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Topic : 12/25 Divorcing the Family

Number of Replies: 182
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Created on : Thursday, October 05, 2006, 04:44:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/12/06) When you lose control of your kids and household, is it ever possible to get it back? Peggy was so fed up with her 17-year-old twin boys' behavior –- their yelling, tantrums, cursing, disrespect, fighting -- and the resulting strain on her marriage that she arrived at a radical solution: Divorce one of her sons from the family. However, when Peggy filed the paperwork to emancipate her son, the courts turned her down, leaving him in her care until age 18. Can Dr. Phil convince Peggy and her husband to accept responsibility for their deteriorating home situation? Can he inspire the teens to help calm the chaos? Or, is divorcing a family member a viable last-ditch option? Tell us what you think!

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October 12, 2006, 3:13 am CDT

What do you miss about your daughter?

Quote From: tsd2468

Eventually your daughter will show remorse, and come and ask forgiveness.  I am Christian too, and don't believe there can possible be anyone with such a cold heart that will never as for forgiveness for all she has put you through.  Find joy in your other children.  Pray, and keep the faith, Open your home to other church members that may be having similar problems.  There are problems just about everywhere with kids today, where you least expect it.

 

God Bless you and your family.

Do you miss all the misery attatched to her being in your daily life?  I believe, as a Christian, there is a Satan and he has a job to do.  His job is to take pure people like you and gradually chip away at their spirit until they are broken people- unable to experience peace and joy, completely distracted from feeling the love of God.  I believe Satan will use any vehicle to do his job, namely people.  If he can spiritually annihilate you by pitting your daughter against you, then he will if she doesn't have a firm loyalty to God.  Your daughter has a sickness.  A sickness of spirit and of conscience.  When a diabetic has a black toe, the doctor advises to cut it off or it will infect the rest of your healthy tissue.  In the Bible. Satan tries to start a dialogue with Jesus and He says, "Get thee behind me Satan".  I don't see why you would not want to put this behind you.  It is all pain and ugliness brought on by an ungrateful brat.  Enjoy memories of her as a little girl and continue to pray for her that the Lord regains her heart and loyalty, our kids don't belong to us, they belong to God, we have them on loan for a short while, they gain independence and leave us.  Put this behind you and be glad the worst is over and allow yourself to move on with peace in your heart and home.  That's what God wants you to have. Don't give in to darkness.
 
October 12, 2006, 5:53 am CDT

wow i cant wait to see this show

more people who havent got a clue as how to put a kid in there place, i think a lot of parenting skills are needed here
 
October 12, 2006, 5:58 am CDT

10/12 Divorcing the Family

Quote From: tsd2468

Eventually your daughter will show remorse, and come and ask forgiveness.  I am Christian too, and don't believe there can possible be anyone with such a cold heart that will never as for forgiveness for all she has put you through.  Find joy in your other children.  Pray, and keep the faith, Open your home to other church members that may be having similar problems.  There are problems just about everywhere with kids today, where you least expect it.

 

God Bless you and your family.

 I'm, a Christian too, but, honey if my daughter(who's 13 now and I love dearly or my sons for that matter) EVER treated our family that way .... she'd be somewhere wherever I could find to put her for the help she'd need. No, I wouldn't give her/them the satisfaction of a divorce or emancipation they're stuck with me until they're 18. I laid the law down early.

    Please understand, I'm not judging . I'm just stating  the way things are with us. 

 
October 12, 2006, 6:08 am CDT

throw away kids?

Funny how the parents are blaming the kids.  How do they think it started ?  You reap what you sew!  I'm willing to be that these were out of control brats when they were kids, and the parents act like out of control brats too.  You don't get to stop being parents.  It's a life long job.  The parents need to grow up and then the kids too.
 
October 12, 2006, 6:31 am CDT

10/12 Divorcing the Family

I was talking to  dear friend the other day and she mentioned how she got into trouble when she told her 14 yr old stepson to just find something to do outside until his dad got home from work , I am 42 years old and I can remember many times when my mom or dad would tell me " just go outside and play" and now parents get in trouble for it?

 
October 12, 2006, 6:38 am CDT

Kicking out your kids

I can see both sides of this coin.  Although my family has never threatened to kick me out of the family, I can certainly see why some families might want to.  I wouldn't want to have to become emancipated because of marital problems between my parents.  I would rather try and get them to agree to start family or marriage counseling to fix their problems before they resorted to emancipating me.  Like Dr. Phil always seems to say when he does a show focused on families, when the parents fight the "kids pay."  I would hate to have to loose my parents support ever, especially in this manner.  I would think that my parents' problems were mine instead of their own.  In my view, this would be the ultimate example of not owning up to the problems you created.
 
October 12, 2006, 8:03 am CDT

Take Help Seriously

How many times have I seen children acting out the lives they are living and being labeled learning disabled when in reality it is emotional and physical distress they are in.  How easy it is to classify ADD/ADHD instead of reaching for the root of the problem.  My son was easy, however, my daughter was a double whammy.  One thing I can honestly say I never did was swear at them, definitely never called either of them names and always enlisted outside help to deal with the hardest problems.  Always tried to teach them self esteem which is never easy under the best of circumstances and being a single parent didn't help.  I now have a son who is a Navy Chief Petty Officer and a daughter who is Administrative Assistant.  They still, like all of us, have hills to climb and problems to face, but do so with confidence.

 

After my 2 were grown, I took on my boyfriends 2 at ages 9 and 11.  Labeled learning disabled, when in fact it was emotionally disturbed.  A product of divorced, fighting parents who both drank heavily.  Parents who threatened each other, swore at each other, had raging tempers and could be physically violent towards each other and their children.  They were constantly left with grandparents and later with me.  Afraid to voice their opinions, terrors and anger for fear of repercussions.  Terrified when I went around the corner in a store for fear they were going to be left behind.  We gained full custody and my work was cut out for me.  The boy ended up in a crisis center eventually at the age of 12/13.  I finally told both parents that they either straightened up and worked together or the kids or they were going to lose their son.  It took a lot of convincing to get their father to understand that they needed their mother in their lives, too and would resent him eventually if he continued to prevent it.  It wasn't easy and I often wondered why I took on 2 more children and it did end up on my shoulders to work with the schools, mental health and child prevention to get them through.  It turned out to be worth it as both have graduated from High School.  Something neither of their parents did.  Parents didn't go beyond 8th or 9th grade.

 

They are doing well, but are stilling in the healing process.  So please take Dr. Phil's advice and help.  Follow through with everything.  It will get better if you do.

 
October 12, 2006, 8:11 am CDT

I can see where the parents come from

My son just turned 15 years old.  And he acts just like these twins.  He has been this way since he was 4 years old.  He always feels he is the boss, he's in control and he fears no one!!  When you deal with a child like this year after year after year and as a parent you have tried everything you do start to go crazy and yell and fight.  We've been to consolers, anger management, tons of doctors everything we can think of to get my son under control.  We sought help maybe it was/is something as parents we were/are doing wrong - still nothing.  Jacob swings golf clubs, fists and more at us.  Jacob leaves when he wants, if we are driving down the road and he heres us tell him no he will and has jumped out of the moving van.  So until you walk in those parents shoes,  you can't say how you would react.  It is an ongoing struggle everyday. As a parent I just pray until the day he is 18 and is out of my house, and yes I know how horrible that sounds. 
 
October 12, 2006, 8:22 am CDT

todays show

Todays show sure hit home in my household.  There are 2 differences.  I am the "step" mom and we only have  child.  14 yrs. old.  This child spent the first 10 yrs of his life with an absentee mother whom is now a heroin addict. (the mother)  He has been with his dad for about 3 1/2 yrs now.  Mother gave up custody.  She "couldn't handle" him.  Since then dad has been very inconsistant in everything.  I have been in the picture for 2 yrs. and am desparetly trying to keep this child on the right track.  Huge task!!!  We are also on the verge of giving this child up the the system.  Our biggest fear and the reason we haven't done this already is because we are very scared that he will come back "worse".  Please send resources.  We cannot afford counseling right now.  His dad is the only one working full-time.  I cannot work full-time because I have to be available to pick him up from school or he doesn't bother to come home until whenever.  He just makes his own rules, and doesn't even follow them!  His dad threatens and threatens and doesn't do anything.  You shouldn't have to spank a 14 yr. old boy.  All this does is get everyone in an uproar.  I am beginning to think this is what this child thrives on.  He had never know anything else except constant drama.  I am on my way to the psych ward, his dad is on this way to the hosp. with a heart attack, and where does that leave the kid?  Where do we go from here?

Please send resources Dr. PHil.  We need help.

Tanya

 
October 12, 2006, 8:38 am CDT

divorcing your family

I am a mother who raised 5 children, and there where many times when things could have gotten out of control, however i am mom and the rule has always been you can voice your opion as long as you are respectful the minute you start to yell or act out the discussion is over, and you will lose something that means alot to you and you will not get it back right away, that is the problem with kids today parents dont set ground rules from the beginning and when the rules are broken the punishment you decide on must be carried out and not stoped just because the kids cool off this just teaches them to act out face you let things cool off  all will be ok, please we are raising the next generation of lawyers, doctors, hairdressers, moms and dads and we need to instill in them that you dont get something for free and by giving into kids and teens demands are teaching them that they dont have to stand up and be accountable for there actions. Get a clue parents and be parents.
 
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