Topic : Infidelity

I appreciate your input, and ritehere's also. I do plan on doing a background check on him, ASAP. I feel like contacting Dog the Bounty Hunter and asking for his help!  Dog's offices are very near to the bf's apt.- my daughter told me this after she returned from seeing the bf in August. Or at least, maybe Beth, his wife. She's a tough one too! IDK, maybe if I did contact Dog and Beth they might be able to give me the name of someone out there that could help me.  I'll go to the A&E website and look up a way to contact them. I have access to the bf's myspace page, but his ex's is set to private.  I know the little boy's first name from pictures the bf has posted. When my daughter was still living with me (she moved into an apt with friends in September,) I was able to talk to the bf thru her cell phone, although I don't have his cell number myself. I don't know the name of the sub he's on, but I do know that it is currently in port at Pearl Harbor. Nor do I know his last name, as I said. My daughter is flying out the day after Thanksgiving on United. That's all I know about that. All I know about his family is that they're from Ohio, I don't know the name of the town. All I know about the ex is that she is in CT, again, no knowledge of what city or town, or her name. I have not received a reply from the email I sent my ex, nor do I expect to. I am sure he is ecstatic that my daughter is leaving- if it hurts me, he's all for it. My son is very concerned and wants to talk to this guy himself. I have sent him the bf's myspace page info and he is going to message him.

Here's what I do believe and think. I believe that this guy really is in the Navy, and has been since 1997 (that means he joined right out of high school.)  I think he really is on a sub, and really thinks that he is in love with my daughter. I think he is emotionally immature, and certainly not as mature as I think a 29 yr old should be, although he is very intelligent, due to his job on the sub (computer technology.)  I think he is lonely, as is my daughter, I think he is on the rebound from a painful marriage and divorce, and loss of his child, and needs and wants "love", as does my daughter. He seems to be a fun-loving, goofy "nerdy" guy who got married too young and to the wrong person. The fact that he let his ex take his son so far away and allowed him to go, not just with her, but to the man she cheated on him with, so easily, tells me he is passive and a "people pleaser." My daughter is desperate to get out of Michigan, and has found her way out. I won't yet say that she is using him for that purpose, and I believe that she doesn't think she is, but even if the romance goes south I don't believe she will return here. She may not remain in Hawaii, but if she does leave she will probably end up back in California. She still in in contact with many friends from there, and will probably talk one of them into letting her move in with them. Her dad is in California, and, although she has said that she would never live with her dad again due to his gf and gf's daughter living with him, she may if she has no other option. My gut tells me that my daughter is in no real danger, but I will certainly follow-up on learning more about this guy.

Thank you all for your concern and help. Please use the board to give me any other help or advice.

~jjj~

All of this assumes, of course, that he told the truth and is really in the Navy.

Your suggestion about a PI in HI is a good one.

Gut reactions are valuable, but an experienced con artist plays upon them.

Claiming to be in the Navy, serving on a sub no less, would be an excellent way to explain absenses from the internet. I know I sound very suspicious, and chances are he is truthful, but I know that you will sleep easier if you know more about him.

And your daughter will one day thank you for being suspicious and caring, even if nothing comes of this and he is truthful.

It is just too easy to portray whatever you want on the internet these days. It wouldn't be hard to put up an act for a few hours, or even a couple of days, when meeting someone face to face in order to allay fears.

Hawaii is a long way from you though, once she's gone, she's on her own.

I can't believe your ex is such a selfish jerk! This is his daughter! He ought to know, better than you, what men are capable of!

Sorry to the men out there, I meant "what SOME men are capable of!"

 

 

This post is not about infedelity or maybe?  My husband has an alcholic girlfriend who is sluty, and nasty he has had a 10 year friendship with her, but claims nothing happened between them,  Well one night my husband and I decided to go to a bar to meet her and some friends, we were talking about sex blah, blah, and I mentioned my husband always commenting on how I was the best sex he ever had, they both look at each other in shock! and he says Husbands always tell their wives that s***.  oooh I was pissed but said nothing.   Then after that my husband and I were sitting in a booth in the same bar, when she comes up and ask if we were going to a party and hour away, I say no because It's too far, but my husband can go if he wants,  she asks you don't care?  I say no... Then she calls me a liar, and I am full of bull s***,  then she walks 2 feet away, and starts screaming she wants to punch me in the f#&*( face, and choke my neck tell my head falls off, my husband says ( hey wife) do you hear that?  I say yes how could I not?  I look at watch and give him 2 minutes to get up and say something, or ask me to leave with him, but he does nothing so I get up and go to the bar and order a cab, I go outside and she comes out and tries to fight me but 2 strangers jump in and protect me,    So after that I don't talk to him for a month!  then he says wife I want to make things right what can I do?  I say call her and tell her if you disrespect my wife we can't be friends.  He agreed but said he wasn't going to call her right then but he would see her at work and tell her, koool I thought he was handling it,,  forward 6 months, she starts talking bad about me about me at work and Inotice him acting all excited and waving by hugging hello, I get suspicious and I ask him (what did she say when you told her if she disrespected me you 2 couldn't be friends?)  He said I didn't say that ...I told her you2 shouldn't hang out any more.   I was so mad because also because he told he told her he had her back and was on her side.  My question is dump him or keep him? 

You're being played, and they're not even being discrete about it.

So if you think this woman is slutty, your husband is too. At this point you've been exposed to any and all diseases she has been exposed to because I would bet my life that your husband has been having sex with her for a long long time.

I am not mad at her at all,  I expect that kind of behavior from a drunken slut, but I at least expected my husband to stand up for me, he just sat there in the booth.  and in the past he has done way more worst disrespectable with other woman.  this is just the final straw .  She is not the problem, he is for allowing her to disrespect me infront of him.  and then gave her permission to do it some more by saying I had your back and I am on your side.

They never call each other or see each other out much so I don't think they have been doing any cheating for at least 3 years.

Ok where so I start...

 

Saturday I went to go shopping and when I was putting stuff in the trunk, I decided to look through his work bag. Guess what I found that same pre-pay phone he said wasn't his. LOL Well this time he was stupid because even though I couldn't get into the phone, the wallpaper would flash when you put in the incorrect pin. It was her in a thong!!! So I called him on the way home and asked him if he had anything to tell me??  I told him he could tell me right then or when I got home, but there was no denying it this time. I told him he wasn't getting the phone back either.

 

So when I got home he called her and told her I found the phone and she hung up real quick cus she knew I was going to get on the phone. I busted the phone and deleted the 3 pictures of her on it. They both said it was over and now we are suppose to move on I guess.

 

She called me and told me sorry for everything (like her apology is anything). Swore on her kids that she wouldn't talk to him again and if I found out they were,I could go to her husband and tell him everything.  What makes her think I need her permission to tell her husband?? The only reason he doesn't know now is because he is in Irqa and I have more respect for our soldiers, then she does.

 

I love my husband no doubt because we have 3 wonderful boys. I remember the good times with him and they were great. Right now the bad times out weigh them and I'm pretty sure I've fallen out of love with him. In a way I'm happy because it doesn't hurt anymore, but it makes me sad to because I've never felt so little for my husband.

 

Any advice??

Your question was whether to dump him or keep him. I said dump him and explained why I thought you should.

Do you have some other question?