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Topic : Too Much Discipline?

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Created on : Friday, September 15, 2006, 04:06:31 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you and your spouse, partner or ex argue over how much discipline is acceptable? Where do you draw the line? Does your child complain about you being over protective? Share your stories and give and get advice from other parents here.
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jettav
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September 19, 2006, 9:15 pm PDT

Too Much Discipline?

Oh yes, many parents over do it with discipline. I think too much discipline can cause some rebellion and distrust. parents need to  communicate and choose their battles, discipline when neccessary but know the difference between overbearing and actually teaching the child right from wrong.
 
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ddmommy1
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November 3, 2006, 2:06 am PST

Disagree on when to discipline

My husband and I have an almost 3 year old daughter.  He is a very wonderful and involved father who does shift work and spends alot of time with her on his own.  We disagree on what type of behaviour to discipline.  We I spend time with her I have several rules (IE no jumping on the couch, and I am working on decreasing the whinning) but it seems that he does not follow through with the same rules.  When I ask him about he says he does discipline her, but when we are all together I do all of the discipline.  I think that we don't agree what level of discipline to give her.  For example I want her to use a fork and spoon instead of her hands, and tells me "She's only 3 you know"  I find it very difficult to fight with her and him.  Am I expecting too much from my almost three year old?
 
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jettav
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November 3, 2006, 7:42 am PST

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: ddmommy1

My husband and I have an almost 3 year old daughter.  He is a very wonderful and involved father who does shift work and spends alot of time with her on his own.  We disagree on what type of behaviour to discipline.  We I spend time with her I have several rules (IE no jumping on the couch, and I am working on decreasing the whinning) but it seems that he does not follow through with the same rules.  When I ask him about he says he does discipline her, but when we are all together I do all of the discipline.  I think that we don't agree what level of discipline to give her.  For example I want her to use a fork and spoon instead of her hands, and tells me "She's only 3 you know"  I find it very difficult to fight with her and him.  Am I expecting too much from my almost three year old?
i think you need to have a little family meeting consisting of you and him and communicate and get ont he same page, agree to disagree on some things and set the boundaries on things, you gotta choose your battles, work on the most imporant things first and go from there. If you don't work together, then the child will catch on and she will learn to play one parent against the other and then you are gonna have real problems on your hands.
 
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ddmommy1
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November 3, 2006, 9:16 am PST

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: jettav

i think you need to have a little family meeting consisting of you and him and communicate and get ont he same page, agree to disagree on some things and set the boundaries on things, you gotta choose your battles, work on the most imporant things first and go from there. If you don't work together, then the child will catch on and she will learn to play one parent against the other and then you are gonna have real problems on your hands.
I have had several conversations with him and he has two pat answers.  "I do discipline her when your not here. " and " I don't know anything about parenting.  I don't know what's too much to expect."  Are here some resources out there than can outline developmental behaviour and what is reasonalbe behaviour to expect from a certain age group.  My husband just doesn't seem to take my word for it.  He needs tosee/hear it from an unbias source.  (Plus I think he has abadoment issues and really needs to have his daughter love him.) She is already manipulatiing.  When I put her in a time out for some behaviour, she will cry and want her Daddy.  He is her favorite.   
 
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bayareakisses
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November 21, 2006, 6:49 am PST

Discipline/abuse

My husband spanked my son, his step-son, on the butt 20 times with the belt and left him bruises for 7 days! I am across country and have no family here to help with anything, I am pretty set to leave during the summer because I will have the money to take my stuff and my kids and go. I would just like to know if anyone else has been in this situation and if so did you leave your husband over the one time of abuse. My husband has been un-responsive when it comes to me trying to have adult conversations about anything with him. Any advice would be great.

Thank You

Marine wife and mother of two.
 
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purplepenny
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November 27, 2006, 3:10 pm PST

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: bayareakisses

My husband spanked my son, his step-son, on the butt 20 times with the belt and left him bruises for 7 days! I am across country and have no family here to help with anything, I am pretty set to leave during the summer because I will have the money to take my stuff and my kids and go. I would just like to know if anyone else has been in this situation and if so did you leave your husband over the one time of abuse. My husband has been un-responsive when it comes to me trying to have adult conversations about anything with him. Any advice would be great.

Thank You

Marine wife and mother of two.

I haven't had any experience in this, but I wanted to let you know that I think getting the hell away from him ASAP is imperative.

I don't care what side of the fence anyone is on when it comes to spanking (I'm totally against it personally) leaving bruises is WRONG. 20 strikes is so far over the line I can't believe it...

Get the hell away from him.
 
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jettav
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November 27, 2006, 3:46 pm PST

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: bayareakisses

My husband spanked my son, his step-son, on the butt 20 times with the belt and left him bruises for 7 days! I am across country and have no family here to help with anything, I am pretty set to leave during the summer because I will have the money to take my stuff and my kids and go. I would just like to know if anyone else has been in this situation and if so did you leave your husband over the one time of abuse. My husband has been un-responsive when it comes to me trying to have adult conversations about anything with him. Any advice would be great.

Thank You

Marine wife and mother of two.

He abused your child and if it were me, I would have been gone in  heart beat. I hope you made it clear to him that this is unacceptable and that on now on you would be doing the discipline. If you do not stand up to him then it could get worse. The child was beat and he has marks to prove it, if you don't do something about it now, then some one else will, once they start noticing  signs of abuse, any one with a brain and some concern will do something about it and some blame could be passed on to you..........................................................
 
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retabhva
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November 28, 2006, 4:02 pm PST

Spanking Eleven Year Old Son

 My daughter spanked her eleven year old son while I was visiting with the family last evening.   My grandson and granddaughter were horsing around.  My daughter said she had enough and spanked my eleven year old grandson really hard on the butt.  My husband, my Mom and Dad and I  were all at the house while this happened.  What about spanking an eleven year old and in front of others?
 
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shyenne112594
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November 28, 2006, 11:00 pm PST

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: retabhva

 

i realize that kids will be kids.  i think spanking an 11 year old is a bit ridiculous.  by that age they should know what it means when a parent says to calm down or knock it off.....

but spanking in front of someone?  no way!  not even alone.  must be an out of control child it seems.
 
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shyenne112594
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November 28, 2006, 11:08 pm PST

Too Much Discipline?

Quote From: jettav

He abused your child and if it were me, I would have been gone in  heart beat. I hope you made it clear to him that this is unacceptable and that on now on you would be doing the discipline. If you do not stand up to him then it could get worse. The child was beat and he has marks to prove it, if you don't do something about it now, then some one else will, once they start noticing  signs of abuse, any one with a brain and some concern will do something about it and some blame could be passed on to you..........................................................
I too was in a situation where i was married to a man that i had 2 girls by & my son was by another man & we also had his oldest son.  My husband was a drinker & crank user.  Left me home with the kids.  He went to work, but rarely returned home.  When he did, he would purposely find things wrong that the boys were doing & would spank them with a belt, I would cry in the other room & put my hands over my ears.  Then one night while giving my 6 year old son a bath, I seen bruises...........awful bruises on his legs, back, arms & back of his neck.  I was fit to kill, even though i knew that he had already hurt my son..........to see that was just heart wrenching.  I did pack up & go.  That was in Idaho & I moved to California.  I have been here since.   20 years had gone by, my ex came back to town, to see his girls (he said).  We got back together.  Quickly I found out that he hadn't changed a bit, still on drugs & drinking.........so i turned him into the authorities (he was a felon out of idaho)......he now is out of prison, still on drugs & drinking............but in Idaho & has no contact with me!
 
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