Quote From: naimahs_angelI have dated my child's father for 3 years. We got engaged October 2007. Things between us aren't all that good and I don't want to make a mistake on marrying him. But I just can't seem to leave him. We fight over the pettiest things and he is very stubborn, he always has to have the last word and whatever he says he has to be right. I love him very much but, our relationship has even gotten to the point of being abusive. Verbal, mental, and even physical. He apologizes and we're good for a couple of days but then something else happens and we're right back at it again. He smokes weed, he just recently got a steady job after being unemployed for almost 7 months. We both still live with our parents which is also a problem. His mother kind of gets on my nerves, and my parents gets on his nerves, even to the point where I have to drive over to his house just to see him!! My father has already expressed to me that this was unacceptable, me coming home all kinds of hours in the night, and my fiance not bringing me home. That has yet to change. I don't know what it is or what I am doing wrong but I am not very happy. He used to make me very happ. He was never the outgoing type, and even now that we have a baby, if we go out she can't. I don't know if it is because he wants to smoke and he knows he can't do that with her in the car. Or if he just thinks she is some trophy that he has to put in a case. There is so much going on between us, its just so hard to leave. I feel like if I leave I won't have anything left. He has isolated me from my whole family to the point where when I am at home, I can't stand to be there. We have planned on moving in together but I don't feel like that is a good idea. PLEASE HELP!!!
I can't think of one reason after reading your post as to why you would even consider staying in this relationship. He is verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. Do you really think that just because you two get married all of this abuse will magically disappear? Not a chance.
Yes, it may be hard to leave him because you two have a history together as well as a child. Moving on is scary. You don't want to be alone so you stay in a bad relationship. You have to think of your child. Do you want to bring up your child in this abusive dysfunctional relationship? Do you want her to suffer at the hands of her parents because for whatever reason they feel obligated to live with eachother fully knowing that their relationship is troubled and abusive? Why would you even consider bringing up your child in that kind of environment?
Take a hard look at your fiancees character, morals and values. He's stubborn, he always has to be right (which in turn makes you wrong), he smokes weed, hasn't held a job in over 7 months, he's selfish and tremendously immature and is emotionally and physically abusive. And you wonder why you are not happy! This guy is no good for you or your daughter and you are absolutely 100% correct in questioning your future plans with him. You know he is all wrong for you - listen to your gut instinct.
If you leave you have everything - your self esteem, your self worth, self respect and a beautiful child to love and teach her life lessons. You are her role model. She may not understand now but in years to come she will understand and mimic your actions. To never allow any man to abuse her, to stand up for herself, to not be afraid of dumping a guy who is abusive etc... The way I see it, this is a win win situation for you. A chance to start your life over without this selfish, immature, abusive guy weighing you down. You ask what you are doing wrong - you are showing him you will take all the crap that he dishes your way and you will stay there and take it all because you love him. In my book, that's not love. What do you love about this guy? Make a list of his good qualities and his bad qualities - let me know what you come up with.
