Topic : True Love

first be aware that u have a child with a so-so husband cuz some women have actually abandoned or even killed their children to be with another man so hopefully youre not one of those women;  second if the "true love" can accept ur son and not be bitter bout ur choice u made to move on with ur life then maybe u should separate from ur hubby and see how that goes first that might be the best way to do it then u'll have ur independence and u know u can take care of urself so if ur "true love" doesnt work out it wont be a complete catastophy.  i just hope ur hubby wont be one of those psycho's that just thrive to make u suffer and pay for breaking up the marriage.   be careful with that and do a lot of thinking and planning and maybe u will be very happy or at least somewhat better than u r now cuz y live like that if u dont HAVE TO.

If he is this nice to an ex- wife, imagine how wonderful he will be to a new and current wife.   

So many people play the blame game and hate their ex, this man is obviously not like this. 

Consider yourself lucky, but do tell him how you feel. 

Congratulations!!!! 

I want you to know that I love my son more than anything and any man would have to accept me with my son.  If not, then it wouldn't work out anyway.  Even if my "true love" ends up not working out, I just want to be happy and completely satisfied and secure with my life.  I don't have any of that right now.  I need to feel all of that, either with my husband or with someone else. 

  

I talked to my husband last night and told him I loved him, just not sure how much, and that I am not happy and why.  (didn't mention to him anything about "true love")  I was bawling and he wouldn't look at me and he didn't show any emotion whatsoever.  This morning he really didn't talk to me, and then he called me from work and said I needed to see my doctor again because he thinks my anti-depressants aren't working.  Then he said we need to find out what is going on with me and what's going to happen to our marriage.  There is no emotion with him at all.  It is all very matter-of-factly.  The only thing he told me was "I am shocked. Just shocked."  Nothing else.  

  

Divorce scares me, I know it is not an easy thing to go through, then I think of all the tough times our son is going to experience.  Then I think should I settle for okay and allow our son to have parents who are together with less stress on him?  It would be difficult to raise our son on my income and paying for daycare and needs.  At least I am able to be home with him right now. 

well y do u say u want security in ur life with someone, but obviously its not ur husband cuz of his irresponsible way of dealing with finances?  and another thing; y wasnt ur husband willing to work things out with u together, instead its U that needs to see a doctor,  i'm frustrated with that just reading it cuz i can tell its not gonna get any better for u without some kind of help. 

do u really think ur son is gonna b happy in exchange for ur happiness??   i think ur son will know ur miserable at least subconciously and that will have an affect on him in  some way. 

i am in no way an expert but i am extremely aware of situations and strongly believe in the power of communication if nothing else thats all a person has without it ur gonna go nowhere. and i wish more husbands were skilled in that aspect of being a human being!! 

well i hope u figure out some solid way to get what u want and need out of life cuz its not much of a life to continue feeling how u do and i'm sure ur husband probably dont want u to feel as u do nor ur son. 

I guess you would have had to have fallen into this situation yourself to know what has happened here.  Believe me I am the last person on this earth that I ever would have expected this to happen to.  IT JUST HAPPENED & I am very seriously needing some advice.  I need to go on with my life & be happy.  I have spent too many years not being happy & catering to other people.  It's time for ME-time for me to live my life.  Believe me I have talked to God every single day since this has happened.  I thought it was a test at 1st & we've been through alot of tests along the way & feel that God wants this to happen or he wouldn't let it go on.  This love only gets deeper & stronger every day.  As far as cheating, I tried not to consider it cheating as we were only talking on the phone.  After we kissed & hugged then I felt that I was cheating. Some people would have called this an emotional affair. No, we have never made love. As far as the kissing & hugging believe me I put it off for a long long time as well as the love making.  I knew I shouldnt be doing it. THE LOVE IS THERE between us & I know in my heart that I cant turn back on this & always wonder what might have been.  I can never love my husband again the way I use to. Not after the things has has said & done.  And I dont want to hurt him either or anyone else, this is why I am still here. But I believe the marriage is over & time to be happy with someone that I really am in love with & he with me.  I am doing nothing but following my HEART.

 Hey there,

I am very confused and I could do with some advice. I am 23 and I will graduate very soon from the uni. Two years ago I met a guy and fell in love with him. After a year, we moved in together. Some time ago he asked me to marry him and we were planning to ger married and have a baby in the next couple of years. For a very long time I was very happy, because I had a home, a "family" and a great future ahead of me.
Then for some reason I was depressed for quite some  time a while ago.  My boyfriend was very supportive, I have not one complain against him. He wants me to be happy and takes care of me and our relationship as I could only hope for. I try to do my best also, we do romantic things and things together and we also have our hobbies.
Some time ago at one party I noticed that I fell in love with one other guy. The thing is, suddenly I started feeling like I do not want to be engaged yet and I would probably like to live alone. Before I met my boyfriend I used to paint a lot, write poems and fiction, but it seems I cannot do it anymore. When I lived alone, I was very lonely at times, but also more creative and by far more in touch with my authentic self. It felt like this for weeks now. I started wondering what if really do not love him anymore.
The guy I fell in love with did not even notice me of course, because I really did not want to feel this way and left.  I wonderd what to do and decidec that honesty was the best policy. Yesterday I told my boyfriend how I feel, and he said, that he is afraid I do not love him any more. He was so sad, it made me cry... But he is much wiser guy than me, he said he wants me to be happy and it is good I told him about my thoughts. He said that if I want to take a couple of steps back, move out or be single again, it is fine with him, because he loves me and wants what is best for me.
Now I am really confused, what should I do. I know I have a great guy, who is very understanding and fair, but I wonder will we still be able to date if I move out. Moving out from our mutual home is a big thing also.
 I have never been in a long-term relationship before, so I was wondering if it is just stupid hesitation and my imagination because I panic about the marriage. Of course I want kids and my own family, but the thought that  my future will be planned until I join Six Feet Under is really terrifying. One part of me wants to be free, travel, do crazy things and suffer from loneliness. The other one says I am insane. Does this make sense?

Thank you so much for reading this far, I really appreciate it...

I'm not saying breakup with your boyfriend.  However, I'm not saying continue to live with someone you're not married to either.  What I am saying is enjoy your single life.  Learn about you.  Enjoy you. Learn to be content so that loneliness doesn't push you into a relationship prematurely. 

  

Are you truly ready to share your life with someone else?  Are you truly ready to share your hopes and dreams?  Are you truly ready to be vulnerable and sometimes get your feelings hurt and be misunderstood?  Are you ready to have disagreements?  Are you ready to truly love?  Are you ready to accept someone they way they are for the rest of their lives?  Are you ready to stick with one person forever?  If not, right now you may be better off alone.  Because these are the things that real relationships deal with regularly.  Some issues are just a part of life.  Disagreements and misunderstandings can build a relationship and individual character if dealt with in a right way.  Temptations to look at someone else will come but you can choose whether you stray from the one you love or not.  If you truly love, you will choose the right way. 

  

Let's talk about love.  Love isn't some fleeting feeling or emotion that comes and goes.  Love is an action word that is demonstrated whether you feel like it or not.  Love is patient, kind, not selfish, forgives, isn't rude, bears with, endures, doesn't rejoice in wrong but rejoices in what is right (1 Cor 13).  That fleeting stuff is infactuation.  It's based on surface stuff.  You don't fall in and out of "real" love.  You "choose" to demonstrate real love.  This is the issue with many couples.  They are led by "feelings" which change like the wind and not "true agape love". 

  

I can't tell you what to do, but I hope you'll think about what I've written.  And please know that it wasn't written to tear you down or make you feel bad.  Best wishes in making the BEST decision for you AND this young man. 

 "I believe in those words "In sickness or Health until death due us part".  I would be there to suppose him thru his illness but can not be his wife..." 

 

 

If you truly believe in those words, then you can be his wife.  Those vows weren't written for any old relationship.  Those are marriage vows.  "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, til death do us part".  That is "covenant" language.  The problem is too many people make those vows with a clause ... as long as things are going the way that satisfies "me".  Marriage isn't about "me" or "I", it's about "we". 

  

The truth is you are married and there is a danger to a married woman hanging out with a group of single women.  A married woman's 1st priority should be to her husband.  A single woman's priorities and mentality are totally different.  Am I saying never associate with single women?  Absolutely not.  But how you spend your time and who you spend your time with on a regular basis effect you and your decision making.  Single women talk and live single.  It sounds like you need some friendships with married women who truly love their husbands and understand the marriage vows. 

  

It behooves you as a wife to find out what is really going on with your husband.  Men deal with self-esteem issues.  Men deal with issues many of us women can't begin to understand because we aren't men.  Your husband may not necessarily need a counselor.  Perhaps he just needs one good WISE male friend that he can vent to so that the real issues will come out.  Perhaps this might enable him to share his heart with you ... if you're able to listen without judging him or getting emotional. 

  

Men don't like to be vulnerable.  They don't usually like to admit that they are afraid.  Your husband is seeing this gorgeous woman who is changing her lifestyle (in his mind and based on some of your actions) and he is scared.  He may see himself as sick and not able to compete with other men.  Perhaps because of his health he is not fulfilling his life's dream.  His fears may be totally unfounded but the point isn't to agree with how he feels, but hear your husband's heart and encourage him.  That is difficult for us women sometimes because we are so emotional.  We react to what is said to us before we actually hear what is truly being said.  But that is the joy of marriage and true friendship, you work at making the relationship better and throwing in the towel isn't an option.  Once quitting becomes an option, you've added a dynamic to your mindset that if dwelt on will make working on the problem and restoring the relationship is more difficult to do because you believe you have a way out.  That's is why the divorce rate is so high in both Christian and non-Christian marriages.  It's too easy to give up and too much work to hang in there and discover the beauty of one another's differences.  It's easier to take care of someone who is physically sick than to deal with someone who is emotionally or mentally sick.  But when those vows said "in sickness and in health", it wasn't just talking about the body.  That's what many people miss.  It's too hard.  It's too much trouble to dig deep and find out what is truly troubling the other person.  It's too much trouble to die to self.  We're too busy looking at sacrifices as a burden instead of a loving and kind act of service done whether appreciated or not because we love.  It's too much trouble to keep the vows. So why do people even bother making those vows? 

  

Who changed?  You said it yourself.  New body, new hair, new friends.  Are you acting different at home?  Are you reverting back into your single mentality because of your newfound self and friends?  I'm not judging you.  I can't answer these questions because I don't know you and your message is only a fraction of your situation.  But look deep within yourself and answer these questions to yourself. 

  

Married people have to guard our marriages.  We have to be careful that we don't let co-workers into our marriage business and that we don't let them talk us into things and activities that will bring division in your home.  We have to be careful that we aren't letting your single friends (or disgruntled married friends) give us advice about marriage if they aren't "helping" our marriage.  Stir clear of those who are still bitter about past relationships.  Stir clear of the liberated woman who says you can make it on your own.  Don't keep company with those who don't add to your marriage. 

  

If you're looking that good, get you some sexy lingerie, stay at home and entice your husband and not men in clubs.  Enticing men in clubs may not be your intention, but let's face it, it's just that kind of element where things happen whether you intend them to or not.  Furthermore, truly check your motives.  Are you going out to get male approval of your new self?  Only you can answer that.  I'm not accusing. 

  

Be a bombshell for the man you made vows to.  What interest do you and your husband share together?  What traditions do you have together?  What hobbies do you have that add to who you are?  (Going to clubs with your girls isn't a hobby that will add to you especially if they are single and you are married.)  

  

What are your husbands hopes and dreams?  What do you encourage him in?  What are his greatest fears? 

  

You know, I've known people who have been together for over 20 years and still didn't know vital things about their spouse.  Some people are so wrapped up in themselves that they can't see that their spouse is suffering on the inside.  Because we are closest to our spouses, we catch the brunt of issues that sometimes have nothing to do with us. 

  

Perhaps you need a moment to re-evaluate yourself, your husband and your marriage ... not to encourage yourself to walk away, but to work at it and make it better ... to keep your "marriage vows" within marriage, the real relationship those vows were meant for. 

Thank you so much for answering!
I hope I will have the courage to look at things as they are and do the right thing.