Topic : Infidelity

Quote From: girlkate

 Meg, I wish I could talk to you.  My husband and I have been together for 6 years.  The last two have been hell.  I have moved in and out of our home with my children several times because of his infidelity.  The first 3 times I left he came back to me within less than a week.  The last time I still lived apart from him and we ended up actually getting divorced, only because I forced his hand in order to make that happen.  This was in December, since then we have each led our own lives and bit by bit we started chatting and now very recently we have been spending a bit of time with each other.  I truly love this man and would give my right arm to make this work for my sake, his sake and our childrens.  But between the two of us we don't know how to come together in a new fresh way.  To start fresh??  And we have talked and talked and talked and have both agreed that we have to change it up this time if we truly want it to last more than a short period of time and that we need to build slowly into a new relationship, not our old ways but new ways.  Of course the trust issue is HUGE with me, and I have been so crushed and dissappointed so many times over and over that now the way I live my life is to kind of be a princess.  I didn't mean to be that way but in order for a person to even date me I have put them off and put them off and think "hmm well if he thinks I am worth it he will do something to convince me" and I also do this with my husband anymore, who recently said "hey I want to be with you and I want to do it right and slowly and give you time but I am not gonna sit around begging and pleading"  thats the problem I have.....it is like I want him or whoever to prove it.  So it is a fine line.  How do have him or whoever (if I choose to date someone instead of going back to him) prove it so I know there is some substance behind the words??  I am sick of words they mean nothing to my heart, it is easy to say words.  I would appreciate any advice.  We live a distance from each other so our paths only cross if we make that happen (which isn't too hard it is only a short drive)  and that is sort of where I have trust issues.  It is very possible for him to be doing all kinds of things that I would not have any idea about.  Although it is a small world and generally run into someone somewhere you is just dying to fill me in. 

Quote From: ritehere

 Your husband is cheating. It may or may not be physical, yet, but it's cheating if he talks to these women and keeps it from you. If he's doing things that he wouldn't do with you right beside him, it's cheating.
Of course you're upset and depressed because you feel like your life has spun out of control. All of a sudden the one you depend on and who pulls the strings in your life is not pulling strings that you agreed to. Add to that, he knows how upset you are, and keeps doing the things that upset you.
Actions always speak louder than words. Don't listen to his words, look at what he is doing to you and your children. His words are only confusing you because you want to believe them so badly that you delude yourself. This is why you are depressed. Your authentic self won't let you swallow a lie, it's screaming at you to stop the charade.
Start taking back your own strings and stop letting him call the shots. Merely reacting to his infidelity by becoming placating and depressed is what he counts on. You don't deserve this and your children don't deserve this. What his actions tell you is the truth of what he really is like.

Quote From: schevi24

I have been with a man for 3 1/2 years.  We do have 1 child together and i dont feel anythign for him.  He did cheat on me twice and i have taken him back both times but now i feel anger towards him for it.  I know that is wrong but i cant help myself. He is not the type of man that shows emotion like hug for no reason or kiss. Sometimes i feel like i stay with him for the sake of our child. I kow that i have love for him but im not sure if i love him or not.  I like to be showed affection and i dont know how much longer i can stay around and deal with his nasty ways what should i do??????????? 

  

Quote From: his5thwife

     Hi, I'm new to this but will tell my story... that is if anyone cares.    

     I met my husband on St. Patty's Day 5 years ago.  It was just after my oldest son was brutally murdered.  I had come into a substantial amount of money from the insurance company & honestly, I was truely & financially taken care of for life ... or would have been if I'd played my cards right that is.  Now, please don't get me wrong... I'd gladly give it all back for my son's life to be restore ANY day!  That's not the point here.  My grief that I've suffered has taken it's toll for sure & I pray that nobody reading this or otherwise EVER has to experience what I went through & am still dealing with these past 5 years!     

     I was lonely, nieve & had no man in my life at the time I met him (my husband now) as I was had just gotten out of a stupid, (shouldn't-have-happend) marriage of 4 months.  Goes to show, internet relationships are for the birds in most cases.  (I got that guy on assault charges in the 3rd month of marriage after giving up a 10 year career with the media & moved north to join this idiot!  I was out of my eliment.  Boy, that was dumb.) At least I moved back to my hometown & near family after that.   ...Keep reading, it only gets better (or) worse.   

     After I got my bills all paid, I bought & paid cash for my house that my son & I had been renting together prior to his murder.  I put the rest (which was a lot) into savings & checking to live off of until I could get back to myself & get a job.  Honestly, I was waiting until the trial was over because I didn't want to have to quit a job because of it.  I didn't think it would have been fair to an employer.  Really, I found no employers that were understanding enough anyway.  So, I waited.   

     Anyway, this guy & I fell deep head over-heels in love with each other.  Were together all the time!  I even let him quit his job 60 miles away & near his parents home where he was living & move in with me & my daughter who was 15 at the time.  (shouldn't have done that)  He was great!  I had enough money to support us all 3 & plus I was getting child support for her.  I figured he'd get a job here & things would be fine.  Um... da... NOT! 

     This was the 1st of April & by June, he'd still not gotten a job.  I'd made up resumes for him, faxed it to companies of which we found in the newspaper classifieds.  I thought he'd follow up on them, but instead, it was like he thought they were going to beg him to come to work for them.  I thought something was strange with more than 15 jobs under his belt & he was only 34 years old.  Not to mention, I didn't think much about it either when he told me he'd been married 4 times in the past, 2 "oops" children with his first marriage of when he was 17.  I paid off his old car of which he owed $600. then I paid his child support monthly, (not knowing he was behind thousands of dollars anyway) & I bought him clothes & shoes for what I thought would be a better selection for job interviews  than the faded jeans & wornout shirts & cowboy boots that he came to me with. 

     By July, I decided I wanted to go back to the state I moved from (before my stupid internet man had me move up north) & I wanted to take my new man with me to introduce him to my friends & son who was still there going to college.  We went.  Had a ball.  Of course, I paid for everything for him, my daughter & myself.  He broke his hand on a trip to the river.  We came home, I paid the medical bills for that.  The next week, he thought it would be nice to go back there (600 mile trip) & take his two kids to introduce them to my son & my friends.  We did.  He told the kids that we'd stop by Six Flags on the way back.  Um... reluctantly, I said ok.  Of course, I paid for that... for all 5 of us. 

...Honestly ya'll, I'm not blonde! 

    After coming back, I had him start up his job search again.  He half-ass did but nothing came out of it & by August, we were planning our wedding for October.  By the end of  the first week of October, I sent him off looking for a job & got the guts up to tell him that if he didn't have a job by the time he got back that afternoon, just don't bother in coming back.   

    He returned about 2 hours later with news he had a job thru a temp. serivce making $7. per hour.  (Geeze, that was really hard, wasn't it?)  ...His excuse now about all that is that he broke his hand & he couldn't work because of it....  Whatever.  I blew it off because of LOVE.  (or lust?)  Anyway, we married a week later using my money again.  Needless to say... I had $1000. left in my account by that time.   I made our wedding cake, bought & made my own decorations.  My mom & I supplied the food & thank goodness for Walmart!   I bought my dress at a second-hand shop & our wedding was beautiful! 

   NOW, 5 years later to the day we met, I've undergone the murder trial (thank goodness it's over) & I've caught my husband talking on the internet (found emails) to different women in chat & emails.  I found it as I'd suspected him doing this.  His denial of it all infuriated me to no end!  The last time I caught him, I emailed the woman in TX & told her he was married.  She replied back & told me that she was sorry & that if she'd known that, she'd never have talked to him, but he had told her that he was divorced.  I printed it all out & presented it to him... after he'd denied it.  Then he said that he was on a business trip & he was bored.  Yeah...right.  I was fully prepared to get a divorce after that.   He even told me that it was because he thought I wasn't doing what I was supposed to enough as far as the housekeeping goes.   Again, Yeah...right.  Excuses, excuses, excuses.  I'm about sick of it.  I'm in a situation where I babysit my grand daughter for my daughter (now 21) & her husband while they work.  They can't afford a paid sitter & I'm about at my wits end because of it.  I love them all but I am setting my sites on a job outside the home & where I can afford to pay my own utilities, phone, insurance & food & I can kick him the the curb if it happens again! 

     I think I got taken advantage of from the beginning & now that the money (my money) is gone & he's now working a Govt. job making pretty good... he's got me over a barrel.  I also think that he's only hanging around cause he knows that although he's finished with child support, he still has 2 years of back support to pay.  If he moved out, he'd have to add rent to his list so it's cheaper to stay here until the backsupport is paid.  Well, I just want to be able to pay my way & if I catch him again... I can kick him into reality & out of my life.  Don't get me wrong, I love the man but the trust & respect is gone.  I do a silent cringe everytime I hear him tell someone that he owns his own home & its paid for!  I haven't got his name on my house... nor will I ever.  Momma didn't raise no fool & I had a will made up stating he gets $1.00 if I die before him.  Everything else goes to my 2 kids.  I think what really ticks me off the most... he served in the War (yeah, right... he never left Kuwait's safe area) for 15 months.  He thinks he's a big cheese now.   

     Folks, how stupid can I be?  Will I ever see the light of day?  Thoughts (besides this was too long & boring?) 

Quote From: his5thwife

     Hi, I'm new to this but will tell my story... that is if anyone cares.    

     I met my husband on St. Patty's Day 5 years ago.  It was just after my oldest son was brutally murdered.  I had come into a substantial amount of money from the insurance company & honestly, I was truely & financially taken care of for life ... or would have been if I'd played my cards right that is.  Now, please don't get me wrong... I'd gladly give it all back for my son's life to be restore ANY day!  That's not the point here.  My grief that I've suffered has taken it's toll for sure & I pray that nobody reading this or otherwise EVER has to experience what I went through & am still dealing with these past 5 years!     

     I was lonely, nieve & had no man in my life at the time I met him (my husband now) as I was had just gotten out of a stupid, (shouldn't-have-happend) marriage of 4 months.  Goes to show, internet relationships are for the birds in most cases.  (I got that guy on assault charges in the 3rd month of marriage after giving up a 10 year career with the media & moved north to join this idiot!  I was out of my eliment.  Boy, that was dumb.) At least I moved back to my hometown & near family after that.   ...Keep reading, it only gets better (or) worse.   

     After I got my bills all paid, I bought & paid cash for my house that my son & I had been renting together prior to his murder.  I put the rest (which was a lot) into savings & checking to live off of until I could get back to myself & get a job.  Honestly, I was waiting until the trial was over because I didn't want to have to quit a job because of it.  I didn't think it would have been fair to an employer.  Really, I found no employers that were understanding enough anyway.  So, I waited.   

     Anyway, this guy & I fell deep head over-heels in love with each other.  Were together all the time!  I even let him quit his job 60 miles away & near his parents home where he was living & move in with me & my daughter who was 15 at the time.  (shouldn't have done that)  He was great!  I had enough money to support us all 3 & plus I was getting child support for her.  I figured he'd get a job here & things would be fine.  Um... da... NOT! 

     This was the 1st of April & by June, he'd still not gotten a job.  I'd made up resumes for him, faxed it to companies of which we found in the newspaper classifieds.  I thought he'd follow up on them, but instead, it was like he thought they were going to beg him to come to work for them.  I thought something was strange with more than 15 jobs under his belt & he was only 34 years old.  Not to mention, I didn't think much about it either when he told me he'd been married 4 times in the past, 2 "oops" children with his first marriage of when he was 17.  I paid off his old car of which he owed $600. then I paid his child support monthly, (not knowing he was behind thousands of dollars anyway) & I bought him clothes & shoes for what I thought would be a better selection for job interviews  than the faded jeans & wornout shirts & cowboy boots that he came to me with. 

     By July, I decided I wanted to go back to the state I moved from (before my stupid internet man had me move up north) & I wanted to take my new man with me to introduce him to my friends & son who was still there going to college.  We went.  Had a ball.  Of course, I paid for everything for him, my daughter & myself.  He broke his hand on a trip to the river.  We came home, I paid the medical bills for that.  The next week, he thought it would be nice to go back there (600 mile trip) & take his two kids to introduce them to my son & my friends.  We did.  He told the kids that we'd stop by Six Flags on the way back.  Um... reluctantly, I said ok.  Of course, I paid for that... for all 5 of us. 

...Honestly ya'll, I'm not blonde! 

    After coming back, I had him start up his job search again.  He half-ass did but nothing came out of it & by August, we were planning our wedding for October.  By the end of  the first week of October, I sent him off looking for a job & got the guts up to tell him that if he didn't have a job by the time he got back that afternoon, just don't bother in coming back.   

    He returned about 2 hours later with news he had a job thru a temp. serivce making $7. per hour.  (Geeze, that was really hard, wasn't it?)  ...His excuse now about all that is that he broke his hand & he couldn't work because of it....  Whatever.  I blew it off because of LOVE.  (or lust?)  Anyway, we married a week later using my money again.  Needless to say... I had $1000. left in my account by that time.   I made our wedding cake, bought & made my own decorations.  My mom & I supplied the food & thank goodness for Walmart!   I bought my dress at a second-hand shop & our wedding was beautiful! 

   NOW, 5 years later to the day we met, I've undergone the murder trial (thank goodness it's over) & I've caught my husband talking on the internet (found emails) to different women in chat & emails.  I found it as I'd suspected him doing this.  His denial of it all infuriated me to no end!  The last time I caught him, I emailed the woman in TX & told her he was married.  She replied back & told me that she was sorry & that if she'd known that, she'd never have talked to him, but he had told her that he was divorced.  I printed it all out & presented it to him... after he'd denied it.  Then he said that he was on a business trip & he was bored.  Yeah...right.  I was fully prepared to get a divorce after that.   He even told me that it was because he thought I wasn't doing what I was supposed to enough as far as the housekeeping goes.   Again, Yeah...right.  Excuses, excuses, excuses.  I'm about sick of it.  I'm in a situation where I babysit my grand daughter for my daughter (now 21) & her husband while they work.  They can't afford a paid sitter & I'm about at my wits end because of it.  I love them all but I am setting my sites on a job outside the home & where I can afford to pay my own utilities, phone, insurance & food & I can kick him the the curb if it happens again! 

     I think I got taken advantage of from the beginning & now that the money (my money) is gone & he's now working a Govt. job making pretty good... he's got me over a barrel.  I also think that he's only hanging around cause he knows that although he's finished with child support, he still has 2 years of back support to pay.  If he moved out, he'd have to add rent to his list so it's cheaper to stay here until the backsupport is paid.  Well, I just want to be able to pay my way & if I catch him again... I can kick him into reality & out of my life.  Don't get me wrong, I love the man but the trust & respect is gone.  I do a silent cringe everytime I hear him tell someone that he owns his own home & its paid for!  I haven't got his name on my house... nor will I ever.  Momma didn't raise no fool & I had a will made up stating he gets $1.00 if I die before him.  Everything else goes to my 2 kids.  I think what really ticks me off the most... he served in the War (yeah, right... he never left Kuwait's safe area) for 15 months.  He thinks he's a big cheese now.   

     Folks, how stupid can I be?  Will I ever see the light of day?  Thoughts (besides this was too long & boring?) 

Quote From: leanne1

Hi, new to this and never posted before. A little unsure about what kind of reaction I'm going to get to this post. I have been married almost 4 years but been together with my husband for nine. We have two small children and a wonderful family. Good jobs, a home, beuatiful children, a pretty solid marriage. We get along really well. My husband, I think feels way more passionately about me than I do him. I have little interest in having sex with him where he wants it all the time. I am just not feeling excited and passionate about him. I am a bartender. I get hit on all the time and over the years I have developed a couple of 'crushes' I guess you would call them. It lasts a couple of months, nothing happens beyond flirting, it just nice to be hit on and feel that possibility of passion. Anyways, I am attracted to other guys, and I am excited by flirting with them and I fantasize about taking it further. Whether I would actually sabbotage my marriage and my family, probably not. But why do I feel so interested in another man? I would rather fool around with him than my own husband. Am i bored in my own relationship? I'm sure I'm being just selfish. My friend says we all think about cheating and then people weren't meant to be in a monogomous relationship. Am I always going to drive myself crazy wondering if I settled and if I would be much happier with someone else? I think alot that I did that. My husband was solid ground and all I wanteed as long as I could remember was to be loved and have children. Now that I have that, and I would never do anything to hurt my family , I don't think that I'm really that happy. I probably need serious help- that's what you are going to tell me.

Quote From: leanne1

Hi, new to this and never posted before. A little unsure about what kind of reaction I'm going to get to this post. I have been married almost 4 years but been together with my husband for nine. We have two small children and a wonderful family. Good jobs, a home, beuatiful children, a pretty solid marriage. We get along really well. My husband, I think feels way more passionately about me than I do him. I have little interest in having sex with him where he wants it all the time. I am just not feeling excited and passionate about him. I am a bartender. I get hit on all the time and over the years I have developed a couple of 'crushes' I guess you would call them. It lasts a couple of months, nothing happens beyond flirting, it just nice to be hit on and feel that possibility of passion. Anyways, I am attracted to other guys, and I am excited by flirting with them and I fantasize about taking it further. Whether I would actually sabbotage my marriage and my family, probably not. But why do I feel so interested in another man? I would rather fool around with him than my own husband. Am i bored in my own relationship? I'm sure I'm being just selfish. My friend says we all think about cheating and then people weren't meant to be in a monogomous relationship. Am I always going to drive myself crazy wondering if I settled and if I would be much happier with someone else? I think alot that I did that. My husband was solid ground and all I wanteed as long as I could remember was to be loved and have children. Now that I have that, and I would never do anything to hurt my family , I don't think that I'm really that happy. I probably need serious help- that's what you are going to tell me.

Quote From: leanne1

Hi, new to this and never posted before. A little unsure about what kind of reaction I'm going to get to this post. I have been married almost 4 years but been together with my husband for nine. We have two small children and a wonderful family. Good jobs, a home, beuatiful children, a pretty solid marriage. We get along really well. My husband, I think feels way more passionately about me than I do him. I have little interest in having sex with him where he wants it all the time. I am just not feeling excited and passionate about him. I am a bartender. I get hit on all the time and over the years I have developed a couple of 'crushes' I guess you would call them. It lasts a couple of months, nothing happens beyond flirting, it just nice to be hit on and feel that possibility of passion. Anyways, I am attracted to other guys, and I am excited by flirting with them and I fantasize about taking it further. Whether I would actually sabbotage my marriage and my family, probably not. But why do I feel so interested in another man? I would rather fool around with him than my own husband. Am i bored in my own relationship? I'm sure I'm being just selfish. My friend says we all think about cheating and then people weren't meant to be in a monogomous relationship. Am I always going to drive myself crazy wondering if I settled and if I would be much happier with someone else? I think alot that I did that. My husband was solid ground and all I wanteed as long as I could remember was to be loved and have children. Now that I have that, and I would never do anything to hurt my family , I don't think that I'm really that happy. I probably need serious help- that's what you are going to tell me.