I am 32, my boyfriend of 1 year & 6 months is 41 and has never been married. I was married once for 3 years. No kids. He's never been in a relationship this long. We have discussed marriage/living together. When we first began dating, he told me he guesses he won't get married because he's 40 & set in his ways. At that time, I didn't know if I wanted that anyway, so I didn't think much of it. Later, he told me he didn't feel like he needed to get married when I asked him months later if he saw a future for us. Then he said he was thinking that "right now" and in the same conversation, when I told him I thought his mentioning of a house now and then had to do with us one day living together, he said, "Oh, well, maybe we will." He sounds confused, doesn't he? He told me he considers himself a workaholic & thinks it would annoy another person. Apparently, him working a lot was an issue with an ex- girlfriend. Other reasons are his age, and that he has no money. He lives alone & is struggling. This relationship is unbelieveably better than my marriage. We've told each other we love each other, he invited me last Xmas back home to another state for 2 weeks, where I got to know his family. He has a brother (43) and a sister (39). Both married only 4 years ago. Their mom left them when they were all under the age of 10. He's met my parents. When I asked him if living together was out of the question, he said "No, definitely not" and squeezed me. He did tell me I'm on a fast track when I told him I can't date him forever. I know he's afraid...he's mentioned all the people he knows who are divorced, including myself and his and my parents. I recently found out that he's thought of everything for us, including kids. He told me he's a confused person. He said he doesn't like to disappoint people. He goes back & forth about marriage because he's concerned about not being good at marriage or living together, but moreso on marriage. When I recently told him I'm concerned about us not wanting the same thing, he said "Let's keep trying." He's also told me he's trying to find a balance between doing his work/projects and being together. He was surprised to learn that I am currently happy with the balance. I also told him "You're deciding for me", when he told me he didn't think a person would want to put up with his workaholic ways. He then said, "Oh, I didn't think of it like that." Also, he's avoided sex with me in the past because he told me he didn't think he was good at it. He wouldn't last very long & was always apologizing. I always reassured him, because to me, it's about the bond, not pure sex. He would feel as if he disappoointed me. As time went on, he completely loosened up and began initiating sex. I couldn't believe the change in him, based on my reassurance, I think, so it really makes me wonder about him also feeling more confident in us one day marrying/living together & getting over his issues about that. I also remember him telling me, "Oh great, she's coming over and she's going to want to get it on and I won't be able to." Or, he told me sometimes "a person just wants to go to sleep." I told him of course and that we won't always be in the mood, although I always am. Ha! Ha! He mentions things for us to do in the future a lot. Trips, etc. He wants me to meet his aunt and uncle in another state as well. We're together every weekend and have been since we met. He is very sensitive to my feelings & validates me. If I bring something up to him, he is immediately attentive and observant the next time the issue comes around. He's naturally like that. He highly values conversation also and is a very detail oriented person. We talk every day. I found out both of us have never called another person "baby" or "honey", etc. which I think is so sweet. He gives me his undivided attention if I want to talk. He's the most honest person. From the beginning, he was an open book, allowing me to open his mail, see who was calling on caller i.d., hang over his shoulder while he emailed, etc.
My questions is this: Based on my summary, do you see hope and do you think this man needs me to be patient since he's never been married and never dated anyone as long as me, and that maybe I'm rushing things? We've only seriously talked about marriage/living together in the last 6 months, 2 or 3 times. He's obviously a confused person and has even told me such. I love him dearly & what we have. I'm not afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of not having him in my life. He's the sweetest, most loving man I've ever loved. I treasure our relationship. We have a wonderful one. But I honestly am concerned about the marriage/living together issue. For me, it's about sharing our lives & being under the same roof and just knowing that that person is going to be there that night.
