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Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship
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March 17, 2007, 12:14 pm PDT
 Quote From: lostcuzmypast well i have completely realized my mistake and i was on the brink of abondoning my child till i finally had it knocked into me that he was the one who needed me most. i didn't want to miss any more moments of him growing up, the smile on his face when i came home from work and now the time we share that i'm not working. no i'm not feeling sorry for myself at the moment i really do want to change and i want to be there for my babies,and husband. thats all i want to do. i don't have anymore secrets from him anymore. i realized he was the only one i do want and need. i realized my family is the most important thing in my life. i know i was wrong in what i did, very wrong. but i can't take that back. but i've learned from it and only want the best for my kids and if anyway possible my husband. no matter how hard i need to work for his trust again. Thats great, I only hope that you and your family can put a close to this chapter of your lives and move on. I wish all of you the best of luck, Im sure that if the two of you work hard in time the two of you will have a great marriage and he will trust you again. |
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March 20, 2007, 6:45 pm PDT
My husband and I love each other very much. He's a great father to our 11 month old son. He works hard so that I can stay home with our son. He's sexy, loving, physically fit, intelligent, funny, and absolutely wonderful. That's why I am so sad that we have a "sexless marriage". I try to figure out what he "needs", but he states that he does not need anything and feels like a person who "needs" something from someone is insecure. I guess that means I am insecure. I need him to want me, need reassurance from him that I am a good mom and wife, and want him to be passionate about me. It seems very early in our marriage to be dealing with these things- we've only been married for about 9 months and together for a little over 2 years. I am 26 and he's 41, but the age doesn't seem to matter aside from our music interests. I have been in love with him since about two weeks into our relationship. He seemed to fall in love with me even sooner. The thing is, we had a long distance relationship- him in Chicago, me in Michigan and I got pregnant unexpectedtly (I was on the pill and hadn't skipped a pill- EVER) after we were together for only about 10 months or so. All of a sudden we were making plans about who was moving where, what we were going to do about money, when we were going to get married, etc. It seems like we kinda had to rush into this marriage thing when our relationship wasn't necessarily to that level yet. We both knew we loved each other and wanted to make the relationship work, but we had so much more growing to do together that seems to have gotten skipped when we got pregnant. I guess what I am asking is how do I get him to feel passion toward me? I realize he's older and probably does not have the sex drive that I have, but I want so much more for our relationship and feel like I am not wanted and it really makes me sad and feel very insecure (we've probably only had sex about 10 times since we were married- 99% initiated by me). I have told him these things and his excuse (or at least what I think is an excuse) is that he is not ready to have another child yet because we aren't in a financial position to do so. I feel like that is probably a very small part of his reason. I don't feel like he's attracted to me, doesn't feel like I am beautiful, doesn't really care to have a sex life at all, etc- he says that he is attracted to me, thinks I am beautiful- but actions speak louder than words. I am attractive, young, and willing to explore our sexual life together, after all, we are married and have the rest of our lives to improve our sex life- I just want him to feel the same. Can anyone help me on this??? I am sick of feeling unwanted!!! Is once a week too much to ask? Thank you! |
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March 21, 2007, 5:44 am PDT
Quote From: kmo_511 My husband and I love each other very much. He's a great father to our 11 month old son. He works hard so that I can stay home with our son. He's sexy, loving, physically fit, intelligent, funny, and absolutely wonderful. That's why I am so sad that we have a "sexless marriage". I try to figure out what he "needs", but he states that he does not need anything and feels like a person who "needs" something from someone is insecure. I guess that means I am insecure. I need him to want me, need reassurance from him that I am a good mom and wife, and want him to be passionate about me. It seems very early in our marriage to be dealing with these things- we've only been married for about 9 months and together for a little over 2 years. I am 26 and he's 41, but the age doesn't seem to matter aside from our music interests. I have been in love with him since about two weeks into our relationship. He seemed to fall in love with me even sooner. The thing is, we had a long distance relationship- him in Chicago, me in Michigan and I got pregnant unexpectedtly (I was on the pill and hadn't skipped a pill- EVER) after we were together for only about 10 months or so. All of a sudden we were making plans about who was moving where, what we were going to do about money, when we were going to get married, etc. It seems like we kinda had to rush into this marriage thing when our relationship wasn't necessarily to that level yet. We both knew we loved each other and wanted to make the relationship work, but we had so much more growing to do together that seems to have gotten skipped when we got pregnant. I guess what I am asking is how do I get him to feel passion toward me? I realize he's older and probably does not have the sex drive that I have, but I want so much more for our relationship and feel like I am not wanted and it really makes me sad and feel very insecure (we've probably only had sex about 10 times since we were married- 99% initiated by me). I have told him these things and his excuse (or at least what I think is an excuse) is that he is not ready to have another child yet because we aren't in a financial position to do so. I feel like that is probably a very small part of his reason. I don't feel like he's attracted to me, doesn't feel like I am beautiful, doesn't really care to have a sex life at all, etc- he says that he is attracted to me, thinks I am beautiful- but actions speak louder than words. I am attractive, young, and willing to explore our sexual life together, after all, we are married and have the rest of our lives to improve our sex life- I just want him to feel the same. Can anyone help me on this??? I am sick of feeling unwanted!!! Is once a week too much to ask? Thank you! Your husband's age may have something to do with it, but not really. Something happens to men when they become "responsible". What I mean by that is that when they are suddenly a husband and father, they tend to concentrate on what is it is that is needed for the family. In his case, that is work. It happens to all of us. There is a short period of time where we are worried about what we have to do and eventually we get to the point where we relax and concentrate of the family as well. He probably says to you things like "I am doing what I have to do" or "I am doing what I think needs to be done for the family". Unfortunately, that means that the family feels somewhat left out due to our lack of ability to concentrate on multiple efforts when first learning how to be father and husband and employee and etc... Any man who truly cares about being a good man, feels alot of pressure to do well for the family. I would like to pose this question: Are you going to have any more kids? If not, have him get a vasectomy or your get your tubes tied. I did the "V" and it is best thing we ever did for sex. No pressure or worries. If you are going to have more, his statement about worrying about having another one may be a real concern, not just an excuse. Don't forget, he has put himself under all this new self imposed pressure to provide. Last thing. You have to realize something else. You are a stay at home mom. My wife was and is also. You and your husband have to work out a few things now for this. You are probably feeling isolated. You need emotion and adult conversation. Your husband has to provide 80% of that. He has to understand that you need to talk with him, even if it is about "you had to change 12 diaper today". He will feel like having a conversation with you is like listening to a broken record, but you need it. You also have to start right now looking for a good babysitter for your once every other week date you and him have to have. In return, you will have to listen to the same old crap about his job, his boss, the guy that pisses him off at work, etc... Why because you both need to keep your communication path open. Right now, it is about an infant, but soon it will turn into disciplining the child, disciplining 2 kids?, school, sports, etc... If it becomes difficult to talk about the little things, it will get really hard to talk about the big stuff. You are both going through a normal period in everyone's marriage. BUT, it does not go away without keeping the communications good and the marriage fun. These are the things that give more sex. The more affectionate you are with each other, the more sex you will have, or at least the more wanted and needed you will feel. I hope you can sort this out. I will keep looking for your replies. Scott |
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March 21, 2007, 8:15 am PDT
Quote From: westmoneypit Your husband's age may have something to do with it, but not really. Something happens to men when they become "responsible". What I mean by that is that when they are suddenly a husband and father, they tend to concentrate on what is it is that is needed for the family. In his case, that is work. It happens to all of us. There is a short period of time where we are worried about what we have to do and eventually we get to the point where we relax and concentrate of the family as well. He probably says to you things like "I am doing what I have to do" or "I am doing what I think needs to be done for the family". Unfortunately, that means that the family feels somewhat left out due to our lack of ability to concentrate on multiple efforts when first learning how to be father and husband and employee and etc... Any man who truly cares about being a good man, feels alot of pressure to do well for the family. I would like to pose this question: Are you going to have any more kids? If not, have him get a vasectomy or your get your tubes tied. I did the "V" and it is best thing we ever did for sex. No pressure or worries. If you are going to have more, his statement about worrying about having another one may be a real concern, not just an excuse. Don't forget, he has put himself under all this new self imposed pressure to provide. Last thing. You have to realize something else. You are a stay at home mom. My wife was and is also. You and your husband have to work out a few things now for this. You are probably feeling isolated. You need emotion and adult conversation. Your husband has to provide 80% of that. He has to understand that you need to talk with him, even if it is about "you had to change 12 diaper today". He will feel like having a conversation with you is like listening to a broken record, but you need it. You also have to start right now looking for a good babysitter for your once every other week date you and him have to have. In return, you will have to listen to the same old crap about his job, his boss, the guy that pisses him off at work, etc... Why because you both need to keep your communication path open. Right now, it is about an infant, but soon it will turn into disciplining the child, disciplining 2 kids?, school, sports, etc... If it becomes difficult to talk about the little things, it will get really hard to talk about the big stuff. You are both going through a normal period in everyone's marriage. BUT, it does not go away without keeping the communications good and the marriage fun. These are the things that give more sex. The more affectionate you are with each other, the more sex you will have, or at least the more wanted and needed you will feel. I hope you can sort this out. I will keep looking for your replies. Scott We are VERY affectionate with each other. We tell each other "I love you" at least 10 times a day. We hug and kiss and cuddle. We can even do sexual acts- it just seems to be the intercourse that is the problem.
When he first moved here he was the one who was the stay at home dad and I worked full time for six months- at a job I hated and had had for 8 years. He felt insecure, stressed, and unmanly because he was not the provider. He was always looking for jobs and I was there to support him during this time. I'd leave him little notes thanking him for doing such a great job with our son. I'd make him lunch or get bottles ready so that he wouldn't have to during the day. I'd make sure he'd get a break every day for at least a couple hours and I'd also take baby duty all weekend. I understand how he is feeling and I also understand how he felt when he was home with our son and I worked. I understand job stresses, understand how hard it can be to be the "soul provider", understand how it can be wearing being home with a child all day every day.
When he gets home from work I make sure I am clean, showered, dressed, and the house is clean and the dinner is on the table. I do the dishes after dinner so that he can have time with our son before he goes to bed. I have tried not to let myself go so that he is attracted to me. I do have about 10 pounds to lose but am eating right and have started working out on an eliptical every day when our son naps. I am trying everything, but there still seems to be a problem.
He has a problem showing weakness, which may be part of the reason he is not sharing his feelings with me. I also know that he doesn't want to hurt me so he keeps his feelings to himself. The thing is, I assume the absolute worst when he doesn't say anything and that just makes everything worse. I assume he is not attracted to me, thinks I am disgusting, or just doesn't want to be intimate with me, or can't bring himself to.
We've talked about having another child. We have both said that we are happy with our little family but would feel selfish if we did not give our son a sibling. We don't want him to grow up lonely as an only child. My sister and I are best friends and I want that for him. So, yes we do plan at some point to have another child- just not yet. I am on the pill- but it didn't seem to work before so I am thinking that he believes it will happen again. I have tried to explain to him that I had changed pills during the time that we got pregnant to a lower dose of hormones and the doctor explained that it could have allowed me to ovulate and get pregnant. I am back on the higher dose and plan to stay on the pill until we both decide we want another child.
Aside from sex our relationship is great! I do feel like I am a boring person because I don't have much to talk about aside from our son. I also think that my husband expects me to hurt him or expects the worst from me because he had a rough childhood where he didn't really trust anyone and he also had a few relationships in his adult life where he got hurt. I feel though that I have proven over and over that I won't hurt him and he can trust me. I love him for who he is, I just wonder if he feels the same about me. I also realize that I have my own insecurities to work on and am hoping that my new excersise plan will help.
I feel like I am sometimes the only person who doesn't view this relationship as a normal, healthy one. My parents have been married for 26 years, his mom has been married three different times. He does not have the example to go by on what a healthy relationship means. In my eyes, it's ok for people to need other people, it's ok to share things with each other, it's ok to show weakness and vulnerability. He does not feel this way. He keeps his emotions to himself, does not share with me if something bothers him, and does not believe he "needs" anything or anyone. I discussed the five love languages with him- he doesn't think any apply to him.
I guess there are more issues than just sex, but that seems to be the big one that I am focused on lately because it just NEVER happens! I am trying to be EVERYTHING to him, but it hasn't changed a thing. Now I am worried that I am trying too hard and have pushed him away because there is no "Chase" or "challenge" in this marriage- I am willing to give him anything I can possibly think of giving in order to make this work.
How can I put the challenge back in for him but still feel like I am fullfilling my duties as a wife/mother???
Thanks Scott for all the time you have put in already, you make some very good points and I hope that you have a little more time to help :) A guy's perspective is probably what I need here.
Katie |
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March 21, 2007, 9:08 pm PDT
My fiance and I are very much in love and I can't wait to be married to him but we do have one teensy little problem. We can't have sex during the week. It is like he has some block and we just can't. His job it pretty physical and it takes quite a bit out of him and he pretty much comes home tired every night but some nights I'll try to cuddle or be intimate with him and initiate things when we get ready for bed but it's like he just ignores it and rolls over and really just wants to sleep. The sex on the weekends is great but it can be pretty discouraging getting rejected all the other nights of the week. Anyone have any suggestions? |
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March 22, 2007, 12:21 pm PDT
My husband and I have been married almost 7 years and we have one child. Sometimes I wonder if I was ever really truly in love with him, I am having the hardest time finding myself wanting to have sex with him. I feel like when he does something nice for me all he wants is sex later and I dread going to bed at the same time. If we get done watching a romantic movie, which sometimes puts me in the mood, he somehow ruins it every time. He doesn't buy me flowers because he says that all they do is die anyway, he very rarely kisses me for no reason, only once did he surprise me with a weekend getaway. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I would like to feel wanted and not just for sex either. |
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March 22, 2007, 1:17 pm PDT
Quote From: m_n_m0020 My fiance and I are very much in love and I can't wait to be married to him but we do have one teensy little problem. We can't have sex during the week. It is like he has some block and we just can't. His job it pretty physical and it takes quite a bit out of him and he pretty much comes home tired every night but some nights I'll try to cuddle or be intimate with him and initiate things when we get ready for bed but it's like he just ignores it and rolls over and really just wants to sleep. The sex on the weekends is great but it can be pretty discouraging getting rejected all the other nights of the week. Anyone have any suggestions? I wish I had that problem! If you are having a great sexual relationship during the weekend, just be thankful that you have the time together to make the best of it and don't focus on the weekdays. Find other ways to express your feelings during the week- make a nice meal, take a bath together, go for a walk, watch a movie you both might enjoy, read the same book and discuss it. It could be worse- you could get rejected every time you initiate, even on the weekends- believe me, it sucks! |
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March 23, 2007, 9:22 am PDT
Quote From: kmo_511 We are VERY affectionate with each other. We tell each other "I love you" at least 10 times a day. We hug and kiss and cuddle. We can even do sexual acts- it just seems to be the intercourse that is the problem.
When he first moved here he was the one who was the stay at home dad and I worked full time for six months- at a job I hated and had had for 8 years. He felt insecure, stressed, and unmanly because he was not the provider. He was always looking for jobs and I was there to support him during this time. I'd leave him little notes thanking him for doing such a great job with our son. I'd make him lunch or get bottles ready so that he wouldn't have to during the day. I'd make sure he'd get a break every day for at least a couple hours and I'd also take baby duty all weekend. I understand how he is feeling and I also understand how he felt when he was home with our son and I worked. I understand job stresses, understand how hard it can be to be the "soul provider", understand how it can be wearing being home with a child all day every day.
When he gets home from work I make sure I am clean, showered, dressed, and the house is clean and the dinner is on the table. I do the dishes after dinner so that he can have time with our son before he goes to bed. I have tried not to let myself go so that he is attracted to me. I do have about 10 pounds to lose but am eating right and have started working out on an eliptical every day when our son naps. I am trying everything, but there still seems to be a problem.
He has a problem showing weakness, which may be part of the reason he is not sharing his feelings with me. I also know that he doesn't want to hurt me so he keeps his feelings to himself. The thing is, I assume the absolute worst when he doesn't say anything and that just makes everything worse. I assume he is not attracted to me, thinks I am disgusting, or just doesn't want to be intimate with me, or can't bring himself to.
We've talked about having another child. We have both said that we are happy with our little family but would feel selfish if we did not give our son a sibling. We don't want him to grow up lonely as an only child. My sister and I are best friends and I want that for him. So, yes we do plan at some point to have another child- just not yet. I am on the pill- but it didn't seem to work before so I am thinking that he believes it will happen again. I have tried to explain to him that I had changed pills during the time that we got pregnant to a lower dose of hormones and the doctor explained that it could have allowed me to ovulate and get pregnant. I am back on the higher dose and plan to stay on the pill until we both decide we want another child.
Aside from sex our relationship is great! I do feel like I am a boring person because I don't have much to talk about aside from our son. I also think that my husband expects me to hurt him or expects the worst from me because he had a rough childhood where he didn't really trust anyone and he also had a few relationships in his adult life where he got hurt. I feel though that I have proven over and over that I won't hurt him and he can trust me. I love him for who he is, I just wonder if he feels the same about me. I also realize that I have my own insecurities to work on and am hoping that my new excersise plan will help.
I feel like I am sometimes the only person who doesn't view this relationship as a normal, healthy one. My parents have been married for 26 years, his mom has been married three different times. He does not have the example to go by on what a healthy relationship means. In my eyes, it's ok for people to need other people, it's ok to share things with each other, it's ok to show weakness and vulnerability. He does not feel this way. He keeps his emotions to himself, does not share with me if something bothers him, and does not believe he "needs" anything or anyone. I discussed the five love languages with him- he doesn't think any apply to him.
I guess there are more issues than just sex, but that seems to be the big one that I am focused on lately because it just NEVER happens! I am trying to be EVERYTHING to him, but it hasn't changed a thing. Now I am worried that I am trying too hard and have pushed him away because there is no "Chase" or "challenge" in this marriage- I am willing to give him anything I can possibly think of giving in order to make this work.
How can I put the challenge back in for him but still feel like I am fullfilling my duties as a wife/mother???
Thanks Scott for all the time you have put in already, you make some very good points and I hope that you have a little more time to help :) A guy's perspective is probably what I need here.
Katie Katie,
The man's perspective is, I just do not understand why a guy would let a great wife like you not have everything she wants. That being said, there must be something that is nagging him. It is probably not you. I still think it is the newness of being dad and family man.
But, if he does not want to feel vulnerable around you, that is a problem. Talk about how tough he is in public and keep his man level up, but let him be himself at home. Do you share his thoughts and feelings with others? That will make him not talk. What is talked about between husband and wife stays there. If you involve others in anyway, you get opinions that do not matter and may not help.
I would say that as long as you are trying, that is all you can do. You cannot provide more. Does he feel like you are stressed about it? Does he know you feel sexually deprived? (word it that way, men understand those words well) How have you communicated this to him? Have you tried new sex things? Toys? Movies? Taking pictures of yourself while he is working? Writing little notes and putting in his lunch box? Sex games?
I have a friend who's wife takes him to the strip club when she is trying to get her husband going.
I have a friend who's wife sent an email to him a work with a picture attached.
I have a friend who's wife got a babysitter once and showed up at his job and had a nooner at the lake by our job site.
I have 2 friends that could care less about sex. Really, just do not care. Their wives say things like you are saying. They love their wives and their wives are attractive, but they do just are not that interested in it. I jokingly have offered to take of their wives for them.
I also have another friend that had a low hormone problem. It stemmed from working out and eating constantly. He is a body builder, not steroids, but still had problems. His body just would not regulate. He got some hormone shots and his wife is very happy now. He turned 40 this year, so right around your husband age.
There is alot of options to get things going. All of these are ideas, but do not leave out the option of counseling. My wife and I had marriage counseling once and it was great for us.
If I was you, I would start figuring what is most important to you so you can pick your battles. If sex is important, then work at getting it fixed. If the relationship is good and that is important enough for you and him, then let it go. Look at other things as important. You said you like the time you spend together, then call that good. What I am trying to say is, if you want to change something, you have to work it out and make it happen, if it is not worth the battle, then stop micro-managing the sex life and stop worrying about it. If you cannot change the situation, then you are wasting time worrying about this when you could be using the same time loving your baby. I will be looking for your reply again.
I sure hope you figure this out or get happier about it. Marriage is so awesome when it is with someone you really love and care about. Scott
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March 23, 2007, 10:17 am PDT
Quote From: missy77 Men need to be reminded once in a while!! I have told my hubby that I would appreciate flowers once in a while. A couple of weeks later he bought me some, and I said thanks! kissed him, and of course he expected sex after wards.. MEN WILL BE MEN!! hahahaha
When it comes to women, some men are clulesse, you have to fill them in, like we do our children, talk to him slowly, like he's a child, but don'T let him know!!!!! I'm just kidding, well, not realy but someting like that!! lol
I made a llist of why I still love him, it's in the "TRUE LOVE" section, go see!! You should do one also, it helps to reminde you that, yes you do love him!!! It's all about the chase, there is no more chase, you've see each other's flaw's so many times taht you forget about the other stuff,
Ex: he's seen you not shaven, when you met, I'm sure you shaved all the time!! You might have been more patient with him,. compared to now, You're not into sex that much, when you met I'm sure you had more than once a week!! (or a month!! )lol
he used to take a shower before getting it on, now, who has the time, I already have her!!, He used to put calogne, now, bahhh, she already loves me I donT' need to impresse her!!
Get it, go back to what it used to be, make a little effort stop wating for him to do something and you start it, he will follow!!
Good luck!! From a guy's point of view, yes we are clue less most of the time when it comes to romance, if we are told that you would like to have flowers or love notes or even being envited to a bubble bath.
Those are just a few things that I have learned from my wife, sure I dont do it all of the time but I try to do some thing romantic at least once a week, and make sure that I show her how much I care for here.
Now keep in mind my wife and I have been married for 20 years almost 21 and I'm still learning, so yes we can learn if given enough time. |
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March 23, 2007, 7:59 pm PDT
Quote From: gabe01 My fiance.... well ex-fiance now, and I met 4 years ago and,at first became friends, then fell in love. We knew,at the time, we were to be together forever. We moved in together and started our life. Over the next few years, we build our life together like any typical couple would, joint bank account, 2 cars, and eventually we had 2 children, 1 girl and 1 boy. We had our ups and downs but were able to get through them. I was married,but separated for 2 years, when we 1st met. after 1 year I began the divorce papers,but because of financial problems didn't complete them. Well, 3 1/2 years later, before the birth of our son, who is 9 months now, she told me she wanted us to be a real family and wanted me to finish he paperwork, before our 4 year anniverary together, so we could marry. This was in july of 2005. After our son's birth, in january. She reminded me again, I told her I would, and forgot. She had told me 2 years earlier,when our daughter was born, that she considered me her husband and she was my wife. the papers could wait. That's why I forgot, well our financial problems got worst, we argued more, spoke to each other less. We were spending more time working and raising the kids, then with each other. It got worst, she would be going to school(college)in the morning and working late nights. I works grave shift(12am-8am) and watch the 2 kids during the afternoon, i would get 3-4 hrs sleep a day. The only time i would talk to her was for sex, which she was too tired to do. (I understand now,then at the time..sex wasn't important in relationship). I never got the papers done. she told me she wasn't happy and wanted to separate. angery, i agreed and moved out. My fiance's mother offered me the money to finish the papers and I said "no". That convinced her that I wasn't really going to marry her. 4 months later, She is living a single mothers life and I finally got divorce papers done and living single. Problem is: I am still deeply and truly in-love with her, but she is not in-love with me and wants her space for now. I tried to change her mind by talking and convincing her that i want us to be a family and live my life with her forever. The only thing I have done was push her away from me further and caused a strain in our relationship. She told me," take care of yourself and the kids and maybe later we will see what happens, if it's meant to be it will happen." I know in her mind it's over, but I don't want to lose her... How do I give her space,but at the same time, slowly win her back... I truly believe she is my soulmate.... I important factor, I am 11 years older then her. I'm 37 and she's 26.. please help me save my life with her. I know it has been quite a while since you posted, but I thought I would share with you my experience and ask you how things went with your ex-fiance.
My highschool sweetheart and I drifted apart because of distance and also the fact that we were too young to be in a very serious relationship. He always remained in my mind and heart and when we were college age I heard that he and his girlfriend had gotten married because she was pregnant and it caused me a twinge of sadness even though I hadnt seen him in years. After several years they separated and she moved in with another guy.
I happened to move to the same town that he lived and we started doing things together. I didnt like the fact that he was still married so I kept it just friends for 9 months but we became so close and I was so much in love I broke down and we started dating. He was so much fun to be around and he was also the life of the party. Despite the fact that I still loved him dearly I ended the relationship about a year later. Reason was that along with the fun-loving, great person to spend time with came a guy who was very laid back, relaxed with spending money, and he was not working very hard to get a divorce (even when he was totally in love with me). I equated this with him being not as responsible as he could be. #1 reason for break-up was because of his loose spending habits. I am extremely frugal (definitly to the extreme) and we would have driven each other crazy. But if money was not an issue I would have broken up with him eventually if he had not gotten a divorce.
All I can say is that I had lots of backbone and it was extremely hard to break up with him when I was still in love with him. Sometimes love just aint enough and the money incompatability was a deal breaker for me.
I have since met a wonderful guy and I have been married for nearily 2 years. My ex has been dating a girl for over a year now and he still is not divorced. I have heard that she really wants him to get a divorce and has threatened to break up with him if he doesnt. But though she threatens she still is together with him and I am thinking that she wont go through with it.
All I can say is that you need to talk with your ex and see why she is wanting this space. See if there are incompatabilities that are bothering her and if there is any way that you can work through them. In our case we were so extreme oposites that it would have been near imposible. However if my ex had really understood the importance of this incompatability to me and made an effort to come up with a possible solution together I would have given it a try. But he didnt and didnt seem to understand why it was an issue.
This might not be your case at all but just wanted to share incase it helps.
Well I hope things worked out or will work out because it sounds like you were truely in love.
Salamander20 |
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