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Topic : 12/27 Runaway Dramas

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Created on : Thursday, October 12, 2006, 05:58:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/16/06) Imagine your pregnant teen daughter running away to be with her baby's father -- an older man whom she met online. For Heidi, this became reality when her 15-year-old daughter, Brittney, went missing for five weeks. Dr. Phil put private investigator and former FBI agent Harold Copus on the case to find the missing teen. See the confrontation when Harold finally locates her and her 34-year-old boyfriend. Then, find out why Brittney becomes even more upset when she learns what is in store for her. Two months have passed. Has Brittney's relationship with her mother improved? Next Kim, 15, has run away six times in the last year, most recently making it halfway across the country to be with her married boyfriend. Why didn't her parents look for her, and why does she say she'll do anything to get away from them? Can this family learn to get their relationship back on track? Share your thoughts here.

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October 16, 2006, 3:37 pm CDT

10/16 Runaway Dramas

As a 13 year teacher at the elementary level this show further illustrates a point I've tried to impart upon parents. You HAVE TO BE INVOLVED IN YOUR CHILDREN'S LIVES, SET REASONABLE RULES OF CONDUCT, IMPOSE REASONABLE CONSEQUENCES FOR BREAKING THOSE RULES, AND BE PROPER ROLE MODELS FOR YOUR CHILDREN. This MUST begin when children are little. I see so many parents who allow their little girls to "run the show" when they're little only to be faced with this type of rebellion viewed on today's show. I actually have parents that allow their little girls (ages 7 and 8) miss school so Mom can take them shopping. Because their behavior is "cute" these little girls are given a free pass to behave

inappropriately whether through their behavior or appearance (you wouldn't believe the clothing some of these little 8 and 9 year old girls are allowed to wear to school by their mothers and fathers).

 

Then, when these "adorable" little girls turn 15, 16, and beyond, their personalities and perceptions having been shaped by the way they were raised when they were little, the parents are all of a sudden asking, "What do we do? How do we control her. She won't follow our rules! Help us Dr. Phil, she's out of control!"
All of a sudden it isn't "cute" anymore.

 

I realize this is all water under the bridge for the parents on the show today. I'm just trying to say that you've got to teach them right when they're little; when you have control over who they become, the values they embrace. My heart breaks for all the little girls (and boys) whose parents don't instill values and strong self-esteems in their children when they're little and so eager to please.

 
October 16, 2006, 3:39 pm CDT

NOVEMBER-RUNAWAY PREVENTION MONTH

I work with the National Runaway Switchboard.  It's the oldest, largest national resource for teens, their families and teachers in the country.  They field tens of thousands of calls every year.  From them, I learned just how large the runaway problem is in this country.  But also, that there are valid, valuable places to go for help.

 

1-800-RUNAWAY, or www.nrscrisisline.org.

 

The Switchboard, being non-profit, is trying really hard to get that contact information out to kids, especially with November being National Runaway Prevention Month.  They are even working with a rock band called Stereo Fuse to reach kids through music.  Stereo Fuse's video for "Like I Do" is actually a PSA for the Switchboard.

 

Hopefully, this information will get out to people at risk or currently in crisis, and be a support.

 
October 16, 2006, 3:48 pm CDT

old ways sometimes best

There is an easy way to control your teen-agers; think about back in the day how we were raised; much more supervision and our parents and teachers weren't afraid to take their roles as responsible adults. While I don't condone violence; everybody has to admit that stricter punishments with even, some corporate punishment kept us in check. We didn't run away from home on the most part because our parents had control. If they weren't around, there was always some cooperation. Also, about really making sure your daughters don't have sex or do drugs;  here in Montreal, most mom's I knew back in my youth and alot are still doing it today are taking them to the doctor for snap gyno examinations to ensure these girls are still virgins and give them tox screens. Guaranteed that most drugs don't leave the system for at least 21 days. It's time to stop being afraid of being responsable adults and remember the way our parents did things. Proof is we turned out much better educated, more solid work ethic and more responsable than future generations will.
 
October 16, 2006, 3:50 pm CDT

I'm glad for your success

Quote From: dgmousette

I WILL BE WITH BY HUSBAND 30 YEARS IN JUNE WE HAVE RAISE 9 PRODUCTIVE, HEALTHY HAPPY  CHILDREN TO ADULTHOOD.

WE NOT ONLY LOVE EACH OTHER BUT WE STILL LIKE EACH OTHER

WHOOPEE RIGHT , MY HUSBAND IS 72 YEARS AND I AM 46  YOU DO THE MATH. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN OLDER THAN MY YEARS AND HE IS YOUNGER THAN HIS .      

THIS RELATIONSHIP WORKS AND WORKS WELL SO THE AGE DIFFERENCE IS NOT ALWAYS A  BLACK AND WHITE THING. .   I WAS 16 YEARS OLD AND HE WAS 42 WHEN WE MET .  IS THIS WRONG I DON'T THINK SO BECAUSE IT HAS WORKED FOR 30 YEARS AND IS CASE YOU WONDERED I AM A STRONG WILLED AND AN INDEPENDENT THINKER .  I AM NOT RULE BY MY SPOUSE. I THINK RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE JUDGED BY THE PEOPLE INVOLVED ON A CASE BY CASE BASIS

especially by raising 9 kids! But, don't you understand that you are the exception and not the rule? You have been successful on many levels-I.E. longevity of your marriage. You're right that nothing is black&white but I still would not encourage any teen to get involved with an adult. You SHOULD  celebrate your success and add this-'there but for the grace of God, go I '
 
October 16, 2006, 3:53 pm CDT

kim and parents need help

I identified totally with Kim, I think she needs help, but the parents need help as well.

I think Kim needed more validation that she is in pain, I think she felt she was this trouble maker kid, and she needed help because of her behavior.  She needs to work through what ever it is that is causing this behavior.  Why is it she felt compelled to have sex at 10 years, can you imagine the trauma with that decision even if it was her choice?  There is much more going on here than meets the eye.  Most kids don't act out just because they want to misbehave.  I would have liked to tell Kim "Kim, I see in you a lot of pain and hurt, let us try and help you with that pain".  "Meanwhile we can work with your parents on their hurt and their pain."  I think she would have responded a lot better to go to the home for help.

 
October 16, 2006, 3:54 pm CDT

kim and parents need help

I identified totally with Kim, I think she needs help, but the parents need help as well.

I think Kim needed more validation that she is in pain, I think she felt she was this trouble maker kid, and she needed help because of her behavior.  She needs to work through what ever it is that is causing this behavior.  Why is it she felt compelled to have sex at 10 years, can you imagine the trauma with that decision even if it was her choice?  There is much more going on here than meets the eye.  Most kids don't act out just because they want to misbehave.  I would have liked to tell Kim "Kim, I see in you a lot of pain and hurt, let us try and help you with that pain".  "Meanwhile we can work with your parents on their hurt and their pain."  I think she would have responded a lot better to go to the home for help.

 
October 16, 2006, 4:03 pm CDT

The Ramsey Family

For those still wondering if there is a male role model in the home.  Allow me to ease your curiosity.  Kim's dad works for my dad so I can honestly say that she does have her father in the home.  He works extremely hard to support his family. He is a very respectable man in my opinion. And Kim's mom......I've talked to her a few times at car shows and she is a very sweet person.  She and Rodney are just playing the hand they were dealt and doing the best they know how.  I do see hope for this family.  Dr. Phil is a miracle worker! 
 
October 16, 2006, 4:06 pm CDT

could have been me

Kim, as I sit here and watch the show, my heart goes out to you. I know that you probably think that you have been tricked, because you are having to go to a school. The reason I feel like I could sort of understand, is you could have been my daughter 10 years ago. Watching your Mom and Dad and you interact was like watching a replay of our lives. I did give up on my daughter to my shame. We do get along better now. But maybe if I had not given up on her at 15 she wouldn't be a single Mom of 2 girls at 24 years old. Mom and Dad, your daughter said the same things that mine said to me. I have to say it was a little weird to hear the same thing coming out of your daughters mouth. Mom please get real, I know that I ended up taking pills to calm down, so please don't play dumb about the weed! And,when Kim said, she didn't feel loved and welcome, I have to believe her because my daughter said the same things, and she was RIGHT! I hate to admit it but it was true. As much as she needed help I needed it MORE. Kim I also think and I could be wrong, one of the reasons you didn't want to go to the school, is that your freedom you think would be gone. Mom I really hope that you straighten up and face a few truths. It is hard to do, but you won't have to live with the guilt that I live with. Good Luck to all of you.
 
October 16, 2006, 4:17 pm CDT

Parenting skills

Quote From: treeeven

I identified totally with Kim, I think she needs help, but the parents need help as well.

I think Kim needed more validation that she is in pain, I think she felt she was this trouble maker kid, and she needed help because of her behavior.  She needs to work through what ever it is that is causing this behavior.  Why is it she felt compelled to have sex at 10 years, can you imagine the trauma with that decision even if it was her choice?  There is much more going on here than meets the eye.  Most kids don't act out just because they want to misbehave.  I would have liked to tell Kim "Kim, I see in you a lot of pain and hurt, let us try and help you with that pain".  "Meanwhile we can work with your parents on their hurt and their pain."  I think she would have responded a lot better to go to the home for help.

Kim's Mother is smoking dope!? She doesn't know how to deal with her daughter?  She needs to quit smoking dope and get herself straight before she can truly be a good parent.  She needs treatment for her addiction.  When the mother gets clean she will see things more clearly.   Introducing her fifteen year old daughter to a twenty year old man is not something a sober, clean mother would do!
 
October 16, 2006, 4:22 pm CDT

There by the Grace of God go I

Quote From: dgmousette

I WILL BE WITH BY HUSBAND 30 YEARS IN JUNE WE HAVE RAISE 9 PRODUCTIVE, HEALTHY HAPPY  CHILDREN TO ADULTHOOD.

WE NOT ONLY LOVE EACH OTHER BUT WE STILL LIKE EACH OTHER

WHOOPEE RIGHT , MY HUSBAND IS 72 YEARS AND I AM 46  YOU DO THE MATH. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN OLDER THAN MY YEARS AND HE IS YOUNGER THAN HIS .      

THIS RELATIONSHIP WORKS AND WORKS WELL SO THE AGE DIFFERENCE IS NOT ALWAYS A  BLACK AND WHITE THING. .   I WAS 16 YEARS OLD AND HE WAS 42 WHEN WE MET .  IS THIS WRONG I DON'T THINK SO BECAUSE IT HAS WORKED FOR 30 YEARS AND IS CASE YOU WONDERED I AM A STRONG WILLED AND AN INDEPENDENT THINKER .  I AM NOT RULE BY MY SPOUSE. I THINK RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE JUDGED BY THE PEOPLE INVOLVED ON A CASE BY CASE BASIS

You are one in a MILLION (or more)! As another poster wrote, "there by the Grace of God go I." Hopefully you realize that MOST adult, young person relationships are NOT about love, respect, committment and marriages that last long at all.

 

I have friends who are married to MUCH older men (much like your situation), but they were not teens when they met these men and they are independent women (as you say you are). They were mature for their age and they have very good marriages. So, yes, an age difference doesn't necessarily mean the older person is more mature or more dangerous than the younger person, but in MOST CASES it is a horrible match and often it's against the law!

 
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