Topic : Ready for Marriage?

The guy I have been with for 4 years and have lived together for  3 of those years.  Well he retired at a young age and we moved to another state *he is semi retired works alittle just to have something to do.) We owned a home together but when we moved down here we decided we each should buy our own place and we were both in total agreement with this.  Well we decided he would  move into my home and we would rent his out.  After he moved in with me, everytime something does not go right or he feel frustrated or says I nag to much he leaves and goes to his place for days, this is not a new habit of his!  Well I allow him to do this to do as he needs to get over his frustration  Well this has happened so often and finally this last time he emailed me and said he wanted to move back with me, he missed me and loved me!  This time I said we needed to talk first and he didn't like this (before he would  just came back and I allowed it)  this time I couldn't.  He said he understood but then in the next breath said to me he feels I just want a casual relationship and he needs to think about whether we should be an exclusive couple or he should start playing the field!  I felt this was a threat he was intimidating me as he knows how much I love him!  I have stuck to my guns and have told him we need to have a long talk and should start dating again but he is welcome over here anytime just not moving back in till we can come to terms we both can agree on.  Now he is saying things at times that he knows will hurt me but I am trying to keep my cool.  He has said when he feels he is being treated unfairly or I'm talking crazy (I don't feel I am) he will do whatever he needs to to strike back!  

This is where we are at, him acting cool, or avoiding me or at times acting around me like everythig is fine and then I will just be the old me again.  I have also had issues of trust with him in the past with his ex and have told him he needs to earm my trust, he says I bring up things from the past (which yes I do as he keeps repeating the actions that lead to my no trusting him, I don't know what he is doing this time,) I want to trust him but I feel he needs  to earm it.  He says I need to put the past in the past, I want to but how do I when his actions are the same actions that caused me to not trust him, he maybe doing it again maybe not, I don't know, but I know I do not want to doubt this time.  I also do not want him to move back in then be gone again the next time he gets upset.  He has a short fuse, he gets very defensive whenever I try to talk to him.  He also expects me to do the running to him most of the time.  I do admit he is much better then he was but still has a ways to go.  

Any suggestions or insights here if you would I would appreciate it.  

Just b/c i'm replying to this doesn't mean i need exact critisism from someone else. Believe me i keep getting this from almost everyone. I've got a mom who gives me this type of speech all the time.  I've been through enough in my relationship to have some common sense about how to be responsible. I've never gotten pregnant. And saying that i almost did doesn't mean we do stupid Sh_t like that all the time. God knows how many times i've spent hours thinking on how to deal with my sexual relationship with my boyfriend. i'm never pressured into sex. i have the free will to make my own decisions. I'm tired of everyone scolding me and telling me what i should do like i'm some little child. I've got a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. i don't need something thats going to make it worse along the way. I know how to deal with the whole sex factor. I'm sorry i was trying to give someone my opinion on thier situation. Thanks for yours. 

You state in a reply to someone else's message to you that you are "not a little child". Ummm... just so you know, 16 is a child.  You are not an adult AT LEAST until 18, and for most its usually much older.   16 and 17 year olds usually think they know everything and that everyone over 20 is elderly and has nothing to offer.  If you only knew just how much you DON'T KNOW, it would truly frighten you.  In 10 or 15 years, you will probably look back on this time in your life and be in awe of how naive you were.  When I think about myself at your age, I thought I was mature, too.  I thought I was responsible and could handle anything, and never wanted to listen to adults.  In fact, I'm wasting my energy even typing this because you are probably rolling your eyes saying to yourself  "whatever!"   

You do, however, sound somewhat insightful for a teenager.  I think when you grow up you will be quite bright and responsible.  For now, it is a good thing you are not pregnant.  There is not a 16 year old boy on the planet even remotely capable of fatherhood... and neither of you are old enough to be in a committed relationship.