Topic : He/She Won't Commit!

I have been together with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years and living together for three.  I try to bring up marriage and he doesn't want to talk about it.   I know he loves me, his family loves me, we get along and I have even asked him to go to counseling.   Forget it.   He is the kind of man that is stubborn and full of pride. If I walk out that door he is not running after me so I can't play games with him.  He was married twice before and they ended badly, his family confirming it was the wife that was the problem( i know it takes two).   I was married once before but we parted amicably. His child is grown and out of the house.  

I am not ready to leave but wonder what approach other than being patient, honest and up front with him, can I do? 

You are paying the price for his issues? Where do your feelings come into the picture? It does take two to end a marriage. It doesn't sound like he is willing to look at his faults. You deserve someone who wants to marry you!

Well, I am in love with a 38 year old woman and she says she is in love with me.  I don't doubt her commitment as she is a sincere and honest person.  She does not have one problem.  She has never been married and does not have experience in dating.  She was shy growing up and probably a little self conscious.  She is now heavy and has not dated in some time.  She appreciated the fact that her weight is not a problem with me and thinks we are a good fit.  She tells me that see just wants to be sure.  She wants me to help her lose weight then she wants to date other guys to be sure we are right for each other.  My problem is I really love her.  Am I blinded by love?  Am I an idiot?  Should I invest the time to see if she will gain this experience and decide to be with me?  Is there something wrong with her thinking?  Is there something wrong with my thinking?  I'm confused.

I think you are a great person by already being patient with her and looking at her inner beauty and not her weight.  I think you should be more clear with her, tell her that if you are not what she is looking for, or if she is using you just as a stepping stone, then that she lets you free and you can focus your energy in somebody that thinks you are also worth it.

Success....

That's one of the mistakes that we as women have.  WE expect the other person to change.  Did you ask him about what he thought of marriage since once day you might want to get married and knowing that he was married twice?  take ownership that you got involved with him  without asking him first, now, you cannot say but I want to be married.  Love him and respect him and if his choice is not to marry ask him why, and if it is a good reason, then respect his decision.  Also, ask yourself if what you want is him or marriage and what do you look in marriage, is it the image of portraying yourself in a different way, is it the security that marriage brings?  after asking yourself these questions then you can find out if you are also ready for another marriage.

Cheers

yeah there is this girl at school and i love her ALOT

do you have any sugesstions on how i can get her to

be my girl friend?

Dont be scared...just ask him and do it strait up!

i ask girls out all the time and tell um i love them strait up...

i say just go for it!   :smile:

Hello. My name is Janessa. I'm 26 years old (almost 27). I married my high school sweetheart in 2001 and we divorced in December of last year because he cheated. So we were together a total of almost 9 years. I left him last May.

Istarted dating a wonderful man in September of last year. So we have been together for a year now. He is 32 and divorced his wife in Februrary of this year, also due to infidelity issues - she also cheated. They were together 11 years.

Here is where it gets sticky. He has a 5 year old son (almost 6 years). After they had a child, he had a vasectomy. I have no children, but have always wanted children. I have never thought of not having children at some point. He, on the other hand, only planned on having one child and now he's not sure if he 1, wants to ever get remarried and 2, if he wants to have more children.

Having babies is not something I am really worried about, because if he had a reversal and it didn't work, we would adopt, but none of that matters if he doesn't want children at all. He thinks he will get there, but it will take time. How much time?

So my question is, how long do you wait for someone? I really love him and I understand that we have not been together all that long, but I would like to know if this is going to work out or if it is worth my time. Why should I stay with someone who doesn't want the same things I do? What if I wait and then he decides he doesn't want to ever get married again or have children? Then I'll get hurt too. I am just at such a loss as to what to do. We have talked about breaking up, in fact, we were on the verge of it last week, but neither one of us feels good about just walking away.

We have been through a lot and continue to go through a lot with his ex-wife and the issues with her and his son. That's more baggage and hard on me too. I think he's worth it, but then what if my goals, hopes and dreams are never met? Any advice?

Thanks so much for reading.

 Janessa