Quote From: jettavfirst of all about the smoking, you knew he smoked in the first place and you cannot make some one quit a habit or change themselves for whatever reason, they must have the desire to do it and really the only thing you can do about that is to let him know that you love and care for him and try to encourage him but he isn't going to do it if he doesn't have the desire and if you keep hounding him about it. As far as having a baby, he may be a little scared to go to the doctor for fear of the unknown, again, maybe just be there for him and encourage him to do what is right for him, also, stress can prevent a person from getting pregnant, if you honestly and truly love your husband then you will stand by him and love and encourage him and enjoy being with him, have fun and enjoy your time together and don't think about and live in a dream world, go with the flow and hopefully he will get to the doctor if he really wants to figure this out, but it has to be on his own and not with someone hounding him, men tend to get turned off if they feel pressured to do something. Also, I had my first child at 37 and my second at 39, with very few problems, my first was a very easy and fun pregnancy, I would do her 10 times over, my second was ok as well, I was just a little tired at times but of course I had a one year old as well, so that played a part in my tiredness, both my girls came out as healthy as can be with absolutely no problems, it is different now then it was 20 years ago and you are not too young to have a baby. you need to enjoy your other child as much as you can and be thankful for the blessing that God has given you, love and adore your child and pray that the Lord will have his way when it comes to having another one. I have always wanted four kids and still think about it to this day and I am 42 years old, I don't have a problem with wanting to get pregnant again, but I am happy and content with the two little girls we have in our home now, they are our pride and joy and so what if we don't have any more, I am blessed with the family I have. be happy and content and love each other and your child and be there for each other, marriage is about love and caring for one another, keep the communication lines opened but don't push your agenda on your husabnd or you will fail your marriage, to me getting a divorce over these two issues is a cop out not to work things out and of course that is my opinion so don't feel offended. I am 100% for marriage and to me, adultry and being in an abusive relationship are the only good reasons for divorce and then I have seen some of those marriages put back together, remember your vows when you went into the marriage, no marriage is perfect, you need to figure out what is imporant to you and just because you divorce and remarry doesn't gusrentee that thingsa re going to be better.........
for your honest opinion. Beleive me I have mulled over everything you said time and time and time again. I constantly see things on both sides. However why should I be the one in the marriage who has to make the sacrifices and be the one to "just be happy " with the way things are. It's my life too and I feel that he doesn't see it that way. It is my beleif that when you are married and your partener needs you to do something (that isn't immoral or illegal) you do it. As far as being scared to go to the Dr for fear of the unknown well I don't buy that. Every year that I go to the Dr I fear that he will find a lump in my breast or that they will find cancer cells on my cervix, those are real fears. Finding out that we may need assistance in getting pregnant is no big deal. I do things for him ALL the time that I don't want to do because I am his wife. I do go with the flow on a lot of things, this man has A LOT of idiosyncrasies that I just hold my hands up, smile and say "whatever" I do love my daughter very much and I am very blessed to have her in my life. Especially since when I was 20 I was told I may not be able to have children. She is my miracle baby. I have tried to convince myself that I'm OK with only her. During that time I cried and cried and cried everytime I saw anything to do with babies or a family of more then one child. I know I am not done.
As far as the smoking, yes I did know he smoked before I married him, I just trusted his word that's all. So far his word hasn't meant much, makes it hard to trust the things he says. Plus he would be the one to benefit the most from quitting.
You're very right no marriage is perfect and I don't expect a perfect marriage. The last time I checked I didn't go into this marriage alone, it takes two people to make it work. I need him to do 2 painless things for US. I don't think it's much to ask. You're also right in saying that if I remarry it doesn't guarentee that things will be better. I don't want to be 50 and regret the last 21 years of my life for the sake of being married to this man. I need to know how can I mentally deal with these two issues (which happen to be very important to me)? Am I able to or will I hate him later in life?
Thank you
