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Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 04:03:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Has the fire gone out in your love life? Share your ways to reignite romance in your relationship.
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jettav
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December 4, 2006, 9:28 pm PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: purplepenny

My problem is, sometimes people wait and wait and wait and build sex up to this supreme act, and, no pun intended, it becomes anticlimactic...disappointing.

If a couple builds it up for 12 years, (As this poster is saying it might nearly add up to) it can end up deflating an entire relationship. Part of the thrill of the relationship becomes not crossing "that line" and then once they do, there is an element of change in the dynamics of the relationship...no longer is there this sexual high-wire act going on.
And I say to a couple in this situation, they need to be making some decissions about their lives together. If they are not wanting sex before marriage but they are at the point where they want it and basically craving it, then I would encourage them to get married. If they are truly in love and already talking marriage and ready for the sex as well, then why not take the plunge! Why torture themselves with it? that's the way I felt and that is why I approached things the way I did. Basically I told my husband that I had a real problem with the idea that I felt like I was good enough for him to want sex with me but I wasn't good enough for him to want to marry and that is exactly how I felt. if I am good enough to sleep with, then why am I not good enough to marry? This isn't exactly how HE felt but I did and some how, we had to get throught his and we did which came from the seperation.............

I am not saying this is how a person should feel or they all feel this way, but I sure did, and I wasn't about to back down on my desires and convictions. I would have felt awful afterwards. Every one has to follow their hearts and do what is right for them and hopefully both parties can agree upon cause if they don't then they don't need to be together for it won't get any better.
 
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jettav
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December 4, 2006, 9:32 pm PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: purplepenny

What I mean is, having sex while being committed to one another. Marriage isn't alway a true commitment and those who are unmarried aren't always uncommitted.
Unfortuanetly, you are right about the marriage not always a true committment, I think the divorce rate is so high cause too many people do not take it serious. They go into it for all the wrong reasons or they don't want to work at the marriage, whatever the case, I think it is sad that people can't keep their vows and honor one another. I think divorce for the most part is nothing but a cop out and marriage really doesn't mean anything to most people and I find that quite sad for I believe marriage is a  beautiful thing and I plan on keeping mine in tact, even though hubby is in the dog house at the moment,LOL.
 
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periardg
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December 5, 2006, 3:00 pm PST

Thank you for unconventional romance

Young girls often grow up expecting men to romance them with roses and candlelight diners.  But that's so unoriginal and most of the time women are dissappointed saying that their boyfriends or husbands are not romantic.  Mothers should share the littles things that are missed as romantic actions.  They might miss this littles acts of romance because they don't know better.  I used to think my husband didn't have a romantic bone in his body.  When I realized that the little things he was doing was so so romantic and thoughtful.  Thoughtful is ROMANTIC.  I remember a conversation I had with my sister in law, I was saying that I always made the bed when I came back from work because I loved sleeping in a made bed.  My husband heard that conversation and has been making the bed ever since then.  A car ride, sitting by the river bank watching the air baloons, the moon, sunrises, sunsets, he doesn't really like camping but offer week-end camping trips because he knows I LOVE that.  He offers to go on picnics Spring Summer Fall and Winter (and we live in Gatineau Qc, Canada).  THANK YOU MY LOVE FOR ALL THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO (married 31 years)
 
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purplepenny
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December 5, 2006, 3:20 pm PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: periardg

Young girls often grow up expecting men to romance them with roses and candlelight diners.  But that's so unoriginal and most of the time women are dissappointed saying that their boyfriends or husbands are not romantic.  Mothers should share the littles things that are missed as romantic actions.  They might miss this littles acts of romance because they don't know better.  I used to think my husband didn't have a romantic bone in his body.  When I realized that the little things he was doing was so so romantic and thoughtful.  Thoughtful is ROMANTIC.  I remember a conversation I had with my sister in law, I was saying that I always made the bed when I came back from work because I loved sleeping in a made bed.  My husband heard that conversation and has been making the bed ever since then.  A car ride, sitting by the river bank watching the air baloons, the moon, sunrises, sunsets, he doesn't really like camping but offer week-end camping trips because he knows I LOVE that.  He offers to go on picnics Spring Summer Fall and Winter (and we live in Gatineau Qc, Canada).  THANK YOU MY LOVE FOR ALL THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO (married 31 years)

I agree completely. Those little thoughtful things are real romance. My husband knows I love boardgames...he doesn't hate them, but they aren't his favorite, so he plays them with me anyway. It makes me feel very safe and happy to have someone care that much for me.

And I do the same kind of things for him. I know he likes to have iced tea when he comes home from work, so I make sure there is some made.

We like to see each other happy, so in turn we are both happy, cause the other one is making that effort for us.
 
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justuravrggurl
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December 5, 2006, 6:40 pm PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: purplepenny

I will admit, my ideas are not conventional or traditional. I am an atheist and I view sex as a biological function that is necessary for good health. I have no personal religious views behind it. I do know religious people who share views with me on this to a degree, but not many.

Anyway, you seem like a bright person and I am sure what you do will be wise and thoughtful for yourself.

I want to say, and I probably just read too much into it...you asked Jetta how she got her husband to marry her. That worries me because, you shouldn't have to talk someone into marrying you, or anything like that. It should be fully mutual. I guess that's why I'm not into surprise proposals. I think a commitment like that takes a lot of communication and each party should be into it 110%
I think Jetta said something about that they wanted to get married but she just hurried him or something. (I could be remembering wrong) I wanted to know what I could do to try to get his butt in gear, lol because he does say he wants to get married and the whole nine yards, but he's just so SLOW about it, lol. I hope he doesn't feel as though I'm pressuring him :(
 
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jettav
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December 5, 2006, 7:09 pm PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: justuravrggurl

I think Jetta said something about that they wanted to get married but she just hurried him or something. (I could be remembering wrong) I wanted to know what I could do to try to get his butt in gear, lol because he does say he wants to get married and the whole nine yards, but he's just so SLOW about it, lol. I hope he doesn't feel as though I'm pressuring him :(
I just reread a post of mine and I did say something to the affect  that if I would not have "pushed" my husband, we may not have been married, something like that.  In all realtiy, I didn't push him to do anything, but I am the one who suggested the split up while we were dating to give him some space to think about what he wanted for at that point, he was allowing his fears to interfere with what he really wanted and I felt like I was being dragged down. Even though he felt the same way I did with not wanting to have sex before marriage, iI saw the potential of him going against that and because of it, I was leaning towards the same direction and I absolutely refused to do so, I insisted that we take some time to figure this out. I guess maybe in one way that was pushing him a little bit but really the way I look at it, it was getting him to think about what he really wanted, did he want to get married or did he just want the relationship and with the way we were growing closer to one another, I knew the sex was coming and I knew we had to make a decission and since I knew what I wanted, he had to think things through for himself and though it was not an easy time, it all turned out the way I feel it was suppose and neither one of us has regrets about anything, he is even glad that I suggested the split up, and at the time, I didn't know how long it was gonna be, I seriously thought I scared the guy away,LOL. Every one needs to do what their hearts are telling them to do and no one should feel pressured into doing something they are not ready or want to do and in my case, I stood up for myself and am glad I did even though I risked losing the one I loved but I figured if he didn't return, it wasn't meant to be and I certainly didn't want to be with someone that I wasn't meant to be with.
 
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mamalis
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December 5, 2006, 7:43 pm PST

the little things count more..

Quote From: purplepenny

I agree completely. Those little thoughtful things are real romance. My husband knows I love boardgames...he doesn't hate them, but they aren't his favorite, so he plays them with me anyway. It makes me feel very safe and happy to have someone care that much for me.

And I do the same kind of things for him. I know he likes to have iced tea when he comes home from work, so I make sure there is some made.

We like to see each other happy, so in turn we are both happy, cause the other one is making that effort for us.

My husband isn't the candle lit, soft music kind of guy.. thank goodness.. lol neither am I ..  The little things we do for each other.. is leaving love notes around the house.. and buying nice things for each other.. Like just tonight. I have been really sick with strep throat.. and he came home and told me he made me a hair appointment to get my hair spiral permed and colored.. LOL>> Wow.. shocked I was... He knew that if I didn't do something with my hair I would cut it off.. and he doesn't want that to happen.. How sweet is that.. lol.

 

He will buy me my favorite chocolate bar.. I will make him his favorite meals on saturdays.. we just have a ton of fun... He always has something up his sleeve... and sometimes he lites the candles in the bedroom.. and it is a glorious night.. but thankfully he doesn't do that everynight.. hehe.

 

Just thought I would add my cents worth too... this is a kewl board... glad I came back here...

 
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jettav
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December 5, 2006, 7:52 pm PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: mamalis

My husband isn't the candle lit, soft music kind of guy.. thank goodness.. lol neither am I ..  The little things we do for each other.. is leaving love notes around the house.. and buying nice things for each other.. Like just tonight. I have been really sick with strep throat.. and he came home and told me he made me a hair appointment to get my hair spiral permed and colored.. LOL>> Wow.. shocked I was... He knew that if I didn't do something with my hair I would cut it off.. and he doesn't want that to happen.. How sweet is that.. lol.

 

He will buy me my favorite chocolate bar.. I will make him his favorite meals on saturdays.. we just have a ton of fun... He always has something up his sleeve... and sometimes he lites the candles in the bedroom.. and it is a glorious night.. but thankfully he doesn't do that everynight.. hehe.

 

Just thought I would add my cents worth too... this is a kewl board... glad I came back here...

I like this board too, and I agree that it is the little things that are great. I love writing love letters, he's more into the candles. :) which actually sounds like a good idea at the moment but I am so daggone tired, I suppose I should go to sleep..............................
 
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mamalis
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December 5, 2006, 8:05 pm PST

lol. sleep is good..

Quote From: jettav

I like this board too, and I agree that it is the little things that are great. I love writing love letters, he's more into the candles. :) which actually sounds like a good idea at the moment but I am so daggone tired, I suppose I should go to sleep..............................

Oh don't get me wrong.. I like the candles as well.. god knows I purchase a ton of them from party lite.. monthly... especially in the winter months...  But he just goes crazy with them in our room... when you know they are lit up... so is he.. hehe...

 

Sweeet dreams to you.. have a good sleep..

Lisa
 
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purplepenny
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December 6, 2006, 12:22 am PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: justuravrggurl

I think Jetta said something about that they wanted to get married but she just hurried him or something. (I could be remembering wrong) I wanted to know what I could do to try to get his butt in gear, lol because he does say he wants to get married and the whole nine yards, but he's just so SLOW about it, lol. I hope he doesn't feel as though I'm pressuring him :(
If you have been dating this long and he hasn't proposed and he knows YOU want to get married, I would be a little worried about that. I also wouldn't want to find ways to 'get his butt in gear'....I don't say this to be mean, I say this for fear of your future self, 10 years down the road or so and regretting getting married to someone who wasn't fully on board.
 
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