Topic : He/She Won't Commit!

You sound like me....my long-distance relationship with my "boyfriend" has put me in a similar situation. I've been quite stressed over the whole thing. We met in the summer but I moved shortly after we met. We talked daily on the phone and it really seemed to me that I had found my 'soulmate' or at least someone who felt the same way I did! He came to visit me last month, and now I hardly hear from him...he says that a long-distance relationship is too hard; he doesn't want to move where I am; he's settled where he is right now; blah, blah blah. I think that I made too much of it, except he certainly gave me a lot of encouragement the whole time! When I do talk to him, he is still saying things that gives me the impression he wants to continue, yet his actions say differently. I feel like an idiot...I'm 44 and I feel like a stupid teenager who went gaga over a guy. I wanted to be myself and just let it all hang out (so to speak!) with my feelings, and I think that is where I went wrong.  Anyway...good luck with your situation, and I hope things get better for you. And just remember...you're the most important person in your life.

My fiance just told me that he needs time to think about what he wants.  Three months til the big day and he drops this huge bomb on me!!!!  Our story is that he has been married before and has a daughter.  He was married for about 2 or 3 years and has been divorced for about 2 years.  Our relationship has been rocky since day one.  When we first met he wasnt ready to committ which was ok with me, except  he wanted to be single but keep me on the side.  I was looking for a serious relationship with him, and was willing to be patient.  We have definately been throught a lot and i thought everything was ok but guess i was wrong.  He tells me that he went through this with his first marriage and he thinks its just cold feet but im tired of waiting on him to make his mind up.  I dont deserve this and i dont have to put up with it!!! 

I know you must be hurt by what he is saying, not to mention mad, confused and devestated.  However, if he is not 100% sure that he wants to get married - then he does need to let you know ahead of time.  He is confused  so give him a little bit of time.  Have you two considered counseling? 

Marriage is not easy and I'm sure he knows that first hand.  Both of you need to be absolutely 100% sure you aredoing the right thing before exchanging vows.  You claim to have had a rocky relationship from the get go - do you really believe that just because you get married things will just fall into place?  Believe me they don't!  If either one of you have the slightest doubt that this marriage will work then please call it off.  There's nothing worse than going through a divorce.

You really need to slow down.  I read your previous posts about your husband cheating on you etc.  Your focus right now should be about getting your life on track, taking care of your daughter and emotionally healing from your problems with your husband.  Have you two divorced yet????

This other guy has his own life.  He sees you when he wants to, he talks to you when he has time.  You need  get on with your life and if you two happen to hook up on a weekend that's fine but certainly do not wait for his call and do not call him.  You've only been kinda dating for 2 months and really haven't seen eachother very often.  Normally in the early stages of a relationship two people can't talk enough or stay away from eachother - I don't see that happening here.  I see a guy who lives an hour away who has a busy social life and sees you when he's got nothing better to do.  You need to do the same. If you were meant to be together, things will work out - if not, at least you haven't been sitting around waiting for him to call and obsessing in your mind what he's been doing.  This is a casual relationship and you need to treat it as one.  Move on with your life, go out with friends, do fun things with your daughter - don't sit by the phone waiting for him to call.