Topic : Ready for Marriage?

Rule #1 Just about all men masturbate - would this be a problem for you if they did so in marriage/a relationship? - because they ALL do do it.  

Rule #2: A LOT of men (a good proportion - i'd say maybe 80% do PORN) - is this a problem for you in marriage/relationship?   

If these are going to be issues for you (as they are with a lot of women) good luck finding a man who does neither (they DON"T EXIST). Men will be men. THat's the way it is.  

Actually no, he isn't always nice to me the dog as more attention then I do when I tell him about that he gets furious.  He doesn't know how to show is feelings but still say that he loves me that he's showing me is way.....  I think that I see myself being 37y old with no kids and a job that I don't like i'm scared to end up alone.   I'm wondering if someone else then him will ever want me.  Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it. 

Dear Dr. Phil,  

I met a wonderful man about 9 months ago, and have been in a serious relationship with him for a little over 6 months now. I am 22 and he is 37.  He has been through 2 divorces, and the last one really nailed him bad, financially and emotionally.  His divorce was finalised about a month before we started dating.  He was engaged to his last wife for 2 years, married for 5, and separated for 1 1/2 years.  So all together he was WITH her for about 7 years.  I had just gotten out of a pretty rotton relationship of 3 years before we started dating, so we were both fresh meat, as the saying goes.  Our relationship progressed quite rapidly and we fell in love within a couple of months.  We recently got an apartment together and have been living together for almost 2 months.  I am so in love with this man and every day I find myself loving him even more.  But there are a few delemas..  I am on the verge of a custody battle with my ex-boyfriend with whom I have a 22-month-old daughter.  When I was with my ex-boyfriend he was constantly verbally abusive towards me, so when I decided that I wasn't going to take the abuse anymore and ended the relationship I moved out.  I ended up staying with my parents for a few months, but they did not want my daughter living there because of certain circumstances so she could not live with me.  My ex-boyfriend has had my daughter all this time and has only allowed me to see her a hand full of times.  Because of all of this mess I told this wonderful man that I don't know if I will ever be able to trust having another child with someone.  I would love to have another child someday, especially with such a loving and caring person, but I am scared to death about it.  I know that none of this is his fault and that most relationships come with old baggage and that everyone deserves a chance at things, but I am also scared of me, because I don't know if I will ever be able to love another child as much as my first because of the separation with her.  We haven't really seriously discussed having a child yet, thought the subject has come up.  He has no children and would like to have a child before the age of 40.  I would like to get your feedback on what to do and how to heal first.  The other delema is that I would like to get married to this man someday, preferably sooner than later(before having a child).  I understand that there is no rush, and for that I am content for right now.  One thing I do know is that marriage is the last thing on this wonderful man's mind because of all of the hurt and frustration that he has been through.  I think that he feels the same way about marriage as I do about having children.  He is scared to death.  We both love eachother very much, but how do we overcome such tremendous circumstances, if you would call them circumstances?  I would really appreciate your feedback on this message, as well as anyone else who would like to give some advice.  Thank you so much for reading =)  

Joanna  

Well, I've haven't done much of this message board stuff in the past and I'm not quite sure on how to get started, so I'll just throw my question out there.  I am currently in a serious, monogomous relationship with someone who couldn't be better for me (let's call him Lou).  He has all the qualities I want in a guy (funny, caring, sensitive successful, handsome, just to name a few) and doesn't have any that I don't (he doesn't smoke or drink, isn't religious, feels the same way about children, etc.).  I started dating Lou as my first serious relationship was disintigrating; at the time, I thought he would be the "rebound" guy, but I found that we have so much in common, I feel so happy when I think about us being together, and I very much look forward to spending time with him.  

My question is this...sometimes I wonder whether or not what I feel is "true love."  I've heard some people say that if it's right, you just know it; others say that's a load of bull and that no relationship is like the fairy tales.  However, I worry sometimes that because I have to wonder about how I feel, that it's not the right thing after all.  On the other hand, the idea of not being with Lou makes me very sad and lonely.  We have been touching upon the subject of engagement rings and I worry that we may be jumping into things too fast (our 1 year anniversary is in mid-October).  I also worry that if we do get engaged, I would feel like we HAD to stay together.  Do you see my dilemma?  All this back and forth is driving me crazy!  

What I am most wondering is whether or not anyone else has felt/feels this way.  If so, how did the relationship turn out?  Was/is it successful?  I suppose I'm looking for encouragement, but what I really want are people's honest and open opinions and comments about past and/or present relationships.  Any advice you could offer is greatly appreciated.  I think that going over things in my head is partly contributing to my severe anxiousness and that a different outlook on things will be a huge help.  Thanks very much to anyone who replies!!  

Hello.  This is my first time posting.  I have read a few messages and feel I have a few things in common with some of you.    

I have been dating a great guy, 13 years older than me.  We have been dating for 4 1/2 years and we live 500 miles apart.  We see each other about once a month give or take.  We talk on the phone many times a day, plus e-mail during the day at work.  I work for an association and he is on the board of directors.  So we also see each other 4 time a year at our conferences.  He always makes me laugh and we have so much fun together.  This is important to me since I was in a very unhappy, miserable marriage for 15 years.  I did come out of the marriage with 3 terrific boys.    

Early on in our relationship I told him I wouldn't move to where he lives because my family is here and I didn't want to move my boys away from family and I have a really good job here.  I am a single parent with no help from the ex so security is a big concern.  I have security here with my job, and my family.  Also, I grew up where he lives and I don't want to raise my boys there.  My b/f said if we are going to be together, have a life together, that he would move here.  He has said this many times.  He has a house that needs a lot of work before it can be sold.  The renovations are going VERY SLOW.  He also has a business he started 10 years ago.  It's been going well.  The other day for the first time he mentioned his business plan.  Which is he wants 60 clients and now he is at the halfway point. 

He is an avid fisherman.  He is passionate about it.  I like fishing too, not as much as he does but I go with him so we can send more time together.  Where he lives the fishing is tremendous.  Where I live it's more challenging.  There is fishing just a longer drive to get to it.     

We have talked about marriage a lot over the last 4 years.  Most times he brings it up.  We have looked at so many houses here but I feel it is a waste of time.  He will see a house on line and send me the link and it ends there.  Never talks about it or asks if I looked at it.  

I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 1/2 years ago at the age of 39.  I went through chemo, mastectomy, reconstruction the works.  I am doing great, and cancer free.  Since this life changing experience I feel we are wasting precious time that we could be spending together. I always say you never know what's around the corner.   

Over the last year or so he has lead me to believe a ring is in the near future but no ring yet. The bigger issue is fixing up his house, the business and him moving.   He can't move until his business is at the point where he can sell it or the business has enough income to have someone run it  for him.  This could take years.   

He tells me it takes time.  He needs time to get used to the idea of moving from where he has lived for 30 years.  He says it will take some time to get used to it here and make some friends.   I totally understand that, but it has been 4 years!  And he can't make friends when he only comes up every few months.  

I know he loves me like like no other.  I have met his family and friends.  He has never brought other g/f around his family.  His friends tell me I am so good for him, that he is so happy with me.    

My feelings are changing and I am starting to resent him for taking so long and not giving me an idea of when.  I really don't see a light at the end of the tunnel and don't know if I am wasting my time.  I think about it everyday, whether to stick it out or cut my losses.  My family and friends tell me he will never move.  I don't want to believe them but I think they may be right.    

Rule #1 Just about all men masturbate - would this be a problem for you if they did so in marriage/a relationship? - because they ALL do do it.  

Rule #2: A LOT of men (a good proportion - i'd say maybe 80% do PORN) - is this a problem for you in marriage/relationship?   

If these are going to be issues for you (as they are with a lot of women) good luck finding a man who does neither (they DON"T EXIST). Men will be men. THat's the way it is.  

 I have a question for all you women how are living with your boyfriends... I dont care for how long.  

 Was it worth it ?  Do you find you have an equal partnership ?  Pros Cons ? Is/isn't what you thought it would be  ?