Topic : Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

I have a niece that has a learning disability.  My sister is at her wits end and having trouble communicating with her.  I spoke to both of them and said I would help.  My neice is 22 but her

reasoning ability is not much past 16.  She is in college and has gotten herself into BDSM and the collar me program.  I am trying to communicate with her but am finding it very difficult.  She has

agreed to take the submissive collar with a coupl in Arkansas who are in the Master position.  He is 46 and his wife is 33.  They have 2 children 15 and 12.   I have tried to explain the danger in driving out to see them.  She has gone twice and is planning on going again in 2 weeks.  They pay her gas and she does the house work and is involved in sexual actitvity with them.  On the collarme.com website the couple state that they are looking for a submissive as a gift to each other.  My niece is

putting herself in a very dangerous position but she sees these people as her new family.  In the last nine months they have started taking her calls at all hours to win her trust and to allude being there for her.  In my heart I feel something is going to go very wrong.  I do not know how to work through this one.  Any help would be greatly appreciated!!  It has become Urgent!!

 

I can understand your concern for your neice. She has chosen to become in a lifestyle that most people consider dangerous. Considering the fact that she has some mentally disabilities it makes it even harder. At her age though you can't stop her, but you can sit her down and talk to her and make some preparations to make things safer for her, which appears to be your ultimate concern. There is things called safe calls. Does she have a cell phone? If not make sure that she gets one. The two of you sit down together and figure out a safe word, so that you can call and she can use that word if she is okay. Tell her you need their address and phone number, not because you are checking up on her, but because of safety concerns. Then when you call her, if she doesn't use the the safe word you to come up with call the police.

I can tell that a lot of times, people who become involved in bdsm relationships ecspecially on the submissive side, feel that they were born that way. They have had that intense need to serve for as long as they can remember. But if she is only 9 months into this relationship, she isn't ready for a collar. The collar is much like a wedding ring in traditional terms. It is taken as a very serious commitment between the two parties.

I will keep you both in my thoughts.

 

my 7 year old stepdaughter gets online sometimes.  and I sit right there with her.  Its not that I don't trust her, but I don't trust everyone else.   She doesn't chat she just gets one to play games mostly. 

Most girls do not sit there and look for someone to come abduct them. If a girl is talking to a 'suspicious' person online she is missing something in life. Most girls who talk to unknowns are single, affectionate, and need personal attention from someone (and apparently aren't getting it). If it were my child, I would be monitoring their online use and not allowing them to have their own 'private' accounts until they come of age or when I think they are responsible enough to do so. Children need supervision. However, exposing them to what sex predators can do is important. Talk to them about the dangers and keep them aware of what else they can do.

 I feel the need to address several issues in this post!

first let me state I am a Pet/Sub and have been a live in 24/7 pet for over 12 years of my life I have met both bad and good people throughout this time andhave these experiences to back me up.

first off I agree with the last poster to this thread if she is looking for an "Owner" or "Master" it is because she is missing something in her life in my case I had two drunks for parents who never gave me the time of day. Not to stay her parents are bad but showing my reasoning behind why I choose this lifestyle.

You say she has a learning disability I want to make something quite clear doctors label things often times more often then anyone would like with incorect labeling. I have ADHD now they call it a learning disability however I want this to be made very clear it is NOT a learning disability as a disability means something you cant overcome and in my case it meant simply having a different way to learn with ADHD you cannot be taught by others you need to be shown and left to learn on your own ADHD indivules on average have higher IQ's then most and incredible Spacial skills.

her Immaturity does not stem form her so called disability but from her not being exposed to the hard realities of the world so she is on the right path in this regard.

that said yes there are Monsters out there I met one in the UK he locked me in a room for over a month with the intent to sell me but I managed to get to a computer and get assitance from the local police... did I learn from this mistake you betcha! caution is your friend and I will outline some things you should do to be safe and what your children should be taught and its kept me safe.

now of foremost importance she already has met them and they are obviously interested in her shes old enough to be an adult no matter what you say but I suggest talking with her and teling her you accept her lifestyle choicesbut you want to make certain shes safe tell her youd like to talk to or meet the people in question.. then go meet them address your concerns with them make sure they play safe and have safe words and if they choose to take her in permanetly ask them to draw up a contract... now contract you say? well a contract in short is made between a pet and an owner for several reasons. 1) it outlines what an Owner can and cannot do to a pet very important! 2) It has an out clause for the pet often with money and/or a bus ticket to get her back home 3) it legaly protects both the pet and the Owner from the actions of the other.

I can not state enough how important a properly drawn up contract that has been taken to or done with a lawyer present is and if they refuse the contract then they are not to be trusted!

if you find the home to be safe and sensual meaning she will be safe there then let her be she will learn a great many things and its not easy being a fulltime pet often or not most pets leave the lifestyle after a few months to a year worth of exposure and never return because its not for them.

If she does stick it out good for her Ive had owners pay for my schooling, my dental and health, made sure I always had food and anything I needed but made sure I earned it by doing my job and as a pet its your job to keep your Owner happy or to console them in a time of need also not every Owner looks for sex many do for the simple fact that its a part of life its hardwired into us and as long as it stays safe there isn't anything to worry about.

now after having said all that I must put out a warning!

about 90% of the people on collarme.com are frauds! then number has grown in the past year or so but there are still good people out there... the blessing is that most of the fakes will not go past internet and phone interactions as all they want is attention and often or not stripping infront of a camera so it should be instilled in everyone that a good Owner will not ask for nude photos or ask for you to strip on camera or give them phone sex a good owner will want to get to know you comfortably and over a period of time meet you in real life....

ok very -=( IMPORTANT!!!! )=-

Meeting somone for the first time is one of the most scary/nervracking experiences! and can be one of themost dangerous so I will give some rules for those potential people who want to meet an Owner for there first time..

1) setup a meeting at a very social place such as a coffee shop make sure there are people present

2) have a cell phone on you and have it ready to call 911 incase you need it have it tucked away out of site but someplace you could easily access it even if you cant talk in it just make sure you can dial it this gives yourself a lil more confidence which will fend off the squeamish preditors and will give you a certain amount of protection incase you decide to go someplace else with the individule in question.

3) ask your Owner lots of questions if they are not ready to answer your questions and just want you to go home with them then dont go this is a big warning sign as a good owner will want you to feel safe and want you to know about them.

4) watch them if they seem nervous and look around a lot this is also a very abd sign and its time to move on.


5) you feel your ready to go home with your new Owner but dont tell him you wish to meet like this atleast two more times and keep up your contact if they push dont go

These steps help weed out sexual pretitors but are not 100% fool proof use your judgement listen to the content in your communications with your potential owner dont let him tell you what you want to hear listen for what he really wants from you!


these rules apply also to internet dating there are a lot of frauds out there and lets weed them out get them bored of there lifestyle choices lets keep the honest people out there and clean up the net. BTW everything Ive said is common sense use your Brain!

Remember for every Bad person out there there is a Good one and Ive been lucky to have some very loving Families take me in and I would not trade my experiences even the bad ones for the world they are an intergeral part of who I am....

My son (15) has been caught going on porn sites. First time he said it was out of curiosity. I understood.  Since then he has been caught a couple of more times. I have done several things to stop his access but he recently found a way. When he was confronted he began to cry and said he doesn't know what to do it. Although he doesn't want to do this for many reasons he says he just can't stop. He wants the internet out of the house altogether. I would be happy to do this but he has used other computers out of my home. How do I help him? What do I do? I do not want him on these sites and I am very upset that he says he is drawn to them and doesn't know how to stop.  PLEASE HELP! I don't know what to do.

Don't know if I can be much help, but I can try.

First off, would it really be a good idea to allow him to dictate whether or not you, your husband( if  applicable) or his siblings ( again if applicable), should be allowed to access the internet because he has a problem ? Probably NOT.  To me that is like my Alcoholic relations telling me I cannot have a drink if I want to, I don't have the problem, they do, hope you can see what I'm getting at here.

How about locking the doors with computers in them, or cutting down the number of computers in your home, if you need one for work, keep it locked up, yeah I know how crafty and computer literate kids are (sigh) I have a couple of teens myself, then maybe keep a second one for the kids in a PUBLIC AREA of your home, restricing access to only IF a parent is home and watching.  I had resorted to taking the MOUSE and KEYBOARD to work with me when we had the same problem.

Unfortunatly, there is nothing you can do outside your home, but if its happening at a friend's home, are the friend's PARENTS aware of what their kids are doing online ? Maybe a friendly phone call ( not always successful I know, but worth a try ) to the other parents might help, call the school and let them know or the library if these are other places he might be accessing the internet, the web is EVERYWHERE these days and there are countless places where it can be accessed, be vigilant of where he goes, and check up on him, until they sign the lease on their first apartment, they have no right to REAL privacy, your home, your rules.

But, all that being said, this young man NEEDS HELP, professional HELP, find someone in your area, and don't give up, he seems to be BEGGING for it and as much as we hate to admit it, they aren't always comfortable talking to us, PLEASE don't let this escalate into something worse, get his father on board, if possible, but PLEASE find a professional and get him the help he needs, you sound like you two have a good relationship, that's a good start.

Good luck to you.

no webcams PERIOD! They are only used to see outward apperence.

 

Put computer in a room where you, the parent, can walk by at any time.  This will keep kids from being places they shouldn't be.  which brings me to..

 

No Chatrooms PERIOD!  Your kids had friends before internet. (If your kids are laking in the friend department, try to find organizations in your community with potential of meeting new friends)  You still have a telephone, tell your kids to call thier friends.

 

Ask your kids-friends-parents to monitor the internet in THIER homes as well.  If they dont see the "problem"  ask them not to let your child use the internet at their house.

 

Remember your children can go to the library to use the internet.  They really DONT need it at home.

 

Parents need to use thier natural radar systems.  If something seems wrong, it probably is.  I hope my advice seems helpful, and doesn't sound too much like I took it straight from an episode of Dr. Phil (which some of it probably did)..:)

 

 

well just walking by every now and then isn't enough you will need to educate yourself on using a computer aswell. I as a teen can do anything I want if I wanted to. The computer is in a common room but I know the computer better as my parents and am therefor able to allude my parrents if I wanted to.

 

As for chat rooms I agree don't allow them untill they are wise enough not to do stupid things. but you should allow teens to use messenger programs like MSN messenger or ICQ there are others but these I've used and therefor now risks are relativly low (if they don't give their email addresses they won't be added by someone. Why should you allow this? It is an important part of teen culture and a teens social network now a days also for making homework for instance.

 

Just make sure to check over their shoulder every once and a while.

 

For the webcam part it isn't all that helpfull anymore most children carry around mobile phones with camera's aswell and they'll still be able to post pictures on the net if you aren't carefull. Often these pictures or video's have higher resolution aswell.

 

Also most of you own a digital (video) camera which is easily connected to your pc aswell and most digital foto camera's have an option to video aswell nowadays. So instead of forbidding it just make sure they wont do anything stupid by teaching them the dangers of the internet and how they should use it safely (again this involves educating yourself aswell.)  B.T.W. I do think you shouldn't let your twelve year old have a webcam for instance but a proper educated 15 year old will be able to use it without much danger.

 

Oet Gäöl

I know everyone in this thread (and board) are parents or older people. so, I figure, I'd give you all a different point of view.

 

I'm 16. I go on the 'net A LOT. Reading through some of your posts and points of view, it seems so far off from the reality of the internet.

 

Now, I do have a few different internet blogs, and use many chat sites. Most sites like this have capabilities to restrict who views and contacts you. I personally am extremely protective of who I talk to online, and what personal information is available. This does not mean, however, that I am going to go to extremes like never posting a photo of myself, or never talking to someone I haven't met online.

 

I guess I can understand parent's concern for their children, but in all honesty, it really matters how the specific user acts and dictates themselves online. If your kid goes and posts publicly on myspace or whatever and gives out personal information, then they're setting themselves up for possible internet stalking. I don't think making your kid go to a library or watching them online is the solution at all. That's just extremely strict and pointless; and will make your child resist you and loose respect for you.

 

If you want your kids to listen and be smart online (i.e. stay off public chat rooms and don't talk to people they don't know) then maybe you should talk to them like people instead of imposing a whole ton of rules, and gain their respect. Ask them about what they're doing, make them comfortable in talking to you. Then if they ever have a problem about something happening online (like getting weird emails or whatever) then they're more likely to come ask you for help then try to do it on their own.

 

The reason people seek companionship online is because of a lack of support offline. The solution isn't banning the internet; the internet is beneficial for children to a degree. You have to talk to your children about how to be on the internet, be informed, and be supportive. Kids want to be talked to like people, not talked down to.

 

One thing I agree with for sure is keeping the computer in the living room. But thats the same for any electronic appliance, TV, video games, etc. should always stay out of bedrooms. That's just my opinion, it allows too much freedom.

 

anyhow, I hope that did give some insight, I'm just posting my opinions. :)