Topic : A grandparent raising grandchildren looking for others

Hi,

I am glad you posted your topic about Grandparents raising Grandchildren.  I am recently divorced after 25 years of marriage but during the marriage we adopted our grandson whom is now our son but is also autistic.  This was our daughters son.  Our daughter is not capable of raising him because she is mentally not stable.  But now I am raising my grandson/son without my exe.  I have a boyfriend who is really great with him and has been there for my grandson/son so much.  He has taught him so much and he has never had children.  But he took care of his sick mother for several years who died last year due to cancer.  I am very blessed to have a man who takes in a child with special needs.  Sometimes I find it very hard with my age and raising an autistic child.  I have to be on my toes everyday with him.  And don't have a life myself but that is the sacrifice I made and wouldn't change it for nothing.  One thing is that is is hard to find someone to watch your child with special needs for times you need just to get out yourself.  And the things I have to fight for when it comes to his rights is really something.  Especially when it comes to school.  I never thought I would be raising my grandson/son but I found there was lots of others who also are going through the same thing with raising their grandchildren that are normal or whom has special needs.  I thank God that he gave me the patients and love for my grandson.  Life can bring some surprises sometimes and not what you expect life to be.  But I am glad that we chose to raise our grandchildren.  No one ever said it would be easy and can be very very hard at times.  I am thankful for all the grandparents that are raising their grandchildren.  My heart goes out to all of you.  We might not all have the same issues but we have the same heart for our grandchildren. 

First i would like to say I'm sorry for your loss. I'm also raising my 31/2 yr old granddaughter. I had to take custody of her from my daughter. It's very hard and there are times when i think how I'm i going to do this. I feel  so alone. I too would like someone to talk to. What do you think of starting a Raising Grandchildren support group? Where we help one another.

There are a lot of grand parents raising there grand kids and i know i could use some support. God Bless You All

 Hi, I am also raising my grandchildren.  At  least that's what I was doing.  Long story short, my kids (son and daughter in law)  were into drugs and violence.  I tried a lot of things that didn't work, because it was me, not them, wanting the changes.  They thought they could continue their lifestyle even though they had kids.  This has gone on for 5 years.  I called the dreaded CPS at least 5 times before I finally made a report.  I kept thinking that they would straighten up.  DUH!  I was mistaken that the government is always wonderful and ready to really help.  I was asked to take my grandchildren about 18 months ago when there were just 2.  Little did I know how hard it would be.  Remember, I said 'hard', not impossible.  It has been a real struggle, but I love my grandchildren very much and I want to continue to raise them until (if) their parents become capable.  A situation came up where my granddaughter (who is 5) was asked how often she saw her parents, and she said all the time.  I believe this was wishful thinking on her part, but CPS believed her.  They picked up the children and now I have a lawyer and am trying to get the kids back.  It is so ridiculous, it would be funny if not for the fact that 3 children under the age of 5 are now in foster care.  I am dubious about the ability of the foster parents, as I have been able to visit  with the kids for 1 hour every two weeks now for 3 visits. 

 I know that we all have difficult situations to deal with, as for some reason we are either raising our grandchildren or trying to.  I feel for you all.  I think it would be great to have a group  supporting each other.  I guess we could do it on this message board, but would that work?  

 Dr. Phils site is safe,  that counts for a lot.

Patty

Yes, there definately needs to be support groups for grandparents raising their grandchildren!  Its so sad that  there is so much selfishness and other problems that innocent children end up with!!  First I must say, like I have under the diary section, God Bless us Grandparents and others that help children with their lives!!  I wish our society had more healthy marriages of which kids would benefit from.  I raised my daughter alone, but I beleive it would have been easier and better if she would have had a good father role model also.  In our times, we are now in such need of everyone working that I think  it also plays a part in how so many children are alone or raised by someone you may not really know.  Kids need to feel love, security, understand guidelines, and have consistensy of both a mother and father.  This is not to say kids don't turn out OK in different situations, but I do believe our changes in society shows in the higher rates of gangs and other problems kids have.  Of course, there are many people who should never have children and I wish they realized that enough not to do it!  But of course none of us are aware of the true responsibility of raising kids until we are there, however, if you have any doubts of  whether you want kids or not, maybe you just SHOULDN'T!!  There should be a day every year heavily devoted to Grandparents as there is Mother's Day and Father's Day!!  And yes, us Grandparents do save the system ALOT of money as I can assure you I've never rec'd any assistance but now that I'm unemployed I probally need to check that possibility out, unfortunately.  KEEP LOVING YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN, THEY NEED US!!!   AND FOR ALL THE SELFISH PARENTS,  SHAME ON YOU!!! 

My Grandmother has raised me for about 3 years now and I give her all the respect in the world... well heres the reason... well part of it... this is the most recent mishap...

I can most DEFINATLEY relate to family dependacies... I am going to be 16 in 10 days and I have raised my parents for most of my life. My mother is a narcotic(Perscription Drugs) aaddict and my father is a severe alcoholic. I live with my granparents, my aunt and her three kids.If I didnt have my granparents and my family Then I am positive that I would be out somewhere on the streets. Well... Last Thursday My mother severly put my life in danger, while only given one privelage to see me once a week and now I MUST disown her so I can get on with my life... well this is what happened...

Last night, on December 14,2006... It all happened again. Lately, we have been doing a one a week dinner with my parents and my mother came to pick me up from cheerleading practice while being totally un-sober because of her addiction to perscription medication. I did not realize what had happened when I got into the car, and she started to drive. On the 10 mintue drive home, she almost hit two cars, 3 gaurd rails, and almost Killed me. Her own daughter. Thankfully, the lord was with us and an underciver police trooper had followed us all the way to my house (I live with my Grandparents). As soon as we pulled into my driveway, a trooper then flashed his lights and I realized that I had somewhat come out of shock and still had my life. I had to fill out a police statement that would be used the next day against my mother in court and it was. She was section 35'd and is now going to a rehabilitation center, So I just ask of you to PLEASE keep us in your prayers because now I am working in dsowning her and it will be the hardest task of my life THANKS MUCH!!! 

and then later on today I found out that my father has also been lying to me all along... GREAT!

So basically, If I didn't have my grandma then I wouldn't have ANYTHING.

FIRST I WANT TO SAY I'M SORRY YOU HAVE PARENTS THAT ARE MESSED UP, YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT AND ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!  Too bad we all can't pick the kind of parents we want , huh?  My heart goes out to you as it does to my own granddaughter that I am raising because of my own daughter being screwed up with her choices.  Trust me, my daughter will tell anyone she had a very happy childhood,  so it really has surprised and hurt me deeply that she has put a piece of crap, abusive boyfriend in front of her own child.

Yesterday for Christmas I took my granddaughter to the mountains with me so she could have some fun in the snow of which she had never seen before. It was just me and her while all the other people seemed to have bigger groups of people out with them, so it did hurt me and anger me that my own daughter was with her abusive boyfriend instead of us!!! She was, as always, with her boyfriend. She said she was coming home but never did. That is the lie I hear constantly while in the meantime have to tell her 2yr old daughter that "mommy is at work" in order to protect her from the painful truth.  I have TREMENDOUS ANGER towards my daughter for neglecting her daughter like this and HATE her abusive boyfriend!!!

You are a strong 16 yr old.  Please stay strong and don't let your parents get the best of you as I try to do the same, but I know it is very hard to do that since the pain and anger is so strong. We cannot allow others to control and effect our happiness and bring us to  their LOW LEVEL!!  Please don't repeat what they are doing to you and try to do whatever it takes to keep your head up high! I respect you for making the decision to cut them off.  I think that is strong and wise of you!!  Take care of yourself and remember YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE THE LIFE THEY HAVE PUT ON YOU!!!!      Also always try to talk about your feelings and yes, thank the people that have been there for you, which you may be doing that already. 

DON'T ALLOW OTHER DISTRUCTIVE PEOPLE  TO HAVE THE POWER TO DESTROY YOUR LIFE!!!!   TAKE CARE, SINCERELY FROM "XRAY79"

I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!  If ANY negative crap comes anywhere near you, dodge it like the plague!!!  Do you have any plans for your birthday?  I really wish you one where your heart and soul is at peace!!!  Push forward for your own happy year!!!!

thanks alot ... for giving me your support ... and I greatly appreciate it....

My birthday  is in two days now and i am excited lol... well kinda ... I just wish it could be different because 16 is a big accomplishment and i wish we could've shared it together... but oh well, Well my mother has to go to another court date on January 6 to be given her charges.... they are carging her for:

1. Driving To Endanger.

2. Driving Under the influence.

3. Driving to endanger the life of a minor (me).

And whatever else they want to charge her for.

I just want to thank you a lot for keeping me in your thoughts because I greatly appreciate it... and I also wish the best of luck for everyone... thank you.

Love,

Brooke Marie.