Topic : Ready for Marriage?

I have been in the same situation  (young and dumb syndrome) now that I have grown and have three kids I realize that kids suffer more in a relationship like that than they do when having divorced parents. you owe it to them to be happy. don't wait till youv'e waisted 15 years to live. 

till then I suggest the book called the bible for strength. 

You know that saying, "you teach people how to treat you.."  

It sounds like you have taught him, over the past 4 years, that you will continue to stay. It sounds like you are happy that he asked you to move in with him, but I urge you to consider, if that is really a good step to take?? Another old saying comes to mind: "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free..."  

I'll share with you what I just learned is a sociological fact- new studies show that people who live together before they get married have MORE of a chance of getting a divorce. (yes, I know.. I didn't believe it at first, either!) There are many factors, but one of the factors is because one of the mates had been waiting a long time for the other to commit, so they 'settle' for living together as a form of getting their feet wet, and then when they finally do get married, they soon discover that nothing is different. Its all about the pressure! People think things like, 'if I could just lose 10 pounds, I would be happy..' or, ' if I could get him to marry me, I would be happy..' But the biggest mistake you could make is putting off your happiness for another time, you've got to live for NOW. When you settle for living together because you rationalize it as "a big step for him," you are giving him all the power and control in the relationship. Why don't your wishes count as much as his wishes? Why can't he just tell you that either, yes, he will want to marry someday, or, no, he won't want to marry you someday? He can't tell you that because he knows he holds all the power. My advice is to start living for yourself and making YOU happy. Don't wait around for him to make you happy! 

Do you know that he is definatly being deployed soon?  

I think that him being deployed will be the biggest test of your relationship, don't you? Its not as though you have a choice to trust that he won't cheat, because if he is deployed, then he has to go, whether you trust him or not. What does he say when you discuss this topic? Does he have the same worries about you, being back home and cheating on him? Jealousy can ruin even the best of relationships. The best thing you could do for yourselves is to get pre-marital counceling as soon as possible. I know that you aren't getting married, but if you are in love and you are serious about keeping this relationship happy, then pre-marital counceling is the way to recieve guidance on how to keep your commumication open and honest. 

I wish you well!! 

My goodness, what does it take for you to see that he has a woman and you are just a fill in, a booty call whatever you want to call it. DID you just fall off the turnip truck.  He is gving you a line, you could be good for me yea in the bedroom. Woman move on and take time to know your self and what you really really want out of a man. Work on your self esteem. He is a playa, how are you going to be good for him. He told you that he has a woman, married or not, that is who he wants. Don't you deserve better than that. You cannot make a person love you and if you stay in the game you cannot blame or get made at anyone but yourself. 

Why, are you planning to marry this guy that pays child support and bills with his ex. He is not financially ready to be married.  You can marry him, but when you feel like a cruise remember he has no money for things like that and you will have to pay. It is a touchy subject because the money is a little flakey.  Before you marry you need to know if he has good credit, a job, ch acct and sa acct. a house or apartment  to put you in. How is his criminal background, yes you want to know everything. If you have issues now marriage only magnifies them. You better think about it twice because child support can get a little expensive. Do you have the child over on weekends? Stop for a minute and think is this really what you want in your first marriage and hopefully your only one. 

First is why are shacking up with him with your daughter? Is this what you want to teach her. He is 

not her daddy and no you are not on the same page. If he is doing this now what is he going to do when he marry mommy and she is his. Girlfriend woke up and get wisdom. You should not have subjected your daughter to this type of liing arrangement. This can be very confusing to a child, what if momma does not marry and then what does she again shack up with a second man. Doing this day and time it is not the best choice to be made. You have to be her role model because the world has nothing to offer her. If you do not deal with the situation at hand now it will only get bigger when you are married. He has already given you the answer and it is up to you to do the right thing for you innocent daughter.