Message Boards

Topic : Breaking Up

Number of Replies: 5114
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:06:14 pm
Author : dataimport
Is it time to end things with your significant other? Or, have you just been handed a relationship pink slip? Share your stories.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

July 22, 2005, 2:55 pm CDT

An ex is killing me !!

Hi all,

 

My ex common law husband for 4 years and me had a 6 yrs. old daughter.  During those time of separation, we were off and on until last time was December 2004.  He had dated here and there and had a girlfriend in 2004 but only lasts 5 months.  He introduced our daughter to this girl only once.  After that girl, he dated another one that only lasts 3 months.  He came back to me and got back together again but only lasts for not even 2 weeks.  After a month he started seeing a new girl and already started exposing our daughter to her.  They are still together and both been spending time with my daughter sometime every other weekend when my daughter is with him. I overheard on his voice mail messages that this girl is already saying I love you to him.  I know it is not illegal for him to expose my daughter to her..but it's making me really angry.  I wanted to know this girl so I know who my daughter is spending time with when she is with her dad but he would not introduce her to me.  He already introduce her to her family but not to me.  Am I entitled to know or for him to introduce to me to his girlfriend or is this out of my business? 

 
July 22, 2005, 3:57 pm CDT

well...

do you not trust your husband?...unless you think she is a serious threat to your daughter, I dont see the problem...and in fact, it is better that they meet than wait until their relationship is more serious and then meets her...and why are you listening to your husbands emails?  He has found someone new, and as hard as that may be to accept, you have to learn to deal with.  If I met someone new who I really loved, and it sounds like he may, the last thing I would want is for my ex to meet her after such a short time together.  I would let your husband decide on when the daughter can meet new girls...I would definitely refrain from making the decision myself.

 
July 23, 2005, 12:44 am CDT

Breaking Up

do you not trust your husband?...unless you think she is a serious threat to your daughter, I dont see the problem...and in fact, it is better that they meet than wait until their relationship is more serious and then meets her...and why are you listening to your husbands emails? He has found someone new, and as hard as that may be to accept, you have to learn to deal with. If I met someone new who I really loved, and it sounds like he may, the last thing I would want is for my ex to meet her after such a short time together. I would let your husband decide on when the daughter can meet new girls...I would definitely refrain from making the decision myself.

you need to give up on controlling him.  you probably couldn't control him when you where with him, so what makes you think you can control him now?  get a darn life.  it doesn't sound like he is doing anything wrong to me.  he is moving on with life and you should try doing the same thing.  how did you hear his voicemail?  are you such a control freak that you hack his voicemail and email and ....?  no wonder he doesn't want you to meet her.

 
July 23, 2005, 7:52 am CDT

Breaking Up

do you not trust your husband?...unless you think she is a serious threat to your daughter, I dont see the problem...and in fact, it is better that they meet than wait until their relationship is more serious and then meets her...and why are you listening to your husbands emails? He has found someone new, and as hard as that may be to accept, you have to learn to deal with. If I met someone new who I really loved, and it sounds like he may, the last thing I would want is for my ex to meet her after such a short time together. I would let your husband decide on when the daughter can meet new girls...I would definitely refrain from making the decision myself.

Thank you for the response.  My only concern is for my daughter's well being.  I did not want her being exposed to a variety of girlfriends that when the other does not work he'll introduce her to another.  I reacted before when he said he was not even sure if it was going to work out with her since he already let them spent time together for the first couple of days they started seeing each other.  I know his lovelife should not be any of my concern as he was the one who have asked me if I have found anybody or going to moved in with anyone.  I was not controlling him, I don't even response to his personal comment regarding his relationship with this girl.  There was one time he drove to my new place to drop our daughter to me and she came with them but did not see me that's why I asked him to introduce me to her but did not do it, and again today the girlfriend just decided to go to his place in the morning just to drive them to my place to drop my daughter off and not use my ex's car.  I mean, what is this?  I feel like he is trying to use our daughter to get back at me.  I hope I am really wrong.  I feel like he does not want me to be happy. 
 
July 24, 2005, 6:27 pm CDT

don't know what to do

Hi there,

 

I have been in a relationship for 3 years with a guy that I absolutely love with all of my heart. He is the type of guy that every girl wants to bring home to mom. He is loving, trustworthy, loyal and would do anything for me. I know I'm truly blessed.  However, recently I have been having second thoughts about our relationship and I don't know exactly why. I think maybe it has to do with something like I'm nervous about our future and where we're headed because I've never really been with anyone else and therefore I'm afraid of making some mistake. I also have had the urge to become single and want to be with other guys. Mostly one other guy in particular who is the total opposite of my guy, he is more dangerous, passionate, a bad guy if you will. And I've never been attracted to anyone like that ever until I met him and I can't stop thinking about him. And a few weeks ago I ended up getting stupidly drunk (I know this is not an excuse) and I ended up having sex with him, and it was amazing, although I'm paying for my grief now.

So I guess my question to you would be to ask for your advice, I am only 20 years old, I knwo that is very young, I do love my boyfriend with all of my heart and his family and I can picture our lives together, but I can't stop thinking about this "bad boy" who does have a good heart and tells me that he cares about me.

 

I don't know what to do, I'm lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 
July 25, 2005, 11:27 am CDT

pregnant and alone

pregnant and alone

Where do I start? Right now my life is pretty messed up right now. I am 7 months pregnant and my boyfriend of 2 years has ran off to Virginia. I already have a one year old son with him and things werent great but they werent the worst. about 2 weeks ago he was helping his god parents move to Virginia, then on my sons first birthday july 09 he calls me and says he wasn't going to make it to the party. He had  the nerve enough to tell me that he could've gotten a bus ticket home but he needed time to himself he was too stressed out. Boy was I hurt to the bone. I figured its your sons 1st birthday and your being so selfish by saying that you needed to get away. At a time like this? His reply was "me missing his first birthday is between me and him and I don't  have to answer to anyone but him." Well that may be true to a certain extent but come on it's your sons first birthday why would you want to miss out on that? I was furious. I told him not to bother me for awhile. He calls the party to speak with his brother and tells him he on his way to Virginia Beach. Does anyone else see something wrong with that. he tells him also that he would be back later on that week. After that I didnt hear from him until the following Saturday and he  calls me and tells me that he might be staying down there for awhile and that he's going to the shipyard to find work every morning. I was so hurt. I was crying hysterically I mean I loved this boy. I would do anything for him. I mean it just happened so fast. The day before he left we were doing fine we watched a movie after I got off work then he took me home we did our I love yous and kisses. He says he understands why I am so hurt but I dont see how you could do somebody like this if  you love them. His main rebuttals i are I need time to myself to get my head on straight. you dont know what is going oon in someones head or what people are thinking, I am too stressed out. Sometimes you have think about yourself no matter who it hurts or you'll never be happy.

I know it's not all about me but I am crushed I need my boyfriend right now to get through this pregnancy to hug me kiss me talk to me but he says he to stressed out and he needs to get his life togather and start thinking more about himself. I feel like I am worthless. I cry every night . I cant believe he just left me like he did. He was my first for everything. This was even a big blow to his family. If you knew Justin you thought he would always be there for his kids if not his girlfriend. I feel embarassed when someone asks me how we're doing or where he's at.

He called me yesterday to ask about our son the convo was dry and forced. he began telling how he found a job and that he even started going to church. It looks like to me he's not coming back and that hurts more than anything. when he talks i can truly hear happiness in his voice. I want to be happy for him but I am not happy with how he left me. I feel burdened and stressed. I am begining to blame him for my anger, sadness, and depression. i feel like his happiness costed me what little happiness i had. at times I hate his guts at other times i miss him and I still love him. I cry all the time I need help.  does anyone have any advice.

 

thanks

Teena marie

Columbus Ohio

 
July 25, 2005, 2:49 pm CDT

hope this helps

It is always hard to break up but even worse when you have children with someone.  Is sounds to me like he is not coming back...he got a job and found a church...and you need closure from him.  You need to hear from him it is.  The difficult part is that he may not give you that closure.  He may think that if he does not then you won't move on and when he wants to come back he can.  you need to kich him to the curb.  He sounds like you can find someone better....he cant even tell you he is leaving and just doesm, he misses his sons first birthday and knows how much pain he is causing you and does not seem to care much.  Is your family around?  This will be a tough pregnancy and even harder delivery and yet harder to care for two children under two.  you will need to support of someone...either family or friends or even a church...to help you get through this.  Don't ever forget that you can get through this and you will because your children need YOU.  they truely love you and you should start collecting some child support from him because you may need to money too.

 
July 25, 2005, 3:24 pm CDT

is love enough??

I have had an off and on relationship with a guy for about three years.  We had broken up in the beginning of the year after he went through a personal trajedy and withdrew from me. in June he came back begging asking for another chance and he made a mistake.  Since then we have been trying to make it work, but my mistrust of him that he may leave again is taking a toll and may ruin us for good.  I am having a hard time getting over him hurting me but I don't want to lose him again.  I can feel myself pushing him away and recently he has told me that it is getting to him and he feels I will never get over what has happened.  I have put a lot of doubt in his mind.  I don't want to lose him again and I know that he doesn't want to lose me, but there is a big wall between the two of us that is very difficult to breakdown. 

Even if two people love each other very much, is that enough????????

Please give me some advice, I don't know what to do next!!!!

 
July 25, 2005, 8:20 pm CDT

Nice guys?

Let's see, where do I start?  I was dating this guy we'll call "John".  And after a while we finally thought we'd take our relationship to the next level and he proposed.  Things were going GREAT, until he found out about something I had lied about in the past.  I explained why I had done so and apologized.  He was fine with that, but after a while things went bad.  We started arguing over stupid pety things.  Our engagment ended horribly after his mother died four months ago.  Her death was hard on both of us and when he blamed it on me, I couldn't even look at him.  He kept constantly calling me.  It got to the point when it was 13-18 times in a row before he would finally leave a message.  I had to change my phone number.  I am over him now.  And I thought I had finally found a nice guy for ONCE in my life, when he tells me that he is completely anti-girlfriend and completely against relationships.  My relationship with this man isn't anything more then a "friendship with benefits".  I go over to his apartment every once in a while and talk for about 20 minutes at the most with him and a few of his friends that are now friends of mine.  Then we go to his room and have sex.  Then I go home.  And for a while it wasn't much more than that until I finally had the nerve to ask him what I meant to him.  He went on to explain certain things about how he had been hurt too many times by women.  But he says, "I care about you more than the other girls."  Girls?  I finally realized that I wasn't the only one dating this guy.  But I know for sure I'm the only one he's sleeping with.  I just don't know what to do about this situation.  I'm not sure if I should stop seeing him or just keep doing what we're doing.
 
July 25, 2005, 8:25 pm CDT

is love enough?

Quote From: alysha1221

Let's see, where do I start? I was dating this guy we'll call "John". And after a while we finally thought we'd take our relationship to the next level and he proposed. Things were going GREAT, until he found out about something I had lied about in the past. I explained why I had done so and apologized. He was fine with that, but after a while things went bad. We started arguing over stupid pety things. Our engagment ended horribly after his mother died four months ago. Her death was hard on both of us and when he blamed it on me, I couldn't even look at him. He kept constantly calling me. It got to the point when it was 13-18 times in a row before he would finally leave a message. I had to change my phone number. I am over him now. And I thought I had finally found a nice guy for ONCE in my life, when he tells me that he is completely anti-girlfriend and completely against relationships. My relationship with this man isn't anything more then a "friendship with benefits". I go over to his apartment every once in a while and talk for about 20 minutes at the most with him and a few of his friends that are now friends of mine. Then we go to his room and have sex. Then I go home. And for a while it wasn't much more than that until I finally had the nerve to ask him what I meant to him. He went on to explain certain things about how he had been hurt too many times by women. But he says, "I care about you more than the other girls." Girls? I finally realized that I wasn't the only one dating this guy. But I know for sure I'm the only one he's sleeping with. I just don't know what to do about this situation. I'm not sure if I should stop seeing him or just keep doing what we're doing.

Things were like that with my ex fiance.  I'm surprised I've incountered someone with the same question I had almost 6 months ago...

We loved each other so much, but yet, certain things would push us away from one another.  I myself would say, that love isn't enough.  We are now seperated because despite the fact that we still love each other, we just couldn't get past certain problems.  I hope everything works out well for you two. 

 
First Page | Previous Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last