Hi there!
I'm not Dr. Phil and definitely no expert. I also can't relate to not being near family in a new town. But one thing for sure, every individual has a purpose. When you're a wife, part of your purpose is to be a "helpmeet" to your husband. You have an advantage. You love your husband and enjoy your marriage. So, now you have to be creative in how you spend time with your husband. I'm not going to tell you what to do but I'll give you an example through my own marriage.
My husband is retired military. He and I started dating the year he retired (2002). Praise God because I wasn't willing to be a military wife. I'm much to selfish. Smile! He was a single father with 2 daughters in his full custody. He was ALWAYS tired. Unlike most, when he retired, God blessed him with another job immediately. You're talking 8-hour job, two daughters, school programs, cooking, laundry, etc. Our honeymoon was his first vacation in 20 years ... no exaggeration.
Anyway, since we've been married, he's been living like a king. He's given me the freedom to train his girls to do things for themselves that he always did for them. What do I do for him? Most of the time I make sure that he doesn't have to worry about dinner and household chores. (We do share, but I make sure he has much more rest time.) I also pretty much keep the girls out of his path when he comes home from work so that he can have recoup time before they bombard him with their "needs". You know how us girls are. We start asking young. hahahahaha!
What do I do for him? When he comes home tired, no matter what my day was like, I put him first. God gave Adam a helpmeet. A helpmeet helps. I give him the space he needs to relax. When he showers I lotion him down and give him a massage. I let him sleep when he needs to. If all he wants to do is lay on the couch and watch TV because he is tired, I'll lay on the couch and be a bum with him. I have to admit that was very hard for me at first because I am not a big TV watcher. It seems so unproductive. I had to learn that if I wanted to spend quality time with my husband when he is tired, I had to fit into his groove. I also found that when I make efforts to fit into his groove, he takes notice, appreciates my efforts and I get rewards.
Another thing that helps is that though my husband and I are one, I also have interest of my own. I like doing graphics on the computer. I tremendously enjoy reading books. Find what you are good at and do it.
Continue to be understanding. Your husband is a doctor. Midnight calls, extended time away, ruined plans, etc. come with the territory. Once you can truly accept that, you've crossed a major hurdle. I reiterate, now you must learn to be creative with the time you do have with your husband while always taking into consideration how he feels. I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but Phillipians 2:4 says "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." This is not a scripture that tells us to "neglect" ourselves, but to determine what is really important ... what we "want" or what the other person "needs". We live in a selfish world so it's so easy to complain about what we're not getting. That is by no means a strike against you.
I bring my husband no complaints when he comes home. I don't try to have any serious conversations with him. His home is his castle and his safe haven where he comes to rest. There is a time for those conversations. It isn't easy especially when I feel that what I need to say is important. But I see the benefit of waiting. The more patient I learn to be, the more sensitive I become to those times that are good to speak. If I allow him to rest, then he becomes relaxed. When he is relaxed, I can pour my heart out. I have to also be mindful of my approach. I prep him sometimes by telling him how much I love him and appreciate him. Rather than say "honey you don't spend enough time with me", I would say "honey, I miss spending time with you". As women, as wives, we have to learn how to talk to our husbands. One of the greatest women who knew how to approach her husband was Esther in the Bible. Before she ever made her request known to the King she always started by saying, "if it pleases the King". She was graceful and wise with her words.
If you're a reader, read books that will enhance your marriage. I could name a few. "Power of a Praying Wife" and "The Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian, "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs, "The Five Love Needs of Men and Women" and "Divorce Proof Your Marriage" by Gary Rosberg and "The Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman. These are just a few that have blessed me and my marriage.
Perhaps you can get a calling card that will give you decent minutes to call a family member once or twice a week. Do you have any friends where you are? Proverbs 18:24 says "A man who has friends must himself be friendly ..." That applies to women as well. I don't know if you are a shy person or not, but sometimes we have to step out and meet people. You may find someone with like interest. Whoever you connect with, make sure it is a wise woman who is an advocate for marriage. The last thing you need is male friendship while you're lonely. And, you don't need to hang around women who are miserable in their marriages and speak poorly about their husbands.
Shower your husband with love by perhaps putting love notes in his suitcase. I call my husband throughout the day to either tell him I love him or remind him of things I think are wonderful about him. Since your husband is a doctor, you may not be able to call that often. Find out what really pleases your husband. When you find out what pleases him, if he is a good man, he'll turn around and meet your needs.
In the meantime, stay away from complaining and grumbling even within your heart and be very encouraging and understanding toward him. Also, when he comes home, even if he isn't in the mood to make love, look good for him. If nothing else, you can leave an image in his head. If he is too tired to play, don't take it as personal rejection especially since you know the hours he works. One of the greatest mistakes that people make is that they get married to get "their needs met". The truth is, when you get married, it's about serving the other person. That is a hard concept for the world but it is a Biblical truth. When put into practice, marriage is excellent and survives challenges that most marriages face.
I just want to encourage you to hang in there! If you've got a good man and a good marriage, work to keep it that way. He's in a critical stage of his career. You can be an advocate or a hinderance. It's up to you. I believe you can be a great advocate. But, understand that being an advocate comes with sacrifices. Remind yourself that it is to "help" your husband. When you help your husband be his best, you are helping yourself because the "two become one".
Best wishes!
