverse role and stay home to care for the children. Share the trials and tribulations, joys and successes of being a stay at home dad.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

September 18, 2006, 8:48 am CDT

Wow

So, 1000+ posts in the stay at home mom section, and none here.  Well okay, I must say, I kinda like the idea of being the first one here.  So, here we go.  I am a stay at home dad.  Seems that's pretty rare, especially by the number of posts in this section.  I've been told I'm doubly-rare in that I'm a stay at home dad with a little boy (just turned 2 this week, by the way) who has Down Syndrome.  It was decision that my wife and I made, and we are comfortable with.  When our baby was born, granted, it was no walk in the park.  There were birth defects and surgies (stomach at 3 days old, and open heart at 6 weeks), but you can hardly tell now.  Like I said, he's 2, and Down Syndrome or not, a 2 yo is still a 2 yo.  Yeah, raising a Downs child isn't easy.  It requires alot of paitience and understanding.  Teaching a child takes on a whole new level (including sign language, detailed oral communication skills, grooss motor skill development, and fine motor skill development).

But I digress, I rant, when merely I just wanted to get something started here, and say hello to everyone.

 
September 18, 2006, 5:21 pm CDT

Stay At Home Dads

Quote From: specdad

So, 1000+ posts in the stay at home mom section, and none here.  Well okay, I must say, I kinda like the idea of being the first one here.  So, here we go.  I am a stay at home dad.  Seems that's pretty rare, especially by the number of posts in this section.  I've been told I'm doubly-rare in that I'm a stay at home dad with a little boy (just turned 2 this week, by the way) who has Down Syndrome.  It was decision that my wife and I made, and we are comfortable with.  When our baby was born, granted, it was no walk in the park.  There were birth defects and surgies (stomach at 3 days old, and open heart at 6 weeks), but you can hardly tell now.  Like I said, he's 2, and Down Syndrome or not, a 2 yo is still a 2 yo.  Yeah, raising a Downs child isn't easy.  It requires alot of paitience and understanding.  Teaching a child takes on a whole new level (including sign language, detailed oral communication skills, grooss motor skill development, and fine motor skill development).

But I digress, I rant, when merely I just wanted to get something started here, and say hello to everyone.

Well, I am not a dad,LOL but was curious if any one was here. Don't get discouraged about the board, it's a new board, must have just went up today cause I am always on the parenting boards,LOL.

You sound like a wonderful and loving father and your little one is very blessed to have you. I'm sorry for the issues that you have had to deal with concerning your child but know that you are are doing an awesome job and he loves you very much.

I am a stay t home mom and I absolutely love it and as I have said in the past, I will do what ever I can to keep it that way or at least be home with my children at such a young age, they grow up quickly and I so don't want to miss anything, :). Your right, a two year old is a two year old no matter the circumstances, we all have our issues and though they may iffer from one another, we aree all in the same boat, trying to raise good, loving, mature, and, productive children.

I say Kudos to you. I wish you the best of luck and happiness with your little guy, you sound like a terrific father and what better guy to have for your precious little one.

I hope you get more stay at home dads here. Like I said the board is new, it just has to get discovered now. :)
 
September 22, 2006, 6:01 am CDT

a change must be made

I have a 5 month old baby boy how I love very much. I have been married for 3 yrs in dec to a very wonderful woman that  love very much I would dead for both of them before I let anything hurt them. My wife and I both work full time and still only have our son in daycare for less them 20hrs a week. most of the week I take carre of him, he gose with me to the gym and all the other places I go he gose too, now what bother me is that if my wife were to do this she would be prased as a grate mom, how grate it is that she get to spend all this time with her child, but when it come to me and all the other men how are men that take half of being a parent just as seriously as there wife do it seem like are looked down upon becasue they are not working them self in to a early grave to get money for there family but not spending time with there family and letting the woman do all that work well I think that is full load of crap. I dont know how to change this but it must be change becasue let face it Dad are indeed parents too. It seens the olny time Dad are pay attention to by the world is if they are dead beat dad, or a sperm donior that just leave the mom to rese the child with no help from them and to all the single mom out there that fall in to this as a man I am sorry that the jerk did that to you.  I love spending time with my son see him grow that is grate I understand what i am watching I will never see again. I dont want to seem anything, and you know I like my job I dont want to clim the latter I just want to rase my son and spend time with my wife, but you know if I were to quit my job and be a stay at home Dad of a child that dose not have health issue to the parents of children like that I must say wow grate job it is truly a thankless job. anyway if i were to be a stay at home dad of a healthy child I would be looked down up on becasue were is the mom that is her job, dad dont make good care give why is he not at work the dum, or if not that it oh isnt that nice daddy is taking the kid today so that mom can have time to herself I dont like that at all.  I dont get it why do mom get the credit they should get for being mommy and rasing there children, but daddy dont unless they are just the bread winner I dont get it, after all the daddy are more then just a check and a sperm donior. I dont get it it no wornder so men think it ok to leave, everyone need to feel prised and wil go were they must go to get it. Mom and Dad are looked at in diffrent light and mom that work are called working mom, but dad that work and are the main care giver to ther child are as were the mom and that must change. 

 
September 22, 2006, 6:07 am CDT

I agree

Quote From: specdad

So, 1000+ posts in the stay at home mom section, and none here.  Well okay, I must say, I kinda like the idea of being the first one here.  So, here we go.  I am a stay at home dad.  Seems that's pretty rare, especially by the number of posts in this section.  I've been told I'm doubly-rare in that I'm a stay at home dad with a little boy (just turned 2 this week, by the way) who has Down Syndrome.  It was decision that my wife and I made, and we are comfortable with.  When our baby was born, granted, it was no walk in the park.  There were birth defects and surgies (stomach at 3 days old, and open heart at 6 weeks), but you can hardly tell now.  Like I said, he's 2, and Down Syndrome or not, a 2 yo is still a 2 yo.  Yeah, raising a Downs child isn't easy.  It requires alot of paitience and understanding.  Teaching a child takes on a whole new level (including sign language, detailed oral communication skills, grooss motor skill development, and fine motor skill development).

But I digress, I rant, when merely I just wanted to get something started here, and say hello to everyone.

I agree with you man. there need to do be more focus on getting more dad involed in parenting and not just as workers. Women to remmber this there is no right way to do something as long as the child is not being harmed what ever works. Mom has her way and if mommy would get out of the his way and let daddy do it the way that works for him daddy would have his way too.
 
September 22, 2006, 8:13 pm CDT

Stay At Home Dads

Quote From: jackdaddy

I agree with you man. there need to do be more focus on getting more dad involed in parenting and not just as workers. Women to remmber this there is no right way to do something as long as the child is not being harmed what ever works. Mom has her way and if mommy would get out of the his way and let daddy do it the way that works for him daddy would have his way too.

I'm with you.  I wouldn't want someone standing over my back telling what to do and how to do it, so I don't do that to my husband..........and the kids are still fine!  LOL  Dads need alone time with their children and I don't interfere with that, I use that time to do something I enjoy or finish up some of the housework.  It's a break for me as well and even though he doesn't do things the exact way I would, he is still a great dad that loves spending time with his children.

 

 

Take care.

 

Elffie

 
September 27, 2006, 11:55 am CDT

Thanks for getting it started

Quote From: specdad

So, 1000+ posts in the stay at home mom section, and none here.  Well okay, I must say, I kinda like the idea of being the first one here.  So, here we go.  I am a stay at home dad.  Seems that's pretty rare, especially by the number of posts in this section.  I've been told I'm doubly-rare in that I'm a stay at home dad with a little boy (just turned 2 this week, by the way) who has Down Syndrome.  It was decision that my wife and I made, and we are comfortable with.  When our baby was born, granted, it was no walk in the park.  There were birth defects and surgies (stomach at 3 days old, and open heart at 6 weeks), but you can hardly tell now.  Like I said, he's 2, and Down Syndrome or not, a 2 yo is still a 2 yo.  Yeah, raising a Downs child isn't easy.  It requires alot of paitience and understanding.  Teaching a child takes on a whole new level (including sign language, detailed oral communication skills, grooss motor skill development, and fine motor skill development).

But I digress, I rant, when merely I just wanted to get something started here, and say hello to everyone.

Hello,

 

I am so happy that you started posting on here, I to am a fellow stay at home dad.  I am very proud of you for the things you have done for your family.   I believe you will do a great job fathering your child.  My son is now 9 y.o. and we are planning on having another child in the next year or two, keeping the fingers crossed.  My wife would like to concentrate on her career and our family.    I just wanted everyone here to know there are more stay at home dads every day.  And hopefully the father figures will realize that we make a great parents and such a great influence on childrens lives.

Thank you for reading and Have a great day!

 
October 10, 2006, 6:42 pm CDT

Stay At Home Dads

"A child can flourish in the hands of many although which hands that child falls into relies on the trust and confidence in their parents,"   Anonymous

I say Kudos to all the stay at home parents, I agree that our kids can flourish with others but we parents certainly do deserve that privelege and in this day, I think it is awesome that parents choose to stay home with thier kids. Watching my two children (3 and 5) play today, I can see how fast they are growing,before I know it,they are gonna be a little too independent and for now, I am taking full advantage of them being dependent on me. :)

Just wanted to pop in and say hi to you stay at home dad's. My hubby would love to be staying home, but in my profession,  we wouldn't survive LOL, but it's wonderful to see dad's caring for thier little ones, and even in my home, the daddy enjoys taking over and to me that is awesome. :)


 
January 23, 2007, 6:15 pm CST

Single stay at home dad

Quote From: supportingdad

Hello,

 

I am so happy that you started posting on here, I to am a fellow stay at home dad.  I am very proud of you for the things you have done for your family.   I believe you will do a great job fathering your child.  My son is now 9 y.o. and we are planning on having another child in the next year or two, keeping the fingers crossed.  My wife would like to concentrate on her career and our family.    I just wanted everyone here to know there are more stay at home dads every day.  And hopefully the father figures will realize that we make a great parents and such a great influence on childrens lives.

Thank you for reading and Have a great day!

I am a stay at home unmarried dad with two children; one is nine and the other is three. My 9-year old was shaken by the baby sitter at six months old, or shortly after my girlfriends maternity leave.  She quit her job to care for him, and since I was making the most money, it made sense. I am actually a full time student and run four Internet businesses to try and supplement income. In fact, I am waiting to go to school now. To make a long story short, I ended up coming home to care for the children, because the Mother could not deal with it for physical and mental reasons.

 

Um, I was served custody papers last night, after rehabilitating my son for nine years with little or no help from her. In fact, she is never home, or hardly ever. I found out on Friday that she decided to break up, which is shortly after she purchased a new car. The new car has bankrupted her/us. She needs me to get a job, move out,  and pay child support for the children that I am in full physical care of. She provided for us financially, and we share in the decision making.

 

I have a little bit of money, from pell grants, and I own the children's car, so I can get a loan for the title. On Friday night she was out unitl 1 or 2 am, and was involved in a car accident, which was the third acident in less than a year. She Rolled her brand new car! Also because we are bankrupt, because of the car, she did not pay the car insurance. She has a totaled car with no car insurance.

 

I tried to get my name removed from the policy, so that I can, at least drive my handicapped son to specialists, which are located 30-miles away, with no success yet. We were a couple up until last Friday, as far as I knew. Sure we didn't get along. Anyway, I tried to rehabilitate my son for as long as I could, but now I need to get back to work as a single and seperated father who thought he was serving the best interest of his children, but is not so sure anymore.

 

Most people think that I am a dead beat dad who is using a handicapped child as an excuse not to work, but I have brought money into this household, through web sites, and throught the tuition reibursement that I receive from federal grants for school. Sure, the money I brought in is not enough to support a family, but it sure helped, and made it possible for me to stay at home.

 

The children's mother as been politically manuvering and building alliances in support of this day, and she has all the visibility to do it. For example, she works full-time for my parents, sister, and uncle, all of who have turned against me. I have nobody to consult with, and I am by myself with my children. I have contacted a lawyer, and have no money to give him. She might disconnect my phone, and internet services that I use for school, and business to prevent me from getting the advice that I need. I also found out that she is dating the guy who sold her the car, and now since she in without a car, he is coming here and making things very uncomfortable. I had to pack my kids in my car at 9 PM on Sunday night so they could spend time together. My 9-year old was to go to school in the morning, and has seizures if he is sleep deprived, ect..

 

I have to go to school now, but I will be back ...

 

I am so scared, this woman is going to get what she wants when she does not deserve them, and there is of course much more to share... She also abuses the children when she is here, she hit them and thumps them between the eyes, I have also found bruises on there bodies where she forcibly dragged them across the floor, or held them too tight, while leaving finger print bruises. I am protecting my children the best I can, but when I am gone, I cannot very well do that.

 

THe court convicted the baby sitter, yes; but she was a suspect, whereas I had a aliby. I was at work when my child was shaken. I can prove that I had not touched my baby for 12-hours or more, she had 30-minutes, and no aliby.

 

If there is anyone who can help, I sure could use some quickly ....

 
January 27, 2007, 11:20 pm CST

Stay At Home Dads

If I was in your position my first point of call would be to a mens advocacy group.  Look in the local papers, the yellow pages, or even better do an internet search.  Most of these groups that I have come accross offer amazing resources to men in your position.  Including legal advice and representation.  The majority have a nominal joining fee - one in our area was $175, and that covered full advice, support and representation on personal, emotional, financial and legal issues.  They also had the support to defer the payment while still providing help and/or offereing a payment plan to pay it off.

 

It's the unfortunate nature of the beast that when it comes to single parenting and custodial issues, the system is geared towards assisting mothers.  I'm a single mother myself, have been since 2 weeks before the birth of my now 13 year old son.  My best friend (well easiest description, not just a friend but not actually anything more that can be pigeonholed) became a single dad 18 months ago to his then 9 month old daughter.  6 months ago he also took physical (no legal docs) custoday of his 8 year old step daughter.  He raised her since she was 14 months old until the split 18 months ago - and this little girl is unaware that there is no biological link between herself and 'dad'.

 

He has been through hell and back inside his heart and head over all this, and I have helped him as much as I can.  What we found was just how biased the entire welfare, support systems, legal systems etc are towards the female becoming the single parent. 

 

It was great to find these mens advocacy groups - they offer all sorts of support to navigate the systems and support you through what is needed to give your kids the best chance in a safe and consistant future.

 

Good Luck!

 
March 13, 2007, 9:40 pm CDT

Desperately need your advoce

Hello, I'm new to the board. I've come here trying to find help with my problems. I am a stay-at-home-dad but my wife hates the fact that I don't work. Even though her job brings home roughly 4X the income of person in our area she still finds issues that frustrate her to the point where we are on the brink of divorce.

 

I'd like to state that I am 28 (my wife 25) and we have 2 kids....3 & 9. I think if you do the math on the 9 yr old you'll see some of our problems. My wife had our 9 yr old daughter hen she was 16 and still living at home. I was 19 and worked in a factory to support myself and pay for my daughter but this had unseen consequences. Since they (my wife & daughter) didn't live with me until she was 3 I wasn't able to be around my daughter for all the little things parents get to do when they have children. I didn't get to be around her and see her playing all the time, I didn't get to have a part in rasing her like I would've liked, I didn't get to cuddle with her while she slepted, I didn't get to comfort her when she hurt herselft,I didn't get to see her first steps,etc..  I missed out on alot of that stuff that my wife & her parents experienced and unfortunatly you can see that in me/my daughers relationship now.

 

My daughter loves me of course but we don't have near the bond that my wife and her parents do. It frustrates me that she doesn't act like she loves me as much and that in turn effects the way I treat her sometimes.  I mean you ask her to rate the importance of people in her life she'll say mom#1 and garndma & grandpa #2.

 

I say all this cause when we had my son (3 yrs old) I desperately wanted to be there for every small detail. I was going to college and decided to quit to raise him. Since then the bond that I've created with him has been unimaginable. It has meant so much to me that I am getting to do all those things that I missed with my daughter.

 

Why won't my wife understand that I needed this? To me no amount of money and climbing the corporate ladder is worth not having a good relationship with your famliy. We just don't see eye to eye on this. It also doesn't help that I'm from a small, working man's town. Everybody looks at me like I'm a lazy bum because I stay at home and raise my children. It's ingrained into everyone that the man should always work and that it's unimaginable for a male to not work and stay at home. This has also contributed to the stress on my marriage. From my mother, my in-laws, and the community everyone views me as that lazy bum type who doesn't want to work.

 

Is there any advice you guys (and even woman if they read this) can give me to help? I love my famliy more than anything in this world and I don't want what I had growing up (my parents divorced when I was 9).

 
First Page | Previous Page | 1 | Next | Last